im sooo not over being raped....

[Myojine]

So i live in a new place with some gay guys, and well aside from the fact that im not gay and am an aspiring female my roomate had other ideas.
he got to close.
we were up one morning a few days ago and well he was talkign with me i was trying to be funny and he started tickling me
hahaha
funny whatever
didnt it mind it so much
until he put his arms over me like i was his BF or soemthing
and i FROZE...
i wanted to throw up so bad, it made me instantly sick to my stomach.
he kept talking to me.. his breath was discusting...his scent was over powering, i ****in FROZE...
i flashedback...
i was 17 years old when i was raped... by my roomate in a group home
i never told anyone, because the guy was picked up for sexualizing a young girl(taking noodie pics)a few days later.
Closuer right?
so i thought...
i thought id get past it, im fine the sicko is away in prison now.

but apparently im not.
my roomate just being friendly triggered a flashback...
i dont know waht to do. im kinda half way freaking out...
i dont have the money to see a therapist...
i dont have time to do much(yes being here is wasting time i get taht)
but i dont know what else to do.
i was lost and daized at work the entire day i had to tell myself "its allright your fine" and stop myself from flashing back to that horror of a memory...
help girls...i dont know what to do...

[sherri52]

If you live in or near a large city try calling up the rape hotline. Explain that you had been raped some time before and that you were having issues. See if they can refer you to a counciling session that the city pays for or one that is cared for by therapists volunteering thier time.

[GypsyKaren]

The one thing that always gets me through what you're dealing with is the knowledge that I am stronger than the people who hurt me, they were weak and cowards, and I'm still standing with a smile on my face. It's tough and something that scarred you, but you are strong too because you're still standing and you're a survivor, so never forget that strength is there inside you. :hugs:

Karen :g2:

[Sheila]

Sweetie over here in the UK we have volunteer groups who deal with survivors of sexual abuse and Rape , can you find out if there is one near where you are, they can and do help and it is free, my heart goes out to you :hugs:

GK has some very wise words hun, read em again and again and believe sweetie, believe :hugs:

[CharleneT]

If you live in the US there is very likely a Community Mental Health Clinic nearby. Try them if the rape/sexual abuse line folks do not have a suggestion for a therapist who you can afford. The CMHC folks normally have a sliding scale that will go down pretty far ( here in Iowa, it can be as low as $5 per visit ).


Good luck finding some help !

[AKAMichelle]

I have known girlfriends in the past who were raped. They never get over it. There is always some event or action which reminds them. My wife was even attacked once - not raped but even me kidding around with her sometimes will trigger those flaskbacks. So don't consider yourself all alone.

Like the others said, I would seek help through the channels listed in the other posts. Then I would tell the guy who caused the flashback that you didn't like it and don't want to do it again. Finding help is one of the solutions but the other has to be finding ways to diminish the flashbacks.

Sorry you had to go through all of this. Hopefully you can find some peace to deal with all of your feelings which you have repressed for so long.

[Danielle]

I open my heart to ya,I cant judge the situation as why you're still there but i can honestly tell you that family plays a big part in recovering try to find a cool friend or a family member and spend time with them, it heals and the rest comes from our Lord up stairs,you are stronger than them.I have a brother who went through a rough part in his life I love him regardless.:love:Pray it works!!!:thumbsup::hugs::2c:

[PetiteDuality]

Dear,

What happenned to you was horrible and is normal to require some help after such traumatic experience.

If this experience you had has to do with some other polemic posts you have initiated in this forum in the past, the best thing would be to get professional help soon, for your own good.

[Plasibeau]

Try seeing if there is a Catholic Charities program in your area. Don't let the name fool you, I'm actually seeing a gender therapist through them. The best part is that depending on your finances it could be as low as free for their services.Good luck, hon. I hope you're able to process this trauma out of your life.

[karen68]

Myojine. I can't really add anything more than just my support as all the other girls have really given you good advice. I have some sort of an idea what you are going through, as I went out with a girl that had been raped, she did get professional help, that helped her alot, but unfortuneatly you will always have flash backs that is why you really must talk to a councelor, they can help you come to terms with these flash backs.:hugs::hugs: Karen

[TxKimberly]

Wow what a remarkably casual way to bring up such a major trauma.

I haven't the foggiest idea how to advise someone in your situation, so I'll settle for just letting you know that I am sorry you were hurt and continue to suffer.

You know, it came as a surprise to me when I realized how many women in my life were sexually assaulted in one way or another. It's WAY too pervasive in the world . . .

[Chickhe]

I have no idea what pain you feel, except I imagine it is similar to other tragic events in your life...I think a major step to feeling better is to acknowledge it happened and realize you want or need some help. You can't change the past, only learn from it. Don't let it make you feel helpless, I bet there are support groups on the net and material to read.

[FlakeGirl]

There should be a counciling center in your area that will offer services for free or on a sliding scale. Money is not an issue. Support groups are great as well.

My wife was raped and she WAS able to get over it. There is ALWAYS hope.

93,
FlakeGirl

[Myojine]

any suggestions in the hampton roads area of VA?
offtopic
i also need to know of a transgender specialist in the area too...

[TerryTerri]

Hey girl,
If I remember correctly you are in the military at present?
Anyway, if so, go see a military chaplin! Most have good training with such things and a religous person has stronger confidentiality issues and grounds than a counselor. I had a TS Clearance when I was in the service and normally my marriage difficulties and seeing a therapist about it would have caused problems. But, seeing a chaplin was not an issue at all.

It is my suggestion anyway. In AA I have seen too many victims of childhood or adolescent molesting. It effects people in really bad ways, even though they try and run away from it and pretend it didn't happen. But, it still really inteferes, in a bad way, with their life. The only folks I've seen to have gone through a molestation and honestly get out the other side, got decent counseling specifically about it.


Hope that info might help and best of luck to you!!

[Andy66]

:hugs: I think what you experienced with your roommate is a form or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It's a safe bet he didn't intend to cause a flashback, it just happened, and he may even feel bad about it... but you should let him know that you don't like being touched that way.

You also need to realize that you have much more power than you used to, and much more than you probably think you do. You may feel scared and vulnerable, but in time that can change if you work on it.

You can try to sort out your feelings with the help of an understanding friend, but yeah, a counselor may be even better.

[Myojine]

Hey girl,
If I remember correctly you are in the military at present?
Anyway, if so, go see a military chaplin! Most have good training with such things and a religous person has stronger confidentiality issues and grounds than a counselor. I had a TS Clearance when I was in the service and normally my marriage difficulties and seeing a therapist about it would have caused problems. But, seeing a chaplin was not an issue at all.

It is my suggestion anyway. In AA I have seen too many victims of childhood or adolescent molesting. It effects people in really bad ways, even though they try and run away from it and pretend it didn't happen. But, it still really inteferes, in a bad way, with their life. The only folks I've seen to have gone through a molestation and honestly get out the other side, got decent counseling specifically about it.


Hope that info might help and best of luck to you!!
funny thing
i went to see the chaplain
he didnt know SHIT
i explained to him about my transgender feelings and stuff and i couldnt believe what he said back about it.
"well i think that men who want to be girls are so gay to the point that they....blah blah blah...."
i stopped listening.
Chaplians arent traind psychologist, they are spiritual guidence...
loada crap imo

btw i was both molested when iwas younger and i was raped too(might as well tell all now...)
i swear to god these preditors its like they know...

and TS Clearance? what is that?

[TerryTerri]

Sorry you had a bad experience with a chaplin. I guess it's a crap shoot. I was more lucky, but, my issues were marriage related and not transgender related. A TS Clearence is a Top Secret Security Clearence. When I was in the Air Force I was an electronics technician and I worked on the equipment used for various and asundery electronic intelligence collection efforts. But, that was many moons ago, back in the cold war days! In this day and age I'm actually a map maker. Go figure!

I really really hope you can get the support, advice and guidance you want and need to help you get through all this. I have no idea what's it's like to have to live with what you are living with. But, I know from my past associations, who have had similar maladies, it is a very intense, difficult and internally painful place. My heart is open to you hun. You've got numerous gals here on this site who are rooting and encouraging you on!!