Going out!!

[Phyliss Hdson]

Hi everyone, for those who have red some of my previous post know that Igo out often abd that my wife is pretty supportive. Most of my outings are when I am traveling, but I do try to get out when home. Here in lies the problem, as i travel it limits my time home. This takes away time with my wife when I am home as she does not wish to go out with me dressed.
This month is the annual unity banquette, to which I have never been but would like to attend. I look forward to my time home with my wife and familly. Thus am torn between how I spend my time. I want to spend time at home and at the same time want to support the group and go out with them. She told me I could go if I wanted to, and I think I am going, but at the same time I feel bad about spending time doing something without her being with me.
Hugs Phyliss

[Karren H]

Obviously you love and put your family first, as do I, but if she gives you permission to go do this one thing on your own.. Do it... And don't feel guilty. It not like your neglecting them but just taking a little personal time.. And when you get home. Take the kids for a day and send your wife to a day spa so she too can get some personal pampering time alone!

[Kerigirl2009]

This is the same reason I fear going out as neither of us have really been the type of people that enjoyed the bar scene. Most of the time when we go out, we are together and have a wonderful time.
I know that if I started to go out to get togethers where I am dressed she would not accompany me and therefore would be home with the kids. Her fear is that I would enjoy it too much and we would start down different paths in life.
So I choose to stay home, however, I would also enjoy some time out as Keri too on occassion, just wish she would come with me.

[sleeplessone4u]

I have to agree with Karen, that if your wife is giving you honest, open, and genuine permission to go to the event, then go. I would make sure that she is just not saying it in a passing way just to please you and she may be hurt by it. Be open in your communication to see how she feels. If she says yes, openly, then go and enjoy the time away. When you come back, do something as a family and with her so they know that you are still committed to them fully. My wife has shared these thoughts with me, wanting me to communicate openly with her, just as she does with me and to feel secure that we are not heading down a path that splits us apart.

[Sheila]

Phyliss, your wife is supporting you still, she is acknowledging your desire to go out locally and that is wonderful, take her generosity with the same spirit it is being given, with love and knowing she trusts you to do nothing to harm your relationship :)

Not that she will think like this, but a nice bunch of flowers and perhaps a quiet meal either at home for the two of you or in a fav restaurant might be a noce way of showing your appreciation to her.

Enjoy the evening/S :hugs:

[Chickhe]

It is okay to do some things on your own. She might even want some alone time to read her favorite book or something...

[Katesback]

Hey there Phillis.

What if you went to the event as your male self with wifey? Think of it this way, when you are here you get to be Phillis often. Heck theres even a pic of us at different roller derby games. LOL

I am thinking wifey just wants hubby!

Katie

[jenna_woods]

did you ask her to go along with you, it could be fun for both of you,

[Leslie Langford]

...work in far more convoluted ways than a man's, and they rarely express themselves in as straightforward a manner as we would i.e. say what you mean/mean what you say.

I'm willing to bet that when your wife tells you it's O.K. to go to your unity banquet, it's really code for "If you have to, go, but I would rather that you spend the time with me, and if you really loved me, you would." That's similar to "Oh, you don't really need to get me anything for Valentine's Day this year", which has led many a man to spend the next several weeks sleeping on the living room couch.

The smart answer would be more along the lines of "Well, I can do without going to the unity banquet this year. We really haven't spent too much time together lately, and I don't want to see our relationship begin to suffer because of that." I'm willing to bet that she will be so impressed and feel so guilty that you would be willing to miss something so important to you in deference to her that she will practically insist now that you go to your get-together instead.

It kind of reminds me of a line from one of the old Borscht Belt comedians that used to appear on the Ed Sullivan Show years ago (Myron Cohen? Sam Levinson? Allan King? George Burns?) when he was giving advice to kids on how to get their wishes for Christmas fulfilled. He suggested that when their grandmother asks them what they want for Christmas, they should say that a bicycle would be nice, but what they really wish for is world peace. His theory was "Trust me, you will definitely get your bicycle for Christmas :heehee:."

[kimdl93]

as long as you are honest with your wife and she's ok with you attending an event, then why not do it. You can more than make up for an evening out by the way you treat your loved ones when you are there. My god, I used to spend one evening a month at church council...that took time away from my family too.

So don't over burden yourself with guilt over something it appears your wife is already supporting. Have fun and be a lady ;)

[sherri52]

Why not take the wife out the night before and then again the night after to try and make it up to her

[CharlotteB]

Do GG spouses attend the event? Why not ask one of them to extend an invitation to your wife? She would then know she would not be the only "woman" there and could join you.

[jenifer m.]

hi phyliss you mean you dont get enough when you are here in florida?my god girl you go everywhare as phyliss.i only wish i could have as much fun as you do.hows your back?better i hope.cant wait till your back here we will go to jonnies again.

[TxKimberly]

Obviously you love and put your family first, as do I, but if she gives you permission to go do this one thing on your own.. Do it... And don't feel guilty. It not like your neglecting them but just taking a little personal time.. And when you get home. Take the kids for a day and send your wife to a day spa so she too can get some personal pampering time alone!

As usual I agree with Karen. Everyone is entitled to some time to do their own thing. You are talking about one event, not a life time.