What's your biggest fear about going out en femme?

[gabimartini]

My biggest fear had to do with my presentation. Once I solved that, voice became my biggest fear. With that out of the way, nowadays I'm terrified of ever stumbling upon people I know.

What about you? What's your biggest fear, one that prevents you from going out more often (or gong out at all for that matter)?

[Mirani]

No fear at all.

Used to be fearful of being laughed at and threats or violence ... but got over it some time ago.

"What are fears but voices airy?
Whispering harm where harm is not.
And deluding the unwary
Till the fatal bolt is shot!"
---- Wordsworth

[Bree]

My concerns about going out have followed a similar trajectory. I was most worried about my look. I feel like I have improved enough in that area to at least consider going out, but voice definitely worries me.

[SummerJ]

I think I'm most afraid of running into people I know... but then again, I've only been out twice, both times were to LGBT events.

[tricia_uktv]

Now I have no fear but for some reason youngsters used to wotrry me

[Nicole Erin]

I don't worry so much about violence or stupid remarks, the thing that bothers me most is getting read. I don't care about the reactions so much as it is annoying to not be able to pass. Altho when they do make it a point to call me "sir" (like some bitch working at the chinese restaurant I went to yesterday) or ask stupid crap like "is that a man or a woman" it is annoying.

[crusadergirl]

My main reason for not going out isn't fear its that i have no pockets to keep my money in. Other than that no real reason at this point.

[Samantha Kelsey]

My biggest fear? well, I don't really have a fear. But I'm always concerned about my voice. If I try to change it I sound like Minny mouse if not I have a deep male voice. Best just keep my mouth shut eh?

.

[Chloe Renee]

My fear is being seen by my neighbors and people I know. I don't know why when I stop amd think about it, odds are they I will not be recognized. I feel my fear is unrational. I have started working on softening my voice, my dead give away, while in public. This helps me get out there and by doing that I start to lose that fear.



The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself and spiders !

[Simply_Vanessa]

lets see....
so far, if I dont open my mouth, I pass. I got the look and the movement/gestures down.

but since I already know that my voice is not to be used...thats not really a fear. I am working on my voice but I know I cannot use it for a while...

so I would have to say being read would be horrible. I know it will happen to me someday, but its still an experience I am not looking forward to...but as long as nothing nasty or demoralizing is said, I will carry on :)

[Vickie_CDTV]

I can't pass in general, and specifically my voice is terrible and my beard shadow always shows (but this is better than it used to be since I have started electrolysis.) The thing I fear most of all is being read and causing an embarrasing scene.

I used to worry most about getting into trouble with the law for using the womens' room, but nowadays I only go where I know there is a safe restroom available.

Fear aside, the sheer amount of time it takes me do my makeup, dress and everything else is the main reason I don't dress more. It just takes too long to be practical most of the time.

[Deborah Jane]

The initial stage of leaving the house and being recognised by neighbours.
After that my voice, my voice is waay to deep to be taken as female. Even as a guy there have been comments that my voice is so deep, that it sounds like when my b*lls dropped, they went through the floorboards!! [Mind you...I can do a pretty neat Barry White impression when I sing :D]

[Jonianne]

I used to have the fear of being "read" and there were two ways of dealing with it. One is, if you have a femme enough face, work on becoming passable to the point that you are so confident you will never be read or;

Two, be OK with people knowing you are a crossdresser, whether you get read or not, ie TxKimberly and most of the out and about CD'ers.

I opted for number Two. When I started going out, to overcome that fear, I just went out with the assumption that everybody could tell I was male. I found out that most people don't pay attention or if they do, they don't say anything. The few times I have gone out, I have only had one person openly disrespect me by loudly laughing and pointing. That just showed the fear he was living within his own self.

I think my biggest fear now, is being attacked by some wacko, but going to safer places and at safer times, helps ease that fear.

[karen68]

My fear is not passing and being read. I pass perfectly from behind but not facially, tried all types of makeup ways but still look like a bloke in a dress.:eek: I also have a deep voice I have tried and tried to fem it but can't seem to soften it enough:sad:

[Angiemead12]

I fear I will see someone who knows me or knows of me. I live in a small country!

and to loose respect from my co workers! coz I like getting the job done!

[DAVIDA]

Since I couldn't pass even with a note from my mother, I really am afraid of the violence. :straightface:
I am afraid that I would smack some fool around when they laughed at me!:devil:

[BRANDYJ]

Since I would not pass due to mostly size, I am not going to put myself out there to be ridiculed, laughed at, or otherwise humiliated.
My fears include the above and also in making someone else feel uncomfortable around me. I think many people do not know how to take us and would be very uncomfortable in dealing with me in stores, restaurants or other public places.
Then of course the fear of friends, coworkers etc, finding out. So I remain mostly in the closet except for going to places where we are very welcome and accepted.

[tamarav]

That I will be late for work or have toilet paper hanging from my slacks...

[joann07]

I don't fear all that much either, except for maybe my femme voice which is a work in progress, but I don't let that stop me from going out. My overall presentation makes up for it and I don't worry too much as I know there are GGs with deep sounding voices.

I've crossed paths with friends who don't know I dress, but I never panicked by ducking or evading. I nearly ran into one friend while shopping at a Target store and I actually interacted with another friend as I served her morning coffee while volunteering at a fundraiser for breast cancer. Those were some interesting encounters, but a great learning experience in how to stay calm and a true testament of how much confidence I have in myself.

I guess the only thing I really fear is how much I'm going to spend while out shopping. LOL!:heehee:

Hugs!

[Katesback]

One of the trans CD girls I know was afraid to go to my Janruary roller derby game as a girl so she went in boy mode. Days after the game she told me she sat ten feet from the bench and that I had looked her way a number of times and never identified the guy as the girl I know. She was correct.

My mind as well as the average person is not tuned to pick out the same person when they are presenting a boy and a girl at different times.

One the positive side she has recently been going to the derby games as a girl!

KAtie

[kimdl93]

my fear is presentation - I don't have a lot of confidence in my ability to disguise masculine physical features. I don't worry about running into anyone I know since this is a big city.

[Gerrijerry]

what a good question.
I would think everyone has some kind of fear unless they have been out for quite a while.
Since I have been out a long time. Have been noticed or read a few times I found it was really no big deal. I just enjoyed the day out anyway. There will always be someone who can upset you some how so just move on and live life.
As for friends seeing me. obviously sooner or later that will happen no matter how hard we try to avoid that. It has not really happens yet except with those who already know. Even then I noticed then they did not notice me. Many wives live in fear that it will happen. I always suggest don't lie to your wife because if you do and get caught she may use the door after that.

[Stephenie S]

The most common fear related here is about your voice. I am always surprised by the number of guys who are worried about or WON'T go out because of their voice.

Listen up!

VOICE is the one thing you CAN change. Of all the attributes that peg you as male, VOICE is the one aspect everyone can change. Your height? Sorry. Your shoulder width? Out of luck. You big hands and feet? You're stuck. Thick waist? Difficult. Big arms? Live with it.

But your voice? Entirely changeable, by anyone. Oh, I agree, it's hard to do. But if you put the same amount of work into your voice that you put into your look, you would surely make a difference.

Do your attempts at a female sounding voice sound weird and unnatural to you? Of course they do. But think about it for a moment. Women's voices are all over the map. How many weird sounding women's voices have you heard in your life? Lots. So, you will be a woman with a weird sounding voice.

Ya gotta talk. You can't go out as a mute. So get your voice up out of your chest. Turn down the volume a bit. Put a little more musicality in it. A little more breathyness Smile when you talk. Heck, smile more anyway. Use your hands. And just do it. You're not Marilyn Monroe. You are NEVER gonna sound like that. But nobody expects you to be perfect. I am right, you know.

Lovies,
Stephenie

[Cheryl T]

My biggest fear now is that they won't have that pretty dress that's on sale...in my size...

[Regina]

Not to many fears anymore....you won't leave the house if you let them overwhelm you. But I do worry about leaving the house in a hurry before the wife gets home and forget to take my guy clothes with me. Did that a couple of weeks ago.

I was getting ready to head back home after being out, I brought my jeans and sweat jacket but forgot my guy shoes!...fortunately I was wearing black dress flats that day and not heels, managed to sneak into the house through the garage and change my shoes real fast.





Regina

[mapletree]

right now my biggest fears are losing my job , my neighbours finding out and think I am afraid that I will be even more alone.

[StaceyJane]

It's my voice. If someone asks me something I tend to give real quick answers.

[Melani]

Car breaking down, and I am too far from home to walk. Having to call a tow truck especially if its after a night out and its late, seems troubling to me.

[nikkijo]

my only fear is my wife beating me home... and the fight that will ensue if nikki enters the house

[Staci G]

Nikkijo I am right there with ya on that one I'd hate to think of her seeing Staci, My biggest moments of anxiety are when I see men in groups and I am read, (thats not too hard) I don't fear the laughing I do however get angry and want to run and hide like I have no right to wear what I please. Once I get it through my wig I do have that right I think I will be better off.

[Diana L]

Not much fear anymore. I know I am read sometimes put passing is no longer important to me. It is the fun and the interaction with others that I enjoy. I try to be polite, smile, and dress properly. I have never had a negative encounter.

Diana

[Kate Simmons]

I was never sure I was not going to deck some wise guy.:straightface:

[Midnight Skye]

My only one right now is running into my boss. I'm not out at work yet and that would be a weird conversation in the middle of a store. In my case its completely unlikely though as I live in a different town than I work.

[tanya1976]

I'm lucky I suppose insomuch as I don't have any deisre to 'pass', which I wouldn't anyway, in what is best described as your normal everyday social context I would only consider going out dressed in a safe and suitable context where dressing up is ok, otherwise it would just lead to hassle..Especially where I live.

[Bettyann303]

#1 fear is being recognized
#2 fear is being clocked in an unkind way

[StacyCD]

A lot of people fear being recognized as a 'guy in a dress'. You can get over that fear by going to Walmart on a Saturday. There are A LOT of women who look like guys impersonating women!

[Aleca]

I think my biggest fears of going out crossdressing are running into people I know, like from my church. I'm not afraid of being seen by people I don't know but I am afraid of strangers coming up to me and start talking to me and what the heck I am going to say other than just politely say hello, be shy and brush them off I suppose but open to listen should they have anything positive to say. This community is pretty accepting, especially the part of town I live in.
It's odd too that I'm not afraid of being seen by neighbors even though some already have. It's more fear of them telling my wife about me, even if it's just casual conversation or accidental.
Fear is always a problem and something I need to work on, yesiree....

[Aleca]

A lot of people fear being recognized as a 'guy in a dress'. You can get over that fear by going to Walmart on a Saturday. There are A LOT of women who look like guys impersonating women!

Do you mean Stacy by all the women who go there wearing t-shirts and jeans, etc... very casual and not dressed up?

[MimiLee]

I'm afraid i'm going to run into someone I know, whether a friend, coworker, family member, friend of a friend, etc. I live in NYC and I know alot of people believe its tough to run into someone you know in a city of this size, but this city is alot smaller than people think. There have been countless times I've crossed paths with someone I know at the most random times and places, not en femme of course. Maybe I just have bad luck, but situations like this definetly stir fear in me to venture out as a gurl.

[WendyH]

I just thought I'd share my experience on the probability of being recognized. I have on several occasions, when dressed as Wendy, interacted with people who know me as a male. Not one ever recognized me. People I know well have walked right by me or even talked to people I'm with, completely clueless. The only things that have given away my male identity are using my normal male voice, and walking around arm-in-arm with my wife. If she's with me that provides enough context for people to put two and two together. So I no longer worry so much about being recognized. :2c:

[Sarah Doepner]

I know I don't pass, but I've been able to use some peoples inattention to wander around unnoticed when I've been in other cities. Even if I'm read on those occasions there are a few things that bother me and fewer that worry me. However when I get back home things change and I dress only at home, at my support group meetings and sometimes on the way home from those meetings.

It's not my fears that keep me from going out from home, but those of my wife. She doesn't want her elderly parents or our grandkids to have to try and wrap their minds around the concept of my crossdressing. It used to be that I worked with a bunch of very conservative folks, but since I retired that's no longer a concern.

[guardian832]

The worry comes from growing up in a time when there was very little, if any, tolerance towards anything that had not been quantified/defined within a given set of parameters cramed into us from birth.

[Cassandra Lynn]

To put them in some order.
Being read by someone i know well.
" " " a GG who could get vocal and mean about it.
" " " anyone who might cause a scene.
Then the vocal aspect.

The reason i mention the part about being caught by real females is that i think i could walk away from ridicule by males and not feel particularly bothered, but i was lambasted by a GG in the lingerie section of a store once (in drab) and it was very phsycologically painful. Made be remember the way i felt when my i confessed to my ex. mj (Cassie)

[suchacutie]

My male self has admitted to being a control freak. Ok, he controls it pretty well, but there is no way he would let me out in public view without being sure that I was in control of any perceived eventuality. He is always well-prepared and he needs me to be that way to be comfortable. Like many of you, I have ticked off the list of issues to be overcome in order to feel in control and that, in itself, has felt really good and positive! This topic does focus on what I do and who I am, so it's a great way to move forward asap! :)

tina

[Tina Dixon]

Don't want to here "Hey look at that guy in a dress"!!!!

[TGMarla]

My initial fear is on leaving the house in broad daylight. My next door neighbor is retired, so they are often at home, they know my car and that I'm the one who drives it, and they know my wife and what she looks like. Watching an unfamiliar woman leaving my home in my car either brings up a question of who that woman is, or leads them to the conclusion that the guy next door likes to parade around as a woman.

Once away from the house, things get easier for me. I don't want to be read, although I'm sure that'll happen. But I really don't let it bother me much. But all the usual small and petty fears of the unknown, like the car breaking down, or getting pulled over, or running into a pack of rednecks looking for trouble (hey, let's beat up the fairy!) stay with me in the back of my mind as well.

Other than that, I generally like it when I manage to get out.

[suzy1]

I'm lucky I suppose insomuch as I don't have any deisre to 'pass', which I wouldn't anyway, in what is best described as your normal everyday social context I would only consider going out dressed in a safe and suitable context where dressing up is ok, otherwise it would just lead to hassle..Especially where I live.

Are you certain you would not pass? I have just looked at you pictures, your gorgeous.

SUZY

[gretchen2]

Five 0clock shadow, adams apple, large hands, prehistoric jawline.

[kimberly ann487]

:iagree:
A lot of people fear being recognized as a 'guy in a dress'. You can get over that fear by going to Walmart on a Saturday. There are A LOT of women who look like guys impersonating women!

:iagree: In my home town anyway, lol. Fear doesn't keep me home, it's not having something nice to wear, lol, now with warmer weather.

[Misty is Kindafem]

Five 0clock shadow, adams apple, large hands, prehistoric jawline.


My biggest and maybe my only fear anymore is being recognized by someone I work with.

I may someday just move and go full time.
(if I could find a way to make a living)

-Misty

[PortiaHoney]

I'm afraid of ever going back. My journey is heading forwards.

To those of you afraid of being clocked because of your voice, it can be changed. I actually don't mind being clocked a lot of the time now. It used to be my biggest fear, but I have met so many nice people because of it, most of the time it's a bit of an advantage. Of course you get the occassional a#seh#le, but I am finding that most of the people who clock you are the nicer people who aren't afraid to ask "good" questions and take a real interest. As for the others, I don't care any more. I am living my life, nobody elses.

Honestly, once you get over the "fear" of everything, life becomes much easier and happier.

Good luck

Portia :hugs:

[Karren H]

I have no real fears...

[Tora]

Not being able to get out of Pittsburg, with my Hockey stick. Oh, and about dressing, no one cares.

[ReneeT]

my fears have changed over time, and are no longer really fears, just cautions and concerns. When i first started going out, i was fearful of a lot - passing, being recognized, being ostracized, violence, seeing people i know, etc. Now that i have been going out on a regular basis (5-6 times/mo), I have overcome these fears:

Passing: I assume i don't pass - when i do, great, but i don't dwell on it. I try to present myself as a well put together crossdresser. I do like to dress nicely, but not in a style that you would not expect to see a gg wear. Now, I do like my heels, so that is often an attention-getter. However, gg's in heels get my guy attention, so i don't think i am out of line there. On average, I like to be among the better dressed girls out there, passing or not.

Being Recognized: I am still concerned about being recognized, but a few things have happened to attenuate this. First, I like and accept myself, and am prepared (i think) to handle any exposures. Second, Renee is so different than my guy mode that i am fairly confident that no one would make the connection. Case in point: I spent the last several days in Memphis at a hotel that i stay at about 20 days/yr. 2 nights ago i went out to a concert at the Orpheum dressed to the nines ( see post in pictures section). On my way out of the hotel, i stopped at the front desk to ask the gal there about directions. We talked for about 15 min and she even took a bunch of pictures of me. She was off duty when i returned, but the next day (yesterday) i came back from business meetings en drab and she was at the desk. I chatted briefly with her (bought a beer actually!) and she registered absolutely no recognition. A few hous later i headed back out, well-dressed for another concert. She immediately recognized me from the night before and was very chatty. I asked her point-blank if she recognized me from earlier en drab and she literally had vapor lock - she just couldn't connect the two of me! This really solidified my notion that, even if i don't pass, i don't look like my guy self

Being Ostracized: For me, it's all about being confident and engaging when interacting with people. i try to act naturally and not creepy. When people are engaged in conversation, they generally lose their reservation quickly. I now have several SA's and waiters who were initially standoffish but now know me by name and are really fun to be around

Violence: I follow my instincts and stay in safe places - i don't generally go places i wouldn't take my wife, like biker bars, etc. I really should get a cwp, though:battingeyelashes:

Seeing people i know: Having said all of the above, i still would rather not run into someone that has not met Renee. So, i usually, but not always, go out when i am out of town

Sorry for the long post. . . .

[PhillyGuy2Girl]

My only fear going out femme is that I would be spotted by family,friends and co workers and fear what their reaction would be. Outside of that,I don't fear name callers, I could careless,someone attacking me,no problem because I'll take care of them right on the spot. Us Philly gurls are tough.


Felicity

Tanya,
I just checked out your pics and I have to agree with Suzy. You do pass.You look absolutely fabulous.



Felicity

[NatalieBliss]

My biggest fear of going out is not being treated like a human being, up to and including violence. I could careless if I pass (though it is nice when it happens), just so long as I am treated with some modicum of respect and decency.

[MargaretJ]

My only real fears are getting seen leaving or entering my house, and I try to avoid groups of males or males on their own, when walking outside.

[JenniferR771]

When I come upon someone I know. --but I hid out successfully. Or the time when a lady reported to the manager that there was a man in the dressing room. She had to wait in line too long. She made a sign like she was going to retch. And the time when the little girls were pointing at me. But then their mother apologized to me for them. And well there was the time I dropped my bag with the panties as I walked out of Goodwill. I went back and they were saving them for me--whew! There were fine with

[Lexine]

TBH my biggest fear is if somehow I did a really poor job with my concealer hehe. Otherwise, I think that I'm improving on the voice front and I'm trying to work on my femme personality. If anything my biggest fear is that CDing becomes so "commonplace" for me that it stops becoming special...

[APRIL0401]

I'm always concerned about my voice. My biggest fear while driving is having car trouble. Sometimes I don't always bring a change of male clothes with me. I would hate changing a flat tire in a dress. I would hate having some man pull over to help me. And I would hate to get all yucky and dirty.:sad:

[jenna_woods]

none at all now, I used to fear it all, now I just enjoy every minuite i am out and about, as I did today

[adrienner99]

I worry most about being spotted by someone I know--and causing embarrassment for my family--none of whom "know."

[NathalieX66]

I fear the unreasonable cop.
While my state now has laws protecting transgendered people (...that includes YOU, crossdresser), I fear that out there is the sexually frustrated knuckle-dragging frat-boy or former US marine that didn't get the memo, who just wants to find no reason at all to be a bad cop. I't 2 o'clock in the morning & you have one headlight out? Oh, let's see what else we can find to mess up your evening.
:hwac:

[Tranny Tee]

I have a fear of being recognised. If I were to be recognised by someone I know, there woud be very minor consequences at the worst.
Thinking about it rationally there is little for me to be afraid of when I go out. Most of my fear is out of force of habit.

The more I go out the easier it becomes.
The more I go out the more the fears go away.

[Alberta_Pat]

As a truck driver, my biggest fears surround the departure from and return to my home.

My wife has some disabilities, and lives alone for the time I am on the road (5 days at a time).

There has been some physical action towards the TG community in the area I live, and I would not wish to have my wife harmed in any way due to my indulgences.

I have some concerns about being recognized by people, but those who know me in either guise tell me that I am unlikely to be recognized "en femme".

[gabimartini]

I've read all replies, so far! It's interesting to gather everybody's views. Show us we are not alone and that is a good thing!

Bottomline is that though fears may exist, we must not allow them to paralyze us from doing what we must. A lady's gotta do what a lady's gotta do, right? So, conquer your fears and keep on dressing, everyone! (as if it were an option not to) :-P

Thanks for sharing!

[skirtsuit]

My only trepidation, not fear, the slightly increased chance of violence when out en femme at night in a big city. I'll go anywhere and do just about anything during the day, but at night a girl's got to be careful - probably not much different from how many GGs feel.

I've had a few encounters with creeps, but nothing has made me feel less safe than riding a Philly city bus deep into south Philly at midnight. Both times I've done it the bus was full of men, all staring at me as I made my way to the back for one of the few empty seats. Not again. I'll ride my bike, get a ride, or stay at home thank you.

All the Best,
Ann / SkirtSuit

[Jannette H]

My biggest fear was running into people in our neighbor hood I know. If one person knows they all know which is not necesarily a good thing.

[PretzelGirl]

I am a pretty nervous person. So everything is still a fear as I need more experience. But it isn't going to stop me from enjoying myself. But I think my big one when all is said and done will be:


My biggest and maybe my only fear anymore is being recognized by someone I work with.

:yt:

[Tasha McIntyre]

I have all the typical giveaways, height, shoulders, hands etc so I know I ain't fooling anyone who looks hard enough so passing is not an issue.

Like most here, the only real fear I have is being recognized by someone I know.

[Nicole Brown]

Well, to be honest, my biggest fear is finding the perfect dress in my size and in a color that I just love and finding that I left my purse at home and I am without cash or a credit card to buy it.

[sherri52]

I fear breaking a heel when I don't have a second pair with me

[Rachel Morley]

I don't have any fears about going out en femme, per se .... it's the type of people I might meet when I'm out en femme that I fear. Like perhaps people who are transphobic or who are homophobic and mistakenly think I must be gay because I'm dressed as a girl, and that they hate those two things so much that that want to hurt me. If I was feeling brave and strong that day then I might be able to handle verbal abuse but I don't want to be a victim of any kind of physical violence. Right now I do fear my neighbors on the one side. The house next door is rented and the new family are very "tough looking" and they shout a lot at their kids and generally make me feel uncomfortable about being me both in boy mode but especially girl mode. :worried:

[Carly D.]

My biggest fear is what I haven't thought of.. What could go wrong beyond everything I have thought of.. The unknown.. Somebody thought it, so I wrote it.. I dealt it..

[Billijo49504]

Running out of money shopping :tongueout BJ:drink:

[Joanie_Shakti]

I have never been out any further than a few steps out the front door late at night or in the back yard, also at night. I couldn't do it in the town I live in but have been getting the urge to do so on my next vacation.

My biggest fear is running into someone I know. It would affect my job if this hobby came public knowledge and also affect relations with friends and probably family. Other fears would be experiencing violence from someone who disapproved and dealing with law enforcement or getting in an accident. So even taking a walk or drive at my favorite vacation spot would probably be too scary for me to do.