The male and female parts

[Andrea85]

Sorry for the suggestive title, but I really can't think of anything else to call this thread.

I've read posts from members here, else where online, and even around where I live, crossdressers and trans girls (before they went full time), spoke about their male and female "parts" almost like they were 2 people.

For those of you that do that, what is the reason behind doing so? I'm not here to pass judgement, but to understand.

I don't do that, and I don't think I ever have. To me, it's more like I'm a lesbian stuck in a mans body (no pun intended). I've always liked women, but I've also always felt like a woman, even though my anatomy didn't agree with the way I felt.

I hope I don't offend anyone by asking this. I just don't understand, but want to.

[Simply_Vanessa]

well for a crossdresser...there really is two parts to the individual. if a crossdresser did not have two parts to themselves...they would either be normal in the first place, or transition and never look back.

but it all depends on how far you take crossdressing. if you just like to play dress up as your nylons cover your hairy legs...maybe you dont have two sides to yourself, just a desire to wear the clothing of the opposite gender.

dressing is just dressing after all. clothes dont make the person.

some of us strive to pass in public. we spend hours observing and researching the art of femininity. we spend hours training our voice till it cracks with the hopes of being able to speak in public. if a person undergoes so much preparation and willingly changes their demeanor, wouldnt you say that they truly do have a second side to themselves that is so powerful that it changes the person?


thats my interpretation, at least :)

[Andrea85]

Honey, I don't think anyone else could have answered than any better. :)

I guess since I'm trans and not just a crossdresser, I just couldn't put 2 and 2 together. It makes perfect sense now.

Thanks.

[Rianna Humble]

I think that Vanessa said 95% of what I want to say.

I used to think I could just be a "bloke in a dress" and that this would be enough - at that time I did not refer to myself as having two parts.

I now realise that I am a woman trapped in a man's body and that what I do as "him" is not who I am although I do see that I have always influenced the way that he acts and thinks.

To me, "he" is my "old self" and I can't wait to be able to leave him behind. There is still a lot of work to be done before I can, but it is becoming a physical need - I feel ill every time I have to pose as him.

I don't expect everyone here to have the same outlook. What makes these forums great is that we are all individuals with differing experiences, but that we can still be there for one another.

[CharlotteB]

Well, at first there were no seperate "parts" of me. Later, after venturing out in public, I began to feel a seperate female identity when en femme. Today I feel more than the "parts" are blended . . . that some of the female softness spills over into the rest of my life, and that I always remember I remain predominately male even when dressed. I think it evolves over time.

[KayleeDahl]

Really great post Vanessa!

Hugs
Kaylee

[Barbara_MacKenzie]

I'm a happily married CD and enjoy both my male and female sides. The male side is the largest constituent part, but I love my feminine identity too.

I couldn't accurately quantify the ratio of my male to female parts; suffice it to say that I'm not schizophrenic (there's only one of me in my mind), merely a man with a set of feminine traits that seem to be at odds with the social mores currently held by the society in which I live. I can live with that, and I feel that I'm happy in my own skin.

Barbara

[Staci G]

I can only say other than whats been said we are sometimes near schizophrenic in the way we speak of our fem self in the third person as you have read in other posts. I am not by any means saying any of us are, What I am saying is I view myself in 2 parts, I, along with others that have met me as Staci say they like her better.:heehee: Funny but true, it is because I am more relaxed as Staci. Sorry I started rambling again, I do that. To answer your question I never wanted to be a guy in a dress I have wanted to be a girl and never turn back as it has been said, but my circumstances dont allow it. I will have to remain 2 people untill further notice.

[Kate Simmons]

If one is an overall person it doesn't matter so much. Sometimes though one may need to invoke certain "specialty parts" that may be considered gender specific, so they are identified and specified as such.:)

[noeleena]

Hi.

For me i come in a bit differntly,

i am both male & female & really did not see any difference between men & women . hence a mix of both ,i never saw my self as one or the other ,
just one person who was not able to express them selfs as a female as well, my maths dont add up yet it works for me , 60 % male , & 60 % female , woman , & hard wired with both & can think both ways at the same time , strange , may be, nuts more like , sane . now if i knew what that word ment i might be & who cares , im happy being the way i am & accepted ,

So really we are all different in our own way & we can accept each one regardless of how we are or what we look like ,& thats acceptance ,

...noeleena...

[Billijo49504]

Could she be referring to the gurls on top and the twin boys down below??BJ

[Jessy]

For me, the reason is because I am still closeted and keep my guy and girl personalities seperated. And it sometimes feels like 2 different persons, since many things about me as a girl are quite the opposite of who I am as a guy.
But when I'll be coming out, I'll just be one. At least, that's my goal.

[Pink Pillow]

I think Vanessa was right on the money. :)

I personally -want- an over the top femme side to just burst out! I yern for the chance to play princess! I think the excitment is the fact that I can be someone else entirly out in the world! Does anyone else think this way? :o

[docrobbysherry]

after I've completely dressed, I see someone who is DEFINITELY NOT ME!:eek:

And, THAT'S just the way I LIKE IT!:D

[Kiera79]

This is my version. Since I started dressing I have noticed my attitude become better, my ways have changed(more polite, wanting to help people), and just more feminine period. I love myself for who I am and wouldn't change a thing. I do feel as though there is a woamn trying to comeout but I do not wish to be a full woamn. The only thing I hate about my male side is the twins LOL. They just get in the way and terribly mess up a tight and cute outfit. Even with tucking they are a pain. I also have my two babies and really don't need them anymore.

[Frédérique]

if a person undergoes so much preparation and willingly changes their demeanor, wouldnt you say that they truly do have a second side to themselves that is so powerful that it changes the person?

No, I don’t agree with that idea. In my case, I don’t go through all the “preparation” to willingly change my demeanor – my demeanor is in place, regardless, and the crossdressing merely serves to strip away unwanted layers of male dross to allow me to get closer to my (visual) true self. Granted, I’m pretty close to femme without doing much at all, but I do have to wear a male “uniform” to pass among those who would do me harm by censure. Whenever I get a chance, I remove the offending garment(s), slip into something more comfortable, and distance myself from where I was, i.e. the gender wilderness…:straightface:

This concept of “two sides” that so many adhere to borders on laziness, IMHO. There are no two sides, darling – there is only you, just as you are, there for the taking. Think of yourself as a gender soufflé, with all of the ingredients existing in the same bowl (call this container your persona, or your psyche). Get a big spoon, and start to gently incorporate the ingredients you have within, folding one into another until you achieve SOFT peaks. The male is still there, of course, but “he” has been incorporated with “she,” (like it used to be, before people became obsessed with differences) along with all of the other stuff that came along for the ride. If the ingredients were incompatible, you would get a temporary emulsion called “guilt,” an unfortunate condition that most people suffer from in this world, mainly because they listen to what other people have to say. :sad: You, however, are lucky – everything meshes together in harmony, simply because it all sprang from the same pantry. You could have kept everything separated, on the shelf, separated by a few cans of beans, but you were inspired to make something sweet out of what you were born with. As a result, the crossdressing is merely frosting...

Can I lick the spoon? :hugs: Mmmmmmmmmmm…

[AKAMichelle]

I don't understand it either. No matter what you look like or what equipment you have - you are still you.

I also noticed that you are new and more importantly in Volunteer country. I really miss being in the Knoxville area especially in the fall. Football / fall foliage / black bears in cades cove. I am home sick now. :D

[sterling12]

I had to read your original message a couple of times to figure it out. I think a lot of The Gurls have taken you literally and they think your writing of actual genitalia.

I assume you refer to The Two "personalities," and The Ability of a lot of us to speak in The Third Person about those separate "parts."

I think a lot of it is a Survival Mechanism. It is often beneficial for a CD to keep The two persona's separate and to not let anything feminine intrude upon his "Boy Existence." A lot of us have been doing it all our lives, and it gets to be a habit, even when you don't have to worry about rejection from Mommy and Daddy, or a Beating, or even worse!

One of The Hallmarks of moving on, is to recognize "The Girl Within," just as you stated. But, it's still pretty easy to keep The Two Persona's separate, and still probably more convenient. If one decides to venture "further down The Road," it no longer makes much sense to suppress The Feminine Persona. What usually happens with Transsexual Women is to "Kill The Male Persona." You often read accounts from Post-Op Gurls that "My Male self is a very distant memory; I've almost completely forgotten him."

I don't know if this explanation clarifies The Situation, it's probably still a Conundrum. But, it doesn't seem to do any harm, unless we let that happen. I always refer to "The Two of Us." For me, it works out pretty well, because we get along!

Peace and Love, Joanie

[suchacutie]

thoughts:

1) my wife and I talk about Tina as if she were a separate person living with us. Likewise, Tina and she talk about me as a separate person.

2) We found Tina in me at age 55. She is clearly part of me and I want to know what that part is. If we merge her we'll never figure it out. We need to let her flourish on her own.

3) After 5 years we find out that we like Tina. We don't want some mixture, we want her.

4) My wife wants my male self. After all, that's what she married, so my male self is just that, not some mix.

5) Tina has her own projects, books, activities...well, her own life. I don't intrude, don't read her books, don't help on her projects, etc.

6) I consider myself bi-gendered, and very separate.

7) What Vanessa said!

tina

[Andrea85]

I had to read your original message a couple of times to figure it out. I think a lot of The Gurls have taken you literally and they think your writing of actual genitalia.

I assume you refer to The Two "personalities," and The Ability of a lot of us to speak in The Third Person about those separate "parts."

I think a lot of it is a Survival Mechanism. It is often beneficial for a CD to keep The two persona's separate and to not let anything feminine intrude upon his "Boy Existence." A lot of us have been doing it all our lives, and it gets to be a habit, even when you don't have to worry about rejection from Mommy and Daddy, or a Beating, or even worse!

One of The Hallmarks of moving on, is to recognize "The Girl Within," just as you stated. But, it's still pretty easy to keep The Two Persona's separate, and still probably more convenient. If one decides to venture "further down The Road," it no longer makes much sense to suppress The Feminine Persona. What usually happens with Transsexual Women is to "Kill The Male Persona." You often read accounts from Post-Op Gurls that "My Male self is a very distant memory; I've almost completely forgotten him."

I don't know if this explanation clarifies The Situation, it's probably still a Conundrum. But, it doesn't seem to do any harm, unless we let that happen. I always refer to "The Two of Us." For me, it works out pretty well, because we get along!

Peace and Love, Joanie

Joanie, you are dead on to what I meant by the original post. I didn't mean anything about external genitalia, just personality wise.

My apologies for any confusion.

I just really don't understand, as a trans girl, the use of different personalities for those who are just crossdressers. Not that I'm saying I think it's some craziness or anything, but I'm just trying to understand, so I can better understand other posts here.

[Lynn Marie]

I talk about this guy who lives here pretty much as a roommate rather than someone I want to be rid of. I like him. He's a kind, considerate, caring , and funny guy. When he's around he's great company for whomever he's with.

I'm quite well aware there is really only one of us, but separating us is just a convenient way of describing the attributes and idiotic eccentricities or idiosyncrasies of my silly personality. Either way, I like me. Or, at least, I'm happy to put up sith me.