I feel like a jerk.

[NathalieX66]

I was on the phone with a transsexual who transitioned several years ago, and the conversation went to who I am, and I explained that I am bi-gendered who wants the best of both worlds, i.e. , I'm too proud to give up aspects of my male self. I go out en femme regularly, etc.
This was a person who has lost it all, including contact with family & friends for making the transition (Hormones, surgeries, etc.), and has had a few suicide attempts. There was a lot of emotional baggage from her part while in the conversation, I came off as kind of happy-go-lucky. I'm not saying that this person is unhappy but there was a lot of water under the bridge, more than I expected.
i just felt like a complete push-over, even though I was sincere, and kind & understanding.
What else was I supposed to say? :strugglin

[mapletree]

sometimes we all have baggage
sometimes we get it sometimes we don't
so moderators remind us
so we listen
so we respond
often we see only part of the situation
if you are real then there will be ups and downs
you sound real to me so.. i hope that this person saw and felt you realness

[Katesback]

It is ok to feel the way you do sis:

You are who you are and she is who she is. If she is unhappy then that is her problem. Why is she unhappy? Could be 1000's of reasons. There are a lot of unhappy people out there and the trans community is no stranger to this.

Perhaps she thought that transitioning would solve her problems and found out that her life did not change much.

Who knows. Just be glad you are happy with who you are.

Katie

[tamarav]

In reality, you can only accept responsibility for your own actions. Many of our freinds and neighbors do things that we will never understand but we are still there. Listen, remind yourself and others of how fortunate they are to have discovered whatever it is and go on with life.

I sometimes go to my wife's work where she treats Veterans at a VA clinic. I sit there in the waiting room and think about how fortunate many of us are for not having lost so much more.

[Hope]

Sometimes some things are really hard for some people, and not as hard for others. That does not however mean that those who have the easier time should feel guilty about having an easier time - just compassion for those who had the harder time. The converse is also true, that those who have had the harder time should not feel the somehow superior to those who have had an easier time simply because life was more difficult for them somehow - but both experiences are startlingly common.

Just be like Fonzie.

[BRANDYJ]

Nathalie, I'm not sure exactly what your question to us is. But it sounds like you felt like a sounding board to all her unhappiness and were put in a position that you were not comfortable with. Like she unloaded all her baggage on you while you were simply trying to make a friend. Not a good way to start for her, if that's the case. You say you are happy go lucky and it seems like she pulled you down...or at least tried to.

Nothing you could have said or done any differently then you did. You should not feel bad for someone else's unhappiness or that you did not expect or want to listen to it all.

In all of your posts, you do seem very friendly and very up. I enjoy reading your comments.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

You are definitely not a jerk.

If you are in any support groups you will find people that complain constantly about the same thing, and others that bite the bullet and work constantly to get better...and everything in between..

you are a nice honest, open thoughtful person, and you can't take on the world's problem..just lend an ear and be there ....that's what you can do..

and frankly some folks need a good talking to..
one thing that bugs me is when i meet someone in person, and i offer to share a cup of coffee and chat about things ts related, and 20 minutes in i'm being told about sexual abuse, heroin addiction,...on and on...it goes both ways, its inappropriate to dump too much on a person until there is some kind of connection

[boardpuppy]

If this was a one time thing (dumping on you), don't worry about it, everyone needs someone to listen once in a while. The other side of the coin is another matter, You may have to deal out some tuff love ie tell her you can talk about all things ts but not her problems exclusively. You did right with what you said and did.

Hugs,
Alice

[got2free.Ollie]

its ok, you said the truth and even though it made you feel bad, it was how you feel and your life and your decisions. Not everyone is supposed to follow the same path, or else we'd be walking in a straight line, that's what makes us different.
You're not a jerk and you shouldn't feel bad.
The plain sofa is a better place to sit on than the sofa covered in plastic. Because its what it is, take it or leave it, it doesn't stick to you and make you feel weird :) Sure it may get dirty but its better than sticking to the seat :)

...sorry I like weird analogies lol basically the sofa thing was truth and its better to live with the truth than to live with the lie because a lie'll make you feel worse than the truth even though the truth makes you feel like a pushover and a jerk.
I hope you understood that lol

[TxKimberly]

. . . In reality, you can only accept responsibility for your own actions. . .

I like Tamara's answer. Your friend made her choices and now gets to live with the results - both the good and bad. You have made yours and also get to live with the results of your choices.

How does this make you a jerk?

[Nicole Erin]

YOu should have sung the beginning of "hands across the water" by The Beat-alls. "We're so sorry, uncle Albert..." ehh forget it... :heehee:

One thing in life is - stay away from the victims. They are nothing but drama and want everyone in on their pity party.

This person who was complaining will do that every time you talk to her.

We all have times when we need to get things off our minds, fine, yes, I do it too. In real life though, I do not burden others with my sob stories.

Oh gyod we have this one lady in class who, when she opens her mouth, my butt clinches. Real sweet and pretty lady, but you could say, "Yeah, traffic thru St Louis is rough, avoid it during rush hour" Ya know, just casual stuff but then she will come off with something like -

Oh yeah, one time my friend was on the way to the hospital in an ambulance cause her heart gave out and there was this traffic jam, and she lived but they had to amputate cause her boyfriend beat her up and gave her an ulcer and she had tooth decay and her dad was shot at the store..." SHUT UP, Bitch! :Angry3:

There was this TS I used to know who would always complain about how her ex wife screwed her over and how rough everything was... And get this - one time after opne of her sob stories, she says in a dead serious enthusiastic tone - "Now isn't that sad?" I thought she was being sarcastic but the look in her eye said all to be told about her level of serious.

OK, NOW, which one of you is the drama queen here?

[NathalieX66]

I consider this person a friend.
We all need a shoulder to cry on once in a while.

[boardpuppy]

Hi Nat,
As a friend, you can suttlely change her outlook on life. The first and most ovious one is some type of support group. If she is unloading on someone else, then you can help her briten up her own life.

Hugs,
Alice

[Maria in heels]

I don't think that you did anything wrong, and we are all individuals with different thoughts and views. If you are naturally upbeat and happy, then so be it, and continue being who you are...don't change for someone else!