Using CDing as a means to break off relationships?

[Lexine]

This is probably going to sound really mean, but I was kinda curious if anyone's done this, so I'm posting this.

Recently, I was in dating a GG who seemed real nice. The problem is that conversations with her over the phone never seem to be interesting and, worse, is that she doesn't drive. Being that she lived in the middle of Los Angeles (i.e. the most trafficked parts) this basically made it difficult to see each other. But really, the big problem that I had was that she had no personality whatsoever.

I guess after dating a while that I thought that it was time that we parted ways, so I decided that I should break it off with her. However, that wasn't enough for me for some reason.

I remembered that she mentioned that if I continued doing the stuff that I was (at the time) only going to be doing in Disneyland (i.e. CDing) that she wouldn't want to be part of that. So I decided that I should break it off by telling her that I decided that when I CD'd at Disneyland that I wanted to pursue it more actively outside of that circumstance and that it was going to be an important part of my life moving forward. This is, of course, true - and since then I've learned to embrace my more feminine side. She reacted nonchalantly to the announcement, even proclaiming that "It's okay. It's not like we're in a relationship anyway!"

So I figured I'd ask this question since there's so many questions about "coming out" that I felt there ought to be a different angle on it. Has anyone come out to their SO to purposely break off from the relationship, knowing full well they would totally dislike/hate this? And if so, how did they react?

[Tranny Tee]

Never have I had the need to come up with an excuse to end a relationship. I figure it is over when I am served with the restraining order.

[Freddy12]

I have not broken a relationship this way, and I do not recommend it at all! If your S.O gets upset, and decides to "Out" you, it could be really bad. That says nothing about the fact that it's better to be honest and say that you just don't feel that the chemistry is right between the two of you.

It's just not the best way to end things. At least that's my:2c:

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

Lexi, I have to agree with Freddy that I wouldn't want to do that. Not because of fear of being outted cause I'm out already, but because why would I want to put any sort of negative energy out into the world via my crossdressing? Plus I wouldn't want anyone to have evidence to support the theory that there was a correlation between my dressing and not wanting to date girls, I have a tough enough time as it is convincing potential female partners that I'm interested in women despite how I dress.

[Lexine]

JiveTurkeyOnRye~
This girl doesn't really have any common friends with me at all, which is why I decided to do what I did. As stated before, it's a pretty mean thing to do in the first place and I'd like to clearly state now that wouldn't recommend it. This question was posed merely out of curiosity if anyone has ever done something like this.

[Karren H]

I was never the breaker.. Always the breakee.. :( and yeah... Sounds mean to me..

[Schatten Lupus]

No for me, but I have decided that I am going to transition despite my fiance's protests. I'd rather save a good friendship than let any potential resentment build up until we can't stand to be around eachother.

[Toni_Lynn]

Nope -- haven't done this and wouldn't do it. It could backfire you know and the breakee could end up be totally in tune with CDing.

However, two days after I told my first wife that I wanted a divorce, I came out to her. The way she handled it was the kindest, most human way she ever interacted with me. She totally understood and said, "It explains a lot about the way you are. Now I understand you better. I'm sorry that people have hurt you over this."

We still got divorced. We both went on to meet other women .. huh what :eek: -- yes -- she eventually came out as a lesbian. I'm happy for her, actually. I met the girl of my dreams and so did she. All in all it worked out well. Can't ask for better than that.

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

[Traci Elizabeth]

Sorry, but that sounds very lame, immature, and weak.

Why not just be honest with her and tell her that after the time you have been spending with her that you have come to the conclusion that you both don't have that much in common and that you would like to end the relationship on a positive note and that you appreciate her investing time with you.

Ending a relationship with honesty and compassion is the only way to go.

[Sheila]

Well it makes for an interesting change from it being the SO who breaks the relationship "because" of CDing :straightface:

[MissKara]

This is going to sound really bad coming from me but in my 2nd last relationship (ended 9 months ago), I actually contemplated starting to crossdressing again because I was sick of all the arguements we were having.

My ex hated me crossdressing and to almost cause the relationship to break up, all I would have to do is wear panties and within a week the relationship would be almost gone :( Kinda sad really if you ask me.

Lots of Love,
Miss Kara

[Nicole Erin]

Well if there is no chemistry, you two are bored with each other...

I imagine she probably won't really care how you break it off, you two will forget each other as soon as the phone hangs up.

I can't imagine any hard feelings really I imagine you each thinking -

You - "Well, that's that, ok now is KFC still running that special, or maybe I will just find something in the fridge."

Her - "OOOOOOKAY! So he wants to be a girl... whatever...."

Point is, neither of you will care, and will go about your lives.

[Diane Smith]

I never was so totally overt about it but probably subconsciously triggered the end of a relationship once by coming clean over my CD'ing. In the summer of 1997, I had been seeing a woman who had been a long-time platonic friend before that. The relationship wasn't really going anyplace and I was getting kind of bored and frustrated, although not quite to the point that I was ready to break it off. My desires to take my dressing a little further were also growing at that time. I went on a ten-day trip by myself to the Southwest and kind of let my hair down during that break -- got my nails done for the first time, did a lot of shopping for girl clothes, etc. Even got propositioned by a stripper in a club who really liked my nails and earrings. When I got back home, I told my girlfriend that there was something I needed to tell her about and spilled my whole CDing history. I figured at that point I had nothing to lose by opening up -- it would either improve the relationship, or kill it completely, and give me a chance to move on. Needless to say, that was the last time I ever saw her -- she couldn't handle CDing in any way, shape or form. We both recovered (pretty quickly on her part) and life has been better as a result.

- Diane

[Lexine]

Well if there is no chemistry, you two are bored with each other...

I imagine she probably won't really care how you break it off, you two will forget each other as soon as the phone hangs up.

I can't imagine any hard feelings really I imagine you each thinking -

You - "Well, that's that, ok now is KFC still running that special, or maybe I will just find something in the fridge."

Her - "OOOOOOKAY! So he wants to be a girl... whatever...."

Point is, neither of you will care, and will go about your lives.

This is pretty much exactly what happened.

[Deborah Jane]

Why use C/ding as the excuse to break up a relationship?
Just tell her you're an axe murderer, you should still have the same effect and she definately won't contemplate rekindling the relationship at some time in the future :eek:

[docrobbysherry]

Why use C/ding as the excuse to break up a relationship?
Just tell her you're an axe murderer, you should still have the same effect and she definately won't contemplate rekindling the relationship at some time in the future :eek:

Or, say that you're a, "pervert, child molester"! :brolleyes:
( Actually, DJ, some folks over here think THAT is what a CD is, anyway!):doh:

[TxKimberly]

Would you believe I have never broken up with anyone? I got kicked to the curb a few times but I've never done the kicking . . .

[AKAMichelle]

that would be one of the dumbest things to do of all time. First off, most of us are scared to death of others finding out. Telling someone that won't keep the secret and that you are getting rid of is a guarantee that people will find out.

[Sheila]

I agree Michelle, plus it adds to the worry some SO's have about the Fem side of you being more important to you than anything else in your lives, should the OP's ex come into contact with other TG's in the future she may well decide to inform anyone who cares to listen they (the TG's) are more interested in themselves and quote the OPer as a bad example :sad::sad:

[Lexine]

I think at this point we're just spinning our wheels here and not getting enough of a positive reaction to keep this thread open based off of the context of the question and recommend the thread be closed.

Yes, this act is very insensitive, mean, and careless. It's not right at all as I've stated in the thread and I do not advocate doing this. I'm sure that for the people who have thought of doing this or have done this and, at the time, that they thought that there was a valid reason for this and, in hindsight, now feel that they could've handled the situation better. There have been many things we've done in our lives that we wish we could've gone back and did something differently. I didn't want the people who have done this to feel any worse than they have about what they've done and not post their experience because I'm very certain they already feel regretful of it. Again, it was a question posed out of curiosity and not having to restate the obvious.

If there's any post-script to this tale of mine, is that the GG who I did this to and I are still friends and she asks me from time to time how it's going with CDing and she's attempting to understand why I do this. And again, to keep stating it over and over: I do not advocate doing this to anyone, even if your reason sounds, well, sound or reasonable.