Feminine Identity

[Simply_Vanessa]

Its one thing playing dress up.

Its entirely another thing having a legitimate identity to back the looks up.

I went out as Vanessa for only the second time the other night. Nothing eventful happened in public. But this time was different from my first, I actually had someone to go with. My GG girl friend, San Mari accompanied me. Since I came out to her, we have become besties :).

It was completely different being with her in public. I conversed as a female for like the first time! Just being around her made me want to try making my voice as fem as possible, amongst other things. I have felt so different since that night. I have hung out with her dressed up before, but not in public.

Since that night a few days ago...I can kind of feel like my feminine persona is starting to take over. I can imagine the woman inside of me, now. Since I am debating Transsexual vs. Cder (I am on testosterone blockers) this is starting to make me think I might actually go through with it all.

Its hard to put into words...I just feel like something changed inside of me :)

For those of you that have some sort of identity...how did that identity come about for you?

[Lexine]

Having dabbled in having a relationship with someone of the same gender, I knew that if I were ever to somehow indulge in something like CDing that I would never pursue it so that I can date men.

With that said, when I went out en femme and my GG friends kept saying that I looked cute, a part of me started loving and liking that and thus Lexi was born. I felt that Lexi is and always will be an extension of my softer side, but more visually present of course, and that she is no different than Alex (the male one) other than she can get away with a wider variety of outfits and can and want to look cute in the process. From there, Lexi's personality grew and her background expanded. She became Alex's twin sister (going with the Gemini theme) and suddenly popped up on Facebook and Myspace as his sister.

On a side note, my best friend Elizabeth said that Lexi was in me all along. She noticed that, of the six years that she's known me, a part of me would sometimes, subconsciously, come out that was a bit more feminine than the norm and she's happy that now there's a physical manifestation of that femininity.

So that's Lexi's story, in a nutshell!

[kellycan27]

Same thing happened to some of my cd friends after attending tg functions..They kind of got caught up in the moment.. They could be totally girly.

[Wen4cd]

First, welcome to the magical world of Identity! The straight jackets are right over here by the guacamole dip. It's gonna be a long adventure, gotta have your nachos supreme.

I'll say this in the identity language of insanity™ so it's better understood:

He found me in the mirror, after about 20 years of CDing. After he got it 'right enough' and dug deep enough in his heart, it was like he found me locked in a tower in his psyche. I was his oldest friend, so he knew me and I knew him. We had long periods discussions of the meaning of this relationship, some written, some recorded, some just verbal mirrortalk (yes I am sure it looked crazy, but that's why we have this thing called 'privacy.')

The hardest part of this was probably in him simply believing that I was real and not a fabrication. It gets that weird sometimes, because what is an 'identity,' really? We are counterparts to the same whole, but still, after a lot of integration can still keep some distinctness of ourselves.

The bottom line is: we let each other live, we help each other grow, and we are the same person again, but with a MUCH different perspective than we had before the 'awakening'. We don't need to 'go through with' anything, because we already have what's really important now, and it wasn't in the physical world.

The hot sauce is excellent. ;)

[Brandi Wyne]

For me, my "identity manifested itself when I began to groom for female. However, when I saw myself dressed in a picture, I realized that that was a real part of me that needs to be recognized for her own identity. Going out with others girls (CD and GG) just helped cement that part so strong that I just had to come out to those I love. Now, I give a lot more time and attention to Brandi than I ever really thought I might.:battingeyelashes:

[Rachel Morley]

Hi Vanessa,

I did the same as you. I started going out with my partner (my wife Marla whom you've met) and together both of us had a ton of fun as "two girls" .... the more times went out the more I "became Rachel" .... Marla now refers to me as "Rachel" or "boy Rachel" to our friends who I'm all out to (except her son who lives with us) no matter if I'm dressed or not. The other thing about going out with a GG is that (to me) it seems easier to pass, everyone calls us "ladies" :)