Telling someone...its a bit harder than that

[LeotardMan]

I have a friend up north (so we mostly talk over the phone) that I would like to tell but I'm a bit un-sure about telling her. She's a conservative christian woman and I don't know how she would take it. I think she would be okay because I do it in the privacy of my own home. Would you recommend I drop small hints? If so how?

Geoff

[Kathi Lake]

Phew! That's a toughie!

First, ask yourself why you want to come out to this woman. Is she a potential partner?

Second, arm yourself. Study well passages that might be used against you (Leviticus, causing a brother to stumble, etc.) and have your answers ready.

Third, ask yourself again why you want to out yourself to this person.

Kathi

[Rianna Humble]

I'm not very well placed to give advice about telling people over the phone - most of mine has been face-to-face with people who were already starting to suspect.

The one person I did tell at a distance is an exceptional human being who already knew something because she made me some jewellery. She has been very supportive of me even though she admits she doesn't really know much about Trans people.

I would just urge you to consider carefully what you expect to get out of telling this GG and what you might be risking if you do out yourself to her.

If, after you weigh the pros and cons, you still feel you want her to know,the I think you will have your answer.

[Sheila]

As Kathi asks ............. is she a potential partner ?, ..........if not what is to be gained by telling her if you are not going to meet at some point in the future ? Why do you want to tell her ?, until you answer those questions I don't really see how we can advise you in making your decision :straightface:

[carolinoakland]

so my question is, why do you think she needs to know?

[Nicole Erin]

If you are not out -
Potential partner - explain before things get serious.
Not a potential - don't say anything, unless there is a good chance of her finding out.

If you ARE out -
One method is to just let people ask the questions. Then be prepared to explain things.
"How come you are wearing women's jeans?"
"I just prefer women's clothing, more comfortable etc..."
No need to stick a label on it. Like me, I want to transition, live as a woman, pass and all that, but I don't really call myself a transsexual. Labels are silly anyways.

You will get the "are you gay, do you want to be a woman, how does family feel". Be prepared for people to be confused... "So you like women but you also like to dress as one...."

OK time for a funny comment about that -
I once had a TS friend, post -op, she told me, "I love p*ssy so much I wanted one of my own". :heehee: You have never seen someone hit the ground laughing so fast as I did.

[LeotardMan]

She's just a friend nothing more nothing less. Sorry I did not make that clear...my bad.

Geoff

[Jilmac]

I don't think it matters whether your friend is a romantic interest, or just a good friend. If coming out to her will make you feel better about your friendship with her, then go for it. But I would say to proceed with caution. Perhaps start a conversation about transgenders to seek out her opinion. If she seems to have a negative opinion or starts quoting bible passages then I think your attempt at coming out to her would be a lesson in futility. If she seems passive or unsure, you might just have a chance of her acceptance.

I wouldn't push the issue any farther if she shows signs of repulsion, and I certainly don't want to put down anybody's religious belief, but in my opinion if she practices the teachings of the New Testament (whether conservative or liberal), then she will have acceptance in her heart. So if you decide to come out to her, I wish you all the bast.

[Eve_WA]

Hints dont work. They are almost always misconstrued, misunderstood, or not interpreted correctly. Best to just say it if you feel the need. Be factual, be forthright, and above all... dont give the impression that you are ashamed of yourself, who you are, and what you do. Have answers to her questions. Answer them directly, and as honestly as you can. That is the best way to be accepted.

[Stephenie S]

A telephone friend?

Why say anything at all about it. Especially if you are NOT "out". What possible benefit would it bring to her life? None.

Keep quiet. If you meet and you want to share this part of your life, then think about it. But don't "hint". Tell people up front. Hinting RARELY works and often serves for nothing but confusion. If you want someone to know something, TELL them. Don't hint. Don't make other people guess about something you want them to know. Just come right out and say it.

JMHO,
Stephie

[kimdl93]

I think its been asked before, but if she's a friend and nothing more, and a long distance acquaintance at that, then what is your reason for wanting to tell her? Is it because you want/need someone to confide in? I am not saying you shouldn't, but definately give yourself some time to learn more about her and her general attitudes. I don't think that being Christian or conservative is necessarily a determinant on how an individual reacts to gender issues.

[Joanne f]

Although i would agree in that sharing something you do with someone helps to make it more normal in the sense that you hope someone will accept it but at this stage i would consider whether it is worth the risk in losing a friend when they will never see you dressed but (always that but) if it is something that would really make you happy then i would try and find out in a tactful way her feelings towards CD/TG people first .

[Sheila]

okay, she is a friend, how good, how long & "WHY" do you feel you want to tell her ?

[Tanya C]

According to Deuteronomy 22:5 crossdressing is an abomination in the eyes of the Lord.

[Ruth]

Tanya, that's not precisely what the book says. There are several interpretations of that notorious verse and it depends on what we believe were the reasons that persons of that time might want to assume the dress of the opposite gender (the verse refers to both men and women).
Anyway, it isn't an outright condemnation of the CDing that we practise today.

[Jonianne]

What is the need that you have to tell her?

A conservative Christian may or may not have a problem, but a fundamentalist most certainly will.

[Tanya C]

I'm not suggesting that all Chrstians oppose crossdressing based on Scripture, but some do. And that is the reason for my cautionary note.

[AKAMichelle]

Telling someone else is never easy. It will take a lot of soul searching to prepare yourself to open up to them.

I have always found that the direct approach works best. You are the only one who knows for sure. Good luck.

[NatalieBliss]

But I can point you to a place that will help on the religious angle if you do decide to tell her:
transcristians.com

[Tranny Tee]

What is the need that you have to tell her?

A conservative Christian may or may not have a problem, but a fundamentalist most certainly will.

Simply because someone is conservative or a Christian does not necessarily mean they are prejudiced against the transgendered. You might sound her out during a conversation the next time some famous person gets outed. Judge her reaction and make your decision to tell her then.