Why are you different

[Joanne f]

What do you think it is that makes you different from a non CD/TG and i do not mean " i just like to feel feminine" i mean why do you think you like to feel feminine when others do not , what is that driving force and where does it come from .
I personally think that it is some sort of Gene or lack of it that drives me the way i am and it controls my brain into telling me what i must do .
GGs can answer this if they think why they know why we are different.

[sissystephanie]

The only way I am different from many other men is the clothing that I sometimes wear. I am not driven to wear feminine things, but I do like to do it. At a guess, I would have to say that does make me somewhat different!!

Do I care? Not in the slightest! Been doing it for most of 70 years and not going to stop now!

[Joanne f]

The only way I am different from many other men is the clothing that I sometimes wear. I am not driven to wear feminine things, but I do like to do it. At a guess, I would have to say that does make me somewhat different!!

Do I care? Not in the slightest! Been doing it for most of 70 years and not going to stop now!

I would agree with you that there is a difference between liking to do something and driven to do some thing , i envy you .

[kimdl93]

this question gets asked a lot of different ways, but basically its the old nature vs nurture question.

There is evidence that if an individual has one or more older male siblings ( and no female siblings in between) they have a strikingly higher probability of being gay. Its speculated that hormones in the womb, rather than genetic factors, may contribute to this. Granted,most CDers are not gay, but it seems plausible that similar factors might lead one to differences in gender identification.

[Karren H]

I really have no clue... Mainly because I don't know how they feel hence I can't judge what the difference is..

[Freddy12]

I don't know what makes some people different, and I really don't care. Am I different? Yes, I would say so. It really makes no difference to me if it was because I was close to my mother, or because I have different genes, or for another reason. I like to dress in women's clothes. That's part of who I am. That's all that matters to me.

[Deborah Jane]

Because I'm an individual, I'm differant to other CD/TSs as well as non CD/TSs.
We are all unique in our own way Joanne, we all have some things in common with someone, be they CD/TS or non CD/TS, but we're all still our own unique individual person with our own personalitys.

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

Why does it have to be some deep secret meaning? Why can't it just be that we like wearing feminine stuff and feeling girly sometimes? Isn't that enough? I think sometimes there's this desire on these boards to get to the root of things, like it's a problem that can be solved, but isn't it better to just say, hey I dig this and so I do it.

[suzy1]

Absolutely no idea. Not a clue. A mystery. I just enjoy it and leave it at that. I am to shallow to get that deep. Does it mater?
I just have fun.

SUZY

[Tess]

I can't supply an answer either. Probably the same as why some guys do woodworking and some paint masterpieces. We're all a little different.

[minalost]

People have been asking this question all the way back to the dawn of time: why am I a ___________ (put anything from crossdresser to axe murderer in the blank space). I think the it’s a mixture of three things: genetic predisposition (nature); culture and/or upbringing (nurture); and something that doesn’t get talked about much because people like to be able to blame their problems on something other than themselves, and that’s the choices we make (we’ll call this one “free will”). Which is the stronger of the three? Your guess is as good (if not better...) than mine. I'm sure it's not the same for everyone.
Just my :2c:.
:hugs:

[Joanne f]

Why does it have to be some deep secret meaning? Why can't it just be that we like wearing feminine stuff and feeling girly sometimes? Isn't that enough? I think sometimes there's this desire on these boards to get to the root of things, like it's a problem that can be solved, but isn't it better to just say, hey I dig this and so I do it.

Well if you take it that humans have developed gender roles over the last few thousand years and some go against those gender roles and in some case`s costing them a lot in many ways there has to be a reason more than just "i like it" form some , in fact some do it and don`t like it , maybe it is this groups within a group again , i guess really i should have know better than to ask this question again :heehee:

[Kaz]

The way I deal with this is like this...

There is no such thing as black and white.... this is what we are taught and indoctrinated with. The real world is many shades of gray.

There are, in fact, many shades of what we perceive to be black... and white.

This is called variation. The "majority" fit into a "norm" of accepted variation - look at a standard deviation curve (maybe 1 standard deviation to those in the know on stats). I suspect we are in the outer regions... ie we do not fit into societally accepted "norms"... It is society that shapes this process.

I do not want to be "average" in all that is accepted... I want to express the "me" that makes me different from the norm.

If society reclassifed what was "normal", we would just have a different distribution, and there would be others "in the margins"... no beating random variation!

Love Kaz xx

[Lexine]

I know that I CD because there has always been a feminine side of me that expresses itself in small, bite sized ways. My close friend made a note of it this past Sunday when she said that I've always expressed her, whether I was aware of her presence or not. This isn't necessarily because I want to be female mind you, but rather, a need to express myself in a different way than before. Lexi is very different from Alex... Alex is sly, smart, serious, monotonous, easily frustrated (when working with people), and nervous. Lexi loves Japanese culture and being "kawaii" (cute), being random, funny, happy, outgoing, and confident. I've had other ways to express myself before like being goth, being part of my minority group, and I view Lexi's manifestation as no different than those. I feel that these kinds of expressions, which are very visual and often times experiential, fits me and allows me to look and assess myself as an individual in different ways.

To me there's always the presence of a "context" for people's behaviors, likes, and wants and, if you try and attempt to understand where they're coming from as opposed to applying a pre-determined label as dictated by a bigger majority, you'll start seeing the bigger picture. It's just unfortunate that too many people don't think the same way.

Anyway, I LOVE CHU ALL! Just felt like saying it!
(*･∀･)／♡＼(･∀･*)

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

Well if you take it that humans have developed gender roles over the last few thousand years and some go against those gender roles and in some case`s costing them a lot in many ways there has to be a reason more than just "i like it" form some , in fact some do it and don`t like it , maybe it is this groups within a group again , i guess really i should have know better than to ask this question again :heehee:

Except we're not going against thousands of years of gender roles. The social rules we're breaking are only those of the modern day and of this society. there is no single universal gender paradigm that defines every group of people on this planet save those that are biological in nature. There are men in African tribes who adorn their bodies with paint and wear floral garments. In recent western history men wore makeup and powdered wigs and stockings and heeled shoes.

The unhappiness and struggle that comes out of people who don't "like" this part of themselves has a heck of a lot more to do with the social repression of what should be a basic want and need than it does with it being a genetic trait that can be diagnosed and singled out.

Women have been breaking these same gender roles for the last century or so and do we sit around wondering what it is about the specific women who act a little tougher or a little more masculine or strive to be more than just sex objects? No. We celebrate them for standing up for being themselves and having the courage to push against arbitrary rules. But when we want to do the same thing we feel like, oh why do we need to?

[Jilmac]

I really can't agree on whether it's the gene or mindset theory, there's a good possibility that it could be a little of each. I've known since the first time I wore girls clothes that I was somewhat different than the other guys I knew. All I can say about myself is that dressing and presenting myself as female, is something I thoroughly enjoy.

I don't know why I enjoy crossdressing, but then again, I don't know why I enjoy other diverse activities like music, comedy, baseball, crossword puzzles, etc. I'm sure there was never any other influence besides feeling pretty that I can recall.

[shannonFL]

Wondering why...makes my head hurt...I have read many things that seem to help me understand, there are just so many things about our lives that seem to require answers and definition...sometimes I wish to stop questioning..and just do it!

[Engendered]

I find the question interesting because there are times when I do feel 100% like a regular guy (in relation to CDing). So during those moments when I have no desire or wish to express any latent femininity (usually after a prolonged time as a girl), it's interesting to think that that wish will come back. For me, it's a bit like hunger or thirst. Without food or drink, your body will send signals that it's missing something and prompt you to do something about it. Similarly with expressing femininity, if you go without it for too long, your brain will send signals prompting you to do it. It's a complicated extra dimension to our characters, that can be hard to quantify. Most regular people don't have that specific dimension.
:)

[Stephanie Anne]

You mean aside from a self inflicted fear and loathing all my life for being trans?

Absolutely nothing! I am different, just like everyone else :D

[Fab Karen]

god commanded me to do it.:)

[docrobbysherry]

And, only ONE person knows I become an attractive female! And, that I find that VERY EXCITING!:D

Most folks my age, only get excited when they have a smooth bowel movement!:doh:

[Midnight Skye]

I've been wondering this mess as of late. Wondering if I could keep living as a man. Wondering how I got to where I'm at now. And yeah its confusing.

From my very core though... femininity just wants to flow out. I want to dress pretty... I want to primp my hair. I want to use makeup. I want to wear different shoes and boots. And man clothing is just yucky... it feels wrong. My body feels wrong. And it makes no sense. My wife often tells me I think like a man... but act like a woman. Which is even more confusing.

I'm going to go eat a carton of ice cream now... ;)

[AKAMichelle]

I personally think it is some hormonal balance issue. Hormones can cause wild mood swings and many other things. Why not that. I don't know that they will ever figure it out so I just plain on enjoying who I am.

[Annaliese2010]

What do you think it is that makes you different from a non CD/TG and i do not mean " i just like to feel feminine" i mean why do you think you like to feel feminine when others do not , what is that driving force and where does it come from .
I personally think that it is some sort of Gene or lack of it that drives me the way i am and it controls my brain into telling me what i must do .
GGs can answer this if they think why they know why we are different.I think you're absolutely correct. The human brain is the seat of personality, intelligence, emotion, behavior, perception, sensation, dreams, the subconscious... Variations in its architecture account for our differences wrt gender ID. And the base sequences of DNA carry the blueprint for this architecture. All experience has a physico-chemical basis. Even the capacity to be aware! Life is a carbon-trip down DNA... We're just along for the ride - and what a ride it is, eh? ;)

[~Michelle~]

I don't care about the reasons, all I would like to see is living like a woman and the clothing is just a small part of it.

[Naomi Rayne]

I think this can be answered in a much simpler way. Lets take shoes for instance. I love shoes. I love Guys sneakers, and i love Womens heels. Heels for example somewhere along the way a member of society that is a women by gender said id like to wear a shoe that looks like this and came up with heels, then other women were like hey i like that and they wanted to wear them, im sure somewhere along that way a guy said, hmm i wonder if i can wear them, and the women in turn said these are ours, u find something that fits a man, so it all goes back to gender roles in society, but i look at it as i just love shoes, and just because society tell me what im supposed to wear doesnt mean thats how i have to do it. So really its not about expressing a "feminine side" its just about what you like, some of us like to wear clothes that are made for women by society.

[Stacy L]

.


I'm not different, everybody else is! ...... :devil:



:idontknow:








.

[eluuzion]

I'm convinced reason is because I never ate my vegetables when I was kid,:D

There are three basic "theories" in the psych communities regarding "paraphilias"...

1) There may be a biologic predisposition (abnormal EEG, hormone level) etiology.
In my opinion there is insufficient data to convincingly support this; it is just too big of a stretch for me to currently believe.

2) Psychoanalytic theory holds that it results from fixation at one of the psychosexual phases of development.
I do believe this is (only) also partially applicable in my case.

3) Learning theory holds that the act was associated with sexual arousal during childhood and conditioned learning occurred.
I do believe this is in part, another "contributing" factor in my case.

Other cognitive/emotional events and circumstances present during "childhood" are major contributing factors as well...
My father was intensely critical, demeaning, emotionally absent, physically unavailable as well as verbally abusive. I have one sister, who is one year older. She was always perceived as the “Queen”, I was always perceived as the “Malfeasant”, with disregard of all my accomplishments.
I have always been exceptionally curious by nature, and prone to explore everything “first hand” and in depth. (“eccentric” is a familiar label).

I have always been a “leader”, but have never felt I was genuinely “accepted” or “fit” into any social “membership” in my life. (including those in which I held the position of ultimate responsibility). I cannot provide any better clarity on this issue than that provided in two insightful statements contained in ReineD’s recent post…

[“The willingness to live out on the fringe, which also means some degree of not fitting in with other people, which in turn means some degree of being excluded, whether this is the CDer's or other people's choice.” {ReineD}

“In short, a lack of close friendships, of feeling connected to others compared to non-CDs.” ] …{ ReineD}

So, IMO..."We are all exactly alike, except for the fact that we are totally different." :love:

[Bethany38]

Why does it have to be some deep secret meaning? Why can't it just be that we like wearing feminine stuff and feeling girly sometimes? Isn't that enough? I think sometimes there's this desire on these boards to get to the root of things, like it's a problem that can be solved, but isn't it better to just say, hey I dig this and so I do it.


I have to say Turkey I really like this answer that you have posted. I would like to know"why" but, I can live with what you have said above. Now for the OP's original ?. I do not know what the root of this is. I do know that my Grandfather was a CD, and I also know I was raised by four Women. I don't know if any of those things come into play or not. I think that there may be a combination of nature and nurture With my own predisposition toward CD'ing.:)

[Joanne f]

I agree in that it is not necessary to know why and like Deborah Jane said we are all individuals and to know why may show differences as well as similarities to others , maybe i should be like most and be satisfied with just being me although i know i am different , very different as it go`s way beyond just the liking of wearing female clothes .
Thank you for the replies

[noeleena]

Hi.

The whys & where fors .

Or could it just be we are born this way. & we did not have a say in how we were going to be or how our brain is wired.

I know im different & accepted that fact, & have over the last few years just enjoyed who i am . I refuse to try & figger out the whys & were fors . because i will miss out on my living as to who i am, & look back over my shoulder thinking is this real or not ,
This is my life & ill live it the best way i can , & thatll be as a woman.
Thats not to say its not an interesting > ? <



so, because im a mix of both m & f & its really the woman in me who is doing the living & thats whats the best part of my life .
Iv accepted that im a woman & if there are some who cant accept that i wont stop being who i should be, because of them ,

in Answer to the ? because i am who i am , is why i live being true to my self.

...noeleena...

[Kate Simmons]

As to where it comes from. This is just a shadow of the multidimensional reality.:)

[joannemarie barker]

i don't know if i'm different.how do i know that not every man likes to wear a dress in secret :)

[Annaliese2010]

I have always been a “leader”, but have never felt I was genuinely “accepted” or “fit” into any social “membership” in my life. (including those in which I held the position of ultimate responsibility). I cannot provide any better clarity on this issue than that provided in two insightful statements contained in ReineD’s recent post…

[“The willingness to live out on the fringe, which also means some degree of not fitting in with other people, which in turn means some degree of being excluded, whether this is the CDer's or other people's choice.” {ReineD}

“In short, a lack of close friendships, of feeling connected to others compared to non-CDs.” ] …{ ReineD}I totally relate to this. I have never really found a place, a group, a lover or friend that allowed me to drop my gaurd, feel totally at ease and think "ahh...now I can relax, I'm understood, accepted and safe". Even when I go out of my way to be really sincerely helpful flexible and willing to compromise, it makes no difference - at least not in a positive way, In fact more often than not, my purposeful attempts to socialize somehow makes it worse - or - results in false connections and usury. I used to envy 'normal ppl' who have such rich interconnected lives - and it all just happens for them so effortlessly, like falling off a log. So... IDK... I guess there's just some key whatever I apparently lack. I mean... even here, while most everyone is really nice, I still don't really fit in and can sometimes be misunderstood with dramatic result; sometimes good, more often bad. Odd thing is, this kind of thing applies only to my personal life because take the mirror image of that and you have an idea of how great my professional life or workday world is and always has been: easy, successful, self determined, ever advancing - and where all my people interactions are smooth, friendly, easy, enjoyable, automatic and like second nature to me - got peeps all around the effin world - tons of biz friends, all corners...but I don't let it go to my head anymore 'cause at the end of the week, what do I got? Not a whole lot - which is why Saturday night is the worst! I'm all for a mandatory 7 day work week. Kinda hate the weekends, and Sat night actually scares me.

[Jonianne]

I was reading an article about the methods a (religious) psychologist used to try to drive feminity out of little boys. It disgusted me. All he was doing was forcing the child to repress part of his personality.

Why can't they see that life is not simply black and white, entirely masculine or feminine. That everyone doesn't fit the mould they have chosen to live in themselves and try to force everyone else to fit in that same mould.

They aren't destroying the feminine qualities in a little boy, they are causing him to repress them and destroying his personality.

My answer to your question is that I believe it is our personality, a mix of nature and nurture that gives us the propensitity to want to be like females in certain ways. Everyone is somewhere on the spectrum between masculine and feminine. We just happen to be a little closer to the feminine than most non-CD'ers are.

I believe people, if left alone, will naturaly gravitate to where they get their needs met.

[Frédérique]

What do you think it is that makes you different from a non CD/TG and i do not mean " i just like to feel feminine" i mean why do you think you like to feel feminine when others do not , what is that driving force and where does it come from.

It’s a conscious pushing away from male behavior I have witnessed or observed, married with a realization that I am imbued with the same behavior – I dress to distance myself from male-ness. “Feeling” feminine is a relative concept, as I keep finding out around here, :doh: but for me it’s just a turning away from a singular aspect of me, and embracing a more integrated being. The dressing and all external manifestations of this detachment are merely surface aspects of a much deeper involvement with questions of gender. I imagine there are a lot of non- CD/TG people who are uninterested in experimenting with life and trying as many things as possible (while you can), but I’m sure there is a curious minority (or even a majority) who wonder about themselves. We are the ones who acted on the idea consciously, since that eventuality was inevitable or inborn…:straightface:

[Girl]

I can't explain why but I'm just absolutely totally driven to express a very feminine side of me. It's an urge I've had since childhood which simply cannot be surpressed. Even though it has occasionally caused me problems, I love my femininity and would never ever change it for anything!

[Angiemead12]

Im different because I can think from both sides of the coin, I understand the differences of both sexes and how to use it to my advantage.

[Annaliese2010]

Im different because I can think from both sides of the coin, I understand the differences of both sexes and how to use it to my advantage.Well put, I just gotta say you pretty much nailed it for me - it's how I see it. 'Cause in the end, there are no answers, no reasons, no golden standards. Just living and dieing and the adventure that is your life's doing in between these bookends. Aside from the most basic and obvious ethics of good & bad, there is no ultimate moral standard, no final judgment or reason to please anyone but yourself and those you love. To be responsible and live a balanced, heathy life; to be drivin from within by the need to survive, self improve and self advance - are all one needs to get up and go with a clear conscience, unfettered by doubt or any question of whether or not you're living up, down or running around any stupid idea of whats what as stated or imposed by some jack-ass know it all shrink, priest, parent or clergy.

I live my life as I please, bow before NO one, follow NO creed, NO convention, yield to no other authority than that which by my own reasoning and logic I set for myself - to achieve my own ends. Rugged individualism...the only way to be! Forget about "reasons". LIVE!

[Andromeda]

It's my belief that the reason that we are different is biological in nature. I don't know if it's genetic or embryological and or both I don't know. In evolutionary terms we are all prototypes: so accept and enjoy what you cannot change.

[Renee_E]

I am different because since I was a kid I wished I was a girl.