Watching somebody else in the mall

[Cristi]

I had an interesting time yesterday. I was in the mall (Holyoke, MA) id drab and saw one of us walking through the crowds.

She wasn't passing, and was wearing an outfit that wasn't what most GGs had on so blended even less. She was wearing a short dress, heels and dark pantyhose on a day when most GGs were in jeans sneakers and a top.

Anyway... the good thing is that instead of watching HER, I watched the people around her for reactions. In the entire time I saw her, I noticed only ONE person do a double-take and look back over his shoulder after passing her. Even he just looked for an extra few seconds, then went back to his own world.

That is one thing I'm always curious about when I'm out, what is going on behind me? But I don't want to look too nervous, so keep my eyes ahead of me.

BTW: If you are the girl I saw and are reading this, you were looking pretty good! I thought about stopping you to say 'hi', but then realized that in drab I would be pretty intimidating and you looked nervous enough as it was! Maybe I'll run into you somewhere again...

[Christina Horton]

I've ofttened wondered that too. But since I really dint care what people think I just go about my thing.

As for going up the the women and saying hi , if it were my I would love for a fellow sister to introduce themselves to me in the mall or some place. But that's me. You did the right thing. You could have scared her off. It may have been her first trip out or she has a stocker that day and was scared etc. I have yet to see another CD aside from night clubs or TG friends I have. Would be neat. Keep you eye pealed.

[Karren H]

Omg you were that creepy guy following me around??

Lol. Just kidding. I've discovered that people's lives are way to busy to care what kind of clothing I like to wear in the mall.. Now go to somewhere that people are just hanging around with nothing better and the results will be very different. Kind of why I pick my venues carefully.

[t-girlxsophie]

A Rear-view mirror would make an interesting addition to any Girls wardrobe LOL just to see folks reactions:heehee:

[kimdl93]

it appears that people really are focused on their own lives, not the passers by they might encounter. It got me to thinking - how often do I notice or remember anyone that passes on the street. Nearly never.

[Nicole Erin]

I think if some people seem to be cool, then others will respond OK.

yeah some TG are a nervous wreck when out and about, but if you approach carefully and just act like a decent human, it reassures people.

The guy who did the double take might have been "memorizing" those long legs for later personal enjoyment. :heehee:

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

I did a double-take when I saw your post because I was at the mall here yesterday not passing, but my outfit was a black kilt with tights, an orange v-neck shirt and leather boots, plus I'm literally across the country from where you saw this happen.

I used to be really aware of how everyone saw me when I was walking around in public dressed the way I do, too aware to be honest because all I could think about was what "they" might be thinking.

I can't say I'm entirely over that, I do often wish I had a person to stand off somewhere else and observe people's reactions for me, but the difference between me now and say, a year ago, is that I don't let their reactions matter to me. I don't totally ignore people around me though because I know that there is that slight, slight chance that someone could have a dangerous reaction to it and I need to be ready to defend myself or flee if need be. So far this has never been an issue, but it's something we all need to keep in mind whenever we go out.

But if you see this same person again at the same mall, I'm sure they wouldn't mind it if you said something to them simply complimentary, such as "You look great!" or even just a smile and a thumbs up as they passed.

[gabimartini]

She wasn't passing, and was wearing an outfit that wasn't what most GGs had on so blended even less. She was wearing a short dress, heels and dark pantyhose on a day when most GGs were in jeans sneakers and a top.

BTW: If you are the girl I saw and are reading this, you were looking pretty good!

Sorry, but what's the verdict? She wasn't passing or blending in, but looked very good? Hmm... I'm confused...

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

Sorry, but what's the verdict? She wasn't passing or blending in, but looked very good? Hmm... I'm confused...

I don't see what's so confusing about it, "passing" and "blending in" aren't synonyms for "looking good." Heck lots of folks who aren't gender bending aren't blending in and look great.

[Karen564]

I had an interesting time yesterday. I was in the mall (Holyoke, MA) id drab and saw one of us walking through the crowds.

She wasn't passing, and was wearing an outfit that wasn't what most GGs had on so blended even less. She was wearing a short dress, heels and dark pantyhose on a day when most GGs were in jeans sneakers and a top.



Well, It wasn't me....
I was in the area last Sunday, but was in the Bed, Bath & Beyond store next to the Holyoke Mall with my Mom, and was wearing as you described the same as most of the other GG's...Jeans, Top & Sneakers, plus had some designer sunglasses on top of my head at the time..We were gonna go into the mall too, but her ankle was starting to hurt..so we skipped it. It's true though, most people don't care or take notice because their wrapped up doing their own thing...
When I am in the malls with my teenage daughter, and we walk by all the people watchers sitting down, I ask her if I got any kind of strange looks or whatever, because shes always looking out for it...and she says Nope...nobody seems to know.....and I say, see, I told ya everybody is blind.....lol

[gabimartini]

I don't see what's so confusing about it, "passing" and "blending in" aren't synonyms for "looking good." Heck lots of folks who aren't gender bending aren't blending in and look great.

Though I don't necessarily agree with you, you do have a point. Thanks for bringing it to my attention!

[vikki2020]

lol! Sounds like my outings to the mall! Except for the dark pantyhose, that's pretty much all my outfits. And even though I might be the only one dressed "up", surrounded by jeans and capris, no one seems to notice, no one seems to care! I think most of the looks come from older woman, who don't approve of my skirt length :eek: But, yeah, I would love to be able to eavesdrop in on comments, if any!

[PretzelGirl]

Anyway... the good thing is that instead of watching HER, I watched the people around her for reactions.

Twice I had the opportunity to do the same. The tricky thing is that both of the times, it was obvious they were guys. It even could have been some kind of initiation as both situations were similar. It was at my local Walmart, both on Sundays. Both were without wigs, had white tops, bras (no apparent filling/forms), pink gym shorts and white/pink sneakers. One was older (40's) and the other maybe mid-20's. The mid-20's passed me in a aisle and I could tell he had some make-up on, but not heavy. I wasn't passing the other at a close range. The young guy was fairly confident and the older was a nervous wreck. The nervous wreck guy was kind of out in the open and drew a lot of looks. The young guy got looks from everyone passing through the aisle, but that was only a few. I didn't happen by him anywhere else in the store.

What can I take from that? I guess it seems that if you aren't completely dressed, then you might be open to more looks. Ryan, Marshall, or Jason may say otherwise???


I've ofttened wondered that too. But since I really dint care what people think I just go about my thing.

If you wonder that, then I say you care or else you wouldn't be wondering now, would you?

[sandra-leigh]

The young guy was fairly confident and the older was a nervous wreck. The nervous wreck guy was kind of out in the open and drew a lot of looks.

Being nervous draws a lot of looks pretty much no matter how you are dressed. If I see you and you look nervous then it might mean that there is danger somewhere around, or it might mean that you are dangerous. Either way, I'm going to look and appraise first whether you yourself are dangerous, and if not, appraise from your behavior where the danger is coming from. I would check you first because you are a proven abnormality (that might be signaling some other danger); and if you are not directly going away from me then the danger is probably closer to you than to me. Checking out nervous people is basic survival instinct.


What can I take from that? I guess it seems that if you aren't completely dressed, then you might be open to more looks.

There is probably some truth to that, but I think your own confidence and your own comfort in what you are doing count for a lot in how people react to you.

I have worn my wig at most twice in the last year, but when I am out in public (and not with my wife) I quite likely have C or E forms, women's top, danging earrings; if I have an appointment then I'll probably have a skirt or dress on. In public, I'm probably carrying a fairly vivid cloth shoulder bag that is technically a purse (and if I'm not carrying that, then I'm probably carrying a classic female purse.) I am, in other words, not exactly the most inconspicuous of people :heehee: . But how many people actually pay attention to me??

Well, that's a trick question -- I seem to stick in people's memory. Like the sales agent who had seen me only (perhaps) twice before who remembered what I had bought a year before. Or the woman who had seen me in my stealth clothes (but not interacted with me) once in a club 8 months before, but who made a bee-line for me the next time she saw me, told me I looked great in my dress, and hung out with me for a time. Taxi drivers who remembered exactly where they had driven me (in stealth clothes), 3 or more years later. I gave up wearing my wigs partly because everyone recognized me immediately, even if they had never seen me Dressed before. And no, I'm not a big person -- slightly less than 6', 200-ish pounds but people usually estimate about 170 pounds. Best guess at the moment is that maybe it's my nose. :doh:

But note that those many people who remember me, do so even when I'm apparently a guy. At the same time, the only person that has expressed any surprise about the fact of my dressing is my wife -- the most I've seen from anyone else has been a glance over at me, about 3 seconds of "I know that face" stare into space, and then a mental click of recognition and a upturn of the mouth expressing "Now I understand!"; followed by bustling over to say hello. Understand like when you see a Mystery and when Who Done It is revealed, you say "Ah! Of course! It was right in front of me, and I knew it all along! I just didn't know I knew it!". Never once a "I would never have expected this of you!" -- because even if they've never seen me as a woman before, they already knew... at most they just didn't know they knew. And a lot of the time, even if people have only met me once before, they had already picked up it -- they talk to me, not to my clothes.

On the other hand, lots of people who have never seen me before pay no attention to "the guy with boobs" or "the guy in a skirt" walking right by them -- their eyes sweep right by me and don't stop to focus on me, let alone stare at me. And that means that somehow, people recognize that what I am doing, what I am wearing, is perfectly natural for me. It is pretty rare for anyone to think that I am female, and yet I just fit in. Even carrying my vivid cloth purse. :)

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

I guess it seems that if you aren't completely dressed, then you might be open to more looks. Ryan, Marshall, or Jason may say otherwise???

I don't know for certain on this. It does certainly seem to be the party line in some other thread when people try to talk others out of the non-passing idea. The truth though is that t is hard to compare the difference because while I have gone out en femme, it was at different places and different times and different circumstances than when I went as a boy in a skirt.

I have gone en femme to the same mall that I went male skirted, and I actually felt a little bit more "noticed" when I was dressed up, but that's also cause I think more people were giving me the "Is that guy?" look since I didn't pass all that well.

The one thing I will say for sure is that when I wear a kilt I am significantly more likely to get a compliment on it than when I wear any other type of skirt. I have occasionally had a woman compliment me on my boots or something when skirted, and places where I was a regular at in Ohio people who I was friendly with and were used to my outfits would give me feedback when I'd wear something new, but strangers and especially other guys seem much more likely to comment on the kilt, I guess because they see it and know what it is. Oh, and also I look fantastic in it :winkp:



If you wonder that, then I say you care or else you wouldn't be wondering now, would you?

I don't know, there's a difference between wondering what someone else is thinking and letting it be something that effects what you do.