How do some public TG avoid harassement?

[Nicole Erin]

Some claim they never get harassed. Even when they don't seem to pass well (based on their words or photos) they say, "I never hear any negative comments". Do they just ignore it or avoid people who look like they would be ignorant (hate to stereotype, but you can tell if someone is likely to be a moron or not)

Wish I were so lucky to hear nothing. I don't know for me if it is cause I live in an area full of morons or if it is cause anytime I hear someone laugh or say anything, I tend to assume it must be about me.

With my presentation, of course female, I don't really have a "Drab" mode anymore. Shorts, capris, or jeans, women's top, femme hairstyle, whatever.

How do some non-passers avoid it?

[Sheila]

When Debs went out to the garden center with Sandra and Nigella and myself (her first day outing), she was sat with Sandra waiting while Nigela and I brought the coffee and sandwiches over, a lady a few tables away stared at her, Debs looked her straight in the eye, & smiled, the lady then had the grace to look away ......... she coped just fine :):)

[Katesback]

Ever watch the animal shows on TV? Ya see what happens when the preditors are hungry they tend to go after the weak animals that stand out.

People are no different. The preditors will go after those that appear as prey.

Your job is to appear confident and strong. If you do that you will see that you will not get crap from people.

It REALLY is that simple!

Katie

[Karren H]

Attitude!! Its 95%... Looks are 5%.

And I'm a fast walker.. "Whhoooooommmmm.. What was that.. Don't know but she was wearing a cute skirt".

[Nicole Erin]

Your job is to appear confident and strong. If you do that you will see that you will not get crap from people.



OK granted, I don't know if I appear weak or whatever, but let us assume for a second I sometimes do -
how to "look" strong and confident?

And Karren, as much as hockey players fight, I think someone would be shocked to crap if they tried to mess with you and learned you are NOT a sissy. POW! :heehee:

[Mirani]

Some claim they never get harassed. Even when they don't seem to pass well (based on their words or photos) they say, "I never hear any negative comments".

Hi Nicole,
Sweetie, it isn't a claim - it is a reality. You sound suspicious of those of us who are out regularly without issues.

Some years ago, some inebriated idiots made me feel vulnerable and were "moronic" , but honestly, sometimes people may have a second look at me (particularly in a restaurant as I am sitting still for a while) and nudge a friend with a "don't look now but there's a T sitting over there" - but no harassment.

Brighton is the Gay Capital of the UK and trans people are not too odd amongst a cosmopolitan community. I may be lucky, but I am not harassed.

[Kathi Lake]

Nicole,

Part of it for me is that I am insane, as some have called me. Have I gotten negative comments? Sure. Maybe. I guess. I just don't hear them, though - kind of the way my teenage son doesn't hear me when I call. :)

So, why don't I hear the comments? They must happen, right? Is it because I present well? Is it because they don't know I'm a man and I slip right past their radar? Is it because I'm freaking gorgeous? Hah!! Gorgeous, no. Freak? Maybe. :)

I put it down to being almost pathologically well-adjusted. I like myself. I like those that like me. I don't pay much attention to the rest. Why should I? Does their opinion of me really matter? Heck, no! If I wouldn't actively seek that person's opinion, why should I care what it is?

Now, that said, I do try to dress in a manner that does fly beneath the radar. I don't wear 5-inch stilettos (they're only 4 - I swear!). I don't wear short skirts. I try to blend in as much as possible. For those that still get inside the bubble - whether I let them in or not - I will try my best to be the most charming, normal, nice person I can be. I basically don't give them a chance to realize that I'm anything but a nice, normal guy. Odd? Sure, but it works for me.

Kathi

[Niya W]

Couldn't tell you Erin. I've been out almost 6 years. I still get the occasional thats a dude or fagget. Happened to a few of the girls I was with in Vegas . Most of the time I walk like I don't care. I do make eye contact.

[Amanda Stubbs]

I recently 'debuted' in my own city, I'd walked miles day and night in other towns and recently met a friend in a pub, so I thought it was about time to meet some local girls. I acted as before in other towns, walked with confidence, smiled politely if someone starred while looking them straight in the eye and spoke and answered politely if adressed.

My home town debut nerves soon faded, it was no different to other towns. Most people don't really notice, those that do don't really care !

[t-girlxsophie]

Here in West of Scotland i'm afraid we have our fair share of Morons,infuriates me because I do subscribe to the view,that My Country is the "greatest little country in the world" (my bit for the scottish tourist board lol) why should I let the minority these moronic represent get to me.

Having said that more and more recently.I have gained Confidence to walk with my head high and not react to the negative comments,I dont know if it is my Imagination but I seem not to get as much hassle as I did when I was scared to look anyone in the eye,a situation I went through until recently,even after being out n about for many a year.go figure!!

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

Off the top of my head, I've only had two truly negative reactions when out. Once when I was out en femme, I was walking down the street with two GG friends of mine, and a car full of mouthbreathers went by and saw me and they circled the block and as they drove by again they slowed down and yelled out the window to try and get my attention, they kept yelling "Sir! Hey, SIR!"

The other was last winter when I was at a nearby mall in boy-in-a-skirt mode, and I walked in front of a group of male teenagers who were kind of thuggish and one of them said "Woah! what the f***" and the rest started laughing and carrying on.

Otherwise I mostly just get the occasional odd glance, or at least that's all I'm aware of, as was just said in another thread I don't really know what people say or think when they're out of my eye line or earshot. But in general I think what's happened for me is most people who do dislike it are polite enough or non-confrontational enough that they'll just keep it to themselves or their close company and not want to make a big deal out of it to me.

Making eye contact is definitely a good call, it really does do a lot to say "I'm not afraid." I think just carrying yourself with as much confidence as you can muster, or if need be, to fake, is the key.

[sissystephanie]

When my late wife was alive and did my makeup and fixed my wig, I really did pass. So there was never any worries. Now that she has passed on, I do just go out as a guy in a skirt! In over 5 years, I have never heard one negative comment! I think the main reason is the fact that I don't care what people think! And if someone does say something "nasty," I will certainly help them feel sorry for doing so. I may be older, but I am in good shape! Don't mess with me!!:heehee:

[Michaela42]

To be honest you are a target of harassment or being singled out whether you are a guy, girl, CD, etc . . . Confidence goes a long way. Another is to be aware of your surroundings. Would you willingly go to a "redneck" bar to have a drink while dressed? Then you are going to (probably) be harassed. But like many of the other girls have said, most of it the fact that most people don't care, I guess. Dressed appropriately everyone just sort of blends in with the scenery.

[willowgurl]

Believe it or not the worst Harassment I face is from Gay Men, guess they see me as competition for boyfriends, and I am! Willow

[Karen564]

Do you think it's that maybe your the one inadvertently asking for a bad comment, like if you see someone looking at you the wrong way, do you give then one of those "what are you looking at " looks ?
I've seen other girls do that & their just asking for it by immediately being confrontational by a simple glance they take the wrong way from an onlooker..

[DonnaT]

I might give them a smile, but mostly just ignore the remarks.

As long as no one gets confrontational remarks aren't a bother. Thick skinned maybe.

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

Do you think it's that maybe your the one inadvertently asking for a bad comment, like if you see someone looking at you the wrong way, do you give then one of those "what are you looking at " looks ?
I've seen other girls do that & their just asking for it by immediately being confrontational by a simple glance they take the wrong way from an onlooker..



I think you're definitely right about that here. Eye contact is a good thing, but a smile is the most important accessory that any of us can wear, regardless of how much or little we "pass."

[AllieSF]

For all the times (a lot) that I have been out, I have only "heard" one comment (not really negative, just acknowledging our crossdressing) from some young kids at night in the bar and club area of downtown San Jose, CA. So, if comments are made, I have never heard them, and I am not passable up close where I am to most people. As Karren says, I walk with my head up, shoulders back, a smile most of the time, and do not shy away from someones eyes. I also act like I belong wherever I am, i.e. not walking with head down and checking to see if anyone notices me. Maybe your facial expression, body language and actions may invite comments. Do you dress to fit in or to show off as a girl, woman, androgynous, etc.? Way different clothing calls attention, especially to those that may make comments.

[Schatten Lupus]

My fiance points out when people stare at us or say something, but I honestly never see or hear any of it. Some people I'm sure just don't notice it, and also how you carry yourself plays a big part in it. When people shout and yell at others, they usually just want a rise out their target. If they don't get that rise, then they'll move on.

[NathalieX66]

I have been out en femme in the public eye no less than a dozen & a half times (i'm talking gocery stores, restaurants, book stores) since I decided to become a "public figure" since Halloween 2009. I never once had a problem. Well, maybe it's because I'm a diminutive 5'6" that people really don't initially look my way, but even when they know, I have not had a bad reaction. Sometimes I get smiles, or the occasional snicker.

The saddest thing, unfortunately that I witnessed from another crossdresser who was dressed up in a frilly pink sissy dress on board a crowded New Jersey Transit train, was when a teenager yelled out "faggot!..faggot!" . I was not en femme that time, but I was ready to pounce the kid if need be.

[Daenna Paz]

I agree with the comments here ... deportment is so important.
A great smile can also take you a long way.
Have only had one time, in a group, where we heard some drunk kids yell "hey guys" ... behind us.
No one in our group slowed or turned around.
There are always going to be the uneducated among us ...

[ReineD]

My SO doesn't get harassed when she goes out alone or with me. She mostly goes out alone during the daytime. But we do avoid certain situations, for example if we're in a cafe/restaurant/nightclub area at night, she'll cross the street in order to avoid gangs of college age boys. Also when she doesn't feel safe with either someone approaching on the street, or if we're inside an establishment or a store, she will place herself so that I am in between her and them.

We do get some looks but not much more than that, because she is careful about where she goes. The looks don't bother me so much any more. I usually meet their gaze and they simply look away.

Edit ..
I have a friend who went through SRS in the last year. She's not been blessed with a petite stature, and it's been difficult for her to deal with other people's less than welcoming attitudes (although there's been little or no harassment). She is strong and I dare say she is developing a tough skin. She would not go back and change a thing.

[joandher]

Sticks and stones will break my bones --but-- names will never hurt me, that is what I was taught when i was little ,if you don't rise to the occasion there's no fun in it for them,so they move on to their next victim

AND THAT COULD BE ME

:hugs:

J-JAY

[StaceyJane]

Like the others said....confidence is the key. When I'm out I try not to look like I'm hiding and I walk standing straight up and really try to have a confident look like I have every right to be doing what I'm doing (which of course I do).

When I look at the videos I make I can see that people are barely even glancing at me. Most people just mind their own business.

[kellycan27]

They walk in backwards so that people think they're leaving?

[sterling12]

" or if it is cause anytime I hear someone laugh or say anything, I tend to assume it must be about me."

Don't Assume That! Yes, even if they know your there, (And they are usually talking and laughing about other things) you quickly fade into The Background and they move on to other subjects. I think you have named about 90% of your problem.

My "People" come from Indiana, I know that it's a hassle in a Small Town. Yes, you would be "talked about." In church on Sunday, and downtown The Rest of The Week. But you would be stupid to show up at The Local Watering Hole, and I think your smarter than that!

How far are you from Indy, or Bloomington, or Louisville? If you had to drive an hour or two and achieve anonymity, would that make any difference? Let's face it. NOBODY can Pass 100% of The Time. I suggest you find someplace other than your town for night time activities. Maybe if your not worried about local "opinion," you can relax, not be so worried, and keep things in perspective.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Super Amanda]

I'm only about one month full time, but in this small time, I've gone grocery shopping, pharmacy twice, got a new drivers license pic, and many, many more. But also in this time I've taken my son to three doctors appointments where I have no choice but to interact, and just today I had to go to the local DES office to renew my insurance and food stamps, where they took a new pic of me also. I even to my son to the Pima County Fair here in Tucson, which is the largest show of it's kind all year here. Every day I walk my Kindergarten son to and wait for him at his bus stop a couple blocks away from my house, which happens to be along one of Tucson's (we have about one million DOCUMENTED citizens) busiest roads, then I'm around about ten or twelve first to fifth grade students.

What I'm getting at is that I think that I'm not very passable at six foot tall, 230 lbs. My hair is still pretty short and after only two laser sessions on my face (until tomorrow that is!) I still have a noticeable shadow up close. In my own opinion, I believe the average person probably thinks me to be a crossdresser. So far I've been honked at once while walking to get my son, but nothing was said. I like to think they thought I looked good ;) , and certainly I get funny looks here and there.

Anyway, believe me (and all the others who back me up) people are FAR more wrapped up in their own business, than to worry about someone elses. Like others have said, if anything, we're not much more than a quickly passing curiosity for most folks.

So, I don't like to get excited about things trans related to avoid disappointment, but I have to pat myself on the back for doing as well as I have so far. I'm a big chicken too, so for me little steps like just going into a convenience store or interacting with a clerk were enormous achievements. I've been exposed to lots of kids and teens, and tons of adults and if they are laughing at me or anything negative, they're doing it behind my back, because I've just not seen it.

Check out my two videos on youtube if you want to see how un-passable I can be, horrid voice and all.

http://www.youtube.com/user/SuperAmanda420


Also nearly 10,000 views between my two videos, and they are public and anyone can comment. As of today I have received ZERO negative comments.


It seems easier said than done, but life really does go on,as I'm finally staring to experience! Once the jitters wear off, the fun starts!

[Midnight Skye]

Anyway, believe me (and all the others who back me up) people are FAR more wrapped up in their own business, than to worry about someone elses. Like others have said, if anything, we're not much more than a quickly passing curiosity for most folks.

I believe in confidence first and foremost. And what Amanda points out. People are wrapped up in their own lives. While I am passable to 80% of the population. On a close look my beard shadow is always noticeable... and so when it matters most, up close and personal, people generally realize I'm not all woman. And it almost always is met with smiles. I've also been out all over the place many times and the worst I've encountered is laughing and pointing. But I just smile and move on... though sometimes I blush quite a bit :o

There will always be some folks out there... who will NOT like what we are. And if you do unfortunately encounter one of these folks. Best thing to do is shake your head (at their bad attitude) and move on. Other folks around you will generally see what you're seeing, someone with a bad attitude toward those that are different.

[Samantha Kelsey]

Wish I were so lucky to hear nothing. I don't know for me if it is cause I live in an area full of morons or if it is cause anytime I hear someone laugh or say anything, I tend to assume it must be about me.

Hi there Nicole,

AS you say you Assume that it's about you. Perhaps there's a little paranoia setting in there. Maybe it's just you who feels (wrongly) guilty and expect them to behave the way you think they are behaving.
Then again maybe they do act as you imagine but they act that way to anyone.

Samantha.

[Deborah Jane]

Easy, I dress as a woman, then no one recognises me :thumbup:

[noeleena]

Hi .
In my new pic ask the ? in your county would i pass .
or do i have things that are going for me that are quite different for you .
Does age have a bearing 62 , my attatude to who i am, how i carry my self ,my clothes , my bearing, how i get on with people ,& comfidence .& i walk with a purpose . i am a strong woman not a wimp. 12 years of being a woman,
To get there, I had to grow & learn ,
voice good enough to not to be worrying about

Now the down side ,i do not look like a girle girl hardly any make up not needed,
no hair & no wigs just what you see in my pic pretty much every day out in public .


& im not saying just a few people , at our do s 400 people up to 3000 . & over the last 2 years ill have been in front of some 5000 people . & been seen in the media nation wide.

Do photography that puts you in front of a lot of people .
& of cause people look at me because i am different & i expected that . . as to any thing been done or said behind my back or to my face . no , nothing ,

Iv all so spoken to 130 odd people at two groups concerning what its like haveing gone through the change of transition & had nothing eccept acceptance. iv been privileged in what iv been given ,& i have spoken to many more ,

We do have a lot better acceptance in n z most people i see & talk with are very accepting both of people who are different & of my self as a person.
in australia i have received the same acceptance where ever i went.
Hey its not about understanding because most people do not understand , as iv said before how can they , they are not like us ,

...noeleena...

[Kate Simmons]

About four years ago a friend here (Karren Hutton) said to me :"Just ignore the idiots and you will be just fine". That sage advice still applies especially when in public.:)

[Rogina B]

Confidence,good presentation,and a thick skin.Look them in the eye...Most people are too into their own lives to really care..:2c:

[Perlita85]

Nicole,

Part of it for me is that I am insane, as some have called me. Have I gotten negative comments? Sure. Maybe. I guess. I just don't hear them, though - kind of the way my teenage son doesn't hear me when I call. :)

So, why don't I hear the comments? They must happen, right? Is it because I present well? Is it because they don't know I'm a man and I slip right past their radar? Is it because I'm freaking gorgeous? Hah!! Gorgeous, no. Freak? Maybe. :)

I put it down to being almost pathologically well-adjusted. I like myself. I like those that like me. I don't pay much attention to the rest. Why should I? Does their opinion of me really matter? Heck, no! If I wouldn't actively seek that person's opinion, why should I care what it is?

Now, that said, I do try to dress in a manner that does fly beneath the radar. I don't wear 5-inch stilettos (they're only 4 - I swear!). I don't wear short skirts. I try to blend in as much as possible. For those that still get inside the bubble - whether I let them in or not - I will try my best to be the most charming, normal, nice person I can be. I basically don't give them a chance to realize that I'm anything but a nice, normal guy. Odd? Sure, but it works for me.

Kathi

Not to mention that you look beoutiful!!! and tha helps a lot

[Cheryl T]

Every month a few of us go to a diner after our Tri-Ess chapter meeting. Some of us are better suited to being in the public eye than others, but we all go and support each other. The management and staff at the diner know us as we are there regularly and always treat us wonderfully.
On occasion we have encountered those that are "less tolerant". We have never had a situation arise, but we have heard comments and of course some finger pointing. One night there was a large group of men who had just come from some dirt track races (the trailers were outside in the parking lot). They made some comments and laughed a bit and we just ignored them without incident.
Another night we were there for dinner and a large group of couples were seated nearby. They were laughing and staring and such and one of the girls in our group was getting upset. A few of the girls decided to go out for a smoke and I joined them. As we walked out we split up and slowly walked past the group surrounding them in the process, staring at them and smiling. Seems they couldn't take the pressure and averted their eyes. We of course did the same thing when we returned. They ignored us the rest of the time we ate.

Other than that I have never encountered any negativity while out and about. Just smile and be nice. It always seems to divert negative things.

[msginaadoll]

I tend to be shy when I'm out and a little nervous. I wouldnt say I walk with confidence... However I have never heard any negative or hostile comments when I'm out. I also have not noticed any stares, etc. Im not passible, I have been called sir a few times when out by sales associates, but that hasnt stoped me. I think sometimes we can be our worst critics- and can be hyper sensitive. I am working myself on being more confident.

[shirley1]

I think the hardest thing for me has been attracting male attention which I never did do so before. Wolf whistles from guys as I am walking past its just not something I was ever used to. I guess it should be seen as a compliment but it can be annoying in a sexist sort of way. I am never quite sure whether it is genuine admiration or making fun.

I am very perceptive and susceptible to anything I might see as negative. It is a lot about confidence. I was crossing the road once as I saw some teenage kids coming towards me and the one lad did shout over to me 'are you a man or a woman' I heard it alright but chose to ignore it besides my voice would have said more than my looks.

I always see the smiles off women as a sign of we know !!! but that don't bother me. I have no idea what passing is anymore I asked the question so many times, who knows 50 per cent maybe more in my case or less even.

I don't think you can always totally avoid harassment its a lot about being in the wrong place at the wrong time and who you are likely to encounter. I have travelled hundreds of miles on public transport and not had any knowing stares or comments off anyone and then also have gone no further than a local shop 10 mins walk away and been subjected to verbal abuse so like I say you just never know. I think area's also play a part the neighborhood you live in.

[TxKimberly]

. . .

I put it down to being almost pathologically well-adjusted. I like myself. I like those that like me. I don't pay much attention to the rest. Why should I? Does their opinion of me really matter? Heck, no! If I wouldn't actively seek that person's opinion, why should I care what it is?. . .

Wow! I LOVE that answer!

[Rachel Morley]

I have never (yet) had a person give me a hard time and I've never heard anyone say anything negative, either to my face or behind my back (not that I'm aware of anyway).

I have had a few people look at me a longer than I think they should have done, kinda like they are either trying to decide about me or that they already know and are just wanting to stare out of curiosity. I have no clue how passable I am or am not, but when I see people looking at me I either ignore them or sometimes I engage them by giving them direct eye to eye contact and then I smile at them. I let them know that I know they're staring but I smile to let them know that I am not threatened by them and that I'm totally harmless. :2c:

[Kayla Shadows]

No idea what it is.If some venture only into safer places and situations they might be left alone.Not even fully dressed I hear things at places like the mall.Ive heard people say that nobody really pays much attention to other people but I was specifically watching and it seemed a huge amount of people do take notice to things.The mall on a friday night anyway.It was just eye liner,a band t,girls jeans but nothing fancy and sneakers (black/purple).Long hair and nails kept nicely.I was like wow,maybe Im just some freaked out nut but the girl at one store didnt mind.Big smile,talking and very over friendly.Some other girl walking by was like,"hi..hi..I like your hair..i like your hat too..you look nice.." and something else as shes walking by,looking at me and walking right into her friend whos going,"Jill,Jill,Jill" :heehee: Not even paying attention.Just walking right into that poor girl.It was too funny.She was pretty cute too though.I just said thank you and whatever else I could get out as I looked back..Some thuggish looking young people at the eating area made some sounds of disgust as I walked by..Oh well.Had fun,scored some new mac eyeshadows and foundation,left with no clothes but Im getting more comfortable trying things on.Did that this weekend and picked up cute jeans.She said,"These are more ladies style,you see?" and points to the lil stone accents and hearts and things.I just said its ok,I like.She smiled,said ok,put them in the bag and told me to come back again.

[Nicole Erin]

her friend whos going,"Jill,Jill,Jill" :heehee:
..Some thuggish looking young people at the eating area made some sounds of disgust as I walked by..Oh well.

Now Kayla, I need to ask, did Jill or the thuggish guys run and clap at any point?
(Folks, this is an inside joke between Kayla and I, she will roll when she reads this.) :devil:

I don't know, riff raff just bothers me. As goes for all other humans I guess
Anyone not knowing what riff raff means - it is people you would not want as neighbors.

On count of what Kayla said about guys making disgust noises - We all wish to pass and be beautiful, what woman doesn't? I wonder though, would it really be easier, I mean say it was a babe passing said thugs, how would they act then?

Talking to GG's, turns out they often fear for their safety as we do.

My real concern is not comments, it is kind of the prospect of violent types.
Some tell me, "they are not gonna mess with you, you are not a small person". An insurance policy in itself but not perfect coverage.

[Kayla Shadows]

:heehee: lmao Nicole.Too funny

The violent types are definitely something to watch out for.Its good to be observant to some extent with how people around you are reacting.When there is a few of them they are not going to be as concerned with how big or bad somebody is.On the other side,Im not a very big person but when I had to Ive stepped up to people Im sure that many wouldnt.Maybe stupid more than crazy but crazy none the less.One thing from the way I hear some men speak on the net is they seem to think TG means weak.People like that are gonna find themselves in trouble when they are out somewhere and pick on the wrong girl.

[Nicole Erin]

One thing from the way I hear some men speak on the net is they seem to think TG means weak.People like that are gonna find themselves in trouble when they are out somewhere and pick on the wrong girl.

Well true but one - it is not usually "men", it is acne-ridden teenagers trying to "pwn" someone.
Please don't aggrivate them, if they get mad enough their zits will start popping uncontrollably. We wouldn't want THAT now would we? :heehee:

[Leslie Langford]

I have yet to have a negative experience when out in public as "Leslie".

If anything, I find that SA's and other GG's almost seem to go out of their way to interact with me or compliment me on what I am wearing when I am in their presence. I also find it nearly impossible to walk through the fragrance section of a department store without one of the counter ladies walking up to me and either offering me to sit down for a mini-makeover or else trying to spritz me me with one of their sample perfumes. I am not so naive as to think that I don't get "read" by them from time to time, yet it almost seems as if they pick up on my attempts to act and dress in a way that facilitates my blending in, and I am sure that this intrigues them in a positive way and then also encourages them to approach me to see what I am all about.

In my case, my "secret weapon" is that I try to dress stylishly and age-appropriately, and I like to think that I have good taste not only in choosing ensembles that go well together, but also in accessorizing them. And how many women these days can walk as well in high heels as the average cross-dresser :heehee::doh:...and that's got to be worth a few bonus points in their eyes, right? :D!

As for those of us cross-dressers who try to present in what used to be called the feminine and lady-like manner - well, it's kind of hard to mock and look down on us when we we try so hard to accomplish our looks.

So, when a GG gives me a long and scrutinizing look these days that is often accompanied by either a tight or embarrassed smile, I like to think of it as less of a look of condemnation as opposed to one of grudging respect, curiosity - and yes - maybe even one laced with a bit of envy.

[linnea]

I have developed confidence, and I'm careful. I avoid situations that might become confrontational. I also avoid certain types of people--as has often been noted here, young teenage girls can be the worst. Ironically, women at other ages seem to be the least shaken or bothered by CDs; many of them that I have met, from 20-70 years, have been very accepting, supportive, and friendly.
Whether they think that I pass or not, they still seem welcoming or at worst indifferent but not harassing.
Men, on the other hand, can be dangerous. I have had very good experiences and some scary ones--one scary one happened because I looked too good to a particular guy. But many men are dangerous toward GGs too.
Build confidence, take care, be safe, and beyond all that, enjoy yourself--the laughter or murmuring you may hear, probably isn't about you anyway.

[Leslie Langford]

...I put it down to being almost pathologically well-adjusted. I like myself. I like those that like me. I don't pay much attention to the rest. Why should I? Does their opinion of me really matter? Heck, no! If I wouldn't actively seek that person's opinion, why should I care what it is?...Kathi

...and I feel exactly the same way you do.

When my wife begins to fret that my neighbors are starting to suspect that something strange is going on with "Leslie's" increasingly frequent comings and goings and their occasional "sightings", my response is usually along the lines of "Unless "XXXX" (substitute here: the nosy, gossipy female neighbor across the street) is willing to have sex with me, include me in her will, or is prepared to offer me a new and better-paying job, I really don't give a rat's a$$ what she thinks."

Not the answer my wife usually wants to hear, but it does help get her off my case as she walks away, shaking her head in exasperation :eek::doh::D!

[Tranny Tee]

Whenever I'm out and I hear someone laugh I know the laughter is directed at me. I usually discover it is not. I do not come close to passing but still enjoy goin out. I try to see people's reactions and usually they have not noticed a thing. I have received one rude comment and been called "Sir" a few times. One panhandler asked for spare change, "Sir, Ma'am, Whatever." The most frequent reaction I receive is a smile, not a smile of someone laughing at the freak but a smile of acceptance and support.

Going out is fun, I enjoy inflicting my beauty upon the world. An occasional rude comment is a small price to pay for all the support I receive.

[Kathi Lake]

...not the answer my wife usually wants to hear, but it does help get her off my case as she walks away, shaking her head in exasperation :eek::doh::D!Now, now dear, let's not antagonize the wife. :)

Kathi

[AKAMichelle]

I don't think I pass very well and I haven't heard any negative remarks at me. I have noticed some people get uncomfortable around me, but I try to minimize the situation. Either avoid them or limit contact. Most of the time people are very nice to me and treat me with respect.

I handle anything that comes my way by realizing how some people act towards an overly obese man or woman. They don't want much to do with them because they are different than them. But that obese man or woman continues on with their lives never paying attention. The solution is to get a thick skin and realize that some of the comments will be negative, but it won't stop you. Then do yourself a favor and work and then work some more on your presentation. You would be surprised how much practice and the little things help the overall presentation. It takes time, but if you continue working on your presentation and confidence you eventually get to that point where a good number of people won't know and really think of you as a female.

[eluuzion]

OK granted, I don't know if I appear weak or whatever, but let us assume for a second I sometimes do -
how to "look" strong and confident?

:heehee:

You are probably broadcasting the wrong non-verbal "messages" to those looking for trouble. It is like (unconsciously) waving your arms around a bee-hive. Knowing how to broadcast the proper signals and how to recognize body cues of troublemakers allows you to avoid all of those problems, and produce whatever response you desire. 80+% of communication is non-verbal. (kinesics).

Alot of the outcome is determined by how you respond to those types, similar to cyberbullies on the net. No response is usually best tactic...they are looking for a reaction to engage.

Lots of free info on the net. Google agressive/defensive body language. (non-verbal behavior, kinesics, body language.)

PM me if you are interested in any specific resources.

[Nicole Erin]

I guess what I am waiting for is the day some moron tries to get physical.

Just this morning I was out front shaking the rugs and the fat-ass illiterate neighbor was talking to some woman but just before he ran indoors he was like, "I am tired of f'in homos on this street".

Do people not size me up? Do they not realise I am one inch and 40 pounds larger than the average male? You might have seen my photos, I don't feel that I "pass" largely cause of my build but even if I can't pass, I can easily break through. Yes, I am every bit as strong as I look.

I think before long I am gonna have to give someone a good pounding. That will be the last time whatever victim of my strength has something to say about "homos".

My favorite thing EVER posted on here was when someone was stupid enough to f*** with Tracii and she told them, "alright, line up, let's take care of this".

[ReineD]

Nicole, you could try the "disarm them with niceness" approach. A truce. You could bake him some cookies, write a note saying you would like to not have any bad blood between neighbors, and take them over when your neighbor is home. If there is anything that you notice he needs help with around his place, you could offer a helping hand.

He probably reacts the way he does because he doesn't know you. He doesn't know how sweet and sensitive you are. :hugs: I've seen situations change drastically with a more positive approach. :)

You can conquer the world one person at a time. :hugs:

[Nicole Erin]

Not when his first words to or about me were "I am tired of..."
He is a fat stupid f*** who does not deserve respect. Why should I go kissing his ass? I don't kiss anyone's.
I would prefer to serve him his ego on a platter.

See, I don't bother people, I do my best to keep to myself.

[subaru_forster]

Not when his first words to or about me were "I am tired of..."
He is a fat stupid f*** who does not deserve respect. Why should I go kissing his ass? I don't kiss anyone's.
I would prefer to serve him his ego on a platter.

See, I don't bother people, I do my best to keep to myself.

If things ever go to blows, I say drop him like a hot potato.

BUT UNTIL AND UNLESS THAT ACTUALLY HAPPENS, this isn't about what that jerk deserves, it's about what you deserve: to be treated with more respect. In my experience, returning such hostility with an offer of kindness is much more effective toward that end than fighting back with more hostility.

[Kathi Lake]

I would prefer to serve him his ego on a platter.


If things ever go to blows, I say drop him like a hot potato.Both of these responses just serve to cement the stereotype of you in his head. He thinks this way of you because he doesn't know you. He only knows the stereotype - and we all know that you are not that person. Reine is right - be the bigger "man" not by pummeling the guy, but by befriending him.

Kathi

[Samantha B L]

I think I'm pretty enough. Yet I seem to have a "Nixon" 5 o'clock shadow no matter how close I shave and no matter what kind of razor I use. I manage to keep this covered up so-so-OK with lotsa base,powder and blush.
I was out of the closet for awhile circa 1975-1976. Actually,people barely noticed me on the streets and in businesses. I've lived most of my life in small towns and suburbs which were all like 25-30 miles from urban areas. These places were fairly nice but some of them were kind of rednecky and I got "mam'd" sometimes by rednecks who were,I guess,grossed out by me and we had a neighbor in one town who kept calling me "Rhonda" when I walked by. I'm hoping to have a crossdresser vacation someday in a place like The French Quarter in New Orleans,or possibly NYC,San Francisco or maybe even London or Paris sometime before I get too old. Usually people aren't necesarily real,real hostile. Most of the time they don't even notice you! and you may not actually want to be buddies with everybody who happens along! They sometimes think "Trannies" and "Crossdressers" are pushovers for sex.

[sherri52]

I have heard more comments from teenage boys when I walk by in mostly drab. They usually comment on my long white hair and never on the clothes. I really don't think it's because I dress. Out and about I don't hear anything but sometimes I think people make it a point to walk past the guy dressed as a woman.

[Kayla Shadows]

Oh goodness...The neighbor sounds crazy.I'd watch out for him.There may come a day when you will have to knock him flat to defend yourself.The country is supposed to be built on freedom,but some dont even see us as human and think we deserve nothing.There are people out there who think just because you wear girls clothes they can beat you up.I'm sure more than one man has learned otherwise.Some people like learning the hard way.

I try to be prepared for what life may bring.One thought that drives me is a concept of sorts..When Steven Seagal went to Japan he wanted to open a Aikido dojo.He knew that he didnt need to be good,he had to be better..and he was.I just feel to be out and make it though I need to have some sort of advantage.I work out,hit the bag,might be starting kickboxing soon :) I think I can handle the 100 a month.Ive saved almost 3 grand not smoking last year...But,in short,for my personal satisfaction I feel for normal safety I have to be faster and hit harder.No heavy workouts for strength ,I do not want to get big.Light training,core exercises and I feel good.

I do ok I guess.Nobody ever wanted to play fair with me :heehee: When theres a few of em thats when there may be problems.Thats when you give the biggest one a good shot in the throat.Cant breathe,cant fight.I am my fathers son..even though I should have been his daughter. :)

[t-girlxsophie]

Not when his first words to or about me were "I am tired of..."
He is a fat stupid f*** who does not deserve respect. Why should I go kissing his ass? I don't kiss anyone's.
I would prefer to serve him his ego on a platter.

See, I don't bother people, I do my best to keep to myself.

Your so right Nicole,Neanderthals like your neighbour do not deserve any respect,you can't win in this situation though,I dont think having a go at this guy would help but I certainly do not think showing neighbourly goodwill is an option.
Let this moron wallow in his own vile bigoted little world and you just be the bigger person, and live your sweet girly life to the full,That would annoy the hell outta that guy much more than anything else.thats my :2c:worth
Sophie x

[Nicole Erin]

Talked to my stylist/fellow student at school, was telling her about this.
Thing is, the more I thought about it, the funnier it started getting.

"I am tired of the f'in homos on this street"
Umm, I don't remember a gay parade happening today or anything.

For some reason,. the word "homo" sounds funny to me. Not in a hateful way but the word itself just make me laugh.

But yeah still rude, what if I had said, "I am tired of all the illiterates on this street!"
Well that would have got me hurt, I would have described 75% of these Billy-Bobs around here.

[victoriamwilliams1]

My answer is simple,

I am almost 7ft tall in my heels so if anyone said anything it was behind my back.

[sterling12]

Nicole, just calm down. If it goes to Blows, there is a 99% probability that you will both go to JAIL!

We are now Adults, and your supposed to solve your problems in other ways. The Cops are never amused....and, they don't think it's a Schoolyard!

His "Talk" is just that! But, if he can goad you into a Confrontation? That's probably what he wants! please grow a thick skin. The Neighbors will probably think he's a bigoted Glutteus Orifice! You have your own life, your own problems to solve....don't screw it up!

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Danamtv]

I've had tons of people read me. I try to smile vaguely, look at something far away, and keep walking. I always wear sunglasses in the daytime.

The only scary time was years ago after leaving a gf's house when a group of teenage boys passed me once and I heard them say "That's a guy" and "stop." But it was a one-way street and a car pulled up behind them. I thought they might come around the block again (they did) so I walked further up another one way street. Not sure anything would have happened but you never know and my heart was in my mouth.