The real feeling

[Kate Simmons]

Sometimes I think it is hard to convey to others, especially SO's how we really feel when we dress up. Many times I think they do not take us seriously or think it's some kind of kinky fetish and play along, as long as we don't do anything to threaten the relationship. It mostly involves deep feelings(sometimes feelings we feel may be "forbidden" to men as society sees it) and really getting in touch with them to the point where we have a workable self comfort level. Sometimes we don't even realize this for many years. So, tell us how you really feel when you dress and how it makes you feel about yourself and life. There are no wrong answers or expressions because it's how we feel about things that matters.:)

[msniki48]

Denise,

For me it is constantly wrestling with being vince [ visually] and feeling like niki.

Dressing for me creates the constant. now i see, [in the mirror] what i feel inside.

the other part of this wrestling match, is when i see people and i know they see vince....and i feel the need for them to be comfortable. Thus, i should act like vince. This has been the norm for the past 50+ yrs. so the walls build up,[ overcompensating] and so does the pressure and resentment.

when i dress in front of people [ that know me]...it is like someone released the top on the pressure cooker, no need to act like that vince guy... i can be me 100% personaity wise. [ drop the guard] there is this total feeling of contentment for me.

i do struggle when it is time to go back to looking at that guy in the mirror.

i think that question on self realization from fantasy...is my struggle, as what seems to be reality for those around me [seeing vince, and vince acting like vince] this is my fantasy [ not in a good way] but it is me putting on my act to please.

my reality, of being niki....is to them...the fantasy part. to them they feel i am in acting mode.

i do feel as close to fulfilled as i can for today, when i am dressed and free to be myself.....:hugs::daydreaming: Niki

PS: Denise, thanks for making me think..it is really why i come here and feel comfortable here. :)

[Carol A]

A problem I have had no answer for 57 years, phyically I don't want to be a women but just prefer to be one (dressed). My wife of 47 years tells me it's just me and who and what I am.:eek:

As you said no right or wrong answer I don't fight the problem I just enjoy it :battingeyelashes:

[suzy1]

I have two lives, Suzy and the other me. When I am not Suzy I live an exciting life. When I am Suzy I am living a very different life but it feels wonderful. I think being Suzy does relieve me of all stress and worries as well. In fact it even changes my personality. For example, when I drive the car as Suzy I even hold the gear stick in a different way! Or if someone upsets me I can get a bit bitchy. Instead of classical music I love Lady Ga Ga.
Two lives for the price of one, wow! I love being who I am.

Have fun SUZY

[Amanda Stubbs]

I am very content with both sides of my life, I have an active life as 'him' and a slowly increasing active life as Amanda. I have no desire for GRS or to go FT, so why do I dress up?I don't know, I just know, from very early childhood, it's something I've always done and I thoroughly enjoy it.

[christina marie]

i have spent the better portion of my life trying to be something i just am not,and now that i have finally found the courage to be the real me(thanks mostly to the kind people here) i dont think i have ever been happier! this is just the way i am supposed to be.why?dunno. easy?NO. confusing?yep. stressful?yep. happy?YES!

[AlsoSamantha]

I've given up trying to convey to others why it is I like to dress. It's like trying to tell someone why you like the color blue, it's just who I am.

It's not my job to make the world understand me. :2c:

[suchacutie]

This forum is most certainly a way to realize again and again that we are not alone, no matter who we are. There are already a number of posts that could have been mine for the most part.

I enjoy my masculine life and very much wish to keep it! Nonetheless there is another part of me that we now call Tina. We now realize that she's been an unidentified part of me all my life. Now that she's out in the light, we are trying to give her enough time to realize who she is and what role she will play as time goes on. We haven't figured out how to give her all the time she might need, yet, as the masculine life is very full, but we are getting there slowly.

So, for me (us?) Tina is an exploration...an adventure, really. Who is this part of me that has been lurking there all this time, but is finally free to abe herself, and that self is often so very different from the "him" that it's taking some time to get used to.

Exploration, adventure, and self-learning...the Tina experience!!!

tina:)

[TGMarla]

There is a myriad of feelings that I experience when dressed. One of the first that comes to mind anymore, after all these years of gender dysphoria and crossdressing is "normal".

I love to experience the gentle smell of perfume wafting across my senses, knowing that it's my own that I'm smelling. I enjoy feeling my hair cascading down my neck and past my cheeks, coming to a gentle curl near the swell of my breasts. I adore the soft textures of the delicate fabrics I'm wearing. And I smile when I sense the hug of my hosiery on my legs, and the silky smoothness that they give to them. And walking in beautiful high-heeled shoes adds to the overall sense of feminine grace I feel when all dressed up to the nines in a lovely dress. And I love the twinkle of my jewelry when I glance at my wrists, ears, or ankles. It's a true sensory banquet that brings with it a sense of peace, wholeness, comfort, and happiness that I'm experiencing moments when life is as it might have been, and perhaps should have been, had I been fortunate enough to have been female. I love it all, the dresses, the heels, the hosiery and jewelry, the pretty hair and the makeup, the perfume and the pretty fingernails, and the experience of "having" breasts.

They are experiences that are denied to us as men, which only adds to the wonderment of it all. It's no wonder we crossdress with every opportunity that comes along. There's nothing else quite like it.

[Lexine]

Every time I go en femme, the song "I Feel Pretty" from West Side Story starts playing in my mind :)

Seriously it's kind of an out of body experience for me, very similar to when I play my video games, and forget who I am in reality even though Lexi and Alex are quite similar in ways and different in a lot of things. It's kind of like having a personality sandbox that I can mix and match different things and see what's good so I can assimilate it into both personalities.

[Andy66]

Thanks for asking, Denise my dear. If you care to read it told from a GG's perspective: A few weeks ago I bought myself a nice men's button down shirt, the kind I would have worn in my teens and twenties. I stopped dressing boyish during my thirties partly because my control freak ex-bf didn't like it. As soon as I wore that shirt "out and about" I felt sort of nervous, wondering what people might think of me - because it's so obviously masculine. Then I started feeling more like my old self, more empowered, autonomous, assertive, wearing what I want to wear. It was pretty nice. I think I'll do it again. ;)

p.s. I missed you. :love:

[meleny]

I can't explain it to myself. How can I be expected to explain it so someone.

[Joanne f]

Some feelings are hard to explain ( well for me there are):D but it is almost like switching something off , a bit like sitting down after a long day and saying to yourself "at last", a feeling of normality yet a pleasurable uplifting normality, a "yes this is me" feeling .
It just feels right as the pressure of fighting it (or longing for it) has been lifted.

[Kate Simmons]

Being on both sides of the "fence" brings with it a certain degree of autonomy and empowerment. When we get there, we realize we are masters ( or mistresses if you will) of our own destiny and we honestly owe no explanations to anyone by virtue of who we are unless we want to furnish them voluntarily.;):battingeyelashes::)

[Joanne f]

Denise,
if you can walk that fence and do not mind in particular which side you fall on at any time then that is good, but if you walk on one side and desperately want to get to the other side then you know you have some climbing to do and some times that is a very high fence.

[Kate Simmons]

Understood Joanne but sometimes we realize that the "fence" only exists in our own head. Due to societal conditioning, we erect that imaginary fence for the convenience of others. Coming to that realization takes a lot of doing I'll admit, but it's nice to know when you have the power to do that.:)

[Joanne f]

Denise,
i think you are right on that , problem is i have always found it easier to build barriers than to knock them down :D

[Raychel]

It is kinda hard to explain, But for me the feeling when I put on womens clothes, is like a day at the spa, I guess, it just feels right, A time of relaxation and just feeling good.

[Sarah Doepner]

I'm still working on a lot of the feelings I get when I crossdress. One thing I would like to be able to do when I'm not dressing en femme is to allow myself to be more receptive to the sensory side of life. I do stop and smell flowers and look at pretty things, but I only get the feel of smooth soft clothing in the form of my Hawai'ian shirt collection. I don't wear jewelry or scents or have my hair fashioned in a way that makes me look nicer. I don't have the opportunity to bat long dark eyelashes or taste the lipstick.

Marla said it very well. There is an entire world of sensory input that men's wear doesn't offer. I know I'm being selfishly selective in those parts of the womens experience that I seek, avoiding the specific stresses and pains that are so much a part of a womans life. With that focus for me it is a very comfortable and calming world that I enter when I strive to emulate the look and feel of a woman. That comfort and calm has come to help me deal with the other things that fall on my plate during the other 90% of my life.

[Andy66]

I think most of us here have had to climb fences to get where we are. Just keep climbing, never give up. :hugs:

[vikki2020]

I am comfortable on either side of that "fence", but I think it's has become more of a blurry line, than a divide. The best part of the feeling I get when I dress, is the lack of it! It is becoming so "normal" for me to be out dressed, that I really don't think about it. It is great to get in the comfort zone, without much effort, and it is such a natural feeling. Actually, I do prefer that side of the fence, and I try to stay close by, at least in my mind!

[Kate Simmons]

Some of us have the natural talent when it comes to enjoying the best of both worlds. The worst takes care of itself and always manages to find us regardless, so savor the best times my friends.:)

[RADER]

Denise:
You are correct in sating there is no rite answer.
Dressing for me is getting to feel what my wife feels, maybe a way of
getting closer to her. I do not want to become a woman, Have enough
just trying to be a Male; But I enjoy the Fell of a dress, a Bra, Slip, Panties,
etc, so does that make me a freak like some would think. My wife is totally
OK with my dressing, but it stays in the house. I would never pass anyway,
so that burden is out of the picture, But some times I do dream I could.
This Forum has opened my eyes to so many like me that I do not feel alone
in my ventures of dressing. For example, I would never under dress wearing
a bra outside, Now I do on a some what regular bases. I Thank the members
for showing that being me is OK. :hugs: Rader

[Jonianne]

I have a yearning deep inside to be able to be like a female, to identify with females. I guess part of it comes from wanting to distance myself from the males I grew up with.

The males in my life were very good to me, I just did not like the lifestyle they had, I wanted no part of it. I wanted to be around tenderness, gentleness and kindness, but I was stuck as a male, in a tough Appalachian mountains male's world.

[Debutante]

Denise,
Thank you raising this question as you did. It really addreses the issue of the deeper feelings we all feel.
For us mtf crossdressers, who feel this deeper need to des and fel the wonderful feminine feelings it brings, we are often misunderstood by our SOs, friends, or family.
For me, it brings the peace of connecting with that part of myself that brings peace, beauty, contentment, and wholeness.
I feel more whole, having met the "woman within". This has been a journey for me -- from angst, shame, self-denial --and all the psychological problems that self-denial and suppression of feelings bring -- to acceptance, and more fully embrace my "inner woman".
That we MUST address this and embrace our biggest fear, is twhat all the religions an spiritual wise persons tell us is necessry to fulfill our destiny.
What we feel in our teens, 20s, and 30s, for a mtf CDer, will change as we address this woman, the feminine, and ourselves. Sometimes it is scary, and a huge problem -- sometimes we can embrace it fully more early on in our lives.
deborah


I have a yearning deep inside to be able to be like a female, to identify with females. I guess part of it comes from wanting to distance myself from the males I grew up with.

The males in my life were very good to me, I just did not like the lifestyle they had, I wanted no part of it. I wanted to be around tenderness, gentleness and kindness, but I was stuck as a male, in a tough Appalachian mountains male's world.

Very well said, Joanne! I feel the same... ven though I was brought up in the North, in Mass.

blessings,
deborah

[Kate Simmons]

As Jonianne brought out women have natural familial feelings and inclinations. It's nice to get to that point and enjoy and express those feelings ourselves without having to feel ashamed.:)

[Ruth]

Earlier in this thread, Christina mentioned 'trying to be something I just am not' and that is very much my experience. I was raised as a boy, tried for years to be a man, but it's a constant effort, trying to be something I am not. So when I dress as Ruth, the pressure is off, I am who I am.
I could go into more details but that's the basic feeling.

[Deborah Jane]

Most of the time I just feel I'm being myself, but very occasionally I feel what I'm doing is still wrong. I don't know why I feel it's wrong, I guess something I see or maybe think about just triggers that feeling.
Most of the time now I just try to be myself, after all, whatever I'm doing regardless of what I'm wearing, I'm just being me :)

[ReineD]

Denise, it's hard to define, isn't it?

People have posted that dressing makes them feel wonderful or normal .. the perfume, the grace and beauty of the clothes, or it makes them feel pretty or it is a great stress reliever. And some like my SO feel it is impossible to define and just accept it for what it is. It is also easy to confuse the questions, "why" do you feel this way vs. "how" does it make you feel, or "what" does it bring into your life.

But isn't the bottom line seeking to feel like a woman, and this, combined with a male's love of a woman's tenderness or female beauty elevates the pursuit of the ideal beyond other activities?

How does it make you feel? :)

[Kaz]

I have just spent the day as Kaz travelling (slowly) from working away to home. Left the apartment as Kaz, in the car, then walkabout.

I then got out of make-up, changed back to male-me, picked up an Indian take-out and got home to my SO.

Changing back was so hard... it felt so good and right... as Marla has said... the perfume, the feel of tights, illusion of breasts, being able to walk how it feels you should in a skirt and girls' shoes... just fabulous!

But now I am in my Levi 501s, teeshirt and shirt, looking very male, and my beard (only shaved at 12 mid-day) can already be felt when I touch my face... but it is good to be him too!

I think I need both sides.. though I would love to do Kaz for a full on 2 weeks or so to see where it went?

K xx

[Lynn Marie]

One of the wonderful things about getting older, is that you just don't question everything so much. Most of the battles have been decided, you are what you are going to be, and the world no longer revolves around you.

It's sort of like giving up to the inevitable. Why fight it any longer. It's time to enjoy what you are and relax. Life is good and no one cares about you anyway because you are too old to matter! LOL Yeah, right, if the kids only knew. They'll just have to learn the hard way!

I'm happy with Lynn, and I'm happy with her roomate who wears those good looking cowboy boots. Lynn loves the sensual way her clothes feel on her body, and the elegant '50s look. That guy just likes to look good and be comfortable. He's just so practical it's almost boring. He's very predictable. The two of us get along fine. Neither is vying for more attention, we each live full lives and are very happy with ourselves. Bout time!!!!!!

[Lynn Marie]

Hey this is Lynn's roomate. Ya know she's off in LaLa land about everything. I'm not as happy as she seems to think. My main gripe is that her wardrobe is expanding at a rapid rate and eating up all the closet space in my hobby room. Not only that, but she's always leaving stockings drying on the towel racks. So just keep in mind life here is not idylic even though she manages to paint a pretty good picture to the contrary.

[DonniDarkness]

i can say that i am always a little nervous when my wife sees me in a new outfit ive made. Cant really explain why, i know shes fine with my girl needs, but i still find myself with anxiety to a small extent. it usually melts away when she says something like "cute hunny" or "can i wear this sometime"

As far as stress relief goes. The act of dressing relaxes me, for those first initial minutes of being dressed put me in a comfort zone that melts away my daily worries. In the periods of my life that i have denied i am a fetish transvestite at heart, i was angry, short tempered, overly aggressive and self hating.
When i finally came to terms with myself and stepped across the line of denial, a light came on; My unhappiness was self induced. My wife had always supported me either way i chose to go, yet i pressured myself into believing that i was "just going thru a phase" or "Don your sick, you need help".
I accepted me for who i am, all these emotional weights were lifted

Over the years of dressing in front of my wife and our sexual explorations together, we have reached a comfort level that is still continuing to grow. We have learned to read each other without asking what either of us needs at that moment. There have been nights when i was dressed and later changed because i could see she needed her husbands strength to ease her. Then there have been days when she saw i needed her to be aggressive and submit me sexually. We reached this point by communicating with each other, no matter how difficult the topic was.

Wow that was a little long winded, the more i typed, the more i felt i had to say

Thanks for listening
Hugs and kisses
-Donni-

[Tina B.]

Denise, finally a question that is really important! I have always had my doubts about anyone thinking they knew why, even professionals. But how you feel, that's something most of us know even if it's hard to find the words, and really much more important.
Like so many have already said, it's a sense of calm that takes over, a sense of fulfillment. some how, when dressed I seem to find my happy place, like nothing else I do in life. It's not about sex, or even being a woman, I'm not, and never will be. But it is about filling an inter need that if not filled leaves me feeling empty, but yet filled with a pressure that makes living the rest of my life much harder than it should be.
I really do believe that it's not about how I feel if I cross dress, but more about how I feel if I don't.
Tina B.

[Debb]

I'm a Klinefelter's baby. Born with an extra chromosome; not sure whether it's an extra 'X', or if the 'Y' is the extra.

For me, dressing just feels "right". I don't know how else to describe it, and when I think about it too much, I end up questioning just where on the transgender scale I am ... so I try not to think about it too much :)

[Michaela42]

Well, it is very hard to describe. I guess I would just say that I feel like "me". When I dress I feel like a weight has been lifted off of me and I no longer have to act like I am supposed to. Do not take me wrong, I can freely express my emotions as a guy, but deep down inside I feel like I am only "acting" as a guy, and I am not really one.

[Charlena]

I have a yearning deep inside to be able to be like a female, to identify with females. I guess part of it comes from wanting to distance myself from the males I grew up with.

The males in my life were very good to me, I just did not like the lifestyle they had, I wanted no part of it. I wanted to be around tenderness, gentleness and kindness, but I was stuck as a male, in a tough Appalachian mountains male's world.

Yes, JonniAnne for almost fifty years for me, just change the location.
Very interesting thread Denise. Society and cultural fences can be hard to climb and very hard to balance. Let alone feel in sync with all that is around us. But I do think it is attainable...To feel as if the world I have been raised in had let me be who I am... with no steering the path towards the guidelines that have evolved over thousands of years. Society's rules, bias's, and laws that keep a person from leading a natural upbringing, free to choose their way. My Great Grandmother was of the Shawnee, and her people believed "two spirited people" were to be respected. To reach that road where I walk in harmony with all that is...to be myself and to react naturally with the inner spirit that is me. That is the road that I am trying to find... We are all related.

[irmichelle]

Inner calm and peace. Seems normal. So normal. Problem is the need to dress is increasing. Just turned 54 and the desire to dress is sometimes overpowering. Don't know how to control or if I should try.

[Frédérique]

Sometimes I think it is hard to convey to others, especially SO's how we really feel when we dress up. Many times I think they do not take us seriously or think it's some kind of kinky fetish and play along, as long as we don't do anything to threaten the relationship. It mostly involves deep feelings(sometimes feelings we feel may be "forbidden" to men as society sees it) and really getting in touch with them to the point where we have a workable self comfort level. Sometimes we don't even realize this for many years. So, tell us how you really feel when you dress and how it makes you feel about yourself and life.

It’s all about feelings that are in place from birth, then modified, cultivated, or verified by exposure to the real world. I say this all the time – I came to crossdress because I am effeminate by nature. Anything else would constitute self-betrayal, a turning away from my innate sensibilities. You’re exactly right when you say that we, as males, are forbidden to have these “wrong” feelings. I think it is inevitable that certain males would seek to escape their masculinity, or at least the male-ness they are expected to display, like a drab coat without any beauty in it. We can dress to transport ourselves to a another world, more in touch with how we want to be, simply because that is how we are – even though this is expressly forbidden, how can it be wrong? :thinking:

[Jenniferpl]

If I understood the why, I would be rich.

[Patricia Jane]

So many wondeful and truthful answers. It is enjoyable to live in both worlds, male and female. I enjoy my male side, but also enjoy my female side. When in Fenale mode I have very sensual feelings unlike my male side. It is like their is two persons living in the same body.:hugs:

[Kate Simmons]

It seems there are many expectations fulfilling either role. The real skill is to be able to fulfill those expectations with ease in either mode. When it becomes a joy rather than a chore, we have reached balance.:)

[eluuzion]

QUOTE=Denise Rhodes;2141492]Sometimes I think it is hard to convey to others, especially SO's how we really feel when we dress up. Many times I think they do not take us seriously or think it's some kind of kinky fetish and play along, as long as we don't do anything to threaten the relationship.)[/QUOTE]

Not meaning to digress from the main topic, but I felt compelled to comment on this part of your post. I interpret SOs as starting from the base perspective of interpreting the time devoted to CDing as being time that is replacing or displacing "relationship" time. In my opinion, rightfully so. Until that issue is resolved (if that is even possible), the SOs are logically stuck with viewing all that follows in a negative context. (to a certain degree)The CD partner is stuck trying to understand why the SO can't understand or comprehend other parts of the issue that arise (after the first part was never resolved..)

Not meant to change the direction here, just a comment.

Now, regarding my CDing...

I do not feel I deal with the inner turmoil, conflict and frustration that many of us seem to experience. I think it is because I have always viewed myself as "one" person.

I never related to statements such as "I need a life too" or "the other me" or "my other self" and other separations of self. There is no "tennis playing ME", I play tennis. There is no "sarcastic, eccentric ME", it is just part of me. There is no "CD side" or "when Eluuzion comes over" or "my other life" going on in my head.

In my mind, it is similar to smoking pot or doing other drugs. It is not a socially acceptable behavior, (and also illegal "sort of" these days)but people do it anyway in private, while wishing they did not have to "hide it".

I just like to crossdress because it makes me feel good. So does tennis. So does making my own breast forms out of silicone and wearing them. It is just something I do that is part of being "me". It makes me feel good, so I do it. It makes others uncomfortable, and has social consequences that I wish to avoid, so I conceal it. I do not feel compelled to stop it for any reason, or lobby for acceptance, anymore than I do about lobbying for legalizing drugs.

It is just something I love to do, can do, and "do-do" :D

[Lisalove1976]

For me being dressed is a release... I can finally stop being that macho man everybody expects and release my feminine side. One thing that I have noticed is my voice...even without trying when I'm dressed my usually corse voice becomes very suttle and softer, my wife thinks that it's me trying to be more feminine but I'm not doing it.

[Renee_E]

I feel like two parts of me merged to become a whole person. I have always felt more feminine than masculine. I tried real hard when I was young to be a real man but never could quite pull it off. When I get dressed it feels right and I am very comfortable with myself. Sometimes when I am not dressed I find my self more comfortable in a feminine state of mind.

[bredalee25]

When I dress it just feels natural to me as if I were supposed to be a woman but got assigned the wrong gender at birth. It does feel so good to come home after a hard days work shower and get something pretty on it relaxes me even if the day was very difficult all I have to do is get into my favorite bra and panties and it just melts the tension away.

Before my wife knew about my dressing I was an iratable person at home snapping at every little thing that went bad. Know i'm alot more mellow and far easier to live with.

It's like dressing is my drug and I need a fix when arriving home. I catch myself looking forward to going home and dressing in order to get thew the day.

Thats it in a nutshell Denise

[Lover girl]

It’s all about feelings that are in place from birth, then modified, cultivated, or verified by exposure to the real world. I say this all the time – I came to crossdress because I am effeminate by nature. Anything else would constitute self-betrayal, a turning away from my innate sensibilities. You’re exactly right when you say that we, as males, are forbidden to have these “wrong” feelings. I think it is inevitable that certain males would seek to escape their masculinity, or at least the male-ness they are expected to display, like a drab coat without any beauty in it. We can dress to transport ourselves to a another world, more in touch with how we want to be, simply because that is how we are – even though this is expressly forbidden, how can it be wrong? :thinking:

I can't muddy up this well spoken quote!!! Frederique you go girl

[Wen4cd]

I'll have a go, with some words that might sorta describe feelings:

Communion: I like the division sometimes. In daily life, I definitely try to stay 'integrated' psychologically, but it's still a special occasion when I can meet myself face to face in that way. I like to see myself smiling at myself. It's a private moment to experience the duality, the talking to myself, the energies taking roles. I feel nurturing and nurtured at once, and can see the balance in this, and try to remember the feeling to carry with me. It's also a spiritual experience, a moment of grace and exploration, where I can do anything I wish, like a child in a sandbox, and what I do will not determine what or who I am. If I want to explore hedonism, I do, if I want to experience fantasies of power in a safe place, I do. If I want to meet some part of myself I am afraid to look at, I can, because I have the strength of spirit with me to keep me myself and intact.

Objectivity: When you step out of your head and take up a different point of view, then look back in at yourself, you are using 'the' mind trick. I love the relief I get from this 'meditation' (which is what it is.) I can 'get it' by journalling, but I can feel the kinesthetics of the muscle memory and posture this way, and this helps me remember.

Later, when I need to, I can duplicate the spinal posture, and re-acquaint with the energy. Posture is key for my CDing, and fiddling with posture and movement opened up internal doors for me. Muscle memory is large way we remember emotions and feelings.

"Remembering who I am" When I lose track of myself, of 'who I am,' (which makes sense to me, though words are inadequate, and I'm just hoping someone is nodding here.) I become inconfident, lose hope, and get muddled in words and definitions. My 'reality' slips away, and everything that is possible or sounds plausible takes on an air of damning 'truth.' (did I ever mention I had teh schizo?)

In these times. dressing reminds me of who I am, and in the face of a truthless void, graces to me that personal truth is what I want it to be, and what I make it, and the person in the mirror shows me how possible it is to perceive and alter my internal universe to 'bend around the spoon' so that I am not thrown into the paradoxical vortex screaming, but push through it safely to the other side, to the 'inverted' places of the collective, where subject and object invert, and one is everything, and everything is one. (Don't roll your eyes. I've seen it, it's like another dimension.)

Oh, scratch all the above. I meant to say "fluffy and graceful and so girly and pretty." :D

[Kate Simmons]

The real experience both inside and out is sometimes hard to convey to others Wen. We can go around the entire building to get next to ourselves or just take one step in the other direction. It's our choice in either case.:)

[TinaMc]

I'm glad I found this thread! I have a lot of strange internal dialogue going on about my CDing at the moment. Like it's stupid, I look ridiculous, I'm not "normal", and is it even real or just something I invented in my head (i.e., am I rationalising all my behaviours in the past to justify what I'm doing now) and then let get out of control? I guess having these feelings is fairly typical by the sounds of it? When I get dressed up it's like they all just wash away though and I realise that it is a big part of me, but it's kind of hard dealing with the self doubt and negative self talk. On the other hand, I believe that by doing this I'm taking steps towards becoming a more me-ish me, if that makes sense - less trying to be what I believe other people want me to be and more just being who I am. So while I'm quite confused about the whole thing I do feel more grounded...

[~Michelle~]

Many times I think they do not take us seriously or think it's some kind of kinky fetish and play along, as long as we don't do anything to threaten the relationship.

"Communication" is the keyword here, it's the foundation for "understanding".

[Mea GG]

I'm taking steps towards becoming a more me-ish me, if that makes sense - less trying to be what I believe other people want me to be and more just being who I am. So while I'm quite confused about the whole thing I do feel more grounded...

That sounds like real progress.

We should all wish to be a more me-ish me--makes total sense.