I feel as if I have to come out soon and feel mor confident trusting a GG than a guy.

[heathr1]

I feel GGs may be more understanding than men, even if I have more long term, close guy friends I trust.

Who do/did you feel more comfortable telling, men or women?

[Julie]

I feel GGs may be more understanding than men, even if I have more long term, close guy friends I trust.

Well if you have more long term guy friend I would've thought you'd know at least one of these you could tell, after such a long time knowing someone I thought you'd be able to tell one.

There's no guarantee telling a GG will be more understanding (besides they gossip a lot :D ), put your trust in one of your close male friends.

And this still stands although you edited as I typed.

[heathr1]

is wonderful.

I suffer anxiety and she is one of the few people I can get reassurance from and she understands everything and is understanding.

I'm thinking of telling her.

[Kaye_martin]

First person I told (after my wife) was a long time GG. She was/is very understanding and I'm happy I told her rather than any of my 'guy friends'.

kaye_martin

[Emily Ann Brown]

Heather,

I had thought about telling a long term GG friend. Wouldn't tell a guy pal...NO WAY! I have lost the urge to tell someone though since becoming close with Lauren and Karren. I think you may want to explore finding one or two of us girls and work on a really close relationship first. It sure has calmed my itches.


Emily Ann

[Elinor]

I have told no one and don't feel I need to tell anyone.
Now if I meet some woman I would choose to live with for ever,
well that may change matters.

As I am not in any relationship the question does not arise.

I like wearing a skirt it is no ones business but mine. ;)

[heathr1]

That is what is bugging me.

[Lindahexi]

Heather,
I used to live alone, and I had guilt feelings too, but looking back on it all now, I was able to dress any time and not worry about getting caught; really it was the best time for me. I say enjoy things as they are, and don't feel guilty, you are hurting nobody.

When I finally 'came out' I chose to tell a GG, it was my niece, and I trusted her and felt comfortable telling her, I don't think I could ever tell a guy, unless he was also CD. Your ex colleague sounds like the ideal person to confide in, if you feel strongly that you need to 'come out'. Whatever you decide I wish you all the best, and hope that it works out for you; keep us posted.

Linda.x

[April]

Who do/did you feel more comfortable telling, men or women?

I've always felt more comfortable disclosing to my female friends.

I feel GGs may be more understanding than men, even if I have more long term, close guy friends I trust.

My personal experience has been that GG's are much more understanding. In some cases my female friendships were even strengthened after my disclosures.

I suffer anxiety and she is one of the few people I can get reassurance from and she understands everything and is understanding. I'm thinking of telling her.

Go with your heart and instincts, they are generally right. The first time is always the hardest and it gets easier each time thereafter. Let us know how it turns out if you do end up disclosing to her. Wishing you the best.

[heathr1]

more comfortable confiding in her than other people, but don't exactly know why.

She has been wonderful...I'm 38 and she is in her mid 40s and has her own family.

I have told her lots of things that I cannot even face telling my best buddys and she has calmed me down every time.

[TammyB]

I would say it depends on the kind of guys your mates are. For instance are any of them gay (or any other minority) and accepted by your group of friends? Not all guys are ogres and not all girls are little angels.

Most of my mates know about me and 90% of them are guys. No-one has a problem with it (that I know of).

[Wendy me]

i have outed my selfe to my best buddy and it has never came up again my wife knows abought me as dose my mom ...so of them well mom's way more cooler abought it .. just do some thinking before you jump in and out yourselfe only you can have a clue what their reaction would be ....

[heathr1]

and ran my fingers through it briefly.

I later apologised and she said there was no need to as she had no problem with it and told me not to worry.

[Sharon]

because I felt they would be more understanding and supportive, but then I finally began telling those men (a long-time friend and my son) closest to me also.

[Jamie M]

I have come out to quite a few people throughout my lifetime (oh hark at me , sounds like i'm ready to pop my clogs ;) ) and over this time i have to say that i've found it easier and the results better when i have told GG's .

However don't write your male firends off just yet as i have had some very agreeable results with some of my male friends as well. Admittedly though more GG's have been ok with it then GM's.

Ah well , guess what i'm saying is pick the personality rather than the gender.

hope all goes well amd do let us know how you get on :thumbsup:

[racquel]

Have always found g.g's to be a lot more understanding than guys.

[Samantha Jane]

I have never told anyone about my CDing other than my S/O. However, she told a long-term girlfriend about my Cding (without my knowledge). :eek:

In all fairness though, I had unloaded on her and she obviously needed to get a perspective on things from somebody else. In fact her girlfriend helped my cause and by asking my S/O if she had a problem with it, saying 'there a lot worse things that he could do in life and if he's happy'. :)

In light of this I would tell a 'GG', but not sure if I could confide in a mate, no matter how well we knew each other.

[Sandy]

When i was in third class at school we had a play that required 2 pupils to dress as fairies. As i was the smallest in the class I got the job. Well I just loved it. My sisters pleated skirt fitted like a t an the feeling when iI wore it was lovely.Nearly 50 years later I still dress up. Over the years I've had numerous wardrobes and wigs.Swore off dressing and thrown them away.
When the grand kids came along i swore this is it never again.Well here I am again. Thanks to sites like this and all you other girls out there I dont feel so bad about myself anymore.I dont care how I present its the feel not the look.

thanks for letting me vent my spleen

sandy

[NatalieBliss]

My sister is the only one who knows. I told her today as a matter of fact. Granted we had a great relationship before, and it seems I am in no danger of losing that relationship. She hasn't really asked many questions, but I am taking it as she needs to absorb the info.

[Robina034]

While I can't say that all the GG's I have told (a handful) have been totally supportive, none of them have been disgusted or repelled as I imagine many guys would be...at least in the US...the UK seems less uptight based on what I've seen on the BBC. I believe a few of my "guy" acquaintances figured it out without me specifically having to tell them. It's easier that way. Then they can remain in denial while they subconsciously accept the idea. Or am I dreaming...

~Robin~

[Katie Lynn]

Well I would be very open to a GG if she ever asked. I even told my g/f that if she feels the need to talk to someone else about it, that I would not be upset if she talked to her best female friend about it. Actually I think her closer female friends knowing about me would be fun, more people to shop and go out with!!

I cant imagine ever telling any of my even closest male friends. Not that i think they would hate me, or even talk bad about me, its just things like that arent really thier business in my mind. If one ever asked I dont think i would lie though. If it came up, id actually be interested in thier responces, but I wont be the one to bring it up.

[sue_donim]

That decision was taken out of my hands but I feel I would have trusted a GG rather than one of my male friends, as girls tend to be more comfortable with their sexuality than most guys.

My relationship with my previous wife was practically over after I had caught her in our bed with someone else. She had had other affairs during our time together which I had forgiven. We tried staying together for the childrens sake but that was never going to work. During this period she always used to say I'd never see my children again if we did part. Eventually I'd had enough of all the emotional blackmail so I petitioned for divorce on the grounds of irritrievable breakdown rather than adultry as I didn't want to start naming the others and maybe ruining other relationships.
As far as I was aware she knew nothing of my crossdressing as I had always tried so hard to hide it from her. I kept my female gear in a locker at work or in the boot of my car and only wore them on occasions when I could visit the northern concord (a club for crossdressers)
Imagine my surprise when I recieved her counter petition stating that she wanted to leave me because I was taking hormones and wanted a full sex change.
Then I recieved a phone call from her saying she was going to tell everyone we knew that I was a crossdresser.
My first thoughts were what will my mum make of it and I'd rather she heard it from me. I had already aranged to meet her in town that afternoon So I plucked up the courage to tell her, we went into a quiet little cafe and I told her what was being said and let her read my wifes petition. She asked me if there was any truth in it and I told her that I do crossdress but had always done so and had always kept it secret. I explained that I had never taken hormones and had no desire to be a woman or have a sex change. after a while she went very quiet and made an excuse and left. I felt as if there was so much more that we still needed to be talked about and that I needed to explain more clearly So I tried to phone her that night only to be told she wasn't in. I tried again the next night and the following four nights each time I was unable to speak to her, she was either out or to busy to talk.
With the divorce proceedings all getting on top of me I was going through my own private hell, my emotions were all over the place I was depressed and feeling at rock bottom and I felt as if I had been disowned by my mum, I was even beggining to feel suicidal. The only thing that had gone in my favour was that my wife had gone to her parents and I was still in the marital home. I sat there wondering how my wife had found out and how long she had known I even managed to convince myself she had known for a long time and that was why she'd had the affairs. I started to hate myself for crossdressing and blamed this for ruining my life. I decided that I was never going to dress again and convinced myself I didn't need it.
Next day I brought my things home from work and intended burning them in the back garden. I don't know why but I just wanted to put them on one more time first before burning them and seeing as I was alone in the house I thought why not. I got changed and did my makeup and when I looked in the mirror I thought it was the best result i'd ever achieved. I spent the next hour or so walking around the house enjoying the freedom and all thoughts of burning my stuff slowly disapeared.
All of a sudden my pleasure was interupted by the telephone it was a friend of my wife who hadn't heard we'd parted saying that my wife was meant to be meeting her in our local pub and hadn't turned up yet. all the emotions and bad feelings come flooding back and once again my mind was in turmoil. after a while I decided that I was going to end it all but before I did I wanted to confront my wife and tell her I hated her because my mum had disowned me. The problem was I was still dressed in female attire, then I thought what the hell I was going to end my life so what differance would it make. There was less than an hour before the pub shut and all our friends would be there but so what I would be dead by the end of the night so who cares.
How I plucked up the courage I'll never know, but I walked out the door got in the car and drove round to the pub. I pulled into the car park and thats when I started to question myself, was I doing the right thing or not. I looked around the car park and couldn't see my wifes car. I started thinking either she's not here yet and I can spoil her plans to out me or she's got a taxi in which case she'd be in there telling everyone. All the time I was in the car car I was becoming more and more desperate to answer the call of nature and not sure if it was nerves or not. The car park was in front of the pub and visible from the main road so it would be awkward to relieve myself without being seen. When you walk in the pub you go through the first set of doors the toilets are on either side then you walk through another set to get into the bar area. I decided I'd just try to nip in use the toilets then make my way home without anyone seeing me. So cautiosley I managed to slip in without being seen and run into the ladies. I used the toilet then took a few minutes to pull myself together again and was preparing to leave as someone was coming in I quickly jumped back into the cubicle and waited till I heard them go out. My heart was beating so fast I thought I was going to have a heart attack there and then. I managed to calm myself down and was going to go back home and forget the whole thing and hope I hadn't been seen. However I hadn't realised just how quickly the time had been passing and when I came out of the ladies the outer doors were locked this meant that the only way out was through the side door and that I would have to walk through the bar to reach it. Just then the relief landlord came out of the gents he didn't know who I was and asked was I with the party, I just swallowed and said yes. He then pointed to the back room and said their in there and asked what I was drinking. I just said the first thing that came into my head and said lager (usually I drink bitter and don't know what made me ask for lager) He said I'll bring it through but I said I rather wait here a bit and he said ok. I knocked back the lager the landlord remarked someone's thirsty do you want another so I said yes please and asked for a double vodka as well which both went the same way. Normally I only drink to socialise and 3 or 4 pints is my limit and I rarely touch spirits so I soon started to relax and had enough dutch courage to join the party I entered the back room not thinking about what I was wearing just that I was having fun. Most of the people in the room were with the party and just took it all as a bit of fun and there were about 10 regulars who had stayed behind. some just took it as fun, some were a bit more curious, and asked a few questions which I tried my best to answer in a positive way. the questions I was asked most were am I gay to which I answered no and why was i dressed like that to which I answered because I want to. Anyway I had a great night I forgot all about my depression and ended up feeling like I was finally free from all of the beliefs impossed on me by a society I didn't agree with. (on the issue of crossdressing)
The next few days the neighbourhood grapevine did it's best all kinds of rumours circulated as you can imagine but most of the people where I lived I had grown up with and I had lived in that area for over 25years so the rumours didn't last long and the gossips soon found something else to talk about.
A couple of days later I decided I would go to my mums local and confront her. she played for the ladies darts team and I knew she would be in that night. I arrived early and was already sat down when my mum came in (should mention i was not dressed female on this occasion) she came accross and sat down. I said mum we need to talk and she said not untill you get me a drink. I bought her a drink and sat down again. She turned to me and said RIGHT (in the kind of tone I knew meant listen and don"t interupt) she told me she loved me and always would, she told me she didn't mind me crossdressing but not to go to her house dressed as a female if any of the grandkids were there. not because she thought there was anything wrong with it but that she wanted to leave it up to my brothers and sisters to explain it to them when they felt the time was right. she also explained that she wasn't being funny and disowning me but that it had all been a bit of a shock to her and she needed time to think about it first. we hugged and give each other a kiss and spoke a bit more and hugged again. I felt like a whole new bond between us and felt closer than ever.
as I thought about what had happened a bit more I realised it was selfish of me to just expect her to understand and come to terms with me crossdressing
after all I had had all my life and was only just coming to terms with it myself.
later that same night I was talking to some of the other girls on the darts team (not mentioning crossdressing) and got one really well with one in particular. I then started going each week to support the team and after about 6 months I started dating the girl I got on with. within the first month of us dating I told her about my crossdressing and although she was a bit apprehensive at first she accepted it was a part of me and from then on our relationship blossomed. A year later we were married and moved away I have been out of the closet since that night I went in the pub dressed as a female.
I regularly go shopping dressed and have total freedom all my wifes brothers and sisters know some of them have even been out clubbing/dancing with us,
her mum and dad know and although they expressed a desire not to see me that way they don't judge me or hold it against me.
The only problem we have is with my wife's children from her previous relationship they are totally against it and are very narrow minded and my wife says they get this from their father. When we visit them we have to pretend that my dressing is all in the past and that I don't do it anymore otherwise things would get very violent. but seeing as they live over 100 miles away and we only visit 6 times a year I can live with that.
The only thing left that I really want to do is to go on holiday abroad somewhere spending a full week as a female I've done it in this country but never anywhere where I have to pass through customs or on a plane. My wife knows this is the only thing I want to do now and I think she's been trying to arrange something for our 10th wedding anniversary which is comming up soon.

hugs
Sue_donim :)

[Phoebe Reece]

Sue, what an amazing story! I hate to think of how things might have turned out if you had not gone to the pub that night while still dressed.

I know several other girls that fly enfemme every once in awhile in the USA and have even gone abroad. Apparently, the key to doing this is to have some kind of official identification which has your male name, but your femme picture on it. In the US, that is fairly easy to do, as many states will issue official ID cards and you can dress any way you want (within good taste, of course) for the photo. I don't know about where you are at though.

Many years ago I told a GG in the office I worked in about my crossdressing. She thought it was interesting, and then proceeded to tell me about one of the other guys in the office asking her to participate in a three way. :eek: You never know which direction conversations can take you.... :confused:

[emmicd]

I've only told a couple of people but I'm not really comfortable talking about it.

I feel that is a shame though that we have to hide part of ourselves and repress it. I guess it is our social conditioning.

Emmi

[emmicd]

Sue,

That's quite a story you told about your own personal experience with crossdressing. Very inspiring! I'm certainly glad you got through your depression and feel it was a blessing in disguise when you went to the pub dressed en femme. I'm also happy for you in how things seemed to turn out ok!

Your mum seems ok with it and your girlfriend too!

I hope your relationship with your kids improve too!

Thanks for sharing such a heartwarming story!

Wish you and your family well!

Emmi

[sue_donim]

thanks emmi and pheobe for your comments.

I live in the U.K. and we don't have identity cards yet if it came to it i'll just have a picture of me as a male in my passport and if customs or anyone ask I'd just be truthful after all I'm not breaking the law.

When I think back now I'm still not sure if going in the pub was the right thing to do. it turned out O.K. for me. But now when I think back it could have gone so horribly wrong and certainly wouldn't advise anyone to emulate this. I think it may also of had something to do with the fact that I was planing on harming myself worse than anyone else could.

My depression slowly disapeared after that night and within a couple of months I was back to my old self. Once I was out of the closet it was a huge weight of my shoulders. It seemed like I was in a paralel universe even the street I lived looked and felt different.

Even though I'm completely out of the closet now I still have to be on my guard. I would never go anywhere a GG wouldn't go and at first I used to shy away from crowded areas but now I welcome the crowds I know from experience it's daunting going in a crowded shopping centre but the more people there are the less you stand out and theres more chance of being attacked in a quiet street than in a crowded area. I still get comments from ignorant people every so often but I just ignore them and don't even reply to them.

If I'd known then what I know now I would still have come out just done it in a different way even if I hadn'nt been going through divorce.

Huggs
Sue_donim :)

[nancy58]

I came out to a gay male therapist before telling my wife, because I trusted him and because I knew he would not judge me. I'm not sure I could have come out to a male -- although there are two of my male friends I have considered telling. I think it boils down to the fact that I am afraid of losing the respect of other men -- in that way, I am very definitely male in mind. Male relationships seem to be about power, bragging rights, who can pee the farthest. (Read You Just Don't Understand by Debra Tannen for some [more educated] discussion of the nature of male and female relationships. And if I am admitting to be a man who likes to wear girlie clothes, I am admitting that I am like the "weaker sex". It sort of logically follows that I may do this so I can be penetrated by a male. (Another read comes to mind, El Laberinto de Soledad, by Octavio Paz, which includes an in-depth analysis of a Mexicanism that corresponds to our F-word, and how it plays out in relationships.) As you can see, there is a big can of worms that goes with telling another man. He isn't going to become closer to you because of it, whereas if you tell a woman, maybe she will invite you to become one of the girls.

For me, the idea of sharing this part of me with a woman is less threatening. I have always related better to women than to men. It took me several years and numerous pints of beer with guys in my bicycle club before I was able to feel as though I fit in a little. Men don't discuss their feelings unless they are really close, and even then, they may not. On something like this, I want a little sensitivity.

Another aspect of why sharing with a woman is less threatening is that I don't feel as though my sexuality matters to any of them but my wife, since she is the only one with whom I will have sexual relations. Moreover, I am not likely to be seen as a threat. Unless a woman knows that most men who CD are heterosexual, she is not going to think I will come on to her. I may be just like one of her gay male friends, until she gets to know me better.

(There. I've revealed a bunch of my psychoses. I feel better!)

But all of the above deals with protecting your status in the eyes of others. It doesn't say whom you can trust. I don't believe either gender is more or less trustworthy. First, you have to consider how much you trust a person for her honesty, and then you have to consider what things you will trust her with. There are people I will trust with money but not with secrets, and vice-versa. Just because your friend is honest and without ill will does not mean she can keep a secret. Some new-found knowledge is so shocking that it's difficult to contemplate alone; one needs to discuss it with others. Are you and I here to socialize, or to explore this thing that is part of us that we don't completely understand?

I hope this is helpful, but maybe I'm rambling again. It's late here on the East Coast.

Cheers,
Nancy

[Debbie Kong]

Being single it hasn't really been that catastrophic for me to come out to a few people. So far it's only been to my siblings and their spouses but they've all been very positive about it. Lately I've let an old girlfriend in on it and it doesn't seem to matter much to her one way or another. Possibly she's as mad as I.

Debbie

[Mandy Salamander]

actually,,GG or guy,,shouldn't really matter,,,whomever you trustest the mostest and feel comfortable telling,,regardless,,,as i've gone through life,,have had many "first outings",,so to speak,,,por ejemplo,,,when i first started HRT while at my previous job, first told a trusted GG w/in the company,,she was great!!!,,,,, when first i moved here to ohio, first told a GG i thought i could trust,, she saved me the bother of telling anyone else by blabbing it to everyone else in ohio, thanx!!!,,,,, back in california, the land that i love, i first outed myself to a long-time guy friend,, he told me i should go tell somebody who didn't already know,,LOL,,, Anyhoots, tis not much of an issue anymore,anyway

[Cheery GG]

Can i add my twopenneth here please.

I have to say having read this whole thread that many of you see us GG's as unapproachable and unaccepting. Shouldnt it be about the individual not the category they are in. In other words if your best friend is gay, straight black, white, fat or thin, if they are truly your closet friend then you should be comfortable confiding in them.

I am a GG trying my best to understand myself why my SO says he is TG. It is going to be a long and proabably tiresome road, and i am not completely accepting of it....yet ! But were not all gossips, we need someone to confide in too !

[Tristen Cox]

That is true, I wonder if this is more of a census to see if the majority prefers female company(from a GG) over male. Myself - friends are friends creed, color, sex aside of course. However I would bond or relate, as I always have, better with a woman than a male.

[ChristineRenee]

Oh most definitely...women. First person I ever told was my first therapist...a woman....and I was 41 at the time and had been a CD for 29 years already! Prior to this site, the only men I ever told were my other two therapists that I saw a few years back. I definitely relate best to women though...and other CD/TG/TS's of course!:thumbsup: ;)

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

I have to say having read this whole thread that many of you see us GG's as unapproachable and unaccepting. Shouldnt it be about the individual not the category they are in. In other words if your best friend is gay, straight black, white, fat or thin, if they are truly your closet friend then you should be comfortable confiding in them.

I am a GG trying my best to understand myself why my SO says he is TG. It is going to be a long and proabably tiresome road, and i am not completely accepting of it....yet ! But were not all gossips, we need someone to confide in too !

If there's a sense that GGs are unapproachable and unaccepting I think it's because most of us have/are considering coming out to our SOs and we're terrified of the potential for rejection by the most important person in our lives. Also, many of us have heard horror stories about ex's (and others) who've turned around and outed people to friends, family, co-workers. So coming out is something that's truly one of the scariest things we can do in our lives.

As far as confiding in girlfriends, underneath the dress, we were still raised as guys, and the sharing of secrets is one of the big gender differences. I think most guys, including myself, can feel like there's three people in a relationship: us, our SO and her best friend. As guys were brought up not to admit vulnerability and weakness, which is one reason it's hard to open up to our SOs. And it's even more disconcerting to think that your inner-most secrets will be revealed to someone else. There's also a fear of loss of control. You confide in your best friend, and she confides in her best friend and pretty soon everyone knows -- or at least that's the fear (and we've all heard stories where something this actually has happened, whethre it was CDing or something else). Intellectually I know SOs need someone to confide in, but it's still twists in the gut.

To Tristen's question, I think I do prefer the company of women -- albeit most strong, one might say masculine, women. I'm more of a intellectual, creative type, and since my Dad wasn't into sports, I never really got into it either. So I don't find I have that much in common with guys who just want to talk about sports, cars and who they'd like to sleep with. OTOH, I also don't have much in common with GGs who just want to talk about soaps and shopping.

[Robina034]

Have always found g.g's to be a lot more understanding than guys.

I had another thought (second one today)... My experience has been that GG's are mostly curious when you tell them. After all they have been dressing and acting like females all their lives (usually) and think it's pretty normal behavior. What unnerves them are the social implications or should I say fallout. Guys on the other hand are probably just afraid. Strange sexual behavior has always been referred to as (dare I say it?) perverted (I dared). Also I think there are a lot more potential crossdresses and experimenters than is generally believed. Did I write that...?

~Robin~

[parris james]

I'll tell a GG or my gay friends but the rest of the boys at work might be less then excepting. Too bad its there loss :)

[jessbcuzz]

GG's of course! I'm about to become involved in a nasty child visitation court battle with my ex. She thinks that because I dress, no court will ever give me unsupervised visitation. Knowing that it seems like most GG's accept us, I had no problem telling my GG lawyer about what I do. To be honest, I don't think I could have tole a male lawyer.