Question about Escalating

[Miss Tanya]

Hi Everyone. I am Miss Tanya and here's my little story:

I've been CDing since I was a small boy dressing up in my sister's nightgowns. I've been married for six years (we were dating for four years prior to that). She found out about my CDing about six months ago when she found my stash of lingerie in the attic.

My wife is a great chick and wants to stay with me, but she does not want to see me in the clothes. We have been working out schedules where she leaves the house so that I can enjoy a little "me time." The problem is that now I want to do more. I would love nothing more than to spend my entire home life in nightgowns or cami sets. I would like to do this every day and recently have begun to fantasize about buying some outerwear (dresses) and going out of the house. I thought I could keep things down to a tight schedule, but I simply crave more.

Have any of you been through this? If so, how did you satisfy your increasing cravings when your wife really wants to think of you as a man?

[LisaElizabeth]

I think you will find a number of girls have been through something similar....
My wife and I came to a compromise on how often I would dress at home.
Since I started going out as Lisa, I have found I don't have the desire to dress at home. (Weird, huh?) I dress only when I am going out for the night.
So-o-o the former compromise doesn't apply any more.
You need to COMMUNICATE with your lovely wife!! It is the key to reaching a satisfactory solution for both of you. Communicate, Communicate, Communicate!!
Once you get through what you want and what she wants, as long as you LISTEN to her, you will find a common ground!! (It may take a few talks to get there, but eventually you will get there!)
Lisa Elizabeth

[Sheila]

hi and welcome to the forum ........... escalating is usually done and it seem to go real fast when you come out/are found out by your SO ............. maybe you could mention the FAB forum here to your wife, and if she joins the site and gets her 10 posts in she can apply to join us FABs in there :)

[Daintre]

Hi Tanya, welcome to the forum. This section is generally for meeting and greeting new members. To get more answers to your question you should ask it in the MtoF section or the Loved Ones section. Sheila has given you some good advice, try and get your SO to join and then become a part of the FAB section. She will be amongst her peers and can talk freely there.

[Tomara]

Hi Tanya
Welcome to the forum.
I will reinforce the fact that you need to be honest with your wife , tell her how you feel and what you feel you need , if you hide and don't tell her your just going to hurt her more when she finds out and she will find out.
Good luck.
Tomara

[Alice B]

I went through the same situation with my wife. By being open and honest with her, and by assuring her that I am still the man she married and that I do not wish to become a full time woman we have arrived at a workable plan. It has taken almost five years and my key was to not push it too hard. Yes that is difficult. I can now dress fully at home, but she does not really wish to see me, so we are often in different rooms. Sometime she will come downstairs and be with me. This is a rare event. I can go out to a local CD friendly bar once in a while. I wear panties all the time and nighties to bed. And my toe nails are painted most of the time.

The key is honesty, compromise and taking small steps. At times the urge is very strong and at other times very weak. It all goes with the territory. Good Luck.

[Tamara Croft]

Hi

As this is a question and not an introduction, I have moved it to the relevant section for you :) You might want to do a small intro in the intro section.

[Freddy12]

Hi Tanya,

Escalation as you are experiencing is perfectly normal. Give your wife time to adjust to the "new" (to her) you. Communicate your feelings, but also be sensitive to her feelings. It will take time for her to adjust. Best of luck! Keep us posted!

[tricia_uktv]

Hi Tanya,

Thats what you desire but what do you really want? And you won't know that until you've tried it - which you can't. I think you need to take small steps. Why not go away for a weekend on your own to a t-friendly place. Check with your wife that is ok and maybe give or buy her something to compensate.

Be aware that once you have opened Pandora's box its pretty much impossible to close the lid again so careful.

Tread softly, slowly, gently and with compassion to all who love you.

And make sure you know what you are getting into before you do.

Good luck,

Hugs

[mklinden2010]

I agree, as these things go, what you are doing is normal.

It is, however, new to you and new to her, so talk!

You'll both get used to it.

Be sensible - and always save something for later.

"Time is the Universe's way of keeping everything from happening all at once..."

[suchacutie]

Just to put all this in a bit of perspective, for your wife the escalation is huge and started from zero just 6 months ago. I'm sure she has all manner of insecurities and worries about keeping the man she married.

I have a very supportive wife, but I understand that I will do nothing to make her doubt that I'm her husband. It's hard to find/keep a supportive wife and I'm not about to lose the great deal I have! She's Tina's mentor and confidant. Can you engage your wife in helping you to learn how to be feminine? If you can make it a joint project, and one in which she feels comfortable, you may both be able to benefit!

Best of luck...welcome...and I hope your wife joins us here as well!

tina

[NathalieX66]

In crossdressing, and transgender inclinations, theres always the ad infinitum factor.
Find your peak, find your center, then make you and your wife happy. It's that simple.

[Debb]

Please consider this:

Your wife, who loves you and who you love, has had a small knock to her trust, and maybe her self-esteem. Trust is a precious thing, and you must do what you can to restore that trust. Don't hide things; it's really hard to be open, but "be a man" and do it.

We have grown up being quiet, for the most part, about our feelings. The longer you delay, the harder it will be to talk about this stuff. The situation is urgent: you are contemplating some very serious steps, and careful consideration is needed.

Does the above read like a horoscope? Does to me ... weird, I must be channeling a psychic or something :)

I just wanted to stop in and say how serious this is. Yes, everybody goes thru times of escalation ... doubt ... there's a lot of stuff you'll be going through, now that you've tasted freedom, however inadvertently. Work to convince her that, although you want to look pretty, you still also want to be her man.

You will, at times, doubt even that. You may start to feel that you don't want to be a man at all. These are common questions that most of us go through; we've been there, and some of us are there right now, alongside you. Count yourself fortunate that your wife hasn't strictly forbidden your dressing, or declared that she just can't stand it. Cherish that, and build upon it.

Beth

[eluuzion]

Have any of you been through this? If so, how did you satisfy your increasing cravings when your wife really wants to think of you as a man?

hiya Miss Tanya,

If there was an easy answer and solution to resolve those issues, this forum would probably not exist...:love:

[Frédérique]

I've been CDing since I was a small boy dressing up in my sister's nightgowns.

Ah, sweet dreams are made of this! I still wear nightgowns (pink, of course)…:battingeyelashes:


If so, how did you satisfy your increasing cravings…

I just dressed and went out (or stayed in) at every opportunity, making do anyway I could. I once had a teacher who said, “If you really want to do something, you’ll find the time to do it.” Since I really want to crossdress, there’s absolutely no problem finding the time, once I get the urge. I know how to delay pleasure as well, but this useful technique comes with age and experience…:straightface:

[audreyinalbany]

Escalation has always been one of the major issues with my wife concerning my crossdressing. She is chronically worried that my dressing will 'lead to' something more. She's a little vague about what this 'something more' might be, but she does see how over the years my dressing has progressed from a sexual fantasy (lingerie and stockings) to something more (make-up, dresses, wigs). Now considering we've been married thirty years and I haven't yet exhibited a desire for SRS or hormones, I think she's pretty safe, but I always wonder myself to what extent I would take my crossdressing if there were no restrictions. Would I be happy to have an occasional weekend away dressed? Would I dress full time at home? Would I be running out to the grocery store en femme? I dunno.

[DonnaT]

In crossdressing, and transgender inclinations, theres always the ad infinitum factor.
Find your peak, find your center, then make you and your wife happy. It's that simple.

Not really so simple.

Some find that occasional dressing, alone, is all they need. Others find it takes more to satisfy that trans need. Others find a point they think is working, and then several years down the road decide to transition.

Finding that center where you don't need more can be quite a challenge for many of us.

The challenge is even harder when one has an SO, one who may never get quite use to it.

Took my wife over 30 years to get to where she's generally OK with my dressing (no wig or makeup) around the house.

Takes time and patience. Continued discussion and experimentation from both partners to hopefully find a balance.

[kimdl93]

I don't think there's always common ground, but the only thing you can do is try to find it. That mean, more than anything else, communicating with you wife... which means listening and responding appropriately to her needs, not just telling her what you want. You may want to escalate...she may not now, or ever, be comfortable with it. One hopes that your marriage comes first and you'll both be able to find a comfort zone.