Would we be understanding if our wife or girlfriend liked to crossdress as a man? [Archive] - Crossdressers.com - #1 Community & Forum for Crossdressers, Family and Friends

Deborah Jane

05-15-2010, 04:30 AM

Very good question Denice

I love my wife unreservedly, but could I live with her presenting to all intents and purposes as a man?
Well I present to all intents and purposes as a woman quite often and she supports me 100%, even admitting that if I wanted to live full time as a woman, she would still support me 100%.

So I think my answer has to be, that bearing in mind that I do love her unreservedly and as her happiness and personal wellbeing would be more important to me than anything else, then my answer would have to be Yes

I admit, I may struggle with it at times, but her happiness would be the most important issue and as I love her as much as I do, I would come to terms with it and support her in every way I could, as she does with me :)

Michaela42

05-15-2010, 04:31 AM

Well, as everyone knows I have no SO, and I have not had one in a long time. When I did have one I never broached the subject of my dressing. She was a very attractive and intelligent woman who was much more "herself" in jeans, t-shirt or sweatshirt, and Dr. Martins. She also kept her hair rather short and unless she was dressing up for something she never wore make-up. Now I realize that just because she dressed this way does not automatically make her a F to M dresser, but looking back I wonder a bit. Did it ever bother me? No, not really. When were first met she was dressed as I described above and I did not consider her less of a woman due to it.

I would like to believe that I would be supportive, just as I would hope that she would be supportive of me. I would have to say that most M to F dressers would reply the same way. We want someone who likes us despite our hang-ups; well that is a two way street I guess.

Billie1

05-15-2010, 05:07 AM

Why would I not do the same thing that I ask my partner to do?
That seems quite unfair, and not the sign of a true partnership.
I would be as supportive of her as she is of me.

As far as intimacy is concerned, I would actually find that very appealling.

Joanne f

05-15-2010, 05:17 AM

That is one of those questions that you will never know the real answer to until it happens to you , it is all to easy to say "oh i would not put up with that " or " it would not bother me at all " but i would like to think that most TGs would at least give it a go and understand .

Jonianne

05-15-2010, 06:25 AM

Cloths wise, I would have no problem with what ever she wanted to wear. In fact, I prefer women who are tomboyish anyway. There have been many a girl my heart has pitter pattered after who was wearing work type coveralls.

Now, what would be hard would be if she wanted to wear a fake beard or mustache during love making. It would definatly be a turn-off in bed. Neither would I wear false breasts, as my wife says that would be a turn-off to her.

I would be fine if she wanted to "dress up" and go out like that on occasion, if that's what would make her happy. We would both have a wonderful time going out as the opposite gender, I would just want to know that she is still my wife, just as I know she would want to know I am still her husband.

linnea

05-15-2010, 06:44 AM

karen68

05-15-2010, 06:47 AM

Yes definately, it would be fun in the bedroom, and would love to go out together dressed as each others gender

Kate Simmons

05-15-2010, 07:16 AM

That is never taken seriously and the thought of a woman embracing empowerment is always looked upon with favor anyway. I, myself, was a "secret tomboy" growing up. I loved being rough and tumble but secretly soft and sweet. Women may put on men's clothes but they are always women just as we are always men in the end. We are all exactly who we are supposed to be anyway.:)

MissKara

05-15-2010, 08:01 AM

If my SO (If I had one) was a CD/TS, I'd be 100% for it. We could go on reverse dates :P For once, I wouldn't have to pay

Lots of Love,
Miss Kara

Deborah Jane

05-15-2010, 08:14 AM

I'd be 100% for it. We could go on reverse dates :P For once, I wouldn't have to pay

Lots of Love,
Miss Kara

I love this answer :thumbsup:
Positive thinking at it's best :heehee:

NiCo

05-15-2010, 09:18 AM

Becoming a man--changing gender--even that, I venture to say--is more acceptable in our society than going M2F.

I think you’ll find it’s not. Same struggles. Same fears. Same rejections.

Joanne f

05-15-2010, 09:37 AM

Becoming a man--changing gender--even that, I venture to say--is more acceptable in our society than going M2F.
.

I would say the opposite to that as i think there is far more emotion within the family when a Daughter/Mother wants to change and because it is less heard of in society they would also get less understanding there .

05-15-2010, 09:38 AM

If they came out to us could we live with it?Yes. She accepts me, and I would accept anything she wanted to do. She could dress in a giraffe suit if she wanted to. I'd just need higher heels to kiss her. ;)

TGMarla

05-15-2010, 09:49 AM

Nope. I'd hate it. And I can certainly understand why women aren't usually down with their men behaving this way. I know I do act this way. And I know I wish my wife was "understanding" about it, and would be okay with me doing it around her. But she's not, and I understand why completely.

I'm far more understanding as to her intolerance towards it than she is to my crossdressing. And I get that, too.

Lacyfem

05-15-2010, 10:03 AM

In all the years I've been dressing and managed to keep this fem side from my wife I've not met or chatted with many CDs whose wive's have been happy with their man wanting to be a woman. Even if it is part time. That is why I am in the closet and intend to stay that way. However, as one has said there are many women that dress like men now and that's quite accepted. I think dressing as a woman as we all do is a more complicted process and one that some women bow out to and find it easier to dress more simply in men's style clothing. Some say they would accept their wives just as the wives accept us but until its really broached in a relationship you would never know... Could lead to a divorce or a flat out bad relationship...
Last I close with my dissappointment in my wife not dressing fem enough... uninspiring lingerie, always sports bras, no hose or garters... just the basics and believe me she has a great body as an ex model who I'm most jeolous of in good way when she chooses to dress fem and sexy...

Sarah Doepner

05-15-2010, 10:17 AM

Denice I think that many would like to think they would/could but being honest very few of us ever go looking for a TG partner specifically, . . .

I think Sheila hit the nail on the head with that one. My wife learned almost all about me well before the high heel fell and my crossdressing became shared knowledge. Without the years of love and support we had built as a foundation I wouldn't have blamed her if she had turned around and headed out the door. Given that, if she came to me today and said she wanted to dress as a man with a mustache and scratchy beard, I'd do everything I could to help her explore that side of her life. If she had told me that back when we first met, I probably would of had second thoughts. Just as she might of had if I had shared my femme side back then.

It's all guess work now and we love, accept and support the other regardless of the conditions or choices now.

Lorileah

05-15-2010, 10:26 AM

Personally I don't like facial hair so no beard, but that isn't saying that if my SO decided sometime to either dress more masculine or even transition that I would leave them. So clean shaven FtM are ok by me. I also draw the line at scratching genitals and rearranging in public, spitting on the sidewalk, eating over the sink and missing the urinal, but hey that's just me.

Mickeytgurl

05-15-2010, 10:31 AM

Whatever she wants :)

kellycan27

05-15-2010, 12:13 PM

Denice I think that many would like to think they would/could but being honest very few of us ever go looking for a TG partner specifically.

Exactly. I wonder how this question would be answered if it wasn't yet the person's wife or SO, but rather a potenial partner. What if they told you up-front? Personally if I knew in advance... I would decline. If I found out after the fact...Houston, we have a problem.

jen

05-15-2010, 12:34 PM

that's the woman I've been looking for all my life!!!!

Annalise

05-15-2010, 01:35 PM

I'd be all for it. Maybe not the mustache and beard lol But I'd support her and I think it would be fun. She asked me the same question before and I told her I wouldnt mind and that I would probably dress more often. We tend to have this role reversal thing going on especially in cases of sexual and physical attraction at times. It doesnt happen very often, but if it came out like that i would be totally ok with it and I think we'd both have fun with it. Going on reverse dates as mentioned before and going out to clubs and what not. We'd make a cute couple :P lol

Karen564

05-15-2010, 03:31 PM

I'm slightly confused by what I'm reading here, because it seems that most everyone here is thinking of it with blinders on, and only as if they are temporally doing gender swap & this is some sort of fantasy, but not forever..

But what if that's not the case, as in it's a long term thing and the CD husband cant dress as female all the time, as in going to a company outing/picnic, a family reunion, or just having their macho buddies over to watch the game, or to a neighborhood barbecue, etc.....

I am of course going by what I've read here on this site, as to many CDers have stated that they have no desires to totally give up their male side with no desire to live as a woman 24/7.. and only CD part time

So,,,,,
Would you all still be comfortable attending with your now clearly male appearing transgendered wife to these functions while you yourself was dressed as male too?
Would you be able to handle what others would now think of you or say for being married to a male looking TG/TS spouse?

And for the ones that say it would be a turn on in the bedroom while making love with your now male appearing wife, and I assume while you are dressed as female, sorry, but I have to ask, ,,,,,,Why did you ever get married to a female if you had these desires for a masculine spouse ?
Or is this only because you would do whatever it took to stay together...but not something you would of intentionally wanted prior to looking for a relationship?
Do you find hair on a body other than your own a turn on?

Was this something you found out later in life, or were you always aware of an attraction to males early on, but was afraid of the stigma attached with it ?

I mean no disrespect, it's just something I would like to further understand about all of you..
:hugs:

05-15-2010, 03:35 PM

and they are accepted by other women and most of the male world.

No we're not.

Becoming a man--changing gender--even that, I venture to say--is more acceptable in our society than going M2F.

Nope.

Jason+

05-15-2010, 03:44 PM

I don't think I would like her having a scratchy mustache or beard any more than she likes it when I am scruffy and scratchy. The concept doesn't bother me but the feeling just like if one or the others legs are overdue for attention and prickly would. She is dead convinced that she doesn't look good in dresses or skirts, and was raised in pants and prefers it that way to this day.

I don't wear any forms or padding or wigs myself. If she wanted to bind herself and wear some pants padding my biggest concerns would be for her physical well being and worry for her self esteem. If I were convinced those things would make a positive impact on her self worth I'd be on my way to the Walgreen's for the ace bandages myself.

If I wanted to be a woman that would be the deal breaker for her that being a cross dresser would have been if she had truly understood that I wasn't making a joke before we married. If she discovered she was truly a F to M TG I would give her the same thing she gives me, support as best as I can.

05-15-2010, 03:47 PM

If I were convinced those things would make a positive impact on her self worth I'd be on my way to the Walgreen's for the ace bandages myself.

I know this was meant as a positive comment, and that's excellent, but ace bandages can actually damage a person's lungs, ribs, etc pretty bad. :) If you loved an FtM-style person, don't get them ace bandages.

Sorry, I'm automatic in my ace bandage disclaimers. :ner: Your comment hasn't lost its message, though.

Fab Karen

05-15-2010, 03:51 PM

I think it would be a big issue for heterosexuals & lesbians. Speaking from the perspective of someone not in those two categories, it wouldn't be a problem for me. But just like GG's on here talk about,I would want to know about it at the start of a relationship- such personal secrets cause you to wonder if there's anything else being hidden.

xd-tigger

05-15-2010, 04:09 PM

That's very hypocritical of you.

You want your SO to accept who you are, but you would be unwilling to accept their crossdressing.

Jason+

05-15-2010, 04:25 PM

I know this was meant as a positive comment, and that's excellent, but ace bandages can actually damage a person's lungs, ribs, etc pretty bad. :) If you loved an FtM-style person, don't get them ace bandages.

Sorry, I'm automatic in my ace bandage disclaimers. :ner: Your comment hasn't lost its message, though.

No worries, Milo
He physical well being would be my first concern and I am sure that would only be the start of a steep learning curve,

Jason

Deborah Jane

05-15-2010, 04:26 PM

Becoming a man--changing gender--even that, I venture to say--is more acceptable in our society than going M2F.

I think you're wrong Linnea, they face all the same challenges as we do, albeit from a differant gender perspective. In fact, in some areas, such as coming out to family, I would hazard a guess and say they could have it even harder than we do.

Rachel Morley

05-15-2010, 04:31 PM

It might be cute for halloween but I'm not sure I could go along with it on a regular basis.
It was cute for Halloween! The dude in the pic below is my wife Marla! Seriously though, what exactly is "a regular basis"? Say she was to dress exact same frequency I'm doing now (about 2 times a week including going out in public) then I would totally be ok with it because the majority of the time she would be not en homme, just like the majority of my time is not spent en femme. It's not the dressing that would be the problem it's male macho attitude that I wouldn't like (assuming she had one to go with her look).

http://img354.imageshack.us/img354/9689/carlas2nd1.jpg

minalost

05-15-2010, 04:38 PM

If my SO (If I had one) was a CD/TS, I'd be 100% for it. We could go on reverse dates :P For once, I wouldn't have to pay

Lots of Love,
Miss Kara

HA! I make her pay anyway! Okay, okay, she's using my (Oh, I mean OUR) money...:devil:

Nope. I'd hate it. And I can certainly understand why women aren't usually down with their men behaving this way. I know I do act this way. And I know I wish my wife was "understanding" about it, and would be okay with me doing it around her. But she's not, and I understand why completely.

I'm far more understanding as to her intolerance towards it than she is to my crossdressing. And I get that, too.

Have to respect you for coming out and saying this. I think a lot of our sisters are responding without really thinking this through...

I'm slightly confused by what I'm reading here, because it seems that most everyone here is thinking of it with blinders on, and only as if they are temporally doing gender swap & this is some sort of fantasy, but not forever..

But what if that's not the case, as in it's a long term thing and the CD husband cant dress as female all the time, as in going to a company outing/picnic, a family reunion, or just having their macho buddies over to watch the game, or to a neighborhood barbecue, etc.....

I am of course going by what I've read here on this site, as to many CDers have stated that they have no desires to totally give up their male side with no desire to live as a woman 24/7.. and only CD part time

So,,,,,
Would you all still be comfortable attending with your now clearly male appearing transgendered wife to these functions while you yourself was dressed as male too?
Would you be able to handle what others would now think of you or say for being married to a male looking TG/TS spouse?

And for the ones that say it would be a turn on in the bedroom while making love with your now male appearing wife, and I assume while you are dressed as female, sorry, but I have to ask, ,,,,,,Why did you ever get married to a female if you had these desires for a masculine spouse ?
Or is this only because you would do whatever it took to stay together...but not something you would of intentionally wanted prior to looking for a relationship?
Do you find hair on a body other than your own a turn on?

Was this something you found out later in life, or were you always aware of an attraction to males early on, but was afraid of the stigma attached with it ?

I mean no disrespect, it's just something I would like to further understand about all of you..
:hugs:

Go Karen! A well thought out response.

I honestly don't think I know how I'd react. I WANT to say I'd be accepting, but I don't think anyone really knows unlit it hits them in the face.
Just my :2c:.
:hugs:

Sheila

05-15-2010, 04:42 PM

Crossdressing in male mode--women do that all the time, hundreds of them! Trying to pass as a man, quite a few do that, and they are accepted by other women and most of the male world.
Becoming a man--changing gender--even that, I venture to say--is more acceptable in our society than going M2F.

Sorry but after having a PM conversation with a well know member here very vocal and knowledgable on Trans issues lead me to ask this QUESTION in the Transmaculine section Is there such thing as a FtM CDER (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=131023), they did not think there was and I was shocked that people in this day and age were actually unaware or believed that there was no such thing as F2M CDER.

Perhaps you are confusing the belief that some have that women wearing pants are Crossdressing thereby making it appear they have an easier time of it in general ................. you know for an M2F it is easier to acquire the look then it is for F2M you have to put your girls in, you slap your make up on tuck and add a wig and some clothes, jewelry and heels ......... they have to stap them girls down, and for someone like me they would take some strapping :straightface:, if for family peace they have longish hair they then have to find some way to disguise that, if they have short hair cut in a male style they have to put up with comments on a daily basis from family members of the shortness/maleness of their hair, Males clothes are not designed for female shape anymore than female clothes are designed for the male body, so when they find jeans that fit their womanly hips they end up with 4 inches flapping at the waist and probably 4 inches to damn long in the leg :sad: .. packing well I will let one of them answer that, while many M2F's mention their height as being a give away when dressed as females, so do the females bemoan the lack of inches when presenting as male.

Families from either genders perspective will be pretty split I would imagine on srs and life a s the opposite gender ................. women if they have not already had kids will be looked at as if they are crazy not to want to do that of most natural act for a woman which is give birth ............. what family and friends really fail to get there is that while their body screams female to the world at large, they are male internally and so have no interest in pushing a rugby ball out through an opening that is foreign to there internal knowledge of who they are. Trust me the guys do not have any easier a time of it that you girls do, not by a long long way ........... both genders face huge problems some of them similar and some of them vastly different , but you both have to struggle to gain acceptance to align your birth bodies to your match your internal gender :sad:

Evangeline

05-15-2010, 06:34 PM

meh? why not, tis was very popular in the twenties and thirties, gals wearing tweed suits and (shock et horreur) smoking cigars, arh hell why worry she might put out the garbage for a change while smoking a pipe, lifes to short to worry, let her wear brogues, let her wear tweed jackets and swear like a trooper,let it ride and have fun.

05-15-2010, 06:51 PM

Why did you ever get married to a female if you had these desires for a masculine spouse ?Uh, well, personally, I don't have any desire for a masculine girlfriend. The original question was, "Would we be understanding if our wife or girlfriend said that they like to crossdress as a man," and to that I still say 'yes.'

I'm sure she wasn't exactly looking for a boyfriend like me either, so fair is fair. Anyway, once you love someone, the rest is just window dressing. I assumed the question was about someone you already loved, not someone you just met.

kaleyg

05-15-2010, 06:51 PM

to be very honest, i couldn't live with that on a regular basis, and i can't imagine being intimate. but to be consistent, i also have no expectation of my wife that she extend that sort of acceptance to me.

here's a question for the ggs, tho. do you think it is exactly the same, or do you think it would be easier, for some reason, for a woman to accept a m2f lover? here's why i ask (and i really don't know the answer)-- i've heard it said that *in general*, women are mainly aroused by what is inside a person and how that person treats them than by the person's appearance. thus, it *might* be easier for a woman to accept a m2f partner who is beautiful on the inside and treats her with respect, kindness and tenderness. in contrast, i've heard it said that *in general*, men are aroused by appearances (we're more shallow?). so, it might be harder for a man to engage with a f2m partner. i think most of the people on this forum are less stereotypical, so please don't get your panties in a wad and take offense at generalizations.

what does everyone think? (maybe i should make this a separate post)

Karen564

05-15-2010, 07:15 PM

Uh, well, personally, I don't have any desire for a masculine girlfriend. The original question was, "Would we be understanding if our wife or girlfriend said that they like to crossdress as a man," and to that I still say 'yes.'

The question you quoted went hand in hand with the other question before it, which was for the ones that are married & while they are dressed enfem, may get turned on by the wife appearing as male in the bedroom during sex..

Does that make more sense now?

05-15-2010, 08:24 PM

Does that make more sense now?Yeah. Well, it made sense before. It just seems to me that some people took a pretty straightforward question and started attaching conditions to it that weren't in the original question. So I was answering the simple bit. Picking and choosing, granted. But I can't keep up with the rest.

olga

05-15-2010, 09:04 PM

Hmmmm… I think the underlying question here is if we are talking crossdressing or transitioning.

I personally would not have a problem whatsoever if my SO (I’m single at the moment) would be crossdressing. That would actually be a lot of fun!

I’m not so sure about actual transitioning — if it goes beyond clothes, if male gender attributes come into play, a beard for example would definitely be a turn-off for me.

Let’s face it — straight women love a close-shaved (male) face. I don’t think it works the other way around with straight men.

olga

Sheila

05-15-2010, 09:13 PM

Let’s face it — straight women love a close-shaved (male) face. olga

:eek::eek: we do, why did nobody tell me that :doh:

Karen564

05-15-2010, 09:36 PM

Yeah. Well, it made sense before. It just seems to me that some people took a pretty straightforward question and started attaching conditions to it that weren't in the original question. So I was answering the simple bit. Picking and choosing, granted. But I can't keep up with the rest.

Thanks for your input,
I only added to it because nothing about this topic is really that straightforward or simple & seemed a bit too vague to me....so I just wanted to narrow it down & ask some questions to expand on what others had posted earlier just to be more clear....that's all..
:hugs:

Let’s face it — straight women love a close-shaved (male) face. I don’t think it works the other way around with straight men.
olga
Well, I don't know about too close of a shave, since I like a little bit of roughage there, just not to the point where it feels like sandpaper...ouchy on my tender skin..:battingeyelashes:

Jason+

05-15-2010, 09:46 PM

And for the ones that say it would be a turn on in the bedroom while making love with your now male appearing wife, and I assume while you are dressed as female, sorry, but I have to ask, ,,,,,,Why did you ever get married to a female if you had these desires for a masculine spouse ?
Or is this only because you would do whatever it took to stay together...but not something you would of intentionally wanted prior to looking for a relationship?
Do you find hair on a body other than your own a turn on?

Underneath all the padding/wrapping/toys or what have you there is still a fundamental plumbing difference between a GG who is an FtM cross dresser and a GM. For my wife and I we have invested a lot of time and heart into each other. It's a big enough investment that neither of us is willing to scrap to go looking for a more "ideal" match. I don't know that hair on her legs or face for that matter would be a turn on but once it got past the prickly stage I don't think I'd have an issue with it.

olga

05-15-2010, 09:50 PM

Well, I don't know about too close of a shave, since I like a little bit of roughage there, just not to the point where it feels like sandpaper...ouchy on my tender skin..:battingeyelashes:

What I’m trying to say is that straight women generally accept a man’s smooth, closely shaved face, while straight men won’t accept a stubbly, hairy face of a woman.

olga

"Mary"

05-15-2010, 09:59 PM

Sheila

05-15-2010, 10:09 PM

Let's not ignore the fact that women do wear men's clothes and tuck away long hair for all the time.

Her trip to the hardware store in baggy jeans, work boots, baseball hat with flannel shirt of sweatshirt - No problem. If they wish to, they can blend right in with guys until they engage in a encounter/conversation.

His trip to the florist in snug skirt, heels, flouncy blouse and angora sweater - Big Issue!!

Sorry but us wearing baggy jeans and work boots etc to the hardware store means we are engaged in some work (either paid or at home) that makes it ridiculous to wear 6 inch stilettos, a skirt no longer than a belt, and a flouncy blouse impractical ( and yeah I know that cos I have done it several times in one job where such clothing was necessary), it is not necessary to take a trip to the florist as you describe but there is no reason not to go there dressed like that if he wishes and many do NO ISSUE as they will tell you.

One mode of dress above is for practical & safety reasons, wanna guess which one :brolleyes:

I weary of the continued assumption that women wearing jeans and shirts mean we are Crossdressing .............. we do not bind our breasts when we dress, we do not put on facial hair, we do not pack we are not attempting to pass as males, we dress for comfort and practicality :straightface:

Karen564

05-15-2010, 10:13 PM

What I’m trying to say is that straight women generally accept a man’s smooth, closely shaved face, while straight men won’t accept a stubbly, hairy face of a woman.

olga

I agree with that...for sure.!.
If some straight guy ever did tell me he would like to see hair on my face, he certainly wouldn't be my guy for very long...lol

kellycan27

05-15-2010, 10:33 PM

Sorry but us wearing baggy jeans and work boots etc to the hardware store means we are engaged in some work (either paid or at home) that makes it ridiculous to wear 6 inch stilettos, a skirt no longer than a belt, and a flouncy blouse impractical ( and yeah I know that cos I have done it several times in one job where such clothing was necessary), o:

True, but i get better and faster service if i wear a short skirt and heels :heehee:

Lorileah

05-15-2010, 11:01 PM

But what if that's not the case, as in it's a long term thing and the CD husband cant dress as female all the time, as in going to a company outing/picnic, a family reunion, or just having their macho buddies over to watch the game, or to a neighborhood barbecue, etc.....

In for a penny in for a pound as they say. Here is what I have been saying for what two and a half years on this site. You don't love the shell of the person you love the person no matter what they wear or how they present. Kelly makes a point that there is a huge difference in knowing before and finding out afterward. And it is my opinion that way too many here don't see the inner person. Yes we pair up from visual stimuli initially, but that is lust not love. It is also my opinion that way too many people look for the easy way out of a lust situation that didn't turn into the fairy tale love they expect. Easy way out? Bye bye..see ya later. And we all know just how ell those second third and fourth marriages work out don't we? So, here's MY answer. I don't love the shell. I love the person. The shell doesn't stay the same anyway. Lucky me I was blessed with bad eyes.

Would you all still be comfortable attending with your now clearly male appearing transgendered wife to these functions while you yourself was dressed as male too?Would you be able to handle what others would now think of you or say for being married to a male looking

again, I may be the odd person out here but male, female, short, tall whatever...if that person was my love, I don't give two hoots in hell what the jerks at work might say and I sure as heck would not stay friends with anyone who would not accept my SO.

Was this something you found out later in life, or were you always aware of an attraction to males early on, but was afraid of the stigma attached with it ?

OK here you assume that anyone who stays with a TS is "gay". So flawed logic on your part. I know there are people here who keep harping on the "I am straight" platform while justifying that they dress just "because". There is a stigma? I know many gays who are just as deeply in love with their spouse (and yes they are married in their eyes) as any hetero couple. You don't just quit loving someone. Maybe I am really out of touch here.

This can get into a whole academic philosophical discussion about little picky points. The hair thing is personal. It is personal even if you aren't talking beards and chest hair. Many men prefer their wives have long flowing hair and many women wear their hair short. The husband may not "like" that but it is no reason to walk away. Read the posts here and many of the members would love their wives to wear dresses but said wives prefer slacks, shorts, sweats whatever. It's just clothes. Hair color, make up no make up, shoes, does she bowl, hunt, fish? Does she (or he) watch L&O and you prefer H&G. Do they sleep late or stay up late. All these things are what makes life. The question was what if your SO decided to dress like a guy (It didn't say transition but OK we'll add that). The answers were given and then some questioned the answers (which were given as honest as we can answer here without actually DOING it). Please don't start throwing in "Yeah buts...".

Frédérique

05-15-2010, 11:01 PM

Would we be understanding if our wife or girlfriend liked to crossdress as a man?

I’ve often thought about this. I would be completely and utterly sympathetic if my girlfriend liked to crossdress as a male – how could I not be? If you’re my friend in the first place, you must have some aspect of your personality that is outside of the “norm” that pleases me and forges a connection. So, if I like you to begin with, and you later express a desire to crossdress, then that is of no consequence. I like the person, not the appearance of the person. That said, since I am a crossdresser myself, I would be quite pleased to find out that you are one of “us.” I would still be shy about myself in your presence, so you can take the lead in our relationship if you so wish, or be equal in stance, a couple of gender-integrated lost souls who have somehow found each other…

I really think that if I had been born female, I would’ve wound up being a FtM crossdresser by following the same path I have chosen in my current life – I can easily see that happening, but it’s hard to explain. I know my father, making do with what he had produced (hypothetically a girl, yet he actually got a boy), would have pushed me not-so-gently towards masculine farm work, something my girly sisters avoided. If I embraced this tomboyish "free" lifestyle, I can see myself becoming gender-queer by environment and temperament. It remains to be seen, in my case, but I just naturally do the opposite of what is expected of me in a gender role. As such, being female but wanting to “be” male is something I can understand completely…:straightface:

Karen564

05-16-2010, 01:30 AM

Thanks so much for your answers Lori,
I appreciate your time & thoughts..

But I think you got me all wrong after this,

OK here you assume that anyone who stays with a TS is "gay". So flawed logic on your part.
No, it's not what I think, believe me, no way!

Because I had to go through all this explaining to everyone that I was not gay after I came out to them about being TS, and it was the 1st thing they thought of ....
And it's also what most everybody else assumes right off the bat too...unless their inside our community or happen to know other TS's, but that's a bit rare.

But guess I should be used to this by now as a woman, It's always be a man's world one way or another..:drink:

Thanks to each & every one of you that did answer my questions with your honest opinions & answers, it's very much appreciated...:hugs:

Kat42

05-16-2010, 03:27 AM

Ummm... she already does!

She wears T-shirts, and shorts or jeans most of the time. A lot of the times the T-shirt is one of my faves, and sometimes the pants are mine too.

Yea, I felt jealous. I respect her wardobe and don't intrude on her stuff but she doesn't mind borrowing "this" or "that" from my side of the closet. Fair is fair so we had a conversation...

I commented on how society see's her wearing my stuff as OK but would not feel the same way if I dressed from her side of the closet. I think she saw the logic and said "Hey, if you want to wear my stuff, knock yourself out!"

Now there is a size problem not to mention the issue of respect, so I don't wear her stuff. [Besides I have my own] But I think she understood the societal contradiction.

Sheila

05-16-2010, 04:09 AM

Ummm... she already does!

She wears T-shirts, and shorts or jeans most of the time. A lot of the times the T-shirt is one of my faves, and sometimes the pants are mine too..

Sorry Kat she is not Crossdressing ............... she is not presenting as a male, she is not packing and binding, she is not applying facial hair ............... in short she is not Crossdressing ................ Did I mention females wearing male t-shirts & Jeans are not crossdressers :doh:

Marcie4you

05-16-2010, 04:35 AM

Don't they have that freedom already?

Deborah Jane

05-16-2010, 04:39 AM

Don't they have that freedom already?

Yeah, the same as we do

Everyone can dress exactly as they wish, only our own paranoia about what the rest of society thinks stops us, and they really don't care!!!

PretzelGirl

05-16-2010, 10:46 AM

I think this is a hard question to definately answer. What level is my wife dressing? How often? Or are (Karen I believe stated) they considering transition. And that is a big one. Think of all of our levels of dressing and then apply them to this premise. What if you wife only wanted to wear tighty wighties? What if you knew she was dressing, but the two of you agreed that she would only do it back in the bedroom or when you were around? What if she wanted you to take her shopping, to the movies, or out to eat while she was dressed? Or the final, if she wanted to transition? It doesn't seem so clear cut to give one answer.

Personally I don't like facial hair so no beard, but that isn't saying that if my SO decided sometime to either dress more masculine or even transition that I would leave them. So clean shaven FtM are ok by me. I also draw the line at scratching genitals and rearranging in public, spitting on the sidewalk, eating over the sink and missing the urinal, but hey that's just me.

She better put the toilet seat down and the cap back on the toothpaste!

I weary of the continued assumption that women wearing jeans and shirts mean we are Crossdressing .............. we do not bind our breasts when we dress, we do not put on facial hair, we do not pack we are not attempting to pass as males, we dress for comfort and practicality :straightface:

I completely agree with you Shiela. Women decided that they wanted to wear jeans (at some point) and now there are jeans cut and designed for women in the women's section. Therefore they are women's clothes and not men's. So if they are women's, how is it crossdressing? This is one of the things I shake my head at because it seems so clear cut to me. When there are bras in the men's section that are lacy and satin, then it won't be crossdressing for men to wear them.