Some days

[Deborah Jane]

Some days I just feel tempted to say "Sod it" and become myself [Debs] for the rest of my life. Sheila would support me with her blessing, that much I know.........But!!!!

Something holds me back, maybe a reality check on the fact that underneath all the clothing, makeup and wig, etc I'm still just a guy dressed up, no matter how I feel inside, I'm not sure,
I feel like I'm a woman, but know that I'm still a man!!

Do you ever feel like just letting go and living your life as "yourself"?

[Kate Simmons]

I could do it Debs but my personal dynamics will not allow it as I have very particular purposes to fulfill. Think of it as being like Sonic the Hedgehog. He is fine just going along but when he gets the power rings, he is on a whole different level of energy.:)

[Freddy12]

Oh, how I wish I could live full time as Freddy. It just can't happen

[Shelly Preston]

This is one of the toughest decisions that we ever have to make

Finding out who we are and where we should be. Its such a personal decision for each individual. The conflict we feel inside is what makes it so tough.

Talking with professional can help as they see things from an independant point of view.

Having the support behind your makes deciding much easier as its one less thing to worry about.

[StaceyJane]

I know how you feel. No matter how strongly you feel inside it's still very hard to give up on you old life.

[jasmine57]

Debs- I know exactly how you feel. I would love just to live my life as Jasmine but when it comes right down to it I'm (as you would say) just a bloke in a dress. It has nothing to do with confidence or self assurance it's just as hard as I try, reality brings me back to earth. I've gotten to the point that I really enjoy my Jas time but don't let it consume me. Fighting that consumption is a difficult thing to do but neccessary at least for me. I hope you find the answer you're looking for.

[TGMarla]

Debs, I can relate to that sentiment 100% completely almost every day. There are times, quite often really, that I am tempted to just chuck this whole life I've built, and opt for a new one as a woman. But the reality check is always there, that underneath all the pretty clothes and the wig is a guy, and no amount of anything is really going to change that. My hair isn't suddenly going to grow back nice and long, and be all pretty and such. My hands aren't going to suddenly be slender and beautiful. And I'm not about to put my wife and family through it for my own selfish purposes, especially so I can opt for a life of prejudice and hardship, just to earn the right to wear a dress if I want to.....I can do that now, really.

[Nicola2876]

Most days recently I think I'm gonna do it and soon but I never get the courage or I think of things in life I could lose. I dressed today and got that "I need to do something about this" feeling but when I pick my daughter up from school I know I'm risking evrything if I do.

[Rianna Humble]

Some days I just feel tempted to say "Sod it" and become myself [Debs] for the rest of my life. Sheila would support me with her blessing, that much I know.........But!!!!

Something holds me back, maybe a reality check on the fact that underneath all the clothing, makeup and wig, etc I'm still just a guy dressed up, no matter how I feel inside, I'm not sure,
I feel like I'm a woman, but know that I'm still a man!!

Do you ever feel like just letting go and living your life as "yourself"?

I feel so strongly about letting go and living as myself that I am trying to get help to move in that direction, so I think I understand some of what you are going through. I also think that when it comes down to it Debs, both you and Sheila know that you are more than "just a guy dressed up".

The decision about whether to give up the old life is never an easy one, and I don't envy you the dilemma, it's hard enough for me with few ties to remaining "him", but at least you have an exceptional SO to help you make the decision that is right for you.

[Sweeterica]

Oh boy,or should i say girl do i agree, i would love to spend my days as erica,im hoping to move soon to a nice isolated spot with no close neighbours im hoping to be erica most if not all days,subject to my understanding wife .

[DonnaT]

Do you ever feel like just letting go and living your life as "yourself"?

Already do. I'm a man, and also trans, so I live as a man and dress as the need dictates.

[Tina B.]

Just as soon as I figure out just who the real me is.
Tina B.

[carolinoakland]

time to talk to someone, I was at that point. And I went to answer the questions...
Am I CD who is struggling with his acceptance?
Or
A TS?
One way or another living like I had been was no longer an option...

[EnglishRose]

Stop me if I'm wrong here, Debs, but you've posted a number of very similar threads recently, if I recall. I think that's very telling in itself; it sounds like you're running out of internalized excuses. :) Maybe you're only telling yourself that you're "still a man"?

[Sheila]

Rose ........... your post has just hit a cord with her :) TY

[pamela_a]

Something holds me back, maybe a reality check on the fact that underneath all the clothing, makeup and wig, etc I'm still just a guy dressed up, no matter how I feel inside, I'm not sure,
I feel like I'm a woman, but know that I'm still a man!!You know you're a man or are you still trying to convince yourself of it?

I understand this feeling Debs. I lived the conditioning for 50 years of my life. It took a lot of self introspection and a good therapist asking the right questions for me to realize and fully accept who I am. Nobody can tell you that, only you can provide that answer. The most difficult part for me was accepting the answer.


Do you ever feel like just letting go and living your life as "yourself"?I did and it's been the most wonderful thing I could have ever done. IMO too many people miss out on life by trying to live like everyone else thinks they should instead of being who they are.

The answer you seek is inside. You are blessed having Shelia's love and support and hopefully that makes it easier, but you have the hard work to do to find out just who you are. Once you have answered that question. go live as yourself. :hugs::love:

[Lorileah]

Yes I would love to live a life as "Myself" but I have built such a structure that that, at least right now, is not totally possible. But it is closer everyday

[suchacutie]

So many thoughts struck me as I read through this thread:

1) Ok, we aren't women, and unless we go through an incredible amount of medication and surgery we aren't going to optimize the physical attributes that are "assigned" to women (that is, unless we are one of the very lucky few to have bodies that are already remarkably feminine). However, that doesn't mean we can't be feminine. There is large difference and the latter is the goal I think most of us have who haven't committed to the complete changeover of our bodies.

2) I'm not sure if it's possible to know if one really wants to move entirely to a feminine lifestyle without trying it. By "trying it" I mean a commitment for a period of time, say, 3 months, with no backing out no matter what! With a supportive and encouraging spouse it should be possible to establish this test, if it is something that is that compelling. After that period of time you'd certainly have a perspective! Oh, by 24/7 I do mean never presenting as a male, including right after that shower :).

3) Personally, I love the whole idea of being Tina. She's very important to me and clearly a part of my being. I adore the fact that my wife understands this and encourages this exploration of the femininity within by putting it on display and letting it be all it can. On the other hand, there is a lot about my male life that I realy enjoy and don't want to live without. For me, the separation of my masculine and feminine selves, including my wife treating us as two separate manifestations of me (including different likes/dislikes and sometime markedly different opinions/interests), is the key. When Tina arrives, the "him" goes away. We talk about him as another person and Tina is the girlfriend with her own life! Ok, this sounds a little polar but that separation could, theoretically, allow Tina to go on for days if we wished. Certainly the goal is the complete feminization of Tina where it is as if Tina has existed forever and had grown up as a girl would have. Mentally, Tina would have the knowledge and psychology of a girl, with all the outward manifestations. Does that sound a little TS...well, yes it does, but I don't think that requires a 24/7 commitment, although it does require a commitment.

Ok, I've wandered long enough, but the bottom line is that I think we can be, or already are, more than just a guy in a dress. It takes a lot of work to progress from donning the female attire (which is great in and of itself) to being a feminine creature, but once that's obtained, I see nothing wrong with going back and forth! :) In fact, I think it's grand fun to decide, "let's see, today I'll be masculine, but tonight I'll change over!" No matter what, however we manifest our femininity, it should be what we want individually, with no prejudice of guilt of any kind!

tina

[Mirani]

For me, the decision was made easier because I realised that I preferred the world from my feminine perspective. I was helped to understand how much better I felt about myself being the woman I felt I was inside.
I lost the adrenalin rush of "going out". I found the peace of completeness.
I have a partner who knows me better than I know myself! Friends and colleagues who "understand".
Once I started 24/7, it wasn't like there is no going back. I always have that choice.
But it was one of the best decisions of my life.
No more depression; no more frustration of wanting so much to do what I saw women doing, to wear what I wanted whenever I wanted. To BE a girlfriend (oh I so love that!).

Anyway, I have life's frustrations; business worries; a nasty illness, and I've put on weight .... so not everything is wonderful.
BUT I am at peace with myself and the world. :)

[t-girlxsophie]

If I was just on my own,I would think long and hard about being "me" 24/7 but my wife,I know would not be up for that in the slightest,don't get me wrong she loves my femme side but she likes on occasion to have her man around,and I would never do anything to harm our happiness together I'm afforded so much opportunity to dress and I thank her for that

I have it much better than I would say than many on here,I have been selfish in my life enough regarding my CDing and I don't wish to repeat my actions,I'm just going to enjoy life as Sophie as much as I can,share as many experiences out with friends or with my wife more,now the kids are older.At home my (girl) life and life in general is good
I LOVE BEING A GIRL but he's gotta get a wee look in from time to time:)