Dreams and Reality

[Katesback]

The other day I had a trans person in my office. This person identified herself as a CD.

As typical she came in to talk about HIV (since it impacts us soo heavily) and other health issues. As always the talk turned to other transgender related stuff.........

She had questions... and more questions. Most of these questions were based upon dreams I would say. Questions like "whats it like to be a REAL woman?" or "whats it like to have a vagina", "whats it like to date guys (or girls) as a woman".

The questions went on and on. What do you think my answers were? I was very clear and to the point. "IT IS LIFE!", "It is NORMAL".

She did not get it at first because I assume she was in that pink fog of dreaming. As our conversation went further I think she began to realize that these visions and dreams were a bit skewed.

The fact is that being a woman is NOT a great departure from being a man in normal daily life. Women AND men get up and do similar things that at typical in life.

Having a vagina and boobs is not something that I think about any more than when I did not have these things. Being a woman is not something I think about as I live my life.

The real point of this post is to remind those that are dreaming is that reality is often a lot different than our dreams!!!!!!!! If you were a woman for a year I PROMISE you that LIFE would become normal and all the dreams and assumptions would be just that DREAMS!

Be Careful what ya wish for:

Katie

[Maria in heels]

very well put Katie!

[jasmine57]

What a great post Katie. Thanks for putting it in perspective.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Kate that is a knowing and wise comment IMHO

I have a new friend that has visited me a couple times and when i asked her what she is doing with her life, she says she is in early stages of transition

I asked what this meant and she told me that she has a vision of herself walking through a garden in a flowing victoria secret dress and "killer" heels with not a care in the world...

i asked why she isnt doing that right now and she really couldnt answer...to her this is all a fantasy and she is gonna have to work through the difference or be very disappointed.

its no surprise she feels trapped and hopeless...i can relate to this because years ago i had very similar feelings and had to learn the difference between my fantastical hopes and reality..

[kellycan27]

Kate and Kaitlyn (mostly Kate)

Personally I believe that so far in my transition many of the dreams that I had have either come to fruition or are still something that I see as a possibility. I want to convey a thought, but I am having a little difficulty putting into words that I hope will not be offensive, or seem catty or rude.
What I am thinking is that maybe I see things differently in a much as for someone like me who has just barely turned 28....and have not really had a lot of life experiences as yet, I still still life as an adventure more so than.. been there, done that? I have been living full time for close to 8 years and in transition for nearly 4. I have had my share of chills spills and disappointments along the way, such is life, but I don't see my own personal goals and desire as unrealistic or far fetched. I am at a point where I am comfortable with myself as a transsexual, and now I want to take what I have learned and put it into practice. I am not to the point where I am content to just float along with the current... I want to make waves.
Your telling me that I am dreaming is akin to telling me not to bother...IMHO
Maybe your life hasn't panned out the way you would have liked, or maybe you have just given up on your dream and are just content to go with the flow... I am not.:2c:

Kel

[Ashley S]

I agree that people need to be realistic with their goals, and learn the difference between legitimate possiblility and impossible fantasy.

That being said, I can't help but feel that realism is a double edged sword, as my thought process is almost entirely driven by logic and practicality, and things that either aren't logical or aren't practical tend to cause anxiety for me. Regardless of what I actually want.

What I mean to say is that realism, in large doses, is incredibly depressing, and leads to a bleak and hopeless worldview. (Maybe this only applies to me, but that's how I feel) I've also noticed that the more I learn about the world, the less happy I become.

I envy the dreamers. I'm tired of seeing life and the world for what they are. I wish I could see them through the eyes of the dreamers. I think that dreamers see life as a collection of adventures and possibilities, where realists see life as a collection of obstacles and compromises. (Pessimists see it as nothing but hardship and oppression)

I'm not trying to contradict anyone, it's just my $0.02, but I feel that this is another balancing act. Too little realism is dangerous, too much is depressing.

Maybe I need to see a doctor about this, but my view of life and the world has steadily declined over the years, and I think it's because I never see the joy in life, just the obstacles. It makes it all seem pointless.

But yeah, balancing act, that's my point.

Sorry for rambling.

[gemsay32]

Don't assume that someone wanting to transition to a women is just doing it because of a dream. I have lots of dreams, but making them real is a whole different matter! And I realize the impossibility of making some of them real.

I bet the person was just trying to reassure themselves based on all their experiences. The experiences probably told him that transitioning is the right thing to do, but he needed to tickle his fancy to avoid being too overcome by the stress of it.

Many bright engineers and scientists started with a dream. And it grew as they grew. The dreams never go away. And sometimes to make them real you have to fight for it. When black people were segregated in society, the notion of equal rights was still a dream. It might have seemed impossible to achieve equal rights at certain points in history. Some people in history thought we'd never go into space or be able to fly. Dreams are only dreams because they're not real.... yet.

Because some people dream and don't ever see those dreams made real, doesn't mean that dreaming is worthless. Similarly, not every person gets into the NBA that tries to (and dreams of it), but that doesn't mean they shouldn't try. There's a quote out there that goes something like, "For every 1000 failed ideas, there's 1 good one." In a lot of ways, advances in society are like throwing random crap at a wall to see what sticks. It's similar for people.

It's like saying, "For every 1000 failed dreamers, there's one that changes the world."

[pamela_a]

I think Kate and Kelly are both right in some respects. Whether you are male or female everyday life happens. You have the same concerns and issues to deal with no matter what. As I've transitioned I found everyday things didn't change that much.

What I have found since I transitioned are my dreams and the possibility of them becoming real someday. As "him" I really didn't care. While there were some happy times (the birth of my children immediately comes to mind) "his" life wasn't what I wanted but something I endured. Since I've transitioned I now feel free to dream, to hope, and work for the new and beautiful things and experiences "he" couldn't/wouldn't seek.

Is my life the same as before? Yes. Is it different now too? Without a doubt. What's different? Probably just my outlook on life. That and I'm a whole lot happier being me.

[kellycan27]

Where would we be without the dreamers? Not just us as transgened, but society as a whole? The doctors and scientist and inventors and all of those others who made what once may have seemed like an impossibility...reality? If we let our fears holds us back are we not doomed to failure.:straightface: When I was growing up my mom used to tell me that "can't" never did anything, and as simple as that statement may seem... it speaks volumes.

[Super Amanda]

I think much comes down to the (as usual) individual. Just like many, at points I had many unrealistic dreams, but being the type of individual that has no problem looking realistically at a situation, I was easily able to figure out on my own which dreams were achievable, and which were not, and in a comparatively short time compared to other transwomen, have been able to go full-time without looking back.

If a person is one to have generally unrealistic goals in life, then I bet that transfers over into all things in that persons life, one unfulfilled goal after another. That's not to say that dreaming is bad, I still dream of the day that science can shrink my hands and feet, but have accepted long ago that I'm stuck with most of my physical self, for better or worse!

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Hi Kelly...nahhh that's not what i'm saying at all...

your experience is so fundamentally and totally different than mine that i really get alot from perspective...but my thought had zero to do with what a young beautiful woman can do with her life:hugs:

when i say "fantastical" i'm talking about exaggerated and silly things that a 50 year old bald person is saying about how she plans to transition..things that have no basis in reality...things that she has done NOTHING about...things she has not thought through and then she says that she wants to look at my vagina after my surgery!!! ummmm....
i dont want to be mean, but i didnt like that at all...

so when i saw kate's post, it reminded me of her, and some other people in my life right now...

i doubt very much that your number one goal is to walk down a garden lane in killer heels...and don't forget, BOTH OF US would love walking through a wonderful garden in our nicest dress....and i know i've done it!!!! but your (and mine) hopes and dreams are much more exciting and fulfilling than that, aren't they??

every day that i take my exercise walk, and i see another woman walking the other way, and she makes eye contact with me and smiles... i just sigh...i am so happy and peaceful at that moment...thats my dream, that's all it is...it has nothing to do with high heels (altho i love them and i enjoy wearing cute heels)

i am living my dream...when i bend down a pet a little puppy and her owner says awww fluffy, do you like her?? i pinch myself...

now i am moving on to making a living, and moving on to socialize with more nontrans people... i view this as adventure just like you described...and altho i'm off to a slow start, i'm plugging along, and i am realizing that i consistently pass, and i've even had the opportunity to talk to people after they "found out" (too many people in my field know me), they've told me that it never entered their mind that i might be trans....i can flirt with the home depot saleman...etcetc...its wonderful...as you can tell i can't stop blabbing about it!!

but i can also describe it as NORMAL, nothing on my mind except the day(s) ahead....to me normal is sooooo much better than where i was before...that's what is the best part for me...

feeling this way every day has changed my life, and i want to grab some girls i know by the throat and tell them what is possible

and i want to tell folks that i know are out there, and they continue to live in the fantasy world, that's fine, but if you are serious about fulfilling your real dream, then get real (for want of a better word)... there is nothing at all wrong with fantasy...but if you are seriously ts oriented, and you are sitting there on the brink, wondering what you are and what you can do about it, the reality is actually better than the fantasy....forget the clothes, forget the makeup...think ahead, plan the next 5 years, save money, get electrolysis, get family onboard, etcetc...it can be worth it.

so thanks for asking me the question that i used as excuse to send a love letter to the group!!

[kellycan27]

I think much comes down to the (as usual) individual. Just like many, at points I had many unrealistic dreams, but being the type of individual that has no problem looking realistically at a situation, I was easily able to figure out on my own which dreams were achievable, and which were not, and in a comparatively short time compared to other transwomen, have been able to go full-time without looking back.

If a person is one to have generally unrealistic goals in life, then I bet that transfers over into all things in that persons life, one unfulfilled goal after another. That's not to say that dreaming is bad, I still dream of the day that science can shrink my hands and feet, but have accepted long ago that I'm stuck with most of my physical self, for better or worse!

I think that most people can distinguish between what is truly possible and that which is not and what goals are realistic and which will never happen.
For instance I would love to have children one day, and while I know for a fact that it is physically impossible for me to birth kids...this fact does not preclude me from having them someday. Do I give up that dream because of the physical impossiblitiy or do I explore other avenues for achieving it?

[JulieK1980]

This really seems akin to telling a child, "don't bother trying to be an astronaut, because your just going to fall short, and disappear into mediocrity."

I don't mean offense, but it just sounds very jaded, and very pessimistic.

I understand the importance of keeping a sense of reality, as it is a cruel world, but dreams are very important to the self.

[SusanCACD]

All of the entries here are insightful, but most of all honest, I wish I could set myself free. I am working on it. Reading post like this is more helpful than you know, Thank you.

Susan

[Toni_Lynn]

Its just something about me I guess, but the mundane and ordinary is what I'm all about. I liken myself to the line in the ABBA song Thank You for the Music: I'm nothing special, in fact I'm a bit of a bore.

Years ago when I went for my first CD makeover, I was so disappointed because it consisted of all manner of 'fantasy' costumes. What I really wanted was to just see what I'd look like as, pardon the expression, a real girl. It was the eternal what if ...

I'm am just so attracted to that for some reason. Maybe its because I've always wanted to just 'be'.

About a year and half ago, my wife and I saw a CDer, in her 20s, in a local grocery store. Or at least someone that I WISHED was a CDer. And you know what she was doing? Buying a few few grocery items and some ice cream. I was so filled with envy, for that was the sort of ordinary life I wanted as a girl.

*sigh*

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

PS -- apologies for the blue turn in my posts today. My sweetie and I had a wee argument last night, not over CDing!, but my heart is breaking for having argued at all, even though we have made up. I hate myself when we argue. Honey, I love you! :love:

[kellycan27]

This really seems akin to telling a child, "don't bother trying to be an astronaut, because your just going to fall short, and disappear into mediocrity."

I don't mean offense, but it just sounds very jaded, and very pessimistic.

I understand the importance of keeping a sense of reality, as it is a cruel world, but dreams are very important to the self.

When I was 15 my parents said....You know son, you can be anything that you set your mind to be. I said well then... I want to be a girl. They said, that's not exactly what we meant, and I said... but that's exactly what you said so... which is it? It kind of bit them in the ass wouldn't you say? :heehee:

[mklinden2010]

K,

I think I get it.

The everyday things aren't going to change that much. I too have noticed questions and expectations from CDers (for instance) that seem to ignore what simple observation could tell the person asking the questions.

The majority of women, and men, just deal with daily life and don't give much thought to having two feet, two eyes, basic plumbing, hair... They wake up in the morning and go about their life of getting coffee, driving to work, picking up things at the store, planning a project for the weekend.

It is a concern, in being asked those "odd" questions, that the person asking is asking more to indulge in idle talk about their dreams than they are asking to get some practical information. You don't need to ask someone with a vagina what it's like to have one. You can listen to what they say about life and learn all you need to know.

People ask me, for example, what it's like to be tall. How do I answer that? It's nice to be able to see over the cubicle walls. It's not so nice to bang my head into low hanging signs. Being tall is just something you deal with because that's what you have to deal with. It can be good or bad, but it just is.

You can't eat hope or pay a mortgage with it. It's like that with a lot of things.

Do be careful what you wish for.

[tricia_uktv]

Then, just maybe, its about time I found out?

[JulieK1980]

When I was 15 my parents said....You know son, you can be anything that you set your mind to be. I said well then... I want to be a girl. They said, that's not exactly what we meant, and I said... but that's exactly what you said so... which is it? It kind of bit them in the ass wouldn't you say? :heehee:

Hahaha! I'd say it did..... I had conversations similar to that as a child, (too young to know it was thought to be bad) My parents were kind enough to inform me, that desires like that were only for perverts..... hmmm that may have scarred me for awhile.... :straightface:

[Katesback]

Umm Kelly:

I dont think that my life is borring. Last time I checked I was doing normal people things and then some http://www.goldcoastderbygrrls.com/

Umm you as usual totally read my word to a point that is WAY out of context.........but hey its all cool.

Not my place to disagree with ya.

[kellycan27]

Umm Kelly:

I dont think that my life is borring. Last time I checked I was doing normal people things and then some http://www.goldcoastderbygrrls.com/

Umm you as usual totally read my word to a point that is WAY out of context.........but hey its all cool.

Not my place to disagree with ya.

I don't recall saying that your life is boring, or even implying that was. I read your words and try to understand what you say. For example.. not too long ago ( and in this thread also), you said that your life really hadn't changed even after SRS.. In another thread you more or less admonished me for entering into a relationship as a pre-op siting that things change after SRS so drastically that you likened it to being re-born as a different person.So much so that I couldn't possibly understand it because I am in fact pre-op. So I ask which is it... No changes after SRS or huge change after SRS? I am not a mind reader so I just have to take things to mean what you state.
It's confusing at times..... Let me give you another example of why sometimes I get confused by what you write.
You hate the so called "P" word and go on and on about how trying to pass will be the end of us, yet you went ahead with FFS and your reason when asked was... I am out there all the time and I just want to be able to live my life without being read, or without people knowing.. wouldn't that be "passing"? So passing is sort of important for you, but everyone else shouldn't bother with it? FFS was the best thing I have ever done.. I think you said. Honestly... who wouldn't be confused? How am I taking you out of context when I quote just what you said? :strugglin

[Katesback]

Kelly

Perhaps you would like to call me since the verbal word is soo much easier to convey than text.

You can ask me all the questions you wish and get the clarification as well. I am eastern time so give me the three hours and call between 9-5 since I will be at work.

[Nicole Erin]

Kate, here is the thing -
People need to live as they see to be happy.
For some, it is dressing in the closet with just undies.
For some, it is making panty threads on forums. :heehee:
For some, it is all-out SRS to feel complete.

Wait, panty threads on forums... (deep thought, head shakes quickly) nevermind...

Now here is MY plan, where do I fit in the scheme?

I don't care what is down there, so long as it works. However, if I get SRS, I do not want a vagina. I was thinking more of a vajayjay or maybe one of these hoo-haa's I keep hearing about.

And what up with posting your number?

(Dancing around playing air guitar and using a Kabuki brush for a microphone)

Kelly and Kate, my life is pretty boring. :(

[~Michelle~]

Don't assume that someone wanting to transition to a women is just doing it because of a dream. I have lots of dreams, but making them real is a whole different matter!

Well said gemsay32.

[SuzanneBender]

Kate thanks for your observation. In my humble opinion I think you are right on the money, for me at least, for others it may not be true.

A few months ago I was sailing in the pink fog. I was thinking that all I needed to be happy was to be a woman. Then I started to really think, read and chat with loved ones and others about the reality of that desire and in my case the conclussion is much the same as you pointed out.

Reality rarely matches the expectations of fantasy. Especially in our mass marketed instant gratification Big Mac/Whopper world. I discovered, for me, happiness is not found in being a gender. Its found in being you and living life to the fullest in the way and role you desire.

Nicole thanks ... Now I can't get that silly Tommy Tutone song out of my head and I was already having a hard time sleeping.:hugs:

[AKAMichelle]

I think some are missing the point of the post. Whether you are a woman or a man, you will still need to eat, sleep and earn a living. Many of the things that you do as a man will be the very same things that you do as a woman. Some will change but a good portion will stay the same. At the end of the journey, you are still you. You didn't change. You just got a few modifications which it makes it easier for you to be you. After it all done and over with, you quit putting all of the energy into the transition and your surgery. Then you have to figure out how to live your life as you.

[~Michelle~]

AKAMichelle, you make it sound like a new hair cut. I think there is a lot more to it for most people who have done the transformation.

[Satrana]

Kate

I get what you are saying and agree with you. Don't understand why others are misreading your viewpoint. This is not about having dreams and goals but the unrealistic fantasy (sexual fantasy) that as a woman you will wake up every day for the rest of your life in Utopia with a continuous endorphin high. Anyone who believes that could ever remotely be true is swimming in a pink fog so dense they will drown in it.

The realistic dream is that you will be a happier, more contented, more satisfied person in your preferred gender.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Kate

I get what you are saying and agree with you. Don't understand why others are misreading your viewpoint. This is not about having dreams and goals but the unrealistic fantasy (sexual fantasy) that as a woman you will wake up every day for the rest of your life in Utopia with a continuous endorphin high. Anyone who believes that could ever remotely be true is swimming in a pink fog so dense they will drown in it.

The realistic dream is that you will be a happier, more contented, more satisfied person in your preferred gender.

exactly.

[Tomara]

Kate

I get what you are saying and agree with you. Don't understand why others are misreading your viewpoint. This is not about having dreams and goals but the unrealistic fantasy (sexual fantasy) that as a woman you will wake up every day for the rest of your life in Utopia with a continuous endorphin high. Anyone who believes that could ever remotely be true is swimming in a pink fog so dense they will drown in it.

The realistic dream is that you will be a happier, more contented, more satisfied person in your preferred gender.

I couldn't agree more !
It is amazing how these threads get so far off track of the OP's original point.
Tomara

[docrobbysherry]

If u WANT something badly enuff u can MAKE IT HAPPEN!:)

"Would I rather be a homely female, or appear to be the beautiful woman I've dreamed of becoming?"

That is the question I asked myself as I began to dress and think of breast expansion, augmentation, etc.

After years of CD dabbling, Sherry came into being! The woman of my DREAMS!:daydreaming:

Since then, any thots of becoming female have vanished!:D

And, 10+ years later, Sherry is NOT taken for granted! To me, she's still the exciting, attractive woman that first appeared in my mirror back then!:battingeyelashes:

Fantasy, or not, I wait with great anticipation for her visits!

[Karen564]

The realistic dream is that you will be a happier, more contented, more satisfied person in your preferred gender.

This is a dream that can cause some to go astray, and Has for many once they live in their Preferred gender...
Whereas they at one time thought it was going to make them happy & content, but after a period of time found out the hard way it wasn't all it was cracked up to be...and then made things even worse..

Kate's point was very simple....Be careful what you wish for...

Someone that has a mindset of preferring to live in a different gender has already set themselves up for a big fall & rude awakening...
From my own perspective, even today, I would of Preferred to live in my born gender as a male...I didn't want to live as a woman or transition to reach this point, but I had to, only because that's what I was inside but it wasn't something I ever perfered.... that would of been nuts...

[melissacd]

Michelle,

Bravo, I think that you put the whole thing very plainly and succinctly. Once you set the fantasies aside, male or female, you still have, for the most part the same issues to deal with.

Melissa

[Sophie_C]

The other day I had a trans person in my office. This person identified herself as a CD.

As typical she came in to talk about HIV (since it impacts us soo heavily) and other health issues. As always the talk turned to other transgender related stuff.........

She had questions... and more questions. Most of these questions were based upon dreams I would say. Questions like "whats it like to be a REAL woman?" or "whats it like to have a vagina", "whats it like to date guys (or girls) as a woman".

The questions went on and on. What do you think my answers were? I was very clear and to the point. "IT IS LIFE!", "It is NORMAL".

She did not get it at first because I assume she was in that pink fog of dreaming. As our conversation went further I think she began to realize that these visions and dreams were a bit skewed.

The fact is that being a woman is NOT a great departure from being a man in normal daily life. Women AND men get up and do similar things that at typical in life.

Having a vagina and boobs is not something that I think about any more than when I did not have these things. Being a woman is not something I think about as I live my life.

The real point of this post is to remind those that are dreaming is that reality is often a lot different than our dreams!!!!!!!! If you were a woman for a year I PROMISE you that LIFE would become normal and all the dreams and assumptions would be just that DREAMS!

Be Careful what ya wish for:

Kate

Katie, don't be so harsh on the girl. You know that's just an early part of an entire journey of self-discovery (however it will end up). It's very much akin to how a teenager gets all excited about driving a car, especially when they've never done it. Of course, it gets "normal" soon enough...

[gemsay32]

Hi Kelly...nahhh that's not what i'm saying at all...

your experience is so fundamentally and totally different than mine that i really get alot from perspective...but my thought had zero to do with what a young beautiful woman can do with her life:hugs:

when i say "fantastical" i'm talking about exaggerated and silly things that a 50 year old bald person is saying about how she plans to transition..things that have no basis in reality...things that she has done NOTHING about...things she has not thought through and then she says that she wants to look at my vagina after my surgery!!! ummmm....
i dont want to be mean, but i didnt like that at all...

so when i saw kate's post, it reminded me of her, and some other people in my life right now...

i doubt very much that your number one goal is to walk down a garden lane in killer heels...and don't forget, BOTH OF US would love walking through a wonderful garden in our nicest dress....and i know i've done it!!!! but your (and mine) hopes and dreams are much more exciting and fulfilling than that, aren't they??

every day that i take my exercise walk, and i see another woman walking the other way, and she makes eye contact with me and smiles... i just sigh...i am so happy and peaceful at that moment...thats my dream, that's all it is...it has nothing to do with high heels (altho i love them and i enjoy wearing cute heels)

i am living my dream...when i bend down a pet a little puppy and her owner says awww fluffy, do you like her?? i pinch myself...

now i am moving on to making a living, and moving on to socialize with more nontrans people... i view this as adventure just like you described...and altho i'm off to a slow start, i'm plugging along, and i am realizing that i consistently pass, and i've even had the opportunity to talk to people after they "found out" (too many people in my field know me), they've told me that it never entered their mind that i might be trans....i can flirt with the home depot saleman...etcetc...its wonderful...as you can tell i can't stop blabbing about it!!

but i can also describe it as NORMAL, nothing on my mind except the day(s) ahead....to me normal is sooooo much better than where i was before...that's what is the best part for me...

feeling this way every day has changed my life, and i want to grab some girls i know by the throat and tell them what is possible

and i want to tell folks that i know are out there, and they continue to live in the fantasy world, that's fine, but if you are serious about fulfilling your real dream, then get real (for want of a better word)... there is nothing at all wrong with fantasy...but if you are seriously ts oriented, and you are sitting there on the brink, wondering what you are and what you can do about it, the reality is actually better than the fantasy....forget the clothes, forget the makeup...think ahead, plan the next 5 years, save money, get electrolysis, get family onboard, etcetc...it can be worth it.

so thanks for asking me the question that i used as excuse to send a love letter to the group!!

I think i know what you're saying. If you ask a middle-class black person nowadays what it's like to have equal rights, they'll probably say it's normal. But if you had asked a black person from 60 years ago what it would be like to have equal rights, they would have to tell a story because most of it would not be real! It's not normal until it has had the chance to be real for a while and it has sunk in. But at least the OP answered honestly.

Just remember it's not normal for everyone! Like someone else here said, a teenager jumps with joy at the idea of being able to drive because it's new, it hasn't become fully normal yet! The idea of traveling through space as easily as we travel the worlds oceans is only a dream at this point. The dream can help to motivate us to build in that direction. Once we have the technology and have traveled through space for a while like we have sailed the seas then it will become a normal thing that we do, not a dream. It's a dream until it's real. Then it becomes normal. But we'll always have dreams!

[Loni]

We all need our dreams, :daydreaming: but also need to know what is real and what is not.:doh:

a lot of people say i am a downer, i say i am a realest. i do not know who is right or wrong, i just try to have fun...my way.:eek:

.