Once a dresser always a dresser?

[Andi CD]

Ive been crossdressing on and off for several years but recently I have not had the same exciting feeling putting on the clothes as I used to and sometimes I even feel silly dressed up. I do still have a keen interest in womens clothing and footwear. So, do some crossdreessers 'grow' out of it over time or are cd's cd's for life and the urge to dress just come and go during their lifetime?

[joannemarie barker]

i don't think there are any rules but from what i can make out it always comes back,thats just what i've read though cos for me it never goes away.when i was a kid i'd dress,pleasure myself then feel silly but i don't do it for that anymore so i never feel silly :)

[kimdl93]

Well, its been almost 40 years since my first early childhood experience. there have been lulls - usually due circumstances beyond my control - but I'm more interested in being dressed than ever. I think that's the most common experience, but I'm sure there are individuals who's interest has waned over time.

Now, this is all speculation on my part, but the explanation could be whether CDing is motivated primarily as fetish or a gender identification. I'd characterize a fetish as a strong association between dressing and sexual gratification (not that there's anything wrong with that). My guess is that the fetish aspect may wane a bit over time. But if is associated gender identification, then it may be more enduring. I would fall more in the latter category.

And of course, some people just like the way women's clothes look & feel.

[Deborah Jane]

I think it's quite common for it to come and go, I've had it come and go a few times, in fact it only recently came back with me after a four month period of not "dressing".

I've never heard of anyone stopping for good, though if they did, would they come here and tell us anyway?

[Elizabeth Ann]

Remember that old joke: All generalizations are false, including this one.

You will find people on here stating positions with a level of certainty that amazes me. My feeling about this is that since none of us here can tell you where this urge comes from, I don't think we can tell you when and if it goes.

That said, I used to believe strongly that humans are rational creatures, possessed with both logic and free will. After several life experiences, I am not quite as smug about assuming we are in control of our own faculties. Maybe it is the psychotropic drugs I have been taking for depression.

Liz

[Sarah Doepner]

Kafka once wrote about a dresser who woke one morning to discover he was now a coffee table. :devil: Sorry, I couldn't help myself. It's kind of like my crossdressing. A lot as a teen, a little as a young adult, not much again until my 40's and now it comes to mind all the time and is always welcome. It hasn't been something to fight against and since I finally understood that it is a significant part of my personality this is something I have been trying to cultivate a little more. The only time I really feel silly is when I get home with a new outfit that maybe would have worked for me 40 years ago.

[mklinden2010]

CDing is a behavior that may or may not get repeated.

If it gets repeated it gets repeated because it serves some useful purpose or purposes in someone's life.

There may be other things that would work better, there may not, but once you know a behavior, it becomes an option to select as you go through life.

I don't worry about it much. I know people who played football in High School, or, baseball, and they became life-long fans. This in spite of the fact that they haven't played football or baseball since high school or college, it does nothing to keep them in shape, it costs a ton of time and money to "follow a team," and, it seems more like a bad habit that they pester their wives, kids and neighbors with than anything else. Still, people go along, tolerate it, or, encourage it because, "Hey, it keeps 'em busy. It makes 'em happy. They could do worse."

That's life.

All I can tell you is that whatever makes you happy, be happy with it and do the best you can at it while being a good person.

I'm trying to find the old routine, I think it was Flip Wilson, who said,

"I had this uncle growing up who went around dressed as if he was my aunt. No seriously, my uncle went around dressed like a church lady all over the neighborhood. But, he was a great uncle. I never had any doubt that if I got in any trouble with anybody that he'd come flying into the fight with his size 12 pumps in his hands screaming, "You get your hands off that boy or I will give whup your ass but good!"

[ellenwannabe]

yes it does come and go but it is always there because that is who we are and it comes and goes as we progress along in life but it is always there and when you retire it's much stronger - just enjoy it when you feel it - Ellen

[Karen564]

Sorry,
I've never heard of anyone that was a CDer quit for life...once a dresser, always a dresser until the day you die...When those feelings go away for a while, in time it seems to never fail, it comes back & comes back with a vengence...

[Kate Simmons]

Sometimes I just feel plain silly whether I dress or not. The clothes have little to do with that. Anyway, the urge to splurge or purge is mostly an individual thing as are the "cycles".:)

[NicoleScott]

My dressing is not for gender identification, but rather for pleasure. I dress less now than twenty years ago, but that's because of circumstances (less time/place/opportunity for privacy). I suspect that as my body ages I will dress less because the effort/payoff relationship will change. But I will always believe myself to be a crossdresser, even after I stop dressing if that day ever comes.

[sterling12]

Kafka once wrote about a dresser who woke one morning to discover he was now a coffee table. :devil: Sorry, I couldn't help myself. It's kind of like my crossdressing. A lot as a teen, a little as a young adult, not much again until my 40's and now it comes to mind all the time and is always welcome. It hasn't been something to fight against and since I finally understood that it is a significant part of my personality this is something I have been trying to cultivate a little more. The only time I really feel silly is when I get home with a new outfit that maybe would have worked for me 40 years ago.

Sarah is having fun with you. Kafka's Character awoke as a giant cockroach, (see...things could be worse) and the gist of The Story is about how badly you will be treated if your "different!"

No, we don't have ALL The Answers, but The General Consensus among thousands around here is: "Especially when your younger, The Feelings can come and go." "They may disappear for many years, but they seem to always come back." Perhaps there are many "triggers" in Society that make it darn near impossible to eradicate The Feeling. It is safe to say, that even if you "abstain" from dressing, if your thinking about it, if it's still "in your head," you haven't resigned!

To accept who you are, and not worry if it will come and go or not.....that's The Key to understanding.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Jenniferpl]

Once a dresser always a dresser. It has yet to go away for me. In fact it is getting stronger by the day. It may be tied to stress at work.

[Lynn Marie]

So now if you quit CDing, how would anyone here know? Has anyone ever stated I'm quitting and never coming back? If so, who checks on them to make sure they are sticking to it? Does anyone really care after a few days? If you can quit smoking, you can probably quit CDing. Just like smoking, you have to label it as bad for you and go do the manly stuff you normally do, maybe even over-compensate a little!

[jenna_woods]

I've also read a lot about it and they all say it never goes away,I know my self I have tried to stop a few times and it just comes back stronger, now I just enjoy it, its a part of me.

[Debb]

The desire has waxed and waned for me for many years. I'm currently in "full moon" state... as in, dressing is not optional.

[sissystephanie]

Some years ago I did stop completely, for a 5 year period. I thought it was best for our entire family. My dear wife knew about my CD'ing before we married because I told her. We did agree to keep it a secret from our two children. But later on I decided it was best if I stopped entirely, so I did.

But after 5 years, my wife decided that she wanted Stephanie back in our life again. We did a lot of things together as 2 girls and she missed that, or so she told me. So I started dressing again, and now I still do although she passed on just a little over 5 years ago. Doing so helps me to remember the almost 50 years we had together!!

Stopping is not easy, but it can be done if you have the mindset to do it!!

[Kelly DeWinter]

This is an interesting thread. I cant say that crossdressing has ever been 'exciting' for me. It's allways been more of a 'comfort' for me when dressed. When I go out dressed or am inside dressed, it just feels more natural. I'm a more relaxed person, more communicative I think.
I tend to think those who experience the 'exciting' (sexual?) feelings some people have tend more toward the fetish side. (Don't throw things, its just my opinion, what do i know !?!). With fetish's, when the novelty wears off, it's either replaced with something else as exciting' or set aside, until the lack of participation builds up the novelty factor again and it becomes 'exciting. Just from reading posts here there seems to be a real difference between a person who experiences the fetish side of crossdressing and those who crossdress because of a gender identity disorder (God I hate the word Disorder, let change it to Disconnect instead !).

So for me, i'd dress 24/7 if i could, but realize that thats not possible because of work, so ive had to become comfortable with when i do.

Kelly

[t-girlxsophie]

cant say i have ever decided to stop dressing.infact since 2001 when my first marriage ended I have pretty much dressed non-stop its got stronger in last few years since I met my wife.probably old age will stop my dressing in its tracks.but who knows.My friend though IS giving it up though.think she is tired of all the ducking and diving she has to do to get even the cpl days a month she can dress.I have said to her im not sure if she will do it.but she may surprise me,I cant put myself in her shoes.I will miss her though

[Princess Chantal]

Once a dresser always a dresser?
Until the house catches on fire, then the dresser becomes ashes. :D

However,
Once a crossdresser always a crossdresser.... does not apply to all.
Just ask the spouses of those that come out initially as crossdressers and then transitions a short time afterwards.

[NathalieX66]

My mind is officially programmed for gender expression of the opposite gender, even if what's in my pants is not. Once it's there, it's there.
Why fight it?
Live life, enjoy it.

[erickka]

I think we all have cycles (just like our bio-rythyms) where we hit peaks and valleys in our desires to dress. My cycles seem to be at their lowest in the warmer months,with the dead of winter being it's peak. Anyhoo, that's just my:2c: on this one.

[NicoleScott]

With fetish's, when the novelty wears off, it's either replaced with something else as exciting' or set aside, until the lack of participation builds up the novelty factor again and it becomes 'exciting.
Kelly

A very good response, Kelly, except for the part quoted. I dress for pleasure, and it's mainly driven by fetish for certain items. I much prefer to dress and make up completely, but there are things alone that can excite me, and that makes it by definition a fetish. Those things that by themselves excite me have done so since my age in single digits, and they still arouse me to this day, decades later. You did qualify your remarks by saying you dress for comfort rather than excitement; likewise, I am not qualified to say what it's like to dress from your perspective. I wish more CD's, like you Kelly, would understand that we all aren't driven by the same thing.

[sometimes_miss]

I cant say that crossdressing has ever been 'exciting' for me. It's always been more of a 'comfort' for me when dressed. When I go out dressed or am inside dressed, it just feels more natural.
Kelly
+1. I just feel like I'm supposed to be dressed, and behave, like a girl. But there's no congruent sexual interest at all to go along with it.

[gwenglam]

I dont think i will ever stop dressing.. i have gone for a couple years before withough dressing but i always have the erge. Ill be shopping and see i girl walk by in a cute outfit and thnk to myself i love that top... usually i stop dressing because i have a girl friend an dont want to tell her. Im not a very trusting person with such details of myself.

[RobCD]

I think everyone would answer this question differently. For me I can go for months without dressing and be perfectly fine but then the urge hits and I have to do it or find some other way to vent.

[Jenniferx1]

My dressing is not for gender identification, but rather for pleasure. I dress less now than twenty years ago, but that's because of circumstances (less time/place/opportunity for privacy). I suspect that as my body ages I will dress less because the effort/payoff relationship will change. But I will always believe myself to be a crossdresser, even after I stop dressing if that day ever comes.

I would agree to a certain extent with you although my crossdressing is in reverse, in so much as I dress far more now than 20 years ago. I suppose what makes an enourmous difference is first off if your partner is happy with your dressing and secondly if the joy is still there as life progresses. I would personally feel that whether you actually dress up or not that the look of a dress/make up and heels would stay with you forever.
Hells bells my life would become boring :daydreaming:

[Kathleen Grace]

I haven't dressed fully in years, but the desire stays with me always. I get through it by helping my wife pick out her clothes, and visiting here when I can. ;)

[PretzelGirl]

I think with all things here, it is good not to assume that a statement applies to all. So I firmly believe that there are people who can quit. Now there are most certainly many who cannot, that is obvious. But who are we to say that someone else can't? That is applying our feelings about ourselves to them. It really comes down to the reason that the dressing started. Just because many of us dress because of gender identity doesn't mean everyone does. Just read Nicole's reason. I could see someone similar to Nicole quitting very easily.

So to me the only all-encompassing comment that is appropriate on this forum is "you can never make a statement that applies to all crossdressers". And now that I spent all of 5 seconds on that wording, someone will shoot it down with a technicality. :tongueout But you know what I am getting at.

[Deborah Jane]

"you can never make a statement that applies to all crossdressers". And now that I spent all of 5 seconds on that wording, someone will shoot it down with a technicality. :tongueout But you know what I am getting at.

All crossdressers crossdress :D :tongueout

[erika130]

I dont think it's a matter of 'growing out of', but more like phases, where there are periods you are very interested and some other times you're simply not. I feel like saying that you 'grow out of it' is as if dressing was a bad or immature behavior that you must overcome, & at least for me, this is obviously not true, I fully enjoy it when I have the desire to do it. I know there are definitely periods where I don't even want to think about it, but then just out of nowhere the feelings come back

[PretzelGirl]

All crossdressers crossdress :D :tongueout

Thanks Debs. :sad: :heehee:

[KarenSusan]

I've had the feeling to crossdress ease up a little bit (it never totally goes away) but when it comes back it always seems to be stronger.

[Aaron Zwidling]

Since no one seems to have done so already I'll tackle the views of the 'mental health' community. Please note I'm not a mental health professional myself but have done a fair amount of reading in these areas. Back in the dark ages (1950's and 60's) the consensus view amoung mental health professionals seemed to be that crossdressing was a 'problem' and could be cured. More recently the consensus view has shifted to say that most crossdressers can't stop dressing, and it is only a problem if the person doing the dressing makes it a problem. In other words if a crossdresser is happy being a crossdresser there is no good reason to try and change the behaviour. If you believe what the they are saying most of us can't stop, and many of us wouldn't want to stop even if it were possible to do so.

On a personal note I've been doing it for 35 years and counting and the my desire to dress is pretty much the same as it has always been. The difference is I am now much more comfortable with those desires than I used to be way back when, and I certainly think Western society is more comfortable with us than it was when I first started dressing.

[Sweeterica]

I think we all have those moments in life where we put CD on hold, for family or work reasons,i personally dont think we stop for good once we have experienced these moments,i for one wont.

[clandestine322]

I am not sure that once one is a crossdresser, they always are. I think it depends on circumstance and mind set. I made conscious and rational decisions about my crossdressing and basically quit about six years ago. I still wear hosiery at times and over half my shoe collection is considered from the women's department, etc. which to some could be considered a form of crossdressing but I do not. I consider it more taking back items that used to formally belong in the men's wardrobe. I didn't return to such a forum as this to suppose another interest in crossdressing but rather to see how the community is faring and bounce some ideas and thoughts off to learn more about myself.

[Kelly Greene]

since cding is an activity that one has to take part in to qualify as a cder I would have to say that it should be possible to quit if you put your mind to it. That said I must also admit that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction in physics and life.
some reactions are easy to deal with and some are hard in the end cding is something we do for ourselves and quitting is also something you would have to do for yourself. If cding or not cding is done for someone else you may have some regrets that may be painful to deal with.

all I can say is what my mother made sure I understood " You have to be honest with your self "

for me being honest with my self is continuing the journey in heels when possible.

[Lilli]

... I think there are three things to seriously take into account when considering this question - and I mean not just marginally, but seriously seriously:

1) There is a big problem in asking the question to a group of people who are only responding to it because they are in a group that still does crossdress. The answer tends to be biased. Someone already pointed it out but this is central. Not getting a "Yes, one can stop and I have" for an answer here on this forum is sort of what comes with the territory.

2) Consider the responses we all tend to give: that it may lay latent for a while, but that there tend to come moments, when you really really need it and that once you do it again after having stopped for a while, it does come back with a vengeance.
I don't want to include who doesn't want to be included in the following statement, but the behavioural pattern is that of an addiction. Comparable to smoking. Which I personally am fine with. But I know, it is possible to stop smoking or drinking. If you do, your addiction (someone called it "behavioural pattern" above) will never leave you. But it is very well possible not to indulge into it anymore - ever - if you so chose. And - if you consider that an alcoholic tends to stay away from any place that might encourage his former addiction - a "dry" crossdresser would certainly stay off this webpage for fear of breaking his dam.

3) There is something much more powerful in crossdressing than in smoking: It is considered a serious transgression or flaw by others, i.e. the society that we live in. We all struggle hard to come to terms with our crossdressing. This is much different from coming to terms with the fact that we smoke. Other than smoking, this needs a powerful explanation. That - which doesn't make things any easier - tends to lie in the explanation, that we do not follow the usual gender boundaries of society, because they are not in us.
If you accept that explanation, every courage you may have built up to resist the urge is crushed. If you did it, because, it is in your nature, then there is no way it can ever stop. Stopping would be unnatural.
My point is, it is extraordinarily difficult to say to oneself, oh I just blurred the boundaries here a bit, and then maintain that you are still inside the box of your gender stereotype. If you find you are not in it anymore, than you suffer (dysphoria). This suffering demands an explanation and you might voluntarily provide one by stating that you don't actually have gender boundaries in you. Then of course you are stuck.

I personally think this is not true. I think we have these boundaries. But the fact, that our libido drives us to transgress is extraordinarily hard to reconcile with an unbroken image of the self. If it is broken, it suffers. If it suffers, it is weak. If it is weak it fails to put up the power to fight an addiction.

Apologies to those onto whose toes I have stepped with this. This is how I see it. And I am fully aware that I am wandering in and out of crossdressing. AND that I do find it exciting.

Well, what do you all think of my two cents?

[BRANDYJ]

No, crossdressing is just a short temporary phase we go through. It goes away I'm sure. Take me, I started at about 10 years old, now 61. I just know this phase won't last, I'll grow out of it.:):daydreaming::straightface::drink:

[Sheren Kelly]

I don't think there is only one cause or mode of crossdressing. Individuals use it in different ways. That means for some it is trivial and can probably be offset or replaced with another interest. For others it becomes so deep a part of their identity that they progressively become obsessed with it. You need to honestly look into yourself and find what motivates your crossdressing before you can assess if it is a voluntary activity that can be dismissed or a expression so integral to your identity that it is an essential part of your life.

I am somewhat inbetween. I believe I will always be a crossdresser, but other priorities can push my femme side to the background. I can be masculine when I have to be, and femminine when I want to be.

[Jenny Green]

So now if you quit CDing, how would anyone here know? Has anyone ever stated I'm quitting and never coming back?

So, a few months ago, I found a website that some of you might be familiar with. Yvonnesplace.net. A crossdresser for many years, obviously, who, earlier this year, wrote a column and publicly called it quits. He says he's stopped CDing and sold all the clothes and accessories, after apparently being very "successful" in dressing and having SO's support for years. The site's archives go back almost 15 years.

Now, for this guy, will the urge come back? In the end, will this turn out to be yet another purge? Don't know, but it got me thinking. If CDing is more of a fetish thing than a TG thing for a given person, then if you end up having complete freedom to do it as much as you like and are pretty much completely passable, then does the thrill go away after a while? If wearing the clothes becomes the routine, then where do you go from there to look even more feminine and prettier?

I think about this, and wonder if that's one of the reasons I have no desire to go full time. I enjoy the thrill part. The part that's different from my day-to-day stuff. As with many others, I like the escape.

[joandher]

we all have cycles OF DRESSING OR NOT, I've been dressing for 58 yrs,and believe me the older you get the more intense the urge, during the course of my life I've had periods of not wanting to dress but it still comes back,again and again, eventually you learn to embrace and love it
I always feel very privileged,that I was born this way as we that dress get to see both sides of the coin

Yes we are born cross dressers ,like most people who started at a very early age it cannot be deemed sexual as most haven't reached puberty ,I myself was only 5 yrs old and didn't even know anything about sex, we might get excited when we dress up ,but so do many GGs

And up until today's date even the best doctors and medical professors cannot explain why we do it

All I will say is we are a more loving ,caring,and considerate type of male


:hugs: to all

J-JAY

[jenna_woods]

from what i have read about crossdressing Most all say once we start there is no turning back, but at times I kniw we lose interest but in time come right baack to crossdressing, I my self have stoped 3 times only to return, now I acept it and enjoy dressing a lot.

[Anneliese]

Until recently, my dressing has been in phases. However, this was until the latest job stresses, and until i decided I no longer cared if I ever got laid again, which was very freeing. Now that I truly don't care, I can dress to my heart's content. If I die and never have sex with another woman, I'm cool with it. I've had good and bad, and plenty of both. IF I am to ever get off with another person, it will be with a TS/CD, or perhaps some wild and crazy hooker which meets all my wildest fantasies. Normal, standard middle-aged women I'm done with. I'd rather be alone.

At this point, my CDing is for life, and no looking back (damn, this is fun!)

[Miley]

In the same way for many here, for me the desire can come and go but there is always the desire, just sometime stronger than other times.

[Veronica Lacey]

This question seems like one that rests in many minds, Andi.

From my own perspective when I read a statement like "once a dresser always a dresser" it makes me think of negative things I have read in the media or heard others state in discussions.

"Once an alcoholic always an alcoholic"
"Once a liar always a liar"
"Once a thief always a thief"

For some dressing is life, expression, fun or perhaps just a phase to name just a few reasons. These reasons seem many and varied but I hardly see dressing as something that needs to be structured in a manner that equates it to negative attributes. I have not read where somebody said this as a negative; the statement seems to give many of us a rudder by which to navigate our feelings about dressing. Maybe Shakespeare even asked: To dress or not to dress?

Clothing may make the man or woman and offer us avenues of expression and communication...but I believe that it should not be considerd a destiny. It's clothing. I feel we should...wear it. Enjoy it. Share it. Donate it. Do what we wish with it but maybe we should avoid hanging ourselves by it.

Good or bad I prefer that dressing simply be viewed as a small part of who we are, a small part that may grow to be a larger part or maybe simply come and go as we progress through life.


:2c:

[NoraTV]

...but this individual's answer is no.

[mapletree]

I think that I will always be cross dresser and there are times when work and life make it not possible for me to dress as often and for long periods of time but this is my life and who knows the future holds

[donninacd]

This is probably related to your reason for cd'ing. The more compelled you feel to do so, the harder it will probably be to stop. In my case the answer is certainly wrapped up with my reason for cd'ing. I think that once I don't look good enough to have a reasonable chance of arousing someone sexually, at least somebody young/feminine enough that I'd be interested in (sorry "dirty old men" haha) I will give it up.

[~Michelle~]

Sorry, I've never heard of anyone that was a CDer quit for life...

Me neither.

[Lynn Marie]

Hey, It's summer. Time to do manly stuff like boating and fishing and cleaning up the yard, and BBQing outdoors, and fixing up the race car, and going to the beach with the family. Wait till fall when the weather turns a little cold and windy and staying inside becomes much more fun and see if that old desire to dress up doesn't come back!

[SandraAbsent]

Very interesting to read this thread after a day of deep pondering on my own gender issues. Spent most of the day today on the internet doing deep research on various aspects of crossdressing, transgender, and transexual issues. Basically digging for the who am I, and what should I do about it answers.

Sandra's Darwinian path in brief:

- At a very young age I can recall trying on mom's shoes and garments, putting on makeup, ect. I dont recall the specific age, but I do know that it was young. This was followed by a few years of absence amidst masculine programming.

- In my puberty days it picked up again, although at the time I can recall it was associated primarily with "self exploration." Again it dropped off for a while amidst a few more years of masculine programming.

(Side note: I refer to masculine programming, because I grew up in an environment where I can recall something as simple and natural feeling as holding my wrists limp was corrected out of me. "Dont do that you look gay..." Just one example, but I'm sure if I hadnt diluted most of my memories with drugs and alcohol I would remember more.)

- Next came my teens. I went from straight laced nerd, to oy oy punk rocker, to a deep confused goth. It was during this period that I found myself identifying myself with a band that is pretty well known for presenting themselves in skirts, white powdered faces, and red lipstick. It only took once wearing a skirt over my pants with some red lipstick to the mall to be discovered by a family friend. The back lash resulted in a severe tongue lashing and being forced to shave my nice long black lofty hair and bleaching what was left. Again it dropped off for a while amidst a few more years of masculine programming.

- Needless to say it dropped off for along time as I was fully assimilated into my male life. This came with lots of depression, lots of drugs and alcohol, not finishing school, failed jobs, and failed relationships. It was sometime in my early 30s that I found myself drawn back in. Splurge followed by purge. New fiancée followed by another breakup. Splurge followed by purge. New fiancée followed by another breakup. And so here I sit. The biggest thing to change is I know now why for so many many years I was so confused. When it came to me it was like the Brooklyn Bridge had been lifted from my shoulders. I have no idea what the future holds for me. Will I out myself to friends and family? I know that I am not just a recreational crossdresser and am most likely trans to some or all degrees but will I transition?

This was not an attempt to answer the question you asked directly, but rather reinforce the idea that when it comes to sexuality and gender there are so many individual considerations. Should you feel bad because dressing does not thrill you anymore? Absolutely not. Will it come back for you again? For some yes, for others no.

I dont agree with the comments made that identified crossdressing with addictions. It goes a lot deeper than recreational or fetish for some of us. I cant just give this up and I will focus on quitting smoking loooong before I attempt to address my gender as an ailment or sickness.

[donninacd]

I dont agree with the comments made that identified crossdressing with addictions. It goes a lot deeper than recreational or fetish for some of us. I cant just give this up and I will focus on quitting smoking loooong before I attempt to address my gender as an ailment or sickness.

I think the key phrase above is "for some of us". Heck, quite possibly MOST of YOU; myself, I don't identify quite that strongly. Indeed, for me, CD'ing is more akin to an addiction, I definitely get a rush from it. But I have admiration and respect for those for whom it is so much more. PS....love your pic in your "first time" blog post: keep writing!

[Linda St. John]

Anneliese, I couldn't have said it better :
CDing fullahead ...Damn ,this is FUN :drink::drink:

[Selena Bright]

I personally think this is not true. I think we have these boundaries. But the fact, that our libido drives us to transgress is extraordinarily hard to reconcile with an unbroken image of the self. If it is broken, it suffers. If it suffers, it is weak. If it is weak it fails to put up the power to fight an addiction.

Apologies to those onto whose toes I have stepped with this. This is how I see it. And I am fully aware that I am wandering in and out of crossdressing. AND that I do find it exciting.

Well, what do you all think of my two cents?

Lilli I am sure that you touched a nerve with this post. You certainly struck one with me. I am struggling, with a knot in my stomach almost constantly, since getting caught with my wife's lipstick last week. We have been together for ten years, and she is the love of my life, a radiant and beautiful soul who has helped me let go of my fears and open my heart. She has known about my crossdressing since early on, initially accepting/enjoying it, then becoming repulsed and asking me to keep it out of her sight. We have co-existed like that, and I have had long periods (sometimes a year or more) of not dressing, although I doubt a day ever goes by when I don't think about it and wish for it. She asked me to keep it away from her, period.

But this lipstick episode seems to be different, and now she is questioning whether she can accept it. We are going to get therapy.

I should say that I have erotic/masturbatory compulsion with it sometimes, more often than not, I find relaxation and emotional freedon, like a weight being lifted. This sense of relief is always the case, even if I am also having an erotic episode. In those instances, I stay in my clothes and makeup afterwards, as long as I can. I sleep in my lingerie whenever I can.

I always keep it away from my wife, so she doesn't know it's going on. I don't tell her afterwards, so it is clear to me now in hindsight that she was thinking that I had given up the behavior. Her frame of mind now is that I have something like an addiction that I should be able to control. She no doubt takes it personally that I keep doing it, especially since I masturbate sometimes.

So my whole focus now is on why I do it, why I need to continue this behavior that is so upsetting to my wife. Can I control it? I get anxious just thinking about trying to forget about it. This must be how herion addicts feel when they are confronted.

Can I really control this? I am afraid I can't. Am I broken? I want to know what the right thing to do is. I don't want to kid myself; I want to be a responsible person and a loving husband.

It's a good thing we're getting professional help.

[donninacd]

I want to tell both Lilli and Selena, two sisters who seem to be on opposite ends in the continuum: hang in there :hugs: Would tell you each in private message but I think you each need 10 posts first. So keep posting! Especially you Lilli, no matter the resistance you might sense. Sometimes everybody seems so darn serious, I feel lucky that I'm in it for the fun. But I do have my issues and want to say, thanks to this community for embracing me, an ugly duckling fetish dresser. This place is truly remarkable.

[Leslie Langford]

Ive been crossdressing on and off for several years but recently I have not had the same exciting feeling putting on the clothes as I used to and sometimes I even feel silly dressed up. I do still have a keen interest in womens clothing and footwear. So, do some crossdressers 'grow' out of it over time or are cd's cd's for life and the urge to dress just come and go during their lifetime?

...among most of the crossdressers here that the urge to indulge in this activity is a life sentence with no time off for good behavior - especially if we commit "fashion crimes" in the process :heehee::doh:. And the periodic purging that most of us have done at one time or another to "cleanse" ourselves of our obsession is about as effective as trying to push a piece of rope uphill.

So when life hands you a lemon, the best response is to make lemonade...

[Kelli Lovelace]

For me it comes and goes. I went 2 years once without dressing and thought I was "over it". After that it came back stronger than ever. With that said, i had the opportunity Friday to dress,the wife was at work and kids were gone, and I dressed up completely but without make up. I sat there on my bed and thought, "this is a little silly" and went and undressed.

[Pattie O]

Yes I believe I will always be a crossdresser because I've not known anything else .As I am getting older it seems more important to me to be able to find some time to express myself the way I would like to without ridicule and fear.I hope that if I just "go slow" then maybe my dreams will come true.If not then at least having those dreams has been some of the fun:daydreaming::battingeyelashes:Pattie

[ReineD]

So, do some crossdreessers 'grow' out of it over time

Not according to most members here. But, I'm guessing that if a CD does lose interest, he'll not be here posting.

The opinions here may be biased. There are 35,600 members at cd.com. Current members (logged in within 3 months) number 7,900. Where's the other 78% of the membership?

[Emma England]

Not according to most members here. But, I'm guessing that if a CD does lose interest, he'll not be here posting.

The opinions here may be biased. There are 35,600 members at cd.com. Current members (logged in within 3 months) number 7,900. Where's the other 78% of the membership?

This is true, if a member loses interest in being a cd, they will also lose interest in making posts (or logging in) in this forum.

Or maybe, there is not much more to say, because a lot of threads get repeated.

As for growing out of it - not sure about that. I have learnt to accept that I am me and see nothing wrong with crossdressing.

[cellchaser]

It never goes away been dressing over 50 years, feels better some days!

[Emma England]

It never goes away been dressing over 50 years, feels better some days!

Try adding a zero.

Come back after 500 years and tell us whether the desire is still there!

[cellchaser]

Dont ever think about stopping! Myself im a closet cd forever, but if u can be dressed and out about sport it girls!

[StarrOfDelite]

we all have cycles OF DRESSING OR NOT, I've been dressing for 58 yrs,and believe me the older you get the more intense the urge, during the course of my life I've had periods of not wanting to dress but it still comes back,again and again, eventually you learn to embrace and love it
I always feel very privileged,that I was born this way as we that dress get to see both sides of the coin

Yes we are born cross dressers ,like most people who started at a very early age it cannot be deemed sexual as most haven't reached puberty ,I myself was only 5 yrs old and didn't even know anything about sex, we might get excited when we dress up ,but so do many GGs

And up until today's date even the best doctors and medical professors cannot explain why we do it

All I will say is we are a more loving ,caring,and considerate type of male


:hugs: to all

J-JAY
I agree that it is something which is innate within us. I was dressed as a girl and sexually abused by my older female cousin when I was a small boy, 6-7-8, and remembered it vividly for the rest of my life. Even though it wasn't until I was past 40 that I got into circumstances which made me realize that cross-dressing was a missing part of my life, remembering those incidents gave me an intense sexual "rush." Maybe if this was still the moral climate of the 1950's I wouldn't have done anything about it, but it would always have been there.

Of course, like many people who come to realization in middle age, and are correspondingly more inclined to endless self-analysis, I have purged on at least three occasions, but the old phrase is true, you cannot purge the urge. And, every time I've purged (and of course gotten older) the more intense the impulse to dress has been once I've gotten my wardrobe and wigs and makeup restored.

[carhill2mn]

It is highly unlikely that a CD will "grow out of it". It is much more likely that one's feelings about dressing and being dressed will change over time. My experience has been
that being en femme is not as "exciting" but is more pleasurable and is an important part of who I am.

[Mandy]

This is definatly true, as it has happened to me.

Once a dresser allways a Dresser:D

[carhill2mn]

Hey, It's summer. Time to do manly stuff like boating and fishing and cleaning up the yard, and BBQing outdoors, and fixing up the race car, and going to the beach with the family. Wait till fall when the weather turns a little cold and windy and staying inside becomes much more fun and see if that old desire to dress up doesn't come back!
__________________
Lynn Marie

You are kidding, right?

[VeronicaStyles]

I have been dressing since I was about 12, and multiple times I have gotten the urge to stop, for whatever reason, getting caught, relationships, career. However even though I usually purge and try to go cold turkey, something always draws me back. I'll start off again with just a thong and bra, then skirts, make-up, wig and so on and so on untill I'm in full dress at a club, bouncing my boobs to the beat. (fake ofcorse) I have decided not to purge anymore, just store it away if I want to take a break. Plus Mac make-up is to expensive to toss...lol

[Christina2008]

I must have done more than I initially remember. When putting on foundation, the smell takes me back to when I was very young and even very vague memories of wearing “moms” high heels, approx 6 years old? Fast forward 6 years and I am trying on tights and stockings for the first time, why, I don’t know. Another few years later I try the same and realise it feels “sexy”, no turning back now.

Since then it’s been on and off but now I like to dress fully or as more femme as possible. It has, for me, been something that I can’t get away from.

By reading other posts online here it made me think about myself and now know it’s just who I am, a crossdresser. Thank god (or whoever) for the internet, for helping me understand it’s not just me though.
So now I don’t try to fight the urge to dress and enjoy it while I can.

To summarise, Crossdressing has never gone away, rather came on stronger the older I get.

Yikes, what does the future hold!!

Christina

[jenna_woods]

from what I have read on it, thewre is no stopping crosdressing. I have tried 3 times and no am liveing full time as Jenna, and loveing it, yes telling family was hard.

[Emma England]

I have not heard of a single crossdresser who has ever quit.

Besides, why would you want to give up something that is nice?

[JulieC]

The opinions here may be biased. There are 35,600 members at cd.com. Current members (logged in within 3 months) number 7,900. Where's the other 78% of the membership?

They've all been cured by a new wonder drug, which also prevents them from posting here! :D

I wonder how many drop off of other forums and for what reason, compared with this forum.

[inhiding]

For me I dont think the urge to dress will ever go away but i know at times there has been long periods that i have not dressed and the urge or desire is diminished with time. On the opposite end since i have joined this forum i have dressed and explored more than ever. I think because of new ideas and the excitement that comes with the courage to buy heels or outfits. Im hooked more than ever because i have been exposed to more and found out that i am not the only one in the world with these desires.

[ArleneRaquel]

I have dressed for over 50 years, my " urges ", come & go, right now my full time urge has has lasted for six years, and I dont see it leaving soon. :daydreaming:

[april64]

my urges basically come and go

[mklinden2010]

Ive been crossdressing on and off for several years but recently I have not had the same exciting feeling putting on the clothes as I used to and sometimes I even feel silly dressed up. I do still have a keen interest in womens clothing and footwear. So, do some crossdreessers 'grow' out of it over time or are cd's cd's for life and the urge to dress just come and go during their lifetime?


I think (people) you just live your life and take your past with you - keeping some things, dropping others, finding new things to do, dropping some of those, recycling others.

There are different levels of doing things. You can be a Boy Scout, work on projects, then give it up for life. You can make Eagle, then quit. You can "be involved" and "give back" all your life. What you do with what you did - just depends, in a lot of ways, on what else comes along. But, in any case, what you do is to some extent always with you.

I think that CDing is like anything else that you do. You can play in the pony leagues, get bored with it, and give it up. You can move up to junior leagues, minor, major... I think there's definitely an evolution to it or it gets boring, embarrassing, more trouble than it's worth...

Everybody, seems to me, ought to pursue this, or, any interest to the limits they are comfortable with... That something bothers them about it may just mean they haven't done enough. A lot of people go out, have some fun, then say, "Been there, done that" and move onto other things. A lot of other people say, "I wish I had done this, or, I wish I could do that..." and it bugs them not to proceed.

Frankly, I think MOST CDers, technically speaking, dabble a bit and move on, not willing to go back to "doing that." Some CDers like it enough to keep going and like it better than anything else. Some are not sure about where they're going, but still "fool around" anyway.

What you do on your time it is up to you.

Be happy with what you do.

That's the main thing - not quitting or continuing, just being happy.

[Frédérique]

…sometimes I even feel silly dressed up.

Definitely. The trick is to embrace the feeling. You never get used to it, but it takes an elaborate get-up to distance oneself from the alternative feeling of incorporation (I mean in society). The vulnerability I feel is thrilling, but that’s very hard to explain. At this point in my crossdressing journey of discovery I see (feel) that others are silly in their pre-determined, pre-approved ways to dress. Doesn’t anybody want to stand out in a crowd and engage in a lifestyle anymore? It’s good to feel silly all dressed up! Maybe, like me, you never thought it would go this far, but I’m so glad it did…:battingeyelashes:

[leotard fan]

one person is one person.
i only can talk about my self. sometimes i fell like i already born crossdresser. i enjoy and i feel alive and myself like a croossdresser. and i don´t see reasons for i give up it...

[spivey]

There is not a real answer. There are so many factors and everyone is different.

[victoriamwilliams1]

For me I know even when I not dressing after a few weeks I know that even if that turns into not dressing again, I will always consider that I was once a dresser and I can continue. I have stopped for 3-4 years in the past and thought about it every day! Now I am busy with work and life and I dress about three times a month and I think about dressing however I do not have time to dress and I am a dresser.

So in short I think that Once a dresser is true

[Farrah]

In my opinion, I think once a dresser always a dresser. From my experience, I've stopped many times during my lifetime. Whether I quit on my own or even if I quit b/c of something. To me, its always there. Especially when you see a woman that reminds you of yourself when dressed or she's wearing the style of clothing you wear. However, now I just embrace it.