In hindsight... I was pretty stupid

[Samantha_Smile]

So, yesterday was my last day off before I have to go back to work on the late shift.
I woke up at 6.30 with Emma to make her a cuppa before she set out to catch the train for uni.
I kissed her goodbye and jumped on the net, did a lil browsing, you-tubed for a bit then did a bit of system maintenance.
I was bored by 8.30, so I jumped in the bath with plans to dress up for the day as I hadn't done it in a while.

(Here I should point out, when Emma got to know the whole truth about me, she imposed 2 rules;
-Never wear her clothes
-Don't change your body to a more feminine look that is permenant or long lasting eg never shave your legs, pluck your brow to a pencl line or pierce your ears. Upper body shaving is accepted as some blokes will do this anyway.
The reason for this rule was simple, when I'm out of skirts and stockings, she wants her bloke back and not a girly boy in mens clothes.
These rules were agreed upon at the start. I had no problem with it, I understood every reason implicitly, she even suggested something called dance skins if I wanted my legs to appear smooth... more on this later).

So, I'm in the bath, shavin my chest and keeping the short and curly ones in check.
And heres the part I can't reason any other way, other than I had to know how it looked and felt.
I started shaving my thighs!
I didn't have any thought of rules or boundaries at this point, only the look and feeling I was going to achieve when I got done.
Eventually I was done, surrounded by hair swirling in the bath. Still no thought of what I'd done, I just couldn't wait to get my stockings on. I cleaned up the bath, got dry and got dressed for the day.

Stockings on- Appearance, pretty much spot on, loved not seeing short black curly hair under the nylon.
Feeling... little difference if Im being quite honest. THe tactile enjoyment is neither increased or decreased.

So I spent a nice day dressed. Watched TV, went on the chat room, played with stumble-upon for a while, had a nice day.
But soon Emma would need a ride home from the train station, so I got undressed, cleaned off my make-up and took another bath, this time just to relax for a bit.
Then came the moment of realisation, when I pulled up my guy jeans after the bath...
"SHIT! I've shaved my bloody legs!!!!"
I'd have to deal with this later.

So I pick her up, and we get started on a massive chat in the car. Emma's a nursing student now, and I qualified nearly 4 years ago myself so I've been through all the BS lectures.
Anyway, after 2.5 hours of "The NHS is on its arse becuase..." and "What they need to do is...", I blurted out,
"Er, I need to appologise, Ive kinda shaved my legs..."
She thought I was kidding. I wasn't.
Then the shit went down, I tried to explain what was going through my head at the time, we both agreed there wasnt much going through my head at the time.
Anyway, long and short of it is this
- I knew the rules and boundaries, I broke them.
She got my wig out and cut it in half right infront of me.
I was told I could have a replacement when my hair grew back.
Then she went to my femme clothes with a bin-bag, put all my stuff in the bag and locked them in the old car that is currently SORN, she has the only keys with her now.
I was told I could have it all back when my hair grew back.
If I do it again, she's gone, and that is the last thing I want.


Im posting this on here for everyone to see that I actually find this fair.
I broke the rules, now my enjoyment of something has been restricted for however long it takes to grow hair.

Moral of the story,
Those of you with accepting SO's, take note, if there are rules, obey them. Theyre there to protect your relationship.
Ive learned the hard way, my girl needs her man, and I need my girl more than I need hairless looking legs.


In hindsight... I was pretty stupid

[Sweeterica]

Oh boy,let that be a warning to all us girls,its so good you have such an understanding partner,she sounds special.Keep to those rules girl! Take care,hope them hairs grow quick.

[mscatie85]

Regardless of if you violated the rules put down by your SO regarding your crossdressing, the reaction to breaking the rules was a little extreme. You were swept away in the moment, I am sure that has happened to her on more than one occasion and after all, it does grow back.

I can only say that I hope it grows back quickly.

[Stephenie S]

Boy, are YOU pussy whipped!!

This seems a pretty one way relationship.

[t-girlxsophie]

Hindsight is indeed a wonderful thing,fair play to you girl you owned up to your mistake and didnt try to bluff your way through,maybe we can think your gf overreacted but she has accepted your dressing which is great and she probably feels hurt you crossed the line,Am sure you will make it up to her and I hope the hair grows back fast,get some fertiliser on them:heehee:

[boardpuppy]

That Pink Fog will get you every time but really withstanding that, be more careful next time. Here's hoping those little peskie hairs will grow out soon. Even with the harsh punishment, let the SO know how much she is loved, not everyone is so lucky.

Hugs,
Alice

[Sheila]

Boy, are YOU pussy whipped!!

This seems a pretty one way relationship.

ERrrrrrrrrmmmmm no did you not read these bits


S
Im posting this on here for everyone to see that I actually find this fair.
I broke the rules, now my enjoyment of something has been restricted for however long it takes to grow hair.

Moral of the story,
Those of you with accepting SO's, take note, if there are rules, obey them. Theyre there to protect your relationship.
Ive learned the hard way, my girl needs her man, and I need my girl more than I need hairless looking legs.


In hindsight... I was pretty stupid

Smile, well done on acknowledger your silliness, we all do summat stupid in out lives (me to many times to count:doh:), it is nice to see someone stand up and say "I did wrong and I think what she did in retaliation is fair" ......... it sounds like you have a good loving relationship with your SO and want to keep it that way :hugs:

[TxKimberly]

Well this one confuses me a bit as I'm not entirely sure how I feel. Yep, you broke your agreement/promise and that's bad. You concede the point and that is good.

Now my problem is that this is where my male side steps up to the plate and wants to get involved. It would be a cold day in hell when I let my wife or anyone else treat me as a child and take away my toys and things because I had done something wrong. Were I in your shoes and having done what you did, I might agree to leave these things alone until the fur grew back, but things would get incredibly ugly if she tried to take them from me.

[Phyliss]

Sounds to me like justice was swift and sure. I won't even say if it was extreme or not. (IMHO it was correct)
I know that I had made an agreement with my wife, and I also know beyond a shadow of doubt that if I stepped "over the mark" I'd have been requested, in terms that left no room for discussion, to vacate the premises. My girls clothes wouldn't have been cut up, but I'd have had to retrieve them from the front lawn.

You do the crime, .... you do the time.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

:hugs:

I think its fair too... if you didnt find those rules fair, then you could always move on...

getting acceptance is about being true to yourself, but sharing yourself in a relationship includes compromise..

[DonniDarkness]

You need to write the rules down on paper and put the list where you keep your things as a reminder and to keep reality in check when you dress.

You broke the rules and the consequences you now face are in every aspect fair. For her to meet you halfway with your dressing took alot and she has sacrificed things as well for your needs. The act of you disregarding her safe zone with all this, just shows her or makes her feel you have no regard for her feelings. And in truth, it probably wasn't even about you shaving your legs. The fact that you did not consider her needs before your own; was/is probably the deciding factor in her decision to lock up your girlstuff till you get your head out of the sand.

be happy she didnt walk out.

And this to the "your P-whipped people"
-Theory question-
If your SO kept taking her credit card and maxing it out every time you paid it off, even after she swore she wouldnt do it anymore. And then the statement comes in with it maxed out yet another time....What would you do?....Take it away maybe of or cut it in half? HMMMM, your thinking now, huh

Different scenario? yes
Principle is the same though, if you cant be trusted with it than you dont need to be tempted with it.

So i say- Good for her, for one; standing up for herself, and two; giving you another chance.

Be her Man now

Keep your chin up,
-Donni-

[Sandra]

Boy, are YOU pussy whipped!!

This seems a pretty one way relationship.


Really and how do you come to that conclusion?

Smile good for you for telling her, you could like so many on here tried to keep it quiet...Now for what she did, personally I think cutting the wig as not right they cost a lot of money, but locking the clothes away yep agree with that.

Hopefully it wont take to long for the hairs to grow back..and next time think more before you do anything.

[Sallee]

I applaud your honesty but I don't if you needed to 1) tell her let her find out by her self and 2) it is your life and body she doesn't control it.
I can certainly see where she needs her man and wants a man to look like a man. But your an adult who can make your own decisions.
I would have a major problem with it. And I now all of us with SO's are some what whipped especially when it comes to our dressing

[LisaM]

I, too, have a mixed reaction.

I believe in rules but at the same time when I get dressed I don't want to appear as a man in a dress. So that means my arms and legs need to be less hairy. My compomise is that I don't shave completely but I shave a lot and trim both my arms and my legs. Then I bleach the remaining hair so it is very pale/white so when I wear pantyhose/tights you cannot see any hair. When I am back in boy mode you can still see hair on my arms and legs.

Everyone has there own compromises and a lot of it depends on how you wish to appear when you are dressed. Some people just want to put the clothes on and your compromise would work fine.

[AriannaVillota]

Maybe I'm way off here but cutting your wig?

O_o

This sounds like a parent/child relationship, not an equal partnership. I'm glad you're happy and accepted (to some degree, still not what), but I...

I suppose.

[MJ]

Boy, are YOU pussy whipped!!

This seems a pretty one way relationship.

cut your wig in two ??? why not say she took up too 100.00 British pounds and set it on fire with her lighter

are you audits or what. time for another talk or move on

either she will try to understand and except over time or she will never change.ever
what you can't understand is she is not built to accept another woman as a partner nor tolerate this behavior.
so we all know this trans thing is for life right. ----- so the question is, are you prepared to live the rest of your life in this type of relationship. and let mommy tell you what you can or can't do ?
The approval of others should not be a motivation for a lifetime of misery. in a way you both are living in hell on earth hoping to change each other
you should both move on..
be happy

[mklinden2010]

Her reaction was destructive and a huge red flag for your future going bad. If you think about it, it seems she was just waiting for you to do something so she could go off on you.

Let's say next time you buy a magazine she doesn't like so she breaks your reading glasses (or, some comparable tit for tat exchange). This is a destructive relationship and you - you are foolishly allowing yourself to be punished for being who you are. You both need to knock off this kind of thing before someone gets shot, stabbed, or, burned...

If you are a masochist, maybe you're fine with that and it's well and good. But, you're not a masochist are you? You're a crossdresser. You both knew that and you both, for your own individual short-sighted reasons, made "rules" for PERSONAL behavior. But, in writing or not, you can't waive your rights to your PERSONAL thoughts and personal actions. If you have an itch, you have the unalienable right to scratch it - "contracts" don't apply.

As to relationships... She knew you crossdressed and she should know everyone slips up here and there in life. What you want is someone who works with you when you screw up, not someone who makes life worse for both of you.

Take your lumps and take your cue. This is not a good relationship for either of you.

Agree it's all your fault, apologize like crazy, and get out the door.

Maybe the next guy will like getting his stuff (car, stereo, dog) messed up more than you do. Or, maybe she'll figure out pouring gas on a fire is a bad idea.

Either way, this business of "living by the rules" is nuts.

Live better by loving one another well, not by "making" each other "toe that line" for the next forty years...

[Loni]

cutting the wig is a bit much..read $$$$.

but good for you to live up to what happened. sorry you have gotten into trouble over this...but rules are rules. if you did not want to live with them you could always move on, but your choice to live under them. so must pay the piper for breaking one of them.

as for those saying P-whipped, i say shut up, this one has a woman that loves him and is willing to put up with what some do not think is right. and the rules are by agreement, not forced.

i say the hair will grow back soon, she will forgive, and life will go on.

.

[shannonFL]

I'm sorry, but mklinden2010, once again, eloquently crystallizes my own thoughts, now, if I could apply these principals in my own life, making progress...

[Lacyfem]

And that is why my wife doesn't know I dress. I do shave all but my legs which she objects to immensely and has let me know she thinks crossdressers are sick anyway. However, I can relate to your spacing out when the fem side came out of you in the tub as when I dress my male side goes away and I totally love to get into my fem side. So much so that I've done some stupid things which could jeopardize my marriage which I value. That's our difference as you have a SO and my SO I'm married to. It just depends on how far you want to go with her as to how far you want to go with your crossdressing. It's nice that you have this site to share and get the wonderful responses posted here but we all know you'll do what you want to do.

[Tamara Croft]

as for those saying P-whipped, i say shut up, this one has a woman that loves him and is willing to put up with what some do not think is right. and the rules are by agreement, not forced.If the rules aren't forced, then why did the wife cut up the wig and lock up her clothes like a child having a tantrum? IMHO that is forced ruling and is wrong.

First of all Smile, this is YOUR body we are talking about, YOUR hairs and you should be able to do what you please with them. This isn't healthy, this is controlling, not rules by agreement. What would happen if you coloured your hair and she didn't like it, she going to shave it off? I don't agree with ANY rules in a relationship that would cause this type of behaviour and I'm sorry, but your wife is completely out of order cutting up things you own and locking your clothes up like you've committed some kind of crime.

Do you have rules for her and if so, what do you do if she breaks them? or are these rules in place for you only? Do you like everything she does? This kind of thing makes me so mad, because some of us GG's aren't like it and I don't think telling CD's that this is a good lesson learned, because it is NOT!!! :Angry3: :Angry3:

And one more thing, did you post this here because she is a member and can read how very sorry you are? I wouldn't be bloody sorry, I'd be mad as hell... and if the SO reads my post, I hope you understand what a controlling woman you are :Angry3:

[Joyously 27]

This a Love relationship? It's BS.

[LizSummers]

That's not cool. She sounds abusive and controlling.

No one should be in a relationship like that - I'd rather be single and able to do what I want, than have to kowtow to a dictatorial partner.

It's not worth it.

[Sheila]

I Know all of us with SO's are some what whipped especially when it comes to our dressing

NO you damn well don't :Angry3: Debs is free to dress as and when she wants period & the OP said she found what her SO did was fair, whay are some of us telling her it isn't ............ I admit the wig was perhaps a bit over the top, but as the OP stated WHEN SHE FOUND OUT .......... (again another relationship first built then told) her SO asked for 2 bounderies, both of which she wilingly agreed to .................. my bet is her SO will think things through today and realise she may have overreacted and when they are home tog they will discuss it ............ I may be wrong, but who hasn't reacted harshly when their partner has done something stupid in the past I know I have and regretted it as soon as I have calmed down .............. this lifestyle is hard sometimes & both SO's and TG's have been known to over react to things ............... should I have taken Debs at her word the other day when she told me to throw her things out when she was in a temper, or did I do right, let her calm down and realise she had been an A$$ .......... we all over react at times

[DonniDarkness]

People are missing the point.

They had an agreement, Smile, broke that agreement.

Fair or not, his life;so he can do what he wants..... if he had the agreement and wanted to amend that agreement he should have just asked.

And saying ppl cant be bound to the 'Rules" on the premise that they should be able to do what they feel.....contract or not.....is just asinine on a self absorbed level, because you are not taking those you love feelings into account.

To "the its not fair, she controlling you crowd"

How do you justify complete disregard for something you have
compromised and worked for, to achieve balance in a relationship?

Then after that,YOU go back on your promises to another person, you just expect THEM to ACCEPT it....and then, they DON'T accept it, so you break your commitment to them and run away......hahahaha, Smile, they are the ones who need to grow up

Listen, if your pushing your personal relationship boundries
then by all means push them, just make sure your pushing in the right direction, for YOU an HER.

Above all else, if you want to keep her, stick to your rules.

[LizSummers]

Smile, well done on acknowledger your silliness, we all do summat stupid in out lives (me to many times to count:doh:), it is nice to see someone stand up and say "I did wrong and I think what she did in retaliation is fair" ......... it sounds like you have a good loving relationship with your SO and want to keep it that way :hugs:

She took some hair off her thighs, and now her property gets destroyed/removed? That's not a loving relationship. That's an abusive relationship.

[kimdl93]

I have to put myself among those who feel that the reaction was excessive. This was an entirely disproportionate response to what honestly was a rather modest transgression. If shaving legs elicits this kind of response - what happens next time.

Tamara makes a great point also - is there any reciprocity? Do you set rules and assign punishments too?

People make mistakes, some small and really meaningless. Other mistakes can be wholey destructive of a relationship. But an over-reaction to a mistake can be equally destructive. I would suggest that both you your SO take a step back and consider this behavior.

[Tamara Croft]

:thumbsdn: :thumbsdn:
People are missing the point.

They had an agreement, Smile, broke that agreement.I damn well didn't miss the point, yes Smile broke her agreement, but did the wife have to go to such extremes and treat her like a child? She shaved the thigh part of her legs, not ALL of the legs... That is the point, the point that the wife went way over the top and what could happen next time... THAT IS THE POINT!!! She cut up the wig, what happens next time, she gonna use them scissors on part of her body? You just don't know what she is capable of, maybe she'll lock Smile in the boot (trunk) of the car eh?

So maybe that is over the top, but it could happen, she shaved part of her legs and was punished... you don't enforce rules like that, not on a grown man/woman!! :thumbsdn: :thumbsdn:

If this was the other way around, if Smile had done this to the wife, you'd be saying Smile was abusing her... what's the difference? because Smile is a man?

[Sheila]

She took some hair off her thighs, and now her property gets destroyed/removed? That's not a loving relationship. That's an abusive relationship.

Okay then Debs over reacted to an outside event, took it out on me, hurling all sorts of crap at me ................ am I also in an abusive relationship ?

The CDERs who abuse the trust of their SO and use their clothes without their permission, damage things sometimes beyond repair are they then abusers ?

Those who use CDing to explore their sexuality outside their relationship without agreement are they also guilty of abusing their partner .............. sometimes abuse is not always about physical ............... sometimes it hits at the core of a persons being

Smile I am sure you never meant for this thread to get into a them and us arguement :hugs:

[Samantha B L]

Smile,it all sounds like a real Catch-22 for you and honey,I don't actualy know you but I'm sorry to read about it. But I think it's very nice that you and your wife love eachother.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Why do so many feel the need to impose their views on Smile???

lots of protesting too much..

look, the wig cutting was extreme and she had a real bad reaction...good for you if you rule the roost ...every relationship is different

[DonniDarkness]

:thumbsdn: :thumbsdn: I damn well didn't miss the point, yes Smile broke her agreement, but did the wife have to go to such extremes and treat her like a child? She shaved the thigh part of her legs, not ALL of the legs... That is the point, the point that the wife went way over the top and what could happen next time... THAT IS THE POINT!!! She cut up the wig, what happens next time, she gonna use them scissors on part of her body? You just don't know what she is capable of, maybe she'll lock Smile in the boot (trunk) of the car eh?

So maybe that is over the top, but it could happen, she shaved part of her legs and was punished... you don't enforce rules like that, not on a grown man/woman!! :thumbsdn: :thumbsdn:

If this was the other way around, if Smile had done this to the wife, you'd be saying Smile was abusing her... what's the difference? because Smile is a man?

First, her reaction is her reaction, it belongs to her and she did it for her reasons. Whether it was over-reacting or a justifiable response for being hurt by him, WHO are we to judge how she coped with this betrayal. Yeah thats right i said it BETRAYAL....because thats most likely how she felt at the time and it was an outlet for her "SHOW HIM" that shes effing serious....

Second, your are condemning her for something she hasn't even done yet, with whole "whats she gonna do next" crap.

THE POINT:

They BOTH made this agreement, one side broke their promise, there should be consequences for stepping across the line without first communicating that you need to move the line.


For her the line was the thighs.....and it doesnt matter what or how much he shaved off, its the principle that he did not regard what she asked of him and stepped over that line.

But im going give an honest attempt at trying to change this thread for the better.
Smile, here is a link for tips on getting your leg hair to grow back faster.......so that way you can have what you enjoy back on the relationship table as quickly as possible.


Step 1

Take biotin supplements. These dietary supplements help to increase hair growth cycles, meaning your leg hair will grow faster. You can find biotin supplements in most grocery, drug and health stores. Generally, 2.5 milligrams daily is recommended.
2.
Step 2

Eat a well-balanced diet, rich in vitamins and nutrients. Proper nutrition is essential to hair growth. If you are inadequately nourished, you'll experience stunted hair growth and thinning hair. Try to get as many nutrients as possible from fresh foods. You can also take a multi-vitamin daily to supplement your diet.
3.
Step 3

Rub your legs. Use circulation motions and apply firm pressure for at least two minutes, several times per day. Massage encourages circulation, meaning blood and nutrients can more readily reach your legs' hair follicles. As a result, hair growth rates may increase.
4.
Step 4

Exfoliate your legs. Dead skin cells often rest on the surface layers of skin, blocking hair follicles and slowing hair growth. Use a body scrub and loofah to exfoliate your legs at least twice weekly. If your hair follicles are clear, you'll notice faster growth cycles.
5.
Step 5

Take vitamin supplements. Particular vitamins, such as Vitamins A, B3, B6 and B12, are associated with hair growth. Encourage your leg hair to grow more quickly by increasing your intake of these key vitamins.
6.
Step 6

Apply a thin layer of eucalyptus or rosemary oil to your legs. Both oils stimulate the epidermis, encouraging hair follicles to act more quickly. You find these essential oils in most homeopathic or health stores.
7.
Step 7

Sleep. Without proper sleep, your body cannot optimally maintain body functions, including hair growth. For best results, get at least seven hours of sleep nightly.

[mklinden2010]

S,

Hopefully to improve readability, I've responded with "cut and paste" instead of the quote button...

>>Okay then Debs over reacted to an outside event, took it out on me, hurling all sorts of crap at me ................ am I also in an abusive relationship ?


Maybe... If I heard this over and over again, I'd have to up the odds from "maybe" to "probably." Just depends on how good the relationship really is FOR you and what gets learned about bringing in outside issues that are disruptive to your harmony.


>>The CDERs who abuse the trust of their SO and use their clothes without their permission, damage things sometimes beyond repair are they then abusers ?


Maybe. Then again, they may just be stupid, ignorant, thoughtless, and/or clumsy. Depends on what they learn and how the fix what they've messed up.


>>Those who use CDing to explore their sexuality outside their relationship without agreement are they also guilty of abusing their partner .............. sometimes abuse is not always about physical ............... sometimes it hits at the core of a persons being


Agreed. They may be stupid, clumsy, unlucky, drunk, etc. but that's a 99.999% hit on their partner's trust, health, etc.


>>Smile I am sure you never meant for this thread to get into a them and us arguement


My SO and I discussed this right after we read the OP and we couldn't see why the OP would offer this up unless they wanted it discussed more fully. And, I think we're working towards agreement about "good" and "bad" behaviors by all sides in a relationship and what makes for a "good" life and a "bad" relationship.

The comment about being "pw'd" is an issue to be careful about, for instance. Be careful in life not to present yourself for blackmail, to agree to it, or, to offer it up as a way to "make a deal."

Again, there are some personal rights you cannot waive - even if you say it out loud, agree to it in writing, swear to it by any means or methods.

For example, you can not sell yourself into slavery for any reason. It is an illegal contract because it violates basic human rights - and invites others to beg, borrow, lie or steal to get others to sell themselves into bad situations.

Slavery is a corruption of humanity no matter if you're the buyer, seller, slave, or, just use the products produced by slave labor...

Agreeing to rules on your personal behavior - like no sneezing - particularly when the punishments are unstated and unclear - is a form of self imposed blackmail and/or slavery.

It's an unwise, foolish, thing to do and creates situations where "the enforcer" is "allowed" to decide what is "fair."

If his SO didn't like what he did, her course of action would be to discuss it and work it out, or, to move out.

She's not his warden, his owner, his mother, or, his God.

And, if he thinks so, or, wants her to be, that's another thread - maybe a different forum.

[Huntress]

Holy Eye Poppers. Blitzing through this thread my Eyes almost shot out of my head.
I realized I'm in TOTAL agreement with Tamara:doh:
Will wonders never cease?

Huntress

[kimdl93]

S,

...It's an unwise, foolish, thing to do and creates situations where "the enforcer" is "allowed" to decide what is "fair."

If his SO didn't like what he did, her course of action would be to discuss it and work it out, or, to move out.

.

emphatically agree!!! Honestly, the appropriate response might have been along the lines of this:

SHE: "Oh, I thought we agreed you were'n't going to shave your legs. Did I misunderstand. If not, you understand that I'm disapppointed."

HE: "I'm sorry, wasn't thinking."

The conversation ends and they go out to dinner....

[Nicole Erin]

MissDonni, sorry to say but it is true, it happens a lot here, I mean if it is the man at fault, a lot of our own TG here will be all rude and crap.

Now I am not one to tell gorwn ups what to do, but this whole imposing rules thing is not right.

Sometimes being TG DOES cost us our S.O., as did with me, but one has to choose.

I know some marriages are great, but more often than not, you give up so much for so little.

To the OP - if you are not married to this woman, get out quick while you still can real easy. Somehow I cannot imagine you and her having a healthy relationship. Breakup is hard as hell at first, I struggled thru mine but one gets over it quickly and moves on in life.

[Babette]

Normally, I don't respond to these types of post but I have chosen to make an exception. My reaction after reading Smiles original post was anything but positive. After rereading it few more times, I calmed down a bit because I focused on the details that Smile had provided.


(Here I should point out, when Emma got to know the whole truth about me, she imposed 2 rules;

Like many issues in a relationship, partners have a right to their feelings and concerns. Compromise and consensus are the ideally the best ways for developing a win-win. However, words like "...she imposed 2 rules;" hints of autocratic behavior on her part. Then again, there is more to what Smile has posted.


These rules were agreed upon at the start. I had no problem with it, I understood every reason implicitly, she even suggested something called dance skins if I wanted my legs to appear smooth... more on this later).

This suggests a compromise was reached and Emma even provided alternative ideas. Great! As Tamara and so many have stated, the penalties for violating the agreement were perhaps never discussed. I agree with others that based on Smile's testimony, Emma's reaction was not befitting the crime so to speak.



So I pick her up, and we get started on a massive chat in the car. Emma's a nursing student now, and I qualified nearly 4 years ago myself so I've been through all the BS lectures.
Anyway, after 2.5 hours of "The NHS is on its arse becuase..." and "What they need to do is...", I blurted out,


It sounds like Emma had a rough day. She was stressed, tired, and needed to download the emotional baggage of nursing school before taking on something else. I think we all have moments like this.



"Er, I need to appologise, Ive kinda shaved my legs..."
She thought I was kidding. I wasn't.
Then the shit went down, I tried to explain what was going through my head at the time, we both agreed there wasnt much going through my head at the time.


If I had blurted out news like this, I would be kicking myself for not choosing a better time. This is like throwing gasoline on a fire.




Anyway, long and short of it is this
- I knew the rules and boundaries, I broke them.
She got my wig out and cut it in half right infront of me.


These were her rules and you admittedly agreed to them. However, unless you had agreed to the penalties as well, then her actions are beyond rational behavior (IMO).



I was told I could have a replacement when my hair grew back. Then she went to my femme clothes with a bin-bag, put all my stuff in the bag and locked them in the old car that is currently SORN, she has the only keys with her now.
I was told I could have it all back when my hair grew back.
If I do it again, she's gone, and that is the last thing I want.


The matter of leg hairs is small both literally and figuratively speaking. If you have them, they are barely 1/2 inch in length and they do grow back quickly. If a relationship hinges on something this small, then it's headed for serious trouble because even the best marriages/relationships will be tested by many problems dwarfing this one.


Im posting this on here for everyone to see that I actually find this fair.

OK, I'll concede this is Smile's relationship and if she is happy with it, then more power to her and I wish her good fortune. On the other hand Smile, never forget that you always have the option of improving communications with Emma and that you have the right to your feelings and desires as well.

Babette

The quotes are all from Smiles original post.

[t-girlxsophie]

apologise for going slightly off topic.But I didnt realise having no body hair made me less of a man.My wife prefers me smooth so that make her what?

[carolinoakland]

My gosh she really does love you, and kudo's for... Yes, she is being incredibly fair to you. I'm stunned, and I hope you learned a lesson. You have a wonderful partner, and you know it too, that's why you admited you're mistake. You have the communication skills needed to succeed as a couple. I'm in awe that she was in my mind the most reasonable SO I've ever seen in her reaction to her boundaries being crossed. You are lucky. Take your punishment and thank her everyday for the second chance she's giving you. carol

[Chickhe]

The moral of the story as I see it, is not to make promises you can't keep. Instead of making rules, I think you have to say you will do your best, but make no promises. I don't really agree with her actions... seems childish.

[Stephenie S]

I apologize for the smart Alec crack I made. It was impolite and I should not have said it.

Stephie

[KarenCDFL]

Can your wife actually say she truly loves you with a straight face?

She cut your wig in half. Talk about disrespect!

I do understand about rules as my wife and I have them too.

What do you do to her when she decides NOT TO SHAVE HER LEGS/THIGHS for a few days?

Do you cut her bras in half or better yet make her shave her head because her legs look like a boys?

I do have to say her reaction really set me off, so I will stop here before I get into trouble.

I wish you the best in your situation.

[msginaadoll]

Did Emma overreact? In my opinion yes. However it is their relationship. Maybe she did set the rules in this case- if it is something that makes their relationship work so be it. However if she is setting rules in everything that is when you need to run for the hills. Only the original poster knows this.

[Bootsiegalore]

Well this one confuses me a bit as I'm not entirely sure how I feel. Yep, you broke your agreement/promise and that's bad. You concede the point and that is good.

Now my problem is that this is where my male side steps up to the plate and wants to get involved. It would be a cold day in hell when I let my wife or anyone else treat me as a child and take away my toys and things because I had done something wrong. .

I say Ditto!
Less the last line.... It is your life. I spent my life, until about 10 years ago, trying to please others. It cost me dearly in the end and I lost a lot of time. Re-evaluate who you are and where you want to go.

R

[Fab Karen]

Yep, definitely should have discussed it before getting caught up in the feeling. Though the over-the-top reaction wasn't called for. IF that is how marriage is, little wonder many guys don't want to get married. :)
Kimberly is right.



apologise for going slightly off topic.But I didnt realise having no body hair made me less of a man.
It doesn't.

[Sheila]

Perhaps if we substitute the word RULES for BOUNDARIES, we may get away from calling this a controlling relationship, and the OP pussy whipped (which by the way I thought was against forum rules :confused:) and maybe some can get a better take on this

[JulieC]

A relationship based on the willingness to abuse your partner for a mistake they made might work for some people. If it works for you (OP) good for you.

For my wife and I, it would have been a growing moment. A moment when we could have become closer. A moment for reflection, discussion, support, and helping me stay within the lines. The situation the OP is in; it would just encourage me to go underground, and avoid telling her the truth for fear of the consequences. Fear of your spouse isn't a good basis for a relationship. It sure as hell isn't a good basis on which to integrate CDing into the relationship, regardless of the rules.

Yes, the OP made a silly mistake. Yes, it's serious. It's not something to be glossed over. If the OP could make this mistake, what other mistakes could happen? It rightfully unnerved the spouse. That doesn't give the spouse leave to become abusive.

Locking the clothes away until the hair grows back is, like another poster noted, treating the OP like a child. Maybe he acted like a child, but treating him like a child isn't going to make the situation better.

[Deborah Jane]

The OP and her G/F agreed the "rules"!!
At the end of the day it is up to the OP and her G/F to to either stick with the rules they both agreed or renegoiate them

Cutting the wig in half was bang out of order IMHO, but it is up to the OP to tell her G/F that, nothing we say can change what she did.

[suchacutie]

I have a supportive spouse, but this does not mean that I am single. I am married, so everything I do reflects on the relationship, just as everything she does reflects on the relationship. We long ago understood that neither of us is perfect and a marriage is hard work and requires constant communication to remain as a couple and not veer off as individuals. Regardless, life is life and sometimes we don't meet each other's expectations in one way or another.

In that context, I have to wonder what other expectations would result in the destruction of property and unilateral decision-making? Is this kind of action reciprocal? I do understand that if your CDing is private and you both want to keep it that way, that you might feel a bit constrained in how to react to this rather agressive action. I must admit that I have some agreement with the posts above in that I sincerely hope that my wife and I don't treat each other as we might treat recalcitrant children. Maybe she felt that you were acting like a childe and so should be treated like one, but if that is the case then maybe there is a need for some professional counciling. Likewise, if she is studying to be a nurse, the ability to act appropriately at all times is essential, whether she's had a bad day or not. It could be that the stress of her schooling is getting to her, and that might be better handled with professional help as well.

I wish you both the best of luck. Your hair will be back in 3-4 weeks and in the meantime I do hope that some conversations about acting as adults in stressful and loving circumstances might be in order, and I do recommend a professional aid you in this discussion.

my best...

tina

[Sheila]

If the OP could make this mistake, what other mistakes could happen? It rightfully unnerved the spouse. That doesn't give the spouse leave to become abusive.

She (the SO) over reacted ................ she did not become abusive FGS, some members here are over reacting, we don't know the full story and THE OP STATES SHE FOUND THIS FAIR

[dilane]

Boy, are YOU pussy whipped!!

This seems a pretty one way relationship.

Me three.

Geez, you apologized, and it *will* grow back. Seems extreme and, well, very dominatrix-like (hey, some like that humiliation stuff, but I certainly don't!).

I shared this with my wife and she sees it the same way, fwiw.

Anyway, it's your life and relationship. Good Luck.

-- Diane

[ReineD]

I'm on the fence with this one. Emma & Smile did have an agreement, which Smile broke. I don't blame Emma for being angry. I personally wouldn't react as violently, but then I tend to turn my anger inwardly, which is not all that healthy.

The importance here is that Smile sees the consequences as being fair. We don't live in their relationship, we don't know the subtle agreements they have between them. Maybe this is more than shaving legs for Emma ... it is an abuse of trust and to take it further, it drove a wedge in their level of intimacy. Emma is likely angry with this way more than the leg shaving. If this couple is ultra connected (more than most relationships, I dare say), then the potential for anger at having a trust bond ruptured is even greater than couples who aren't so connected, who don't see themselves as being soul-mates at such a deep level. If that makes sense.

There is also something to be said about using an action as a consequence for having agreements be broken, instead of just talking about it, which for many people just doesn't provide results nor does it help them change their behaviors in the future. In CDing relationships, it is not unheard of for the women who talk things through to end up being the ones whose boundaries are constantly changing, stretching. And then they get to a point where they've got way beyond their comfort levels and resentments start to build. That's when the love starts to erode and this is why you end up with wives who, 20 years down the line, wake up one day and say they've had enough. And the CD who looks in the mirror at that point then realizes that she HAS become more a woman than a man.

As mentioned earlier, had I felt as strongly about it as Emma, I would not have cut up the wig or locked the clothes. I would have taken action upon myself rather than my partner. I would have gone to stay with family or friends until the hair grew back. But maybe Emma doesn't have that option.

Now if Smile and Emma have reached a crossroads with the CDing, if Smile is now ready to take it to the next level, which Emma has made clear she is not comfortable with, this would be a good time for them both to sit down and talk seriously about what they will do in the future. Smile, if you are ready to let yourself out more and more and if it is difficult to live within Emma's boundaries, then please be very honest with her now. This might spare you both a lot of pain in the long run. You may both decide that you are not all that compatible.

[pj]

Regardless of agreements or understandings or boundaries, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't want to live with someone who could go off like that. Whatever the problem is.

But that's just me.

[Tamara Croft]

She (the SO) over reacted ................ she did not become abusive FGS, some members here are over reacting, we don't know the full story and THE OP STATES SHE FOUND THIS FAIROverreacted is an understatement. And yes it is a form of abuse, it's about having power over another person. It doesn't matter if the OP thought it was fair, the OP came here and told the MTF members that they'd better abide by rules, or it could happen to them :Angry3: and I'm sorry, but not all of us GG's are like that and certainly do NOT want to be seen as being like that. That gives us a bad name!

Maybe some relationships need these kind of rules/boundaries, but when they are broken, there is simply no need to treat someone you're supposed to love like a 5 year old.

[Terri D]

Normally I don't comment on posts regarding problems in a relationship. I'm not married. Currently there is no one in my life beyond casual dating. If you are ok with the parent/child arrangement you have then its all good.
The reason I'm writing this reply is my concern for her career decision. She wants to be a Nurse????? I fear for her patients. I find it hard to believe her volitile personality is reserved just for you.
One day you cross some boundary then she goes to work and takes it out on a patient. Think it's a farfetched thought???? After 20+ years as a Nurse I've seen alot. Maybe too much.
The world needs Nurses. I'm not sure the world needs one that reactive. Good luck to you also.

[RobCD]

I have discussed this with a few of my friends including a married couple who have been together for years and they all agree that cutting the wig was way out of line. Unless you are in a Dominant submissive relationship then this isn't how it should be and I suggest telling her that she went too far and talking about it.

Yes you did set a series of rules with her and yes you broke one of those rules. Tell me this though when you were setting the rules did you agree that if you broke one of those rules she would destroy your stuff, and what happens if she breaks a rule?

Also if she really loved you she would understand that you need to do this. She should love you and want you to be happy and she should understand that people make mistakes sometimes. It's not like you cheated on her or anything like that and its not something permanent and its not even unmanly for a guy to shave his legs. Male swimmers do it all the time. Marriage is about compromise and it has to work both ways or it doesn't work at all.

Sounds like the two of you need to have a serious heart to heart about what your relationship is really about.

[maryannnite]

im glad you have the love of your live ,but im not sure i could live with then rules .my gal dosnt like it when i shave but i dont think i could go with out doing so . good luck

[gemsay32]

Stockings on- Appearance, pretty much spot on, loved not seeing short black curly hair under the nylon.
Feeling... little difference if Im being quite honest. THe tactile enjoyment is neither increased or decreased.

Several years ago I shaved my legs to see how smooth clothing would feel. It was only for the tactile pleasure. I found that the pleasure actually went down. How exactly? Well, I can't say for sure, but having hair on my legs makes smooth clothing feel better! Also I could feel the hair i shaved on my legs resist the clothing, kind of like when you rub your hand on your face after shaving and can feel the hair because you didn't cut it short enough.

[AmandaM]

Wow, just wow. Maybe she should buy you two wigs and apologize. Then you can apologize for shaving your legs without prior agreement. Call it even. renegogiate your needs as you see fit.

[ReineD]

If you are ok with the parent/child arrangement you have then its all good.

There is another possibility. Maybe Smile prefers being in a relationship with someone who calls the shots (with the CDing only?) ... as in a D/s relationship. Isn't it exciting to have someone say when you can or cannot dress for some CDs? :) Or isn't the idea of being a good girl/bad girl appealing if there is some sort of forced punishment? And some people do get off on fiery tempers. ... just saying.

I wouldn't be too quick to judge the gf, especially since Smile is OK with the whole thing.

Sorry for talking about you in the third person, Smile, but it can't be helped. :)

[Andy66]

I agree with Kimberly and Tamara. But part of me wonders if we know the whole story. My ex and I had been bickering and fighting for about four years before things had escalated to this sort of reaction. I mean, someone doesn't normally react the way Smile's SO did in an otherwise good relationship. It seems like a "last straw" sort of behavior. I'm not saying that one person or the other started it; I may very well be wrong, but it almost sounds to me like a small part of a bigger, escalating fight. Or maybe the SO did react that way over one tiny thing, which is kind of scary too.

[Kiera79]

I was told I could have it all back when my hair grew back.
If I do it again, she's gone, and that is the last thing I want.



In hindsight... I was pretty stupid[/QUOTE]


No you wern't stupid or nothing. That stuff is yours and purchased with your money. Hell if i would take that. You can have it back when the hair grows back.. I wish my So would say some crap like that too me..

[olga]

Looking at the severity of the punishment and your account that you find that it is fair, it is obvious that you have agreed to a D/s relationship.

I don’t want to intrude in your private affairs here, I just want to make sure that you are aware of this. Otherwise this would constitute an abusive behavior that can be destructive to your mental and physical health.

I hope all is well…

Best,
olga

[Satrana]

I think the hindsight is misdirected - namely you should be thinking about why you agreed to her rules in the first place. Were you so needing her approval that you readily agreed to anything which you thought you could live by? If so you were not thinking long term.

What exactly do these rules mean? You can shave your torso but not your legs? Makes no sense. You cannot pierce your ears why? lots of men do - why not agree not to wear earings in public?

The point is these types of rules your SO imposed on you illustrate her own insecurity and fears. As such they are not fair rules to impose on you and the two of you should be working together to alleviate her fears that lead to them.

Secondly her reaction was infantile and was a form of abuse. That is a parent/child power brokering situation, it means your wife believes she has the moral high ground to dictate and punish you whenever she wants. It means she thinks you are doing something wrong (the crossdressing) so her "acceptance" of it is not what it seems.

I would take this opportunity to have a deep meaningful discussion about how she is coping with your CDing. And unless you want this situation to be repeated over and over again in the future, it is important that she confesses her true feelings and also you need to express where you want to take your crossdressing so that any rules which are agreed upon are mutually satisfactory and take into account the actual situation on the ground.

[CherryZips]

It does feel uncomfortable commenting on such a private matter as this in public. I always flinch reading comments on celebs online.

That aside I agree with the people who think this is generally a bad sign.

Rules were agreed before hand because she is uncomfortable with crossdressing. When those rules were broken she took action to express, lets be honest, her strong dislike of crossdressing. The very action that unsupportive wives take when they find out their husbands are crossdressers. And this was not the shock of discovery but the reaction to something foreseen.

This is not a sub dom thing. Sub dom relationships are about playing games within the bedroom based on trust within a relationship. I think men and women in that scene might see this as unhealthy. Maybe she enjoys having power over him but has not recognised that.

A crossdresser who confesses to his partner is among other things handing them a loaded gun.

The over all feeling I get from threads like this is crossdressers should be greatful they are tolerated.

I'm not sure "I tolerate your existence" is what I would want in a partner. I would prefer to aspire to see dressing as a fun thing that is enjoyed by working around society's rules rather than a partner's distaste.

But Smile if the pair of you can make it work then that's great. Maybe she was just under stress and you can sort things out. Best of luck.

[Pink Person]

You say po-ta-to. I say po-tato. You say supportive partner. I say gender Nazi. Same thing, really. Perhaps I will write a song about this thread and call it "Funeral Dirge for a Doomed Relationship".

Honestly, the way many people describe supportive partners on this site is hilariously nonsensical.

I agree with Little Miss Bossy.

[Sheila]

Honestly, the way many people describe supportive partners on this site is hilariously nonsensical.

I am glad you find me being a supportive partner nonsensical, the OP is I am sure pleased that you find her viiew of her partner nonsensical ............ she did say she found it fair ............. guess I will go try being a non supportive partner, that way Debs can get all the support she needs from her peers without me having to worry about having a bad day & trust me some days being a non supportive partner would be a heck of a lot easier on me :sad: cause sure as heck should we find this all a little much some days and OVER REACT, we sure as hell get slated for it :Angry3::Angry3:

[Samantha_Smile]

Wow!
Ive never managed to start more than a 2 pager before.
Thanks for the response, but I just havent the time to read it all.

A couple of common points I will address though.
-The wig, was a cheap (£10) costume item, that did the job.
And in fairness had lost about a quarter of the hairs through brushing. So it's reall neither here nor there.

-There seems to be this suggestion that I didnt agree to the rules at the start, which is 100% fabrication.
I agreed to it, becuase I understood why the rules had been made.
If she had made the rules without my consent and will, then you may have a point with the whole mother daughter theory. But the very fact that someone decided this was the case without the full fact makes me wonder what kind of relationship they are in with their SO.
I agreed to the rules to protect us as a loving couple who enjoy sharing intimate moments, if those intimate moments are hindered by smooth legs, then I aint gonna want smooth legs.
I love my partner and I enjoy CDing. She knows I cant willfully sacrifice one or the other, boundaries were placed to allow her some re-assurance that Im still hers.

I overstepped the mark.
For those of you who are of the opinion
"Its my hair, I can do as I wish with it"- I ask you, do you also cheat on your SO with the back-up of
"Its my ****, I can do as I wish with it".
It's the same sentiment, youre doing something that the other partner sees as wrong within a relationship setting.

And finally.
The pussywhipped comment.
Thankyou for your PM appollogy, but think before you speak next time eh?

[Jonianne]

.....I knew the rules and boundaries, I broke them.
She got my wig out and cut it in half right infront of me.....

My initial reaction was; was this consequence discussed and a part of the agreed upon groundrules? I am a BIG believer in boundries and groundrules in relationships, but this is something I would absolutely not agree to.

Judges don't have a blank check to issue whatever sentences they want, they are suppose to follow the law themselves and make fair sentences based on the severity of the crime.

However, if the OP actually agreed to this consequence beforehand, then so be it.

But in my case, I also don't shave my legs (and use danceskin tights) and the consequence I discussed with my wife was: If I shaved my legs without talking to her about it first, then (now get this serious consequence!!!) I would have to respond to her asking "What's going on, Joni?"

[Sheila]

Smile, thanks for the clarification that you are in a loving relationship, despite what some seem to think :)

[Tamara Croft]

"Its my hair, I can do as I wish with it"- I ask you, do you also cheat on your SO with the back-up of
"Its my ****, I can do as I wish with it".How is cheating even comparable to cutting up a wig? And you didn't answer the questions regarding "did you agree to her cutting up your wig and locking up your clothes?" Maybe you agreed not to shave your legs, but did you also agree to be treated like a child and have no freedom? Maybe you like this, maybe this is a good thing for your life, but as you can see from many posts here, it isn't really healthy. And also, "what rules have you set for her that she has to stick to?" She have to shave her legs because you like them smooth or can she just do whatever she likes?

Sorry, I'm just not seeing the love... :straightface:

[Kathleen Grace]

Smile,

You were overcome by urges we all understand, you broke your rule but don't feel too bad. You surely didn't set out to do so. :2c:

[Paula W]

I can understand her wanting to have rules, but in all honesty I feel the way she reacted was way way way out of line.

A few things, it is your body and you are the one who has to live in it, all she has to do is live with it. Your own happiness with your body should be more important than anyone elses happiness with your body.


It is not her clothes you are wearing, they are your clothes. Do you think it would be fair if the roles were switched? What if you told her not to cut her hair above her shoulder but long hair drove her nuts and she decided to get a short haircut. Do you think reacting by destroying her personal belongings and locking some of her things that she uses for leisure away until her hair grew back is really rational?

I know leg hair is a silly thing to end a relationship over, but I think a serious conversation is in order, it seems she is being too controlling over an issue that is honestly one that should be up to the person living in the body, not the one who has to be around it.

[Marcie4you]

Exactly why I don't marry in this lifestyle, no offense to anyone...at all...

[Rianna Humble]

when Emma got to know the whole truth about me, she imposed 2 rules;
-Never wear her clothes
-Don't change your body to a more feminine look that is permenant or long lasting eg never shave your legs, pluck your brow to a pencl line or pierce your ears. Upper body shaving is accepted as some blokes will do this anyway.
The reason for this rule was simple, when I'm out of skirts and stockings, she wants her bloke back and not a girly boy in mens clothes.
These rules were agreed upon at the start. I had no problem with it, I understood every reason implicitly, she even suggested something called dance skins if I wanted my legs to appear smooth... more on this later).

Boundaries were set and agreed, a positive alternative was offered to the leg-shaving. These boundaries are about trust between two individuals. If Smile had felt them unreasonable, she could have disagreed, but she didn't.



"SHIT! I've shaved my bloody legs!!!!"
I'd have to deal with this later.


I blurted out,
"Er, I need to appologise, Ive kinda shaved my legs..."


Anyway, long and short of it is this
- I knew the rules and boundaries, I broke them.
She got my wig out and cut it in half right infront of me.
I was told I could have a replacement when my hair grew back.

Then she went to my femme clothes with a bin-bag, put all my stuff in the bag and locked them in the old car that is currently SORN, she has the only keys with her now.
I was told I could have it all back when my hair grew back.

Trust was betrayed and the betrayal was met by a measured response - whether or not we agree with the measure


I actually find this fair.

I broke the rules, now my enjoyment of something has been restricted for however long it takes to grow hair.

Smile agrees that she deserved some comeback for betraying her SO's trust. Even the destruction of the wig was accompanied by the promise of a new one when Smile once again complies with the promises she had made.




Boy, are YOU pussy whipped!!

This seems a pretty one way relationship.

Really and how do you come to that conclusion?

I'm with Sandra here, no pussy-whipping, just an immediate response to a betrayal of trust. I'm sure Emma didn't sign up to living with a cross-dresser, but thought she was getting a cisgendered male.

When she either found out or was told by smile, she didn't throw her out, but asked her to agree to some measures to maintain trust. And smile did agree willingly.



Her reaction was destructive and a huge red flag for your future going bad. If you think about it, it seems she was just waiting for you to do something so she could go off on you.

I see no evidence at all for such an assertion


Let's say next time you buy a magazine she doesn't like so she breaks your reading glasses (or, some comparable tit for tat exchange).


If smile has previously agreed that she will not buy that magazine on pain of losing her SO's support for Smile's reading, then and only then would this be a reasonable simile. Under any other circumstances, it is plainly and simply ridiculous.


You both knew that and you both, for your own individual short-sighted reasons, made "rules" for PERSONAL behavior. But, in writing or not, you can't waive your rights to your PERSONAL thoughts and personal actions. If you have an itch, you have the unalienable right to scratch it - "contracts" don't apply.

Would you apply the same logic to an alcoholic? Never mind that they have promised their SO that they will no longer drink, if the urge comes over them, they should break their promise and return to alcoholism? That would be the logical outworking of your reasoning.


As to relationships... She knew you crossdressed and she should know everyone slips up here and there in life.

This is the only part of your post that makes sense to me. She knows that people slip up and she has provided a very strong aid to Smile avoiding that slip-up in future. Emma has not banned Smile from ever cross-dressing again. She has given Smile a chance to earn back the trust that was betrayed, and promised her a new wig to reinforce that behaviour.


I have discussed this with a few of my friends including a married couple who have been together for years and they all agree that cutting the wig was way out of line. Unless you are in a Dominant submissive relationship then this isn't how it should be and I suggest telling her that she went too far and talking about it.

I don't understand no-one who condemns the wig-cutting attaches any significance to the promise of a new wig in a few weeks time.

[mklinden2010]

Quote:
Originally Posted by mklinden2010
>>You both knew that and you both, for your own individual short-sighted reasons, made "rules" for PERSONAL behavior. But, in writing or not, you can't waive your rights to your PERSONAL thoughts and personal actions. If you have an itch, you have the unalienable right to scratch it - "contracts" don't apply.

Question:

Would you apply the same logic to an alcoholic? Never mind that they have promised their SO that they will no longer drink, if the urge comes over them, they should break their promise and return to alcoholism? That would be the logical outworking of your reasoning.


This may sound a bit harsh, but reality sometimes bites...

Yes, I would and do. If you're an alcoholic, you're an alcoholic. What YOU do with that knowledge, for all I now care, is up to YOU. Once I know that, I try to sort out if you're a biological or conditioned alcoholic and gauge my support or lack of it accordingly.

And, again since this is example is up to me, I'd hit the door BEFORE this known alcoholic drank again. To me, and having lived with this, I would not put up with it again. Fish gotta swim, drunks gotta drink. I no longer care to be much involved with such people: "Drink faster so I can get out of here!"

I would not, however, (allow myself to) bust the bottle over the drunk's head, set the drunk on fire, or, come up with new rules and punishments to further complicate the situation. It does the drunk no good to beat them up, they're doing that just fine to themselves and it takes up a lot of my time.

The OPs SO may or may not decide to act along the same lines in the future. The OP may decide to modify his behavior one way or another based on all these posts.

Just be happy, people - and be happy without making each others lives, or, your own, hell.

"If you're having problems, it may because you are a problem..."

Note the word "you" carefully - at all times.

[pj]

the betrayal was met by a measured response...Wouldn't a measured response be deliberate, regulated, restrained, carefully considered? Smile characterized the response by saying, "the shit went down," which sounds to me like the opposite of measured.

Nitpicking aside, it seems odd to me that so many people are defending such an extreme and frankly weird reaction to what is essentially a minor thing. There are degrees of rules. Every rule isn't equally important. If they were, we would be sending people to death row for running a stop sign, or using the wrong fork for their salad.

But then the original post is a little odd too. I would think someone would post that in here to get some support or empathy or whatever. But to describe what happened and then say, "but I'm cool with it" - I don't get that. I mean, I get it, I just don't...I dunno. What do I know. Judge not and all that. But since everyone is throwing in their two cents...

[AmandaM]

It seems like your girl is hostile to any attempt to further your femininity. That could become a problem for you if the desire to feminize more becomes overwhelming. Maybe you could discuss this and possibly alleviate her fears?

[Sheila]

But then the original post is a little odd too. I would think someone would post that in here to get some support or empathy or whatever. But to describe what happened and then say, "but I'm cool with it" - I don't get that. I mean, I get it, I just don't...I dunno. What do I know. Judge not and all that. But since everyone is throwing in their two cents...

YOu know there are loads of threads around that I don't get, but I don't need to get it to extend an empathy for the poster & or their SO depending on the subject.

The poster while okay with the reaction of their partner is also aware that if boundaries are broken again ............... not discussed and moved but B R O K E N then his partner is out of there, & wanted to warn other people to be careful not to push boundaries, now she could have left it until someone else had broken agreements and said yeah that happened to me a few weeks/ months ago, I could have maybe warned you ............ she didn't .......... she posted and got a lot of flak for accepting/thinking her SO's reactions were in her eyes fair :confused: ......... and was called a rather nasty name in the process :Angry3:

[pj]

wanted to warn other people to be careful not to push boundaries, now she could have left it until someone else had broken agreements and said yeah that happened to me a few weeks/ months ago, I could have maybe warned you ...Okay, I get that.

But I think it's good for others to provide their opinions of the SO's behavior, because sometimes you can be too close to a situation, or too used to a situation, or too new to a situation, and not have any perspective on how you're being treated.

I'm sure we didn't get the full story anyway, and only the two of them know what really happened (and their memories of it are probably different as well). But it was good for Smile to post it, and I think it's good for Smile to read the feedback, rough or gentle.

And I thought the "pussy whipped" comment was a joke - that's how I read it anyway. But of course you have to be careful with text. It's hard to convey humor sometimes.

[Di]

Ok I get the boundries thing....but the way you explained it...I got what happened and why in the shaving (ffs how girly would she feel all hairy ick).......S0 what I do not get how and why she overeacted in such an mentally abusive way? You told her and was sorry because you understand she wants her man......but she doesn't seem to want to understand you.
Hope she will think about it and see she overreacted Big time overreacted.:doh:

[Katari]

be happy she didnt walk out.

And this to the "your P-whipped people"
-Theory question-
If your SO kept taking her credit card and maxing it out every time you paid it off, even after she swore she wouldnt do it anymore. And then the statement comes in with it maxed out yet another time....What would you do?....Take it away maybe of or cut it in half? HMMMM, your thinking now, huh

Different scenario? yes
Principle is the same though, if you cant be trusted with it than you dont need to be tempted with it.

So i say- Good for her, for one; standing up for herself, and two; giving you another chance.

Be her Man now

Keep your chin up,
-Donni-

I agree with Donni
Keep your head up high now and show her the respect when her respect grows back. There is no such thing as pussy whipped when all the items are on the table (like they were) I am happy to see that there are still such Men/Women out there that have the gumption to be honest and sinsere in thier relationship.

Katari

[Nicole Erin]

Would you apply the same logic to an alcoholic? Never mind that they have promised their SO that they will no longer drink, if the urge comes over them, they should break their promise and return to alcoholism? That would be the logical outworking of your reasoning.
.

I do think if an alcoholic promised to quit drinking and started again, then yes, that alcoholic SHOULD have his wig cut in half.

I know at AA meetings, all the alcoholics have to cut their own wigs in 1/2 if they have fallen off the wagon again.

Let's look at other people who had to cut their wig in 1/2 -
The person Robert palmer was singing to in "addicted to love"
Politicians regularly have to cut their wigs in 1/2 when they break promises.

Bruce Willis, in the movie "Armegeddon", had his wig cut in 1/2 when he told his daughter he would have to break the promise of coming home (scene was deleted from the final release.)

Loan sharks cut their clients' wigs in 1/2 when the loanee fails to pay on time.

So in hind sight, maybe it is justifyable.

:heehee:

[Alison-Mary]

Hi Smile

I love this post as it epitomises the struggle a lot of us CDers go through when battling between our intellectual and emotional sides of our being.


When in a rationale frame of mind it is very easy to consider the impact any action you take will have on those who are nearest and dearest to your heart, especially if they are not wholly comfortable with the feminine side of your nature.

However, when the emotion takes over (is this the pink fog?) and you are faced with the delicious prospect of having two beautifully silky smooth legs, by a few simple strokes of a lady shave razor, then you are in the zone, and nothing else matters.

I understand why you did this.

Does it make it right? Intellectually, probably no. Should you be forgiven, probably yes - but that would take a leap of faith and understanding from the one who loves you.

I'm sure in your subconscious you knew the consequences anyway, and this was a way to bring something out into the open, and a means to further confront the dillemas you both face.

Then again, i could be talking complete crap, in which case completely ignore - i have had a few glasses wine tonight, so who knows.

Hope it works out well.

Love
Alison

[Von]

Perhaps what she's asking of you is unacceptable to you. Maybe even impossible. You had an opportunity to weigh that before you agreed to it. She expects you to live up to the terms of the agrement, and ultimately, to your word. If she can't expect that, then what you can be counted on for becomes uncertain in her mind. Quite logically.

I certainly understand that circumstances change, and people change. At least she's given you a choice. Through your actions you'll eventually make that choice. The right answer is only for you to say. To this point it sounds like she's compromised at least as much as you have. But if you can't live without shaving you know what the consequences are. Maybe it wasn't meant to be.

The real lesson is not to make promises lightly. Just my opinion.

[foofeyGG]

It would have been her choice to feel THAT betrayed. Her feelings are hers and that is fine. Walking out, if what he did was a deal breaker for her would have been a better reaction than what she wound up doing. I consider it unhealthy, abusive behavior.

If he was her kid and he broke a rule, that reaction would have been some child abuse right there and would have traumatized the poor kid -- so she treated him worse than one should treat a child.

It's their relationship, and my .02 which doesn't matter, but I thought I'd post mine. I don't think "punishments" have a place in adult relationships. He did not take her feelings into consideration and broke an agreement and she should feel disappointed and decide what she wants to do with their relationship from there, but all the dramatics is just a sign of sickness to me.

...not that it can't be repaired though.

:love:

[Pink Person]

Nicole Erin is funny and has a point. Wig cutting might be the right way to respond to many different broken promises and other bad behaviors. Parents, police officers, and the courts should incorporate this useful tactic in all of their strategies for maintaining private and public order.

Please add “Cut up his wig!” and “Lock up his clothes!” to any other exclamations you use to demand justice when other people do morally offensive things like shaving their hair or murdering someone.

[clandestine322]

I do realize their were rules but I thought the man was head of the household? LOL I wonder if anyone else here thinks that in a marriage where the man is a crossdresser the traditional role of the man running the affairs and the woman being subordinant seem to reverse?

[Kelly DeWinter]

I have to admire your candor, and taking the impromtu punishment for breaking boundries. It shows respect. That said I would be really concerend with the cutting up of the wig and taking the clothes and locking them up. It shows a anger side that needs close watching. I hope you talk before such actions are taken and you both agree on them.

Kelly

[busker]

I think what is missing here is a mutual agreement about the potential punishments that should have gone along with rules to be agreed upon. If I speed in the neighborhood, it is going to cost me 70 dollars--I know that up front--so I don't speed. Failing to have my drivers license requires only a visit to the PD. Easy fix. I do think that the "punsihment" was rather over the top for the "crime" and I have to admit I would be p....d beyond belief. It does sound a bit controlling and I think that if it doesn't resolve itself shortly by apologies all around, it could very ugly later on. What happens with mis-step no 2? Does Smile now live in fear for the next 40 years or until death do them part? . Does Smile get locked in the closet without food for a week? Doesn't sound like adult behaviour on either of their parts.
There was university professor about 40 years ago who did some experiments with people who gave"electric shock" (simulated, but they dind't know it) to those who would not obey--he lost his job as a result of the experiments but he did prove that there is an overwhelming "OBEDIENCE TO AUTHORITY" in ordinary people.. This sure reminds me of that experiment. Cutting her wig was not much different than shaving her head as a colaborator.
I don't think that that sort of SO is what I would call accepting. My opinion fwiw.
Mandrake out of water.
living without strings attached
ps having read it again, I find that the "do it agian and I'm out of here" implies that the rules have been broken before and this may not be a first offense. Did we get the whole story here? I'm not certain we did. If it were me --I'd do it again!!!!!!!!!

[KrazyKat]

I'm glad you understand what happened and love your SO and you've agreed to do what it takes.

Just to share, I could never cut up something that costs a lot of $$$$(wig) and I don't have any will power when it comes to making my SO happy, even though she always makes me out to be the "Bad Guy"!! I might talk a tough game, but I'm a marshmallow inside, especially when I see the pain in my Sweetie's eyes, the pain of not being the person they need to be.:love:

Just to share my thoughts. Best wishes to you and yours finding common ground!!

[Satrana]

-The wig, was a cheap (£10) costume item, that did the job.
And in fairness had lost about a quarter of the hairs through brushing. So it's reall neither here nor there.
With respect Smile you are missing the point and are trying to defend the indefensible. The act of destroying someone's personal belongings in such a spiteful way is abusive and controlling. Ask a professional if you do not want to believe the members here, you will still get the same answer.



If she had made the rules without my consent and will, then you may have a point with the whole mother daughter theory. That has got nothing to do with the rules but the way she decided she had the right to punish you which was out of all proportions with the broken rule. Again ask a professional - this is not how loving adults deal with matters.


I overstepped the mark.
Since you stated that you immediately owned up to it voluntarily and apologized for what is a minor indiscretion, you should have expected no more than a heart to heart talk about feelings and boundaries.



It's the same sentiment, youre doing something that the other partner sees as wrong within a relationship setting. Your analogy is way off. This is about you accepting rules and punishments for things you should not have to compromise on in the first place. These are items your SO would never agree to be enforced on herself. Does she have to get your permission to re-style her hair? If you are not happy with it can you destroy her things and lock away her clothes?

If the answer is yes then the two of you are perfectly matched. If the answer is no then you need to sit down and discuss how unhealthy this reaction was. People are people, we disappoint and break rules from time to time. How you deal with this signals who you are as a person. Understanding and forgiveness is at the heart of love not vengeance.

[Tamara Croft]

You're wasting your time Satrana, Smile doesn't get it, will never get it, because it's quite obvious she likes being treated like a child... most of us can see it, so maybe one day she'll wake up and smell the roses... I just hope the wife doesn't push her to far and she lashes back in ways one wouldn't contemplate thinking about... because like the wife, you can snap, just like that.

[Michelle123]

I decided in my early 20's, that I would be upfront and honest with any woman I had a serious relationship with. I would wait a reasonable amount of time, then I would have the "talk" with them, explaining that I am cd, and that it is more of a "need" to do this, as opposed to just a desire.
I have shaved my legs since I was a teen, and I would never agree to let the hair grow back for the sake of a relationship, or any other reason.
In most cases, it woked out well. My breakups were for other reasons, or perhaps a combonation of severl reasons.
But my point is, I could never make any compromises when it comes to my crossdressing. If my girlfreind could not completely accept it, we would go our own ways. I would rather be alone than to be with someone and have to sneak around to dress, or to have limitations on my dressing.
My current situation is rather unique I think. My gf of over 10 yrs. accepts me dressing, But she relates it to more a sexual thing, and cant understand why I just like to dress in feminine things even if sex isnt involved.
I just feel more "natural" in womens clothes. She has even asked me if I wished I would have been born female, and I answer her honestly and tell her "yes", I do think I would be happier as a real woman. This confuses her of course. She has asked the usual followup questions. Like "then if you wish you were a woman, then do you also wish to be with a man"? I have explained that I do not wish to be with a male, and that if I were a woman, I would hope that I would also be lesbian.
It is all so very complicated, as we all know. And very hard I am sure for others to understand it.
But, back to the reson I responded to this thread. Bottom line is...I could never be happy with someone who doesnt FULLY accept my need to dress, anmd I would attempt to persue such a relationship.

ooops. In the end on my earlier post, I meant to say that I would NEVER attempt to persure such a relationship........