My (First?) Bad CD Experience

[Von]

I just 'introduced' myself yesterday, and this is my first real post. I've just started dressing a little. I don't understand why, but I think about it pretty often and feel compelled to do more. Nevertheless, I've been resisting this urge, and have mostly just worn women's underwear under my regular clothes. Which is all another post to come, but I wanted to provide a little context for the experience I had today.

I only own a handful of women's clothes - not even a complete outfit. But I've bought underwear myself a couple of times. Last weekend, on a whim I stopped and decided to buy something more. I was nervous and self-concious, but ended up ggrabbing a really nice pair of shorts at least. I got a doubletake from a woman selling me bras once. But otherwise I felt like the cashiers were extra polite each time.

Today I was at the supermarket, and again on a whim decided to buy some cute pastel hair bands from the pharmacy section that caught my eye last time I was there. I figured they would mostly be lost in the cart full of groceries and such, and I'm fairly masculine - any one would assume they were for my wife/girlfriend/daughter... And if not it would be really just the cashier that noticed, and it seemed unlikely that it would be a problem. The hair bands were buried amongst other stuff on the conveyor, and I figured they would be quickly in a bag and no problem. A pretty woman came behind me, and smiled at me. The cashier didn't raise an eyebrow and gave me my total - and I used the debit payment pad to pay.

The (very busy) store hires some people with mental disabilities to 'bag' purchases -which is fine and commendable. Generally. This particular bagger picked up the hair bands, said "Miss, here are your hair bands" very loud and reached past as I was paying to hand them to the woman who had smiled at me. The woman smiled again, but shook her head (no) and looked down - as if she were perhaps embarrassed for me. I looked at the bagger, and said those are mine. She stood there holding them, and said "these aren't for men, what are you doing with them?" I just stood there (outwardly) calmly staring back at her. I was almost too shocked to respond. It would be hard to script a more thoughtless, offensive scenario - from involving the pretty young woman who had smiled at me, to daring to question any customer as to why they were buying anything. By the time I gathered my wits, it occurred to me to say they were for my daughter. But I didn't. Why should I have to answer such a question at all, much less be forced to lie? Then I almost said "just put the @#% in the bag and mind your own business - which is what I would certainly done, if she weren't disabled. I've had this same bagger before, and she is usually complaining about how hard she works, as she mixes things in bags they shouldn't be in - but I figure it's a small donation to society to overlook this and help someone who is facing obstacles I can't imagine to keep a job. I largely feel the same about this, though part of me is still upset. I have to say, I ended up handling it pretty well. After I stood there just looking at her for a minute, she put everything in a bag. I stood there smiling at the absurdity of the situation. I didn't break out in a sweat or feel I had to slink out of the store. And I'll be back next week. Just for groceries though.

Part of me is encouraged that I was able to handle this okay, but another part of me is dejected after just getting up the courage to shop at all. Do I have this or worse to look forward to in the future if I continue shopping?

[docrobbysherry]

Good for u!:thumbsup:

However, u mite change your name to "Ralph" if they treat u like THAT again!:brolleyes:

[Persephone]

It sounds like you handled it very well, Von. There are certain types of disabilities that can cause people to say odd things or to react in unusual ways.

For example, many years ago I had a small class of special ed students and, as it happened, only one member of the class, a boy named P.W. was African-American (whatever that is).

There was another boy who was largely withdrawn and uncommunicative and who almost never participated in classroom activities (I specifically do not want to label or categorize his type of behavior).

Every once in a while, out of the blue, when I asked the group a question, he would raise his hand. Now, there was every possibility that someday it might be for real, that he would have a moment of shining clarity and actually be participating in the activity, but, during the course of the year that was never the case.

Still, when his hand went up, I would call upon him with hope in my heart, only to have it dashed by the same statement he always made when called upon, "Did you know that P.W. is a Negro?"

Fortunately, although P.W. was very bothered by this, he understood the situation.

I've never encountered quite what you did, but I guess there are somethings you have to just take in context. It wasn't about you, it was really more about the bagger, and you did your good deed for the day.

Besides, just think of all the little encounters of life that you can look forward to, like the day you go out en femme for the first time and some guy drapes his hand across your body and says, "Hey, babe, what's your sign?" :)

[Tranny Tee]

There is no reason to be embarrassed buying hairbands. Think how you would have felt if you had been 17 and buying your first box of condoms. Think how much pleasure that exchange would have amused the other customers.

[VanessaVW]

Von,

You did the best thing, which is not make a scene. I've shopped at department stores and never had a problem, not even when it's busy around the holidays and you are about #12 in line. Just relax, it's a free country.

[meri]

Jordi LaForge wore a hairband as a prosthetic for "seeing". Just never know what you might do with something like that!

When you encounter people like that, it's really just a "test" for you. A chance for you to act in a calm, logical manner like nothing odd is happening here. The universe will always arrange such tests for anything you "worry" about or are afraid of. We live in a truly magical place!

[Anneliese]

I shop in public, at thrift stores, regularly. One cashier always comments on how pretty something is, or how she wishes she'd seen that, or do you think that will fit? I have no problem with it. I did hear a child ask her mother once, why is that man looking at dresses?

[Rachel Morley]

Oh gee .... that is a tough situation to be in for a newbee, you have my sympathies ... but like others have said, I think you handled it remarkably well. You can't really blame the "mental disabilities person" but then again, you can't really blame the store either. It's just an unusual and rare situation and unfortunately, it had to be you on the receiving end this time. I have had situations happen to me like this in the past but I was so paranoid that I always had some sort pre-rehearsed answer in my mind ... just in case, yet, guess what? ... 99.9% of the time I never had to use my excuse. Btw, the one about it being for your daughter was a good one, and of course, the most obvious one, which means the most believable one too. Don't let this put you off buying nice things for yourself when you want to. :hugs:

[Nicole Erin]

It is common for people to act stupid, I get it sometimes too.
This has made me quite bitter and hateful of people.

I probably would have made a scene.

The most civil response I could have mustered would have been, "Yes it is for me, got a problem with it?"
Or just hold up the line and get the manager over.

One might say, "but people with mental disabilities don't know better" but I have come across ones that do act polite, civilised, non-judgemental.

Thing is, if it is genuinely someone with down's syndrome, that might be one thing but the ones who act stupid that I don't make any excuses for are the hillbilly types.

It sucks but if you plan on going the dressing route, there will always be someone who is an ass. It is unusual to have bad shopping experiences, I can say that.

With not saying or doing anything, that is pointless cause that does nothing more than condition someone that they CAN get away with taking advantage of you or being rude.

[Michaela42]

Von, the best tactic (to me at least) is not to make a scene. I did a little shopping this week at Lane Bryant and as I was making my selections there were several other women in the store. They were all a bit older in age (like back from the time when people did not do "certain" things in public, if you know what I mean) and as I held up a skirt to my waist the one woman chuckled and whispered something to her friend. I ignored it and went to pay for my purchases. The two women were close by and made some other remarks that I did not quite make out, but caused them some amusement. The SA, who I had dealt with before, whispered something to me about ignoring them and I replied with a "Ignore who?" and a wink. The fact of the matter is that disabled or not you are always going to be judged whether you are buying hair berets or are driving a certain model of car; that is society and nature. You just have to ask yourself if the person who is doing the judging really matters in your life. IF not then to heck with them. It is your money, your life, and your choice; you do not owe anyone an explanation. :hugs:

[FemmeElastique]

It is common for people to act stupid, I get it sometimes too.
This has made me quite bitter and hateful of people.

I probably would have made a scene.

The most civil response I could have mustered would have been, "Yes it is for me, got a problem with it?"
Or just hold up the line and get the manager over.

One might say, "but people with mental disabilities don't know better" but I have come across ones that do act polite, civilised, non-judgemental.

Thing is, if it is genuinely someone with down's syndrome, that might be one thing but the ones who act stupid that I don't make any excuses for are the hillbilly types.

It sucks but if you plan on going the dressing route, there will always be someone who is an ass. It is unusual to have bad shopping experiences, I can say that.

With not saying or doing anything, that is pointless cause that does nothing more than condition someone that they CAN get away with taking advantage of you or being rude.

LOL! The whole situation is kinda funny and embarassing, but I do see the underlying issue. It seems like all you can do in that situation is just look at her, or even stare and not answer it. I think you handled it calmly.
Nicole, I love how you would respond to it! LOL holding up the line and getting the manager. That I'd love to see. And you bitterness towards people is totally understandable.
One thing is to just say "they're mine" and that's it.

[Karen564]

Your right, you don't need to lie or have to say who they were for...

But I think you should of responded to the rudeness without hesitation to the bagger with, Why do you think those are for me?

Sorry, I have no tolerance for the bagging police, handicapped or not...Wow, I can be such a bitch at times, huh...lol

If the store manager is so blind that he can't see an employee that doesn't know how to interact with all the customers with courtesy, then something is very wrong there...

[Stephenie S]

Dear, that really wasn't a "bad" situation. There was NOTHING to be upset about unless you felt guilty. Which you did, to some degree. But as others have said, you did just fine. It's absolutely NO ONES business what you buy at ANY time. So all you need to say is, "Yes, I am buying those." Who, or what, they are FOR does not need to come into the equation at all.

And try real hard to ditch the guilt and shame. There is NOTHING wrong with you buying hairbands. Eventually you will be buying more and other things. Try to remember that you have a RIGHT to buy whatever you want. And ditch the guilt.

Stephie

[sterling12]

And do you know what all those other people standing behind you in line thought? Probably, "Jeez...I wish they would hurry up, I need to take care of my business and get out of here!"

Your new and being hypersensitive. Can you imagine how many guys come in a Store every day and purchase something that The Wife or GF asked them to pick up? It's not an unusual situation; "Hey Hon, I forgot to get some Scrunchies yesterday, when your at The Store would you pick some up for me? Just get The Variety pack...that way you can't get The Wrong Color!"

So, what did you have? A mentally-challenged Bagger asking a rhetorical question, which probably got about 2 seconds of everyone's brain-computation time. Next time, purchase some Feminine Hygiene products....everybody in line knows that's what husbands are designed for!

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Paula W]

There is no reason to be embarrassed buying hairbands. Think how you would have felt if you had been 17 and buying your first box of condoms. Think how much pleasure that exchange would have amused the other customers.

Hah, I remember when I was in high school I was buying a box of condoms and got in a line with someone that looked like they wouldn't care. There were a couple people ahead of me so it took a while and as the person ahead of me got done the cashier was going on break and someone else came to take over for them. I had that sinking feeling in my stomach when the new cashier was a cute girl that sat next to me in English class.

There are far worse things you could buy than hairbands and have someone else find out about it :p

[Billijo49504]

You just got newbie nerves:doh: Go to Wallmart, they're open all night. And the reason they are is to make money. And your $$ are just as good as any GG. As you go on, it get's easier, to the point that you really won't care about the other ppl. Practice makes purfect...BJ:drink:

[Carly D.]

"WHOLLLLY CRAP!!" (Excuse my language but) What a nightmare.. for me it would be anyway.. I've never had this happen to me, but the one time I had a close call it was from something I was buying that the bar code was missing and they had to look all over for it.. Turns out the skirt was in the clearance rack and I think they thought it was odd someone was wanting to actually buy it.. I figure these things get the old five finger discount when it costs under a fiver.. But I do have that what if.. feeling when I go to pay for something. And while most guys wouldn't buy womens clothing without their SO there I love the rush of buying this stuff.. Looking at it and buying it in the store.. Good times..

[Von]

I'm starting to think CD's are probably measurably more intelligent than a similar cross section of the general population. More empathetic too, though that's not surprising. Such great responses (and interesting people). I'm very glad I registered here.

I would have never thought of a Jordi Laforge reference Meri, but that cracked me up (I'm only slightly less embarassed at getting it than I was at the supermarket - not really). But good point to look at it as a test.

I guess it's good that I know not to let my guard down too much in the future when shopping, but it's a shame that I can't. I've spent a lot of time fantasizing lately of how nice it would be to be able to shop like everyone else - taking my time, not browsing from
across the aisle while I pretend I'm looking at something else, and the ultimate - being able to try things on. I know some of you are that comfortable, but I am not close yet, and I guess a lot of you also know how frustrating it is. Especially when you haven't figured out your sizes yet!

But the bottom line is I've been wearing a purple hairband all evening (at home, but it still feels nice)!

P.S. The woman did appear to have precisely Downs Syndrome. I don't know that that precludes her from being a bigot, but I'm positive that I would feel worse than I do now if I had been mean to her. I have considered talking to the management and explaining that I don't want her to get in trouble, but that perhaps they should address sensitivity to such things with her (and perhaps all their employees). I can't remember who made that point, but it did cross my mind that it might help prevent similar probems for someone else in the future if a company is made aware that it's unacceptable. It's probably a good practice (not that I hope to get much practice at that).

[marny]

I've been kicked off before for just bitchin, does this qualify

[Chickhe]

A good response is to deflect the question and avoid answering it. Just say, 'is it you job to comment on my purchases or to bag them?' or make a joke, like...'oh my gawd! I must have picked up the wrong ones!!! Can you go exchange them for the Batman ones so I don't look like a fool when I wear them!!!?' One way to look at it... good thing you were not buying a plain jane bra which might have caused you to blush... but, if you were no you know how to handle it.

[Dressing Jill]

That was sweat of you not to hurt the handicapped person. My uncle works with people like this and they will always keep you on your toes. They don't even realize what they are doing most of the time. You have to be commended on your super cool attitude.

[JulieK1980]

It sounds to me that you handled yourself fantastically!!

As for your question, in the many years I've been shopping, I have yet to have any kind of incident, and after awhile your comfort level will grow enough, that you won't care one way or the other.

[Starling]

I'm starting to think CD's are probably measurably more intelligent than a similar cross section of the general population. More empathetic too, though that's not surprising...

I'm sorry to say that, by and large, this thread has not demonstrated that proposition to me.

:straightface: Lallie

[MargaretJ]

Von, you handled that well. I have to admit to being short tempered, but when en femme or buying girly stuff, I behave differently to avoid any chance of causing a scene, and making things worse. Maybe this will cross over to my male side and make me less stressed, who knows. I usually have the stand by line it's a birthday present for someone, if anyone gets to nosey about what I'm buying.

Paula, that is a great story.

[PretzelGirl]

I think you handled it very well, in particular since you are still where you get nervous picking up items.

This is something we all will probably see now and then. There are programs that put handicap people in jobs so they can start developing skills. Not being rude was a very good thing. The next step (and hard to do when your mind is racing and nerves are up) would be to say something like I am picking these up for my daughter. The person is trying and they aren't asking because they are trying to be rude. They are thinking and trying to process it and it is their way of working through it. Just a little education is a good way for us to do our part.

[bredalee25]

You can say what you want about my oppinions. I strongly think that mentally challenged people should never hold a job where they interact with the public. I'm all for them earning there keep but in the backroom where I don't have to see them or hear them.

I know most of you will consider my remarks as cruel and unjustified but this is america and i've got freedom of speech. Hate me if you must but I refuse to cave into peer preasure and go along with the thinking of most of the people in this country.

My oppinions wouldn't be different if I had a relative who was mentally challenged if they were in my immediate family IE: brother mother sister father i'd be the driving force dedicated to keeping them away from the public so as to not put another inocent person through an episode like this one.

[sissystephanie]

Many people who have mental disabilities do not have the ability to understand thiongs the way the rest of us do. You could have simply said, "I have several girl friends!," and let it go at that.

As for Nicole's response, there is simply no reason at all to get angry, or to hate people. The disabled lady probably did not even realize what she was saying! We should all learn to have a heart, and to use it!!

[EmilyCD]

Sounds like you did the right thing. I once had a cashier tell me the thigh highs i was buying would look good on me. She was being sarcastic and i had no idea what to say so i just laughed it off. If it happened today i would probably say thank you and smile

[Starling]

...We should all learn to have a heart, and to use it!!

Amen, sister! It works.

:) Lallie

[t-girlxsophie]

Sorry Brenda.but Lets hope no one comes up with an idea to pack all Transgender ppl off somewhere out of sight,out of mind.freedom of speech is all well and good but still dont make such extreme views right IMO

[Ms Jennifer]

:love:You handled it very well,Always be the polite lady. :daydreaming:Also make sure the purchases you get have the price on them.It would even be worse if the cashier had to get on the store microphone and say"I need a price check on Panties ":brolleyes:Now that can be embarrassing :o

[Rianna Humble]

I guess it's good that I know not to let my guard down too much in the future when shopping, but it's a shame that I can't. I've spent a lot of time fantasizing lately of how nice it would be to be able to shop like everyone else - taking my time, not browsing from across the aisle while I pretend I'm looking at something else, and the ultimate - being able to try things on. I know some of you are that comfortable, but I am not close yet, and I guess a lot of you also know how frustrating it is. Especially when you haven't figured out your sizes yet!

You can get to the stage where you are comfortable buying stuff, at the moment you just haven't got there, but there is really no need to be guarded.


The woman did appear to have precisely Downs Syndrome. I don't know that that precludes her from being a bigot, but I'm positive that I would feel worse than I do now if I had been mean to her.

In some ways it might preclude her from being a bigot. Most people with downs syndrome don't progress much further than the mental age of about 13 or 14. Given that fact, her question was probably borne out of real incomprehension - these are not for men, so she doesn't understand why a man would want to buy them.

It was an awkward moment for you, but your response was probably the best and I would guess that the cashier may well have said something to the bagger when things got quieter.

[joandher]

I was once at the check out and had a new bottle of nail hardener clear polish and the girl looked at it and said does this work ?? so I replied well look at mine ( which were polished at the time ) oh she said I must get some and try it, the following week I had the same lady and guess what she had it on, and she said well it seems to be working and we both just laughed

:hugs:

J-JAY

[Cassandra Lynn]

Part of me is encouraged that I was able to handle this okay, but another part of me is dejected after just getting up the courage to shop at all. Do I have this or worse to look forward to in the future if I continue shopping?

The law of averages (by my account) says that you should not have any more troubles for quite awhile. Yes it gets much easier and try going to the bigger malls or department chain stores, their SAs are usually trained to be helpful and courteous to ppl such as us. mj (Cassie)

[clandestine322]

I think you handled it well Von. I find it amazing at how much information we actually volunteer to others when it is quite unneccesary. Some stores ask you for your phone number or zip code, etc. at time of purchase. In all reality we do not have to answer any such questions. There was no reason for the bagger to make comment but we should have some tolerance given this person's circumstance. There are many things that are no one's business concerning our lives and yet a lot of times we almost unconsciously answer. Maybe we should consider a change in behavior.

[Dena]

It gets easier. Generally, when you're relaxed and friendly while shopping, the clerks and sales assistants will be too. If you're nervous, they'll wonder why and may get a little nervous too.

[Raine]

"No? Well they're for a man now." :D

I stand my ground strong when people question my crossdressing. It's rare though for anyone to make a comment when I buy stuff intended for girls.

Like Dena says, people tend to reciprocate others. If you're friendly, they'll be friendly. If you're nervous, they'll be nervous.

[rocn4fun]

you as a shopper and ect. first time can be a bit of a hassle but, the personal satisfaction is best yea the kid prob. didnt know any better and has put all sorts of things into other peoples bags and had his share of mishapps ? on a daily if not hourly basis he was unknowingly kinda looking out as well as trying to do a good job its the thrill of that that makes it a bit of fun and puts a bit of personal passion into going on and getting what you personaly want for yoursielf with-out any disreguard upon anyone cause its for you and your buying it we dont need any newsflash hahah in the shakey process ive been seen and caught buying panties a few times by friends and im just into the fact so what i like panties as well as some of my girlfriends im a happy camper as for the girls and women that are in the lingerie dept buying or working they dont realy care there for the same item you are looking for and buying its all good there selling your buying and just keep with that and ask qu if you dont know what you want its best to ask a sales person one on one is more comfortable and they will ring you up on the side . if your nervous they can tell ,also buy what you want and its gonna fit rite cause we all look and make it our business when someone holds the line up on a return so go big to a real lingerie shop just too look and get comfortable with it not walmart

[pernille d]

again i must say you handled it well, as that was a hard one to handle .

Every situation is different and needs to be treated differntly ,and i have found out that at least here in DK most people dont care or are just extreemly polite , ( where i used to think OH NO ! what is she/he thinking.) The best thing is just to be possative and not show nereves and almost anything will go ,most people are stressed in supermarkets anyway so a little humor can get you out of a lot of situations .and maybe even brighen up ther day too.

i remember once at x-mas as check out i had a brought a nice underwear set, and i laid it on the convayor, and when i got to the check out it had fallen in to the persons before me shopping . i said " excuse me i think thats mine " to the man infront and he said "no its mine" looking down at the convayor i saw my set still there, what where the chance of that happening but we both had brought the same set , He looked very unconfortable as i am sure it was for his wife ( but who knows) .so i picked up my set and said "oh her is mine" and held it to my body and begain to joke about that his size would have never fitted me anyway and he had forgot the matching garter belt as a set like that i needed to have stockings with it . He smiled and the rest in the que laughed , and i could se he felt relaxed again as i took the pressure away from him .

what i am trying to say buy my little story is forget your worst fears as most people are not as mean as we think they are , and most often react compleately different to what we expect they will do .I find if you handle it in posative and confident way( not easily done for everyone) ,i know its more complicated than this but at the end of the day its only clothing we are buying and nothing to get so worked up about .:)

[DAVIDA]

I do all of the shopping! I don't mind it, I actually like to shop.(imagine that!)
Jean on the other hand, doesn't. I am always buying girl things. For both of us.:D
Well, I have had my share of comments from cashiers.
One asked if the pantyhose I was buying for me. They were actually for Jean. I said, without a beat, no, they are to small. I wear a queen size!:D

Atleast the young lady you had, had a really good excuse for a dumb question.

[zoe m]

you handled it well, like you say it would have been worse if you had gotten angry. it would be different if the person had not been disabled. by not getting angry you showed tolerance and understanding. you have to realize this will not happen most of the time. i've been doing all my CD shopping in stores, not online, and nothing bad has happened to me yet.

[Katari]

It doesn't only happen with the disabled...
I once was buying some female stuff for (who is now my ex) girlfriend and the cashier kept asking me what these are for? After asking for about the tenth time I finally answered that they are for me to buy and take home, now finish your job with me!

Sorry but had to respond after Brendas response...NO!! disabled people need to learn to react to the human equation as well as YOU do!

Katari

[TxKimberly]

You know, in my opinion this isn't really a bad CD Experience. I mean sure, it was embarrassing but that's about all. I would think that someone yelling things at you, assaulting you, or harassing you would be a bad experience. Having an ignorant person with poor social skills ask you why you are buying womens things just doesn't seem so bad to me.

[kellycan27]

You know, in my opinion this isn't really a bad CD Experience. I mean sure, it was embarrassing but that's about all. I would think that someone yelling things at you, assaulting you, or harassing you would be a bad experience. Having an ignorant person with poor social skills ask you why you are buying womens things just doesn't seem so bad to me.

Exactly, and to be perfectly honest... the only issue that I see is one that you personally made of it.

Bredalee25

A lot of people feel that way... about us! That we should stay hidden away from the public eye.. or worse. Nice attitude!....NOT!

[charlie]

Hello Von!
Welcome to the forum! I hope you appreciate and receive all that I do by coming here. At the very least you will appreciate that you have a group that understands and are in the same boat that you are. That said and going back to your post, you probably will one day have your complete set of clothes complete with a full set of fashions, wigs and makeup. When you do, you will probably want to get out and about. It is then that you are set to receive your harshest comments. We all usually get made when we go out at sometime. How it is done is what will make you label it as a harsh thing or not. Most people do not notice, some stare, a few make comments. Most of the time it is fun, exciting and wonderful!

[Petrina CD]

I had a hair tie experiance once while at work. I work at lots of different malls building new store interiors and one day I was at work and my hair was driving me crazey( I have veryyy long hair ) and I decided to step next door to the girls accesory shop and buy some hair ties . I allways wear my hair in a long biker style ponytail but that day I had forgotten to put all my ties in. ( it takes about ten hair ties at once to do my ponytail) I had only put in one and got sidetracked. So I go in and ask the girl to help me find some hair ties thinking she could easily read the situation, my hair flying everywhere, I'm in contruction macho dude mode and she takes me over and starts showing me all these pink and white lacey ponytail stuff and I looked at her and said "Sweety, I don't think those are going to work for me , I need to tie my hair back ,not get beat-up by my co-workers) Then she took me over to where the black hair ties were and I found what I was looking for.

My co-workers really wouldn't of cared If I wore pink-lacey hair ties but the whole experiance was kinda strange.

[Danamtv]

First of all, a quick sense of humor is a very valuable survival skill - just wait until you run into a pack of teenage girls!

Second, a special-needs person has to be treated respectfully, even if they haven't done the same.

Third, almost no one will believe the hair bands are for you. Sanitary products definitely aren't for you but could certainly wind up in your cart: ditto cosmetics or anything else. A quick smile and a response like "how do you think they'll look on me?" will defuse the situation, even if you are buying a matching red pushup bra and panty set, a leotard, and some lace hose.

Finally, accept the fact that even if you work really hard and have a lot of help when going out, most of us are going to get read often. And when it happens the first time, you think you will die. But, you don't! By the 10th time, you'll realize you didn't die even though the woman (usually) walking by you just realized you are a genetic male. so your confidence will grow. As your confidence grows, you'll become more passable. Oh, and having a couple of drinks first.....lol

[~Michelle~]

You can say what you want about my oppinions. I strongly think that mentally challenged people should never hold a job where they interact with the public.

I have lived a very long time across an institution for mentally challenged people, had contact with some of them and I must say that I strongly disagree with you. I'm not mad with you, I just think that you're not well informed.

In all those years we never had any issue with those patients when they were allowed outside the institution, which we can't say about some people who passed that same institution and who are supposed not to be mentally handicapped in any way...

Life is about tolerance. If we want our society to be tolerant towards crossdressers, TS, TG, etc, then we should start by being tolerant with such innocent, and often lovely, people.

[AKAMichelle]

That is a minor one. Wait until some child shouts it out to their mom or dad, why is that guy dressed as a woman? It could have been much worse.

[Loni]

sure it gives the "less developed" (for lack of a better word) a job and they can feel like they are doing something worth while, but the store must remember these people sometimes can not and should not mix with the "real" world, they sometimes just can not cope. (maybe they are better off than we are??)
i am sure no malice was meant, he was just trying to be polite and helpful.
but just does not understand some times (like at work) it is best to just do the job and not be too helpful.
as for you it is just "these belong in my bag" and go on with life like nothing happened. no need for a fuss or problem.

[PretzelGirl]

I think it is one of the measurements of society in how we treat our disadvantaged members. It sure shouldn't be to shuffle them off in the corner where no one has to deal with them. If we are suppose to be so sound of mind, do you think we might be able to manage to assess when someone says something that they just might not know better?

What this comes down to is tolerance for other people and who they are. Ring any bells?

Von - You did just fine.

[EllieOPKS]

Von, I am not as new as you to this but I am far from a veteran. One thing I have done that makes things a little easier for me is I kinda roleplay. What if somebody says this about that or that about this. I am pretty comfortable with how I will respond and my responses range from humor to insult depending on how a question might be delivered.

I bought my first batch of make up at a discount store and had a lady behind me ask "Is that for you?" with a big smile on her face. I replied (with my pre-planned response) no, this is for my little niece, she got in her mom's make up and got in trouble. The lady said, well how old is she? That caught me off guard so I said dunno 10 or 12 I think.
Then the lady reaches down and takes the lipstick off the check out counter and says "well go over there and get her some lip gloss for gods sake! You don't want her to look like a ****! I busted out laughing and did as I was told.
I guess the moral to the story is don't take things too serious.