Stepping out full-time

[katieblush]

Hiya folks,well there has been a lot happening here lately with regard to my transition,i have PCT funding,family life :eek: omg,this journey is sooo hard but i have to continue whatever.

The reason i am posting,i have a major issue,one that's really annoying,ok here goes "Neighbors" how the hell am i going to cope and deal with there reactions to me going full time fem,i do leave the house dressed fem on occasion and go socializing,dam i even walk through town on my own in the daytime to meet friends at a local tg club and i can cope with that fine,i will have to face this issue head on soon after all i have gone through this seems to be "one" of the hardest to come to terms with,sorry for the rant i having one of those days :hugs: Katie xx

[Sheila]

Katie, I wish I had some clever, smart answers for you, but I don't ..........are you close to any of your neighbors ? by that I mean friendly, if so perhaps you could invite them in for a cuppa and chat and explain to either one or two, and then let the usual neighborhood talk tell the rest :straightface: if they are used to seeing you going out dressed anyway, I don't suppose it will be a huge talking point ............. sometimes I wonder if going full time is maybe easier in that folks get used to seeing so don't see in the end if you get my drift :heehee:

Debs and I wish you the best on your journey :)

[Jorja]

Katie, I too wish I had some clever, smart answers for you, but I don't. It all depends upon you. How much harassment are you willing to take from your neighbors. If this is a problem for you, you may want to consider moving locations and moving in as a woman. When I went full time not a word was said within earshot. What was said otherwise may be a different story. I wish you all the best and know you will find a solution. Where there is a will, there is a way!

[Faith_G]

I was really worried about my one neighbor, she's 83 and this is a very conservative area. She was out on her porch one Sunday when I got home from church, so I went over and talked to her. I explained what I was doing in general terms. She said "You have always been a good neighbor to me. How you dress is not any of my concern." She's awesome, she calls me Faith now and any time she's on her porch she calls me over to talk. :happy:

My other neighbor moved in after I had already gone FTEW. He knows a woman named Faith lives next door. Thankfully I start work about 2 hours earlier than he does so he has never seen me presenting male. Just yesterday I was going to stop by the house at lunchtime. I saw his car in the driveway so I just drove on by. Talk about irony... :heehee:

[katieblush]

Shelia, thanks for the reply,i know only i can face this situation down,the issues surrounding transitioning seem never ending,i cope with one issue then 5 more appear as if by magic,it just amazes me just how many issues you can have in a brief period of time :eek::heehee:

"neighborhood talk tell the rest" lol your right on target there,my neighbors are all around me overlooking and close,and if i tell a certain one then all will be aware,if i lived on my own then this would not be a issue for me,i have a wife and two children so they have to go through this also and that's hard to cope with,so i guess its time to just see what happens.:hugs: Katie xx


Jorja hiya,thanks for that reply,your the second person to pass on those words of wisdom to me,i wish it were that easy to move but alas we are stuck here. :hugs:


Hi Faith,

"I was really worried about my one neighbor, she's 83 and this is a very conservative area. She was out on her porch one Sunday when I got home from church, so I went over and talked to her. I explained what I was doing in general terms. She said "You have always been a good neighbor to me. How you dress is not any of my concern." She's awesome, she calls me Faith now and any time she's on her porch she calls me over to talk."op Faith.

Wow what a result good for you,i have had a few good interactions with females dressed fem and those times can really lift your spirit,its those moments that make the painful
times more bearable knowing not everyone out there views us as strange etc.:hugs:

[Stephenie S]

Dear Katie,

This is only an issue if you make it an issue.

If you are going to go "full time" (and that's what I got from your post), then you are going to have to deal with your neighbors just as you are going to have to deal with the rest of the world.

But these people are your neighbors. They deserve a bit of respect from you just as you deserve it from them. VISIT them. Tell them what you are doing. Explain that they will see the new you from now on. Then, when they DO see the new you they will not be surprised and worried about who you are and what you are doing. TELL them.

This may seem like a daunting task, but you are gonna have to do it with EVERYONE. You have to face the world as who you really are. Suck it up. Some people are not gonna like you. SO? Isn't that the truth already? Isn't it the truth all the time?

You can't hide a transition. If you do, it ain't a transition, and you might as well stay in the closet.

BTW, is your wife really on board with this? Is she ready to live with another woman as a couple? Are your kids ready? How are they gonna cope with two mommies? Have you really thought this thing through?

Stephie

[jenna_woods]

I was really worried about ths wen I started going out dressed all time,I was nervous at frist about what they woyld say, and so far no one has said a word, been 2 years now,

[GypsyKaren]

They're just neighbors so I wouldn't worry, how they react to you is their problem, not yours.

GK

[Super Amanda]

I went full time a month and a half ago, and hows this for meeting the neighbors...

Last night a drunk driver crashed his BMW through my front yards three foot brick wall! He also took out two stop signs and my neighbors entire front fence before hitting my house.

Needless to say the whole neighborhood came around, and all of my immediate neighbors, and a fire engine, and an ambulance, and three police cars.....all in my front yard! I was about to go to bed, so I was wearing a yellow cami and stretchy pants, no bra, no makeup and hair all messed up.

Anyhow, thank God nobody was killed, and even the drunk s.o.b. seemed fine. It was very scary though!

So now a few of my neighbors first encounters with me since full time is going to be something they won't forget!

[Sheila]

:eek::eek: OMG Amanda, am glad you are okay, & now the neighbours know for sure :)

[Stephanie Anne]

Thank god for that fence small as it was! At least you had clothes on!

As for neighbors... unless you rent from someone that is a total jerk and would evict you for being full time, it is their problem if they can't stand having a woman living next door to them!

[Super Amanda]

Thanks for the concern! :hugs:

On the side the maniac came from, those neighbors are cool, the lady who lives there gave me some earrings even... the people the drunkards car is facing are private folks, but they are nice also, I don't think they realize I'm trans.

Sorry for hijacking the thread, I'll put it back on topic! ;)

I suppose If I lived in an apartment complex, or something more communal, it might be more uncomfortable having more neighbors, but by the time I came to terms, and had went forward with HRT, the neighbors opinions would not mean a thing. Opinions are frankly just that, opinions, and we all know what those are like... :eek: ...everyone has one!!!

IMO, this type of fear, or worry is something that may show how ready you really are to step out full time. I think that if you fear the neighbors, how the heck are you going to get face to face with store staff, and the countless other interactions we must partake in daily "full time" life.

I can't tell you how to do it, nobody can, it's up to you to get over the fear on your own. You can get help and support from us who will tell you that we're out there, every day, and the world keeps right on turning!

[JenniferZ2009]

I agree with Amanda. If you cant tell people you know that you are a female imagine how hard it would be to live your life full time and deal with people in the world.i

It wasnt until I started talking with my HR and managers and friends at work that I truly accepted myself as female at the core. I also have accepted the fact that yes I am trans and if people do see me as a trans women then they are right I am a trans woman.

[katieblush]

Dear Katie,

This is only an issue if you make it an issue.

If you are going to go "full time" (and that's what I got from your post), then you are going to have to deal with your neighbors just as you are going to have to deal with the rest of the world.

But these people are your neighbors. They deserve a bit of respect from you just as you deserve it from them. VISIT them. Tell them what you are doing. Explain that they will see the new you from now on. Then, when they DO see the new you they will not be surprised and worried about who you are and what you are doing. TELL them.

This may seem like a daunting task, but you are gonna have to do it with EVERYONE. You have to face the world as who you really are. Suck it up. Some people are not gonna like you. SO? Isn't that the truth already? Isn't it the truth all the time?

You can't hide a transition. If you do, it ain't a transition, and you might as well stay in the closet.

BTW, is your wife really on board with this? Is she ready to live with another woman as a couple? Are your kids ready? How are they gonna cope with two mommies? Have you really thought this thing through?

Stephie

Stephie hi,staying in the closet ,babe i have taken the doors off so there is no going back,family know etc,very big steps for me,they may seem small to others but i have a plan to follow and so far its been working out,i have been building a foundation a structured plan not only of the present but of the future as me becoming a full time female,the plan started out very ridged but over time i have become more flexible with my approach to transition.

Wife, basically i broke her heart,shes in denial and grief some days then fine other days,will we stay together? i hope so,as for our children they have no issues with me,being children they do not understand the full impact having a trans parent can have in society so i guess we as a family will have to try to work through this.

The neighbors thing,well i have to say it i am scared,i will get to where i need to be,i have come so far and there is no way i am going to stop now that would not be a good idea.

In a few months i hope to look back and think why did i worry so much.

Thanks for the reply's girls,i do appreciate your thoughts.:hugs:

[Claire Cook]

We live in a condo here in VA, and I have told my neighbors that I crossdress -- as well as the nice folks who man the front desk. Most of the time they see me in male mode, but when I'm dressed they take it in stride and are very nice about it. (Sherry next door is very cool -- she sometimes compliments me on my clothes. I must do more of the same for her!) As several have said, it's important to be a good neighbor.

[Midnight Skye]

I've been going out for roughly a year now and I still don't know my neighbors names... Honestly I think they think the "girl" leaving the house is a different person. I would say as long as you don't live in subdivision with strict rules... don't worry about your neighbors one bit. If you're close to them you might want to have a quick chat when you're comfortable with your future plans. But otherwise enjoy yourself and let them make their own assessment of you.

[Veronica_Jean]

Katie,

I knew last year that I was going to be out a lot more since I am going full time this summer. My next door neighbor and I talk all the time and we kinda watch each other's house.

I decided to simply come straight out and tell them (after months of agonizing about doing it). They were both amazing, and basically told me that we all have to live our lives as we see and that they had no issue. This shocked me frankly since she is a "southern belle" and he is from the hills of West Virginia (he was literally raised in a holler. They didn't have a road leading to their house!).
They have since seem me both ways many times and are no different to me in any way.

I had a neighbor across the street (they have since moved) that simply thought I was just a woman. Later I found out that the woman had been in a lesbian relationship before she got together with the guy she was with. Who knew? They had a cookout and invited me over, It was really awkward for me, but everyone was nice and later I found out they all thought I was very nice.

Basically my experience with my neighbors has been nothing short of excellent. I also live in a small semi-rural town in Ohio where everyone sees or knows everyone else. I have even gotten some comments (good ones or curious ones), but nothing derogatory.

Its your choice of course, but I would not hesitate doing it again.

Veronica

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Hi Katie..

i went through this last year....i planned it out ..

i chose the neighbor that i felt was going to embrace me the most..and i told her then asked if i could tell her kids...i did this before going full time...i told them to stop by and i would be "dressed" if they were interested in some ice cream LOL

they came over and i just tried to win them over...the young girls were curious but complimented me...

a week later, i started just going outside but didnt tell other neighbors...i counted on my one supportive neighbor...she was up to it and told me that folks were asking what happened to K...(not is he ts? but where is he? and who is that woman!!)...so i told one neigbor and they were good as well...i met another walking the dog, another i walked over and helped shovel snow!!

My one next door neighbor will not look at me,, talk to me, wave to me...he HATES ME...but it doesnt matter..

so all that is to say, do it your way, but consider trying to manage it step by step...some girls go banging on doors with copies of True Selves, but i found that just staying positive and just doing it worked out...

my one worry is that my one neighbor does something stupid...he is a real rockhead...or perhaps he is running around calling me names..

in the end, it took about a month to be able to walk out my front door without looking both ways and bolting straight for the car..hehe

all the best...
kate

[Melissa A.]

I would talk to the neighbors, at least the ones you know the best. If you're ready to live full time, You ought to be ready to do that. Once you get it done and move on, you'll realize that it was a very small worry. If you can't deal with your neighbors, who already have some vested interest in having a good relationship with you(I'm assuming, there, some neighbors ain't so neighborly), how are ya going to deal with the guy at the corner store who insists on calling you sir every day? The teenagers who laugh out loud right after you walk by? The cashier who asks to see some ID when you use a credit card, just because they can, and think they are humiliating you? The mall security guard who glares at you the whole time you are in the ladies room? These things and many others will happen repeatedly. You learn to deal with each situation as it occurs, sometimes by reacting appropriately, usually by doing nothing, and realizing that you are stronger than anything that can happen. Talk to them. You'll be glad you did.

Hugs,

Melissa:)