What does your Crossdressing nourish?

[Sarah Doepner]

There is a current active thread on self-hate that got me thinking about the alternative. The human body is interesting and if we are deficient in a necessary chemical we will find a way to ingest it. There are great examples of pregnant women searching out and eating a particular type of dirt that held minerals needed for fetal development. No, I'm not asking if any of you eat dirt.

I'm wondering if in a similar fashion our crossdressing is feeding a particular psychological need that can't be nourished better any other way. What do you get from your crossdressing experience that is unique? Please don't just write that it feeds your feminine side, we still don't have a good shared definition of what feminine means. Try to identify the specific condition that evaportates when you slip into your girl world. Or maybe it's not relieving a problem but providing a benefit that is not available without crossdressing. It could be anything I guess, but I'd love to see the positive side of crossdressing explored just a little more.

[Bernadina]

Not quite sure this is quite what you are looking for but I just spent the weekend positively adding to the US economy. And I positively just love all the new dresses etc., I bought. As for me, I positively felt at peace with myself when trying them on.

[Kelly DeWinter]

Sarah:

This is possibly on of the most interesting threads, Ive read in awhile. For me, it nourishes a sense of self worth. I feel like i can be myself around others, I also find that I participate more in others lives. In all it has taken the pressure off, that i have felt most of my life of knowing that i'm different, but because of sociatal norms, not allowed to express. All in all i feel better about myself, which has been a wonderful experience.

Kelly

[skylance]

personally, i just feel better when i get the chance to dress. i feel sexier and more confident. I also find when i dress, i tend to be less stressed out about just about everything....now if i could just work up to nerve to go out en femme :daydreaming:

[carhill2mn]

I understand why you made the suggestions re: responses that you did as it does make one have to think a little more.
Crossdressing brings me a number of positive feelings. The first is the obvious - I love wearing the clothes, shoes, jewelry, makeup, etc. I enjoy the "transformation process" as I like what I see in the mirror when I am finished. Many times when I have been ill or had aches/pains I feel much better once I am en femme. I enjoy being treated as a "lady" when I am out in public. I am much more patient when driving my car or being served at a restaurant or store.
I am sure that there are other reasons but I will limit my response to the ones mentioned.

[Kaz]

Sarah,

I am so glad you started this thread. It is very easy to focus on the negative when we have the opportunity to explore that with a peer group... yeah, I have my worries and concerns and all that they feed...

But since I have accepted Kaz as an integral part of me, I have grown as an individual and my relationships with other people are so much stronger. I am not "out", and it is not about "acceptance". It is about how I am as a person as a result of my embracing the CD side of my personality.

I feel so much more... complete as a person.

I have often dreamed of transitioning and living life as a girl, but for me at my age I would have to give up so much to do that, and to be honest... I value a lot of what I do as "him" very highly.. he is okay!

So.. yeah.. I am who I am, and I like me a lot! The more I get to understand who I am, the more I am at peace with the world.

It would be good if the rest of the world accepted this, but why should they? We are all who we are... and I am so glad I discovered Kaz and decided to nurture her rather than deny.

Love Kaz xx

[docrobbysherry]

It seems Sherry has become my substitute GIRLFRIEND!:eek:

The BAD part of that is:
She's very demanding of new clothes, and jealous of anyone I date!:sad:
The GOOD part is: She's EASY!:o

But, I KNOW that isn't what u were getting at with your post, Sarah!:straightface:
So, here's something POSITIVE as a result of my dressing!:)

At my age, there's not much that gets me excited anymore!:yawn:
Yet, ANYTHING to do with CDing seems to demand and hold my interest! After 13 years, I STILL find becoming Sherry to be exciting!:D

[Alice B]

For me it is a chance to totally relax and not have to be all that is expected of me. It is a chance to let the female side of me out of the bag, feel better about myself and to expand my horizons.

[Dena]

I remember being young and wanting to dress up, and feeling guilty when I did (boys don't do that). I tried to repress those feelings without success.

I've learned to relish those feelings instead of repressing them. So when I dress up I feel I'm being true to myself.

[NathalieX66]

My crossdressing nourishes the economy......nothing beats a warm sales attentant while I dressed en femme last week at Dress Barn while she coaxed me into buying more. :D....the women at the registers in Macy's didn't seem to mind either when I bought about a couple of pairs of sheer nylons in a crowded store.

[Barbara Dugan]

my self esteem:hugs:

[Karinsamatha]

I feel as if I am a whole person when I am dressed. I feel a huge sense of relief when I slip in to the clothes, makeup, and jewelry :). I find that I tend to smile more to.
:hugs:

[Madilyn A.]

To quote a cliche of sorts, "dressing completes me" !

[Andrea Reynolds]

Crossdressing is my escape/relaxation treat. It relaxes me and removes me from some of my reality. It nourishes my sanity, which allows me to work retail without occasionally grabbing a customer and shaking them really, really hard. I love my. I love my job. I lo.......Andrea

[Sarah Doepner]

I've become so very tired of defining crossdressing by what it really isn't and having getting out being the watermark for success. I think it's really important that each of us discover the things about crossdressing that makes us feel good. That's were the success lies, not in passing, not in having the most clothes and probably not even in who we let in on this part of our lives. What it does for us to calm or strengthen or replenish or understand or pleasure or celebrate ourselves is the mark I'm looking for. If it isn't happening for you, why are you here?

Here are some of the things that come to mind for me, the areas opened because of crossdressing. The sensual opportunties that are either unique or much more common with women's clothing and cosmetics. The silky textures, the loose flowing skirts layered over a slip and touching a leg covered in sheer nylon hose. The feeling of constriction in a corset or cincher. Having my skin smooth and then adding powders or lotions that make it smoother than it's been since I was a child. Smells associated with cosmetics and perfumes are all so very different from what I encounter in my "normal" world. Use of color before was limited to "what tie can I wear with this shirt?" Now it extends to coordinating shoes, jewelry, handbags and scarves with an outfit. I've learned a lot but still wear the wrong tie when I am forced into that kind of guy outfit.

My sense of self changed, of course. At first it was just the temporary transformation that managed to put my male self out as I began to explore what I imagined my female identity would be. This attempt to discover what behaviors, mannerisms, attitudes, postures and poses were best able to hide the man lead me to those that best displayed the woman. I recognized it was mearly the physical representation that I was attempting to mimic, and for a long time that was sufficient. How far was I willing to take it and how far did I need to go to get the satisfaction I sought?

The inner sense of self was next to get a rush of attention. Did I already have characteristics that were associated with the female or were they just human? What values that were associated with women did I share and were there some that I should try to adopt? What was it about my male self that didn't meet my needs? Ahhh, that was a big one. It still is and I don't have answers but I'm getting a handle on the questions.

Most of the time I spend en femme is time isolated from the rest of my world. No shopping, no bills, no relatives wanting to borrow money or neighbors wanting to borrow tools or talk about politics or sports. I don't have the Television on and I don't make phone calls. Sarah's obligations are limited and time spent crossdressed is, for the most part, a chance to relax and recharge my batteries. It's an opportunity to try and learn a little more about myself and improve skills I never needed before I attempted to cobble together a respectable outfit for a woman's day out shopping or meeting friends for a nice dinner. I feel much better during that time as it seems to nourish my calm center, something that had withered away in earlier years.

[wetlook crossdresser]

It seems that for most of us cross dressing is an introverted thing we do for our own needs first rather than for someone else's but it is so compelling to me and somehow it makes me feel more outgoing and sociable to the general public than I used to be before I did it. I like to swim fully clothed and each time I do this I feel refreshed, renewed, hugged and caressed in a different way and floating in weightlessness. There is a feeling of being in tune with my soul and the warmth and joy of it all is overwhelming. Those around me can only receive the kindness of my words and I wish they could share my feelings.

[Von]

I've been asking myself this in a sense every day since my first CD experience a few weeks ago. It doesn't compute. I don't know what it nourishes, or why there isn't a simpler method of nourishing it.

Maybe my subconcious has found a way to nourish me with something that fills a need. It couldn't wait for the slow (concious) one to figure it out. Maybe the process of figuring it out is supposed to help me grow and learn - or maybe I'm never supposed to figure it out. Or maybe it's much simpler than that. But It does have a certain poetry to it (That's positive, right?).

Besides, it beats eating mud (yeah I had a taste of a mud pie on a dare when I was a kid. Grittier than it looks).

[Raine]

Crossdressing simply nourishes my self-expression.

When people see me mixing men's and women's clothing my androgyny comes with less of a shock to them, as my appearance is more congruent with who I am inside.

It also makes a great conversation topic in the sewing store. :D

[Jocelyn Quivers]

All of the stress, physical pain and ailments, disappear. I actually smile and look happy. All of which is the exact opposite of my male sides existence. I guess I consider a major contribution I give to my male side is to make him happy to help relieve him of a lot of the stress and issues that goes on in his life. I see a lot of this in my pictures where I do look genuinely happy, as opposed to my male ones where I look about 15 years older and like a wreck.

[lauraabdl]

As I've read its different in alot of ways and the same for alot of us in certain ways.
I for one are more content when dressed.
I do feel more all over, my senses relax and I feel everything all over my body, my mind is relaxed, I get an overall nice aurora around me that I do not have while in drab.
To be able to experiment around with styles and accessories and time periods is just a wonderful experience that I for one do not with to ever stop.
CDing is an iteragal part of me, not something I would or want to change.:2c:

[Tina B.]

complete, thats the word.I feel more at ease, more relaxed.
Tina B.

[Frédérique]

I'm wondering if in a similar fashion our crossdressing is feeding a particular psychological need that can't be nourished better any other way. What do you get from your crossdressing experience that is unique? Please don't just write that it feeds your feminine side, we still don't have a good shared definition of what feminine means. Try to identify the specific condition that evaportates when you slip into your girl world. Or maybe it's not relieving a problem but providing a benefit that is not available without crossdressing. It could be anything I guess, but I'd love to see the positive side of crossdressing explored just a little more.

Crossdressing definitely provides benefits I cannot obtain any other way, but how do I explain it? When I’m dressed I’m just more integrated with myself – I was telling a friend the other day that it feels like one gender is hugging the other. Almost immediately I enter a state of calmness that an explanation, or a definition, would spoil – it’s a personal space I seek out, even though it is within me at all times. Somehow the clothes, and all the other elements of female appearance, help me to get in touch with this “incorporated” feeling more swiftly. Ah, bliss! :) My routine feels natural and loving, completely bereft of all the negative aspects of crossdressing that others seem to wallow in for one reason or another. I’ll tell you something – very few members talk about the positive side of crossdressing, which never ceases to surprise this girl. How can such a beautiful thing be an expression of self-hate? I don’t get it, but I walk in the light that my precious lifestyle/activity shines on me each and every day. I just wish more people would stop and think what an amazing, wonderful, and creative pleasure they are engaged in. For me, the negativity of life melts away, and I reappear in that positive place of my own making…


Most of the time I spend en femme is time isolated from the rest of my world. No shopping, no bills, no relatives wanting to borrow money or neighbors wanting to borrow tools or talk about politics or sports. I don't have the Television on and I don't make phone calls.

Same here. I can’t watch television en femme because I find myself turning away from nearly everything that comes on – it (TV) has nothing to do with the special world I inhabit while dressed, so I just “turn off” while turning on my gender-integrated self. I usually listen to music while I’m in my personal femme “space,” and I often work on my artwork or some other creative venture – in this way, my femme clothes become a kind of uniform for cultural undertakings. I’m isolated from the world by choice in any event, but that just makes crossdressing easier to achieve, within the parameters I already marked out some years ago. Come to think of it, I believe crossdressing grew out of my shy nature and blossomed in the private world I have come to cherish…:battingeyelashes:

[suchacutie]

Tina is part of the whole me, but I never identified that part! I knew I was a bit different, but not so different that I wasn't masculine when that was called for, but there were definitely parts of me that didn't correspond to that norm. Somehow my wife slowly began to understand that, and finally the two of us put two and two together. The result was Tina, our investigation of my feminine side.

Well, we thought this exploration would last a few months. It's been almost 5 years. Tina allows me to understand that part of me that was not understood for 55 years. She doesn't relieve my stress and she's not someone I run to in order to disappear from the world. She has qualities that I admire in me and it's exciting to explore them in an environment where the masculine parts of me are put aside for a while. As that investigation proceeded I realized that she enjoys being feminine and that those parts of me that wanted to do classically feminine activities revels in Tina time.

Both sides of me love a challenge. Changing gender, as you all know, is a massive challenge! Oddly enough, the physical challenge of changing gender is becoming the easy part (and I do enjoy the feelings and look of being feminine!). The much harder part has been to "let go" and let Tina be Tina. This came to a head when Tina started to find her voice. Suddenly she was self-concious for the first time because here now was clearly a new person inside, and I was almost afraid of who she was, or how my wife would perceive her. All of it is silly as my wife completely accepts (and even enjoys) Tina. It as all in my head, and it still is a massive challenge that I love!

Lastly, Tina has provided an access to my wife's feminine self. I feel so much closer to her as she helps Tina to understand femininity, and what it's like to grow up as a woman. Five years into this experience I would go so far as to suggest this to all men!

Thanks for this thread!

tina

[Michaela42]

My crossdressing nourishes the economy !

But seriously, it is kind of hard to explain; I just feel better when I dress. About myself, about the world around me, about life in general. I guess to me it is a form of meditation. While I was in school if I was having trouble thinking through a problem I would often dress and I would find it easier to concentrate, be creative, etc . . .

[Naomi Rayne]

Through crossdressing i have gained a better feeling of self worth. Cared more about myself and the way i act and think opposed to when you are a kid and you still think there is something wrong with you for having thoughts about CDing. Now i am comfortable with it, comfortable with that part of myself. That has allowed me to be more comfortable in what i say and how i act towards other people. I am also not ashamed to join in a discussion with other women when they talk about woman things such a makeup and such. I dont put my own personal opinion it because i dont want to be outed. But i can related and understand and put in a sly two cents every once and a while without feeling like i shouldnt be talking. It has greatly affected in so many good ways my entire aspect of life.

[Alice Torn]

It lets me experience the lady world, and i have not had a SO. It is a bit of a substitute.

[Kate Simmons]

It started out with empowering me to be myself but ended up being mostly for other people, so I stopped and just became myself.

[charlie]

Hello Sarah!
I get to be somebody completely different then I really am as a male business owner. I get to be a woman that loves fashion and talks endlessly about it. I get to hug, make hand gestures, feel fabric, look fabulous, and try out fashions to my heart content. From my perfect toenails, fake silicone breasts, shapewear, to the fashionably cut wig I'm a fake woman. However, I'm the absolute best woman that I can be. I love the comments about my hair, that I'm pretty, that my outfit is terrific.....I'm an attention whxxe and the best woman that I can be. Because I'm the best that I can be, I'm relaxed, comfortable, I go out in public and a completely different person then the guy that is running his business. It really is much better then having to take Valium!

[PretzelGirl]

For me, it is a lot of self-exploration. I was a military brat and had a lot of fitting in issues growing up. So I became a conformist and did everything I could to not stick out. This meant that I didn't do a lot of self-discovery and probably never was completely the person I could have been.

One of the benefits of my dressing is that it has become an outlet for me to explore who I want to be and parts of me that I normally don't let out. So, in a nutshell, it nourishes my real self.

[VikkiVixen7188]

I crossdress because I like it. Ive had a lot of psychological trauma in my life but there is now way in hell my father created something as beautiful internally and externally as Vikki. When did "Because I like it" seize to be a sufficient answer?

[Sarah Doepner]

Vikki,
"Because I like it" is a great answer. So are "It makes me feel good", "I feel sexy when I dress" or "It's better than hating myself."

I asked the question to get a handle on the positives. We need to define ourselves by the good we experience and the pleasure our crossdressing brings to our lives. I like it too. In fact, I like it a lot.

[VikkiVixen7188]

"We need to define ourselves."


WHY?

[fallen_rayne]

CD'ing gives me a sense of euphoria that cannot be explained. It's a high, it's an addiction, it's anything you want it to be a more. I love the way I feel when I go out as a girl, I love being treated like one. To have men bend over backwards to please you. (only one instance of this, but hey, I'm not complaining.) I feel complete and at ease with myself.

However, in this time, things are becoming widely acceptable that a lot of people 30, 20, even 10 years ago would have been completely and totally outrageous. It just seems people don't care anymore, unless you look completely like a drag-queen, no one's going to care. But, even if someone does find out, this is what makes me, and possibly everyone here as a whole, complete and happy. And this is the question i pose to anyone who finds out my dirty little secret: Can honestly tell me that your as happy as I am with my life?

I've only had to use this once when i was going to a friend's house as my counterpart, he took one look at me and called me a bad word fag. (back when Jamie (the counterpart) was fairly new and i knew nothing of the culture.) I turned, looked at him and asked him as politely as I could, "Are you as happy with your life as i am right now?" He looked down, scratched the back of his head, mumbled no and left.

Different strokes for different folks, Personally as someone who lives on both sides of the coin, if it makes you happy, why care?

[MrKunk]

When I acknowledge my feminine side I love myself more, I take care of my body
more. I feel more connected with my inner self and the stress of daily living seems
to be less harsh. Almost like it takes the edge off the stress and pain. Even though I
would never change my gender physically, I sometimes feel a lot more girly than manly.

[Jonianne]

What does my Crossdressing nourish?

Crossdressing is one of the vehicles that is helping me to come to my own personal Self-actualization. http://psychology.about.com/od/theoriesofpersonality/a/hierarchyneeds_2.htm

I had always been so very much a conformist, fearing what others think of me. Learning to just accept myself just as I am without letting that fear cripple me, has helped me gain so much more self-esteem than I ever had. To be able to have an opinion that can be different than others, to take a stand for what I believe in the face of others calling me names, etc (which really hasn't happened, anywhere near as much as I feared).

Accepting my crossdressing and learning to be OK with myself just as I am, has very much helped me to gain much more of a healthy sense of self I never had while growing up.

[Sally24]

One thing that I especially notice is my relationship to my body. I've always felt a little awkward and self conscious as a man. As Sally I feel more graceful. But even more than that I am more in tune with my body. I enjoy the sensations of movement, textures, and temperature much more. It helps that my body image is much more positive as Sally. I am also much more comfortable with touching other people (in a non sexual way). Hugging, touching their arms to direct their attention, enjoying a laugh together. It's all so different from the isolated male behavior that is the norm.

[Rianna Humble]

For me dressing gives me a feeling of being free to be my true self at last, so it helps my self-esteem. It also enhances some of the traits that I have always had due to my transgender such as compassion and the ability to listen actively to what someone is saying, but most of all it is about being me.

When I have to go back to pretending to be "him", I find I am more depressed, less able to express my innermost being and therefore more likely to become impatient.

[drushin703]

I use to scare myself to death. Seeing myself dressed from head to
toe enfemme, staring at my reflection in my full length mirror and wondering,
who the hell is this person staring back at me.Why is he doing this and
what led him to it? What compulsion and what category.Sorry Dana, but
no answer ever came.What my crossdressing nourishes is my lack of
control and my absence of immediate resolve.

sometimes my balls ache for pantyhose............dana.

[izzfan]

I guess it nourishes a lot of things inside me. I do not feel the subtle sense of awkwardness, fear or sometimes anger that I often feel when I am in bob mode. I just generally feel a lot more relaxed, (much more) confident and comfortable with myself. I feel more spontaneous, more cheerful, more honest about myself and more comfortable with my appearence.

It's just a shame that I rarely go out en femme (I find a lot of social situations awkward enough in bob mode without having to explain myself to anyone who asks, comments or even raises an eyebrow or worry whether I "pass" or not).

[Dee2U]

It definitely nourishes my sense of being a whole person. I have a fairly stressful management career with many staff and changing into my feminine self on the outside helps to reflect what I want to become on the inside with them. I am not "the boss" at home (a good start) but it is so comforting to me to let the rest of me out by dressing, checking out you folks on this forum and pushing the femme boundary in my personal life....Dee

[Lexine]

CDing does fulfill some psychological needs in me, but in several different ways.

As I mentioned when I joined the forums, I've always been interested in gender identity and representation. CDing then, in turn, affects how people see me as and it's interesting to me how people react to something they're not familiar with. Often times when I'm en femme, I deliberately "let go" of a non-feminine aspect of me and see how people react, not knowing that I'm observing their reactions intently.

One other reason why I CD is to "test" certain qualities and aspects of myself that are untapped so that I'm able to evaluate myself in an objective manner as a boy and see if I'd like to adapt that attitude to my boy self. This very utilitarian way of viewing CDing has helped me discover things about myself that I would never know were possible.

Along the same lines, CDing allows me to express myself in ways that I wouldn't normally be able to because of societal hang ups and standards. It's not that I'm afraid of the reaction or anything, but it's more along the lines of "who'll notice" and "who's going to make this a bigger deal than it is."

I'm not sure if I made any sense with what I typed since I'm not really a morning person, but I hope I'm clear enough to state why I do what I do :)

[clearlakequeen]

I just feel more relaxed and comfortable when I am dressed. It seems it is who I was truly meant to be.
Really have to be careful though as I tend to forget I am dressed and have nearly answered the door or walked out on the balconey when neighbors were around.

[Sarah Doepner]

Sorry, this will take a few minutes. Lots of wonderful responses and I am sorry I can't include more quotes, but these seem to set the tone and give me just a little clue. I'm thinking that our crossdressing helps disolve the wall between those emotions, behaviors and even the skills that we have isolated in our male upbringing. These are positive life skills and emotions that we need but feel unable to access, causing stress when we can't. When we open that door the stress can go away and we relax. Maybe? I don't know, but I think the quotes offer some support.

Whether or not you really want to crossdress, the trick may be to identify those things you get only when dressed and give yourself permission to use them other times. For those of us who love to dress, we should probably integrate these things anyway. It can only help us make that step toward being "complete" as a human being.

While I'm not dealing with all the posts, these seem to represent the most common types of response.



I feel so much more... complete as a person.

So.. yeah.. I am who I am, and I like me a lot! The more I get to understand who I am, the more I am at peace with the world.



For me it is a chance to totally relax and not have to be all that is expected of me. It is a chance to let the female side of me out of the bag, feel better about myself and to expand my horizons.


I feel as if I am a whole person when I am dressed. I feel a huge sense of relief when I slip in to the clothes, makeup, and jewelry :). I find that I tend to smile more to.
:hugs:


To quote a cliche of sorts, "dressing completes me" !


Crossdressing is my escape/relaxation treat. It relaxes me and removes me from some of my reality. It nourishes my sanity, which allows me to work retail without occasionally grabbing a customer and shaking them really, really hard. I love my. I love my job. I lo.......Andrea



All of the stress, physical pain and ailments, disappear. I actually smile and look happy. All of which is the exact opposite of my male sides existence.


I just feel better when I dress. About myself, about the world around me, about life in general. I guess to me it is a form of meditation. While I was in school if I was having trouble thinking through a problem I would often dress and I would find it easier to concentrate, be creative, etc . . .

I like the reference to meditation here. It makes sense that we move to new psycological ground using dressing to open things up rather than a koan. "Grasshopper, What is the sound of one earring dandling?"


For me, it is a lot of self-exploration.
One of the benefits of my dressing is that it has become an outlet for me to explore who I want to be and parts of me that I normally don't let out. So, in a nutshell, it nourishes my real self.


I feel more connected with my inner self and the stress of daily living seems to be less harsh. Almost like it takes the edge off the stress and pain.


Crossdressing is one of the vehicles that is helping me to come to my own personal Self-actualization.
Accepting my crossdressing and learning to be OK with myself just as I am, has very much helped me to gain much more of a healthy sense of self I never had while growing up.


I just generally feel a lot more relaxed, (much more) confident and comfortable with myself. I feel more spontaneous, more cheerful, more honest about myself and more comfortable with my appearence.


I just feel more relaxed and comfortable when I am dressed.

No longer in conflict, we can relax and enjoy. Before we accept this as part of ourselves that conflict is still there. So I can see why I hated my dressing for such a long time, the conflict, the barriers were still there and it took a lot of energy to maintain them in an effort to perpetuate the split. Accepting was the first step toward integration and access to all the emotions and skills a human needs.

[Debutante]

It nourishes my inner-woman, my feminine soul, that needs expression and to be live, to get out, to be whole and be herself...

[LaurenB]

The first would be BALANCE. It restores my senses and thoughts back to more sensual, more feeling paths - as opposed to the usual intense, hard, narrowly focussed, objective driven, male oriented, competitive world we all live in.

The second which is related to the first is INTUITION. My wife claims that I am far more intuitive than most males. This happens becuase I allow my mind (and body) to wander over ot the other side. Women see things that men don't. They don't aways see with their eye's either.

The next would be PEACE. It gives me a quiet (sort of like meditation) peace that clears the decks of anxiety. The only other thing that comes close is gardening (gardening while CD'd is the most blissful thing there is).

Finally, the peace and balance allow my CREATIVITY to emerge. I find that I am most original after or during times when I've fully accepted my feminine side.

[Toni_Lynn]

My CD nourishes my heart and soul, the very essense of my being.

I was explaining this to my wife this morning. When I first started crossdressing, way back at the cusp of the 60s into the 70s, I felt very clean. I was a good kid, did my schoolwork, obeyed my parents, and obeyed the nuns at school. While I wasn't an altar boy, I prayed every day. I was the kid that any mum and dad would love to have. Good grades, didn't go running around, just liked to ride my bike, sit under tree near a lake, read, and listen to my shortwave radio.

Then when my mum found out about my CDing she abused me. She made me swear the the virgin Mary that I would never CD again. To a Catholic kid liek me this is a BIG deal!

I suddenly felt dirty. I was made to feel as if my clean, lily white heart and soul had been soiled with feces. I stopped smiling. I was unclean.

Yet -- I could never stop going back to CDing, for it was in my CDing itself that I felt clean again -- quite a paradox.

It took many years and many bottles of cheap rum, but I made it through. And now I have a woman in my life who accepts me as the girl I am and the boy that I am.

I still have these issues. I don't smile enough. I still feel bruised and battered inside. But when I crossdress, I nourish the girl within. I heal her hurts. I comfort her.

I also nourish the boy that I am. The reason I say that is because back when all the hurting was going one, it was okay for my sister to try out for softball or get boy's jeans at K Mart. So, the path that my thoughts take is something that I stated in another thread -- I have to become a girl to become a boy. Its only at that time that everything fits

Gotta go away and cry :sad:

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

[Dame Gerous]

For me and it seems everybody else, there are many reasons that we dress. For some it is to feel more confident. For others, it is a way to improve their self esteem. It brings me around to the real answer, for me anyways , is it doesn't matter what individual reason we do dress as life is all in each of our own perspectives, and so whatever the combination of reasons and why, all I know is it works for me and I am so glad to be in a place where my SO is supportive and she loves me for all that I am. That I am becoming more confident with who and what I am. That this isn't something thats wrong, it's normal for me to dress as I do! And that I have great sisters here and around me that will help. Whatever the reason you may dress as you do, just know that it makes me happy that you do too! And I will be putting on my skirt with happiness and pride right along side you. I love you all and to those yet to find yoursef reading this later on, after a couple years have gone by, know that I love you too and wish you the happiness, the peace of mind, and the laughter that being honest with myself has brought me.

Handmade TaG-LiNe:
"...And as they pulled away I could see her words
Stagger and fall on my muddy tent
Well I picked them up, brushed them off,
To see what they say,
And you wouldn't believe:
`Come around to my room, with the tooth in the middle,
And bring along the bottle and a president' " -= jIMI hENDRIX=-

[pj]

I'm thinking that our crossdressing helps disolve the wall between those emotions, behaviors and even the skills that we have isolated in our male upbringing.I think you hit the nail on the head there.

The relaxation and stress relief that many have mentioned are just side-effects of the breaking down of the wall. They are not the reason for the behavior. I know I didn't have any stress when I was 6 years old, but I still had the desire to be pretty.

I have tried to think of what dressing nourishes in me, but I really can't come up with anything specific. I believe that I am (and that everyone is) a mixture of male and female. That no one is 100% male or 100% female. We just have a higher percentage of female personality, or being, or stuff than most men, and the dressing is how it manifests itself.

It's all nature vs. nurture, and I think it's nature. It's always been in my nature anyway. From the time I was cognizant of the world around me.

[Annaliese2010]

It is a quiet escape - another world - adventure - excitement - feminine energy that can't be found elsewhere. It is an alternate dimension and the relief that comes from living in the 'normal' world where this...sameness, this...chaos, this...loveless life could otherwise kill my faith, hope and dream in there being something good out there for me. It keeps me from...falling.

[Jenniferx1]

Reading though the various replies in this topic kinda captures all the feelings that I have encountered. I would say the feeling of totally being at one with myself is the main ingedient . I now feel no need to be at odds with anything in my life .I feel that at the end of the day I am living my life now, how I dreamed it would be in all that fantascies I have amassed down through the years. I have to say that it is one powerful feeling to realize the dream, when you consider all the years that you never thought it could possibly happen.


:hugs:

[Sarah Doepner]

I said;


Vikki,
"Because I like it" is a great answer. So are "It makes me feel good", "I feel sexy when I dress" or "It's better than hating myself."

I asked the question to get a handle on the positives. We need to define ourselves by the good we experience and the pleasure our crossdressing brings to our lives. I like it too. In fact, I like it a lot.

And Vikki answered;


"We need to define ourselves."


WHY?

Vikki. That too is a good question. Why do we need to define ourselves. I guess for me it's because I don't want someone else to do it for me. My whole life has been other people defining me as the responsible male in the clan. I'm tired of being expected to always meeting their expectations and definitions so I'm working on the definition myself. I know where I want to go much better than they do right now. Maybe later they can join in and help me, but for now I have to be the one setting the direction.

[Jason+]

And this is the question i pose to anyone who finds out my dirty little secret: Can honestly tell me that your as happy as I am with my life?

I've only had to use this once when i was going to a friend's house as my counterpart, he took one look at me and called me a bad word fag. (back when Jamie (the counterpart) was fairly new and i knew nothing of the culture.) I turned, looked at him and asked him as politely as I could, "Are you as happy with your life as i am right now?" He looked down, scratched the back of his head, mumbled no and left.



What an awesome answer to any of those who seek to tear us down whether for a dress choice or any other reason "they" never seem to have a shortage of.

Cross dressing seems to be a logical extension of things that existed in me long before I knew what a cross dresser was. I ran into the brick wall Sarah Charles mentioned a lot growing up. Wanting to play a flute for example; boys don't do that. Preferring to walk away or run for that matter from a fight rather than "prove" myself. Sports, no talent and even less interest. If not for being in pep band I doubt in high school I would have seen a basketball or football game and band was a way to avoid gym class anyway. :D

During my first marriage my mother-in-law commented to my wife that it was nice to see that I would help out changing the kids or with household chores without having a fit or making it her job. For my current wife where she expected to find anger or disinterest about how she feels or handles things she usually gets "why would I be mad at you for that."

Add to that an inquisitive nature and a need for a better why not than the easy answer of "boys don't do that" and like I as well as others have said "It scratches and itch I can not otherwise reach."

[Rianna Humble]

Why do we need to define ourselves. I guess for me it's because I don't want someone else to do it for me. My whole life has been other people defining me as the responsible male in the clan. I'm tired of being expected to always meeting their expectations and definitions so I'm working on the definition myself. I know where I want to go much better than they do right now. Maybe later they can join in and help me, but for now I have to be the one setting the direction.

:yt: :iagree:

If we don't define ourselves, then others will impose their definitions of who we are upon us and we won't be able to contradict them. It's all very well seeing an erroneous definition of who we are and replying "but we're not like that", the legitimate response to that will be "Then what are you like?". If we haven't defined ourselves we won't have an answer.

[FemmeElastique]

U know, I've been looking at this thread for some time. I finally figured out what CDing nourishes for me. In my everyday life, I'm an overweight gay guy. The gay community is really shallow and superficial, even when it comes to just being friends. CDing gets me attention from guys that I never got from the gay community. Guys hit on me, treat me like a lady, and it just turns me on more than sexually. I love getting attn from them. It makes me feel attractive and desirable. So that's my thing.

[sissystephanie]

Crossdressing nourishes for me my own sense of selfworth! Among a lot of other things it does! It also helps to me to stay linked to my late wife. I spent almost 50 years as not only her husband and lover, but also as her best girlfriend!! Dressing now keeps me reminded of that!! Sometimes I feel more calm when dressed, as opposed to being in Draq. Don't know why, but the feeling is definitely there! I have no desire to be a woman, and never have had.