Inadvertently found out...

[Hephaestus]

So about a week ago, riding with my dad to my grandmother's, he starts talking about his long-term girlfriend's gay son he helped move in across the state. Without getting into all the ignorant terminology used and etc, suffice to say I was able to garner my dad's (negative) thoughts on trans people.

Then today, oddly enough, my friend (since we were 4, I am now 24) showed me pictures of a guy we knew in high school who is a CD apparently. (But could be trans I suppose, there were pictures where the only really feminine attire was fairly light, casual make-up, which isn't usually a CD thing I don't guess) He was laughing pretty hard at this person and generally being a dick.

I guess in a way it's good to know, so when the time comes these people are just cut out of my life without a lot of care or worrying with... and I didn't expect either of those two to support me... they were both on the chaff side of my wheat/chaff list.

Weird that I've been wondering about them almost a year now, and suddenly I find out both their stances.

[boardpuppy]

I understand, I've had a friend since HS and wondered the same thing. The thing is he lives on the East coast and I won't talk to him except face to face. Someday the time will come, in the mean time.....

Hugs,
Alice

[TerryTerri]

idk, but, I think there are those who react that way because they are small-minded morons. But, I also think some act that way out of basic ignorance and having never personally known someone to personalize, put a face, on any of these issues. Those in that class may come around once they know and have time to digest things. I believe that many 'normal' folks are not aware of knowing anyone who is transgendered. So, with not being able to understand the malady combined with not knowing anyone to show them that we are in fact real folk and not sexual deviants who wear diapers and smear crisco on our bodies, they just brush us off as wierdos. I think it possible that once, if and when, they find out your truth, they may change their attitude and outlook. That is if they are NOT the small-minded morons who are unteachable in this world.
imho.

[ReineD]

I agree with Terri. Your dad and your friend might very well have a different attitude when they find out that you, someone they've cared about for such a long time, is trans. Don't be so quick to write them off! :)

[Hope]

A lot of that sort of behavior comes from fear and ignorance.

When I was in seminary, there was a CD in my class, (I was still very much closeted) he was a good guy, we drank beer together, he was over to my place on several occasions. After my wife saw him dressed at a party once, she said some ... hurtful things. My wife works in the arts and has always been rabidly pro-gay so I was a bit surprised. After that I was pretty horrified to tell her that - guess what - I'm kinda like that too!

Fast forward a few years, and I am out to my wife and close circle of friends, and my wife is my biggest supporter and cheerleader. I asked her not to long ago about the things she had said about my friend in seminary. She said at the time she didn't know much about CDs, and that she was afraid that he looked better than her.

[Hephaestus]

I agree with Terri. Your dad and your friend might very well have a different attitude when they find out that you, someone they've cared about for such a long time, is trans. Don't be so quick to write them off! :)

Well, I mean, I'll certainly tell them.. if nothing else just to keep them from being like "Why are you cutting me out of your life?" ...and nagging me about it.

Besides, my hair is at the length where last time my dad said "Boy you're hair is startin' to look disreputable, your grandma called and said the bank called about you last time you tried to cash the check she gave you" (My grandmother uses an olde timey typewriter to write checks, so they get written in lovely uneven lettering and look suspicious, but my dad would not hear any of that non-sense of course) ...so I guess I may just tell him why my hair is really being grown long, this time.

I'll let them know that they can accept me and have a place in my life, or not, and have a place on the list of people I ignore.
Really the friend I mentioned has kind of grown to be a bit of a jock... I don't really expect him to ever accept or take me seriously.. though I understand it'd be hard to accept the guy you grew up alongside making such a change.
My dad may accept me, if nothing else because I'm the only son who'll mow his grass and take care of his yard.

I do feel a bit like... they don't accept (and in fact find great humor in mocking) transsexuals now, why should I buy it when they find out that the son/friend they grew up with is one, and they feel obligated to be cordial with me? :doh:

Eh, sorry to ramble and all that.. they may accept me, or may not.. I do have a couple minor acquaintances who know about the real me...

[Karen564]

Ya know,
Sometimes you just never know...people can surprise you sometimes...and sometimes not..
It's only after you do tell, that a persons true colors shine through...

I have an older brother that I was sure he was going to disown me & be so upset, then murder me, because of the way I've heard him talk about trans people he's seen in the news on TV.....and he didn't have much good to say about them at all...like, F-in sick weirdos comes to mind..
I just figured I knew where he stood on it....

Well, not too long after that, maybe a month or so, I disclosed that I was TS & was already transitioning...
His response, to my surprise, was that he felt bad for me for having to live in torment all those years & wished I had told him long ago...so to say the least, I was rather shocked by his very caring attitude about my news...

I was lucky, and my whole family as been really super about it...so I couldn't really ask for more....and love them so much..

So,... ya never know.....

:hugs:

[SamanthaStMichaels]

When I was in the closet I didn't have nice things to say about transgender people either. Even thought I knew I was a transsexual. If you are a male (YUCK), socializing in a group of males. It's normal to bash things that you think your social circle of friends wouldn't condone. If you show you accept people like us, you fear that your friends might think you are one or like the immoral lifestyle that we have been labeled with.

When I was outed, none of my male friends tried to beat me up, or were confrontational in other ways. Sadly they do treat me differently. But I am still welcome within the social circle.

Your friends still has a picture of this other person. Hmmm I wonder why? :D

[katieblush]

This is the reason i said nothing to my parents as a child,they did know i dressed fem ,and chose to show me how funny it is to take the p*** out of the trans folk,also anyone else who did not fit there thinking,dam them,if my children turn out to be gay, trans etc then so be it i will stand by them. Katie xx

[Sheila]

Sometimes things are said because ***they are expected to be said*** , bit of the good old gender stereotyping we read so much about .......... I would be fairly sure that if dad & friend where so condemning about this person this will not have been the first time they have, maybe just the first time you have "Really" heard it, because it hits so close to home with where you are now ..... just my :2c:

[Melissa A.]

People often say things like that because they think they are expected to, or that showing any kind of empathy might expose them as something other than "normal". They both come from fear and ignorance, both of which are not too hard to grow and change out of. As Karen said, and as I have discovered, over and over, "People can surprise you sometimes". And when something someone has never had to think much about hits close to home, Things can change, quickly. Without getting political here,(Really, let's not do that, please!!!) I have trouble believing that the former U.S. Vice President would have tolerant views about gay folks, were it not for the existence of his daughter. You really never know how people will react when they are forced to actually think about something.

Hugs,

Melissa:)

[Hephaestus]

Hmm... good points, all. :)

I don't really want to throw my dad out of my life, I just am trying to steel myself...
He's been pretty good to me, in the big scheme of things. I'll certainly try to keep what few relationships I have.