Why do U need to dress to get in touch with your fem side?

[docrobbysherry]

I don't feel any different INSIDE no matter how I'm dressed. And, I guess I'm clueless as what a "fem side" is all about!

I KNOW we look different dressed, but why and how does changing clothes change how u feel inside? I don't get that!:brolleyes:

This may be difficult to put into words, but some of u express yourselves so well. And it could help me and maybe others, to understand!:)

[Kate Simmons]

Good point RS. Many miss the point in connection with this. What dressing really does is facilitate the connection to the softer feelings inside. It kind of validates those feelings for us and gives us "permission" to have and express them. It's really a complex feed back/feed forward psychological dynamic. In simpler terms it lets us be us. Once a person is in control of that process, they realize it is really all them anyway and they can exude the feelings in either mode. Simple really but we make it more difficult by trying to overthink the dynamics.:)

[busker]

Sherry,
I don't have that need either that I MUST dress to feel what is inside. I do think that it is an outward sign that I am not entirely male in my thinking and the kinds of things that I do or that I'm interested in --at least now. When I started at 13 or 14, I'm sure it was expressing quite different things.
I don't have two personalities--that is schizophrenia of a sort, a Dr Jekyl and Ms Hyde kind of thing. And, in some ways, it is like taking a valium. It has a calming effect but I bet that women don't have that feeling because that is their world, and even if they dress in a more masculine way, I think that it would have the same effect.Or, perhaps, when they say they are putting on "something more comfortable" that is their "valium".
It could be the reason that so many seem conflicted because they are continually turning on and off two people in their life. Now I'm Marsha, now I'm Herb, and in the closet to boot. that is sort of the way I felt when I was in the Army. Unlike some current politicians in Conn. , I actually did serve IN THE ARMY during Vietnam. When I had my civies on, I was ME, when I had my uniform on , I was NOT ME, but a soldier with a gun, a grenade and everythig else. The uniform was not an expression of my guy side at all because I was then and I am stilll against war, violence, etc. I did serve honorably though as a member of the 4th U.S. Army.

[VikkiVixen7188]

Sometimes I feel Masculine, sometimes I feel feminine, and strangely enough I dont need the clothes to feel feminine but it makes it better.

[Deborah Jane]

It's not so much needing to dress, more prefering to dress. I'm in touch with my "femme" side more and more nowadays, but regardless of what I'm wearing, I am she and she is me :)

[vivianann]

I dont need to put a dress on to get in touch with my feminine side, however I do not feel complete unless I am dressed as a woman. I am relaxed and very comfortable in my skin when I am dressed enfemme.

[Leslie Mary S]

For the longest time the male me was clueless and kept me locked away in the deepest darkest part of hisself. It was after the passing of his first wife and the divorce of his second wife that we finally figured it out.
While you don't need the cloths they help you to awaken the fem side and knock down the male side.
Where I presently live, I can not freely venture out. I have to go other places or travel enfem late at night with DarkAnGGel in the car with me.
DarkAnGGel is my fashion model daughter. It was she and "Kimberly Diamond", another model, that awoke me when they insisted he, my domineering male side, wear some of the outfits, Full Make-up, False Nails, wig, and etc. to see and feel what it's like to be in front of the hot lights and camera(s).
So now when I want to really come out, out comes the make-up and clothes.

[sterling12]

Oh Gosh Doc! Changing into something feminine doesn't make us feel more like a Girl....on The Inside! We already feel like that!

But, it does kind of remind us (on The Outside), and validate how we feel so many times during a day. And, that's what being transgendered is about! "It is a longing to get where we want to go. That's what wearing The Clothes is all about."

This isn't The First Time you have asked this sort of question. Perhaps, you subconsciously try to deny something? I never asked, or didn't see a reference, but did you dress when you attended Southern Comfort? Didn't you feel some pull to be like The Rest of The Gurls?

Perhaps it's a Conundrum for you. I know you have "claimed" that you are strictly in love with That Self-Created Image of Sherry. But eventually, we get bored with "The Looks" of any female, no matter how beautiful. You can't seem to shake that "feel" for Sherry, so we will suppose it's something else. We aren't inside your head, so we may never be able to supply an answer. But, if I were you, I think I'd make a real hard stab at finding out. You ask This Question and it's variations fairly often. Methinks it's really bugging you. It's either that or find some self-acceptance. Maybe your need to express (find) Sherry just "is." You could learn to leave it at that!

Peace and Love, Joanie

[tinachristina]

Good point RS. Many miss the point in connection with this. What dressing really does is facilitate the connection to the softer feelings inside. It kind of validates those feelings for us and gives us "permission" to have and express them. It's really a complex feed back/feed forward psychological dynamic. In simpler terms it lets us be us. Once a person is in control of that process, they realize it is really all them anyway and they can exude the feelings in either mode. Simple really but we make it more difficult by trying to overthink the dynamics.:)


That is a great explanation Denise.

[Staci G]

I think that for me it is kinda opposite, I feel feminine inside so I feel the need to dress. I don't dress then feel feminine or am in touch with my feminine side I first feel the feminine then dress for those feelings. After I am dressed and madeup I then feel more (?) feminine. I guess you could say it is just the completion of what I was reaching for when I first got the feelings.

[Rogina B]

I also think what Sterling told you ....Staging some pictures is one thing,But you have created a feminine character with a name and face.So,there must be some real feelings when you are her.You didn't pick a boy pirate or an astronaut to dress as!:2c:

[LaurenB]

I agree with Denise. To elaborate a bit, I think dressing provides positive feedback reinforcing the "feminine side" connection with dressing explicitly. Moreover, we also cannot neglect the sexual reinforcing effects (yes all living things are sexual beings). The Autogynephilic aspects to our dressing, whether to a lesser or greater degree for some of us, provide even stronger reinforcement. The same would be true for those that play with their SO or other partners while dressed.

Interestingly, it doesn't appear that the compliment works with GG's. Do they get in touch with their "masculine side" by wearing work boots? I haven't noticed. It's much more muddled culturally for them. Actually, we may learn more about this subject by asking GG's and TM's if they actually get in touch "with their masculine side"...

[DonniDarkness]

Hey Doc,

The clothes for me are a conduit for my feminine emotions.
We are all, for the most part, visual beings. A lot of what men perceive as femme comes from this fact. For those who walk both sides of the line, the clothes are just an outward expression of what mode we happen to be catering to at that time. As far as making us "FEEL" more femme, i think it would have to do with the body language that wearing clothes of the opposite gender forces. As in, when your wearing a dress, you go to pick something up off the ground or go to sit down, there is a different body motion altogether. Also, i find myself gliding more than lunking about when im dressed. So i guess my main point is that it changes the perception of femininity by changing our manerisims.

[Sophie_C]

I don't need to. I just have a feminine nature to myself. It does make me more in balance, however...

[kimdl93]

Dressing is an expression of how I feel, not the mechanism that makes me feel feminine. As an earlier commenter suggested, dressing seems to provide very enjoyable feedback...being made up, wearing breast forms and feeling the fullness of my bra, feeling the little wiggle in my walk when I wear heels...all reinforce the girl inside.

[kayegirl]

Having recently been fully outed (see post Tuesday 25 May), this just the sort of question that I have had to answer a number of times in the past few weeks.
I do not dress to get in touch with my female side, that is always there whatever I am wearing. I dress because it confirms my feminine character and feelings, not just to myself, but to the rest of the world.

[TGMarla]

I dunno. It's surely a pain, having this clandestine entire wardrobe. I guess I'm just drawn to it, and compelled to wear these things. Like most of us, I can never wait until the next time the opportunity comes along to spend a few hours as a well-dressed woman.

[NicoleScott]

I'm drawn to do it, too, and it really is a lot of trouble for a few hours of pleasure. Not complaining, though. It's well worth it for me. But there is a lot of preparation and put away/cleanup involved when you go full blast makeup and dressup, which is what I am driven to do. I get lots of pleasure, excitement, and arousal when I dress up. I don't dress up to feel feminine nearly as much as to look feminine, pretty, glamorous, even sexy (but that's in the eye of the beholder). But it does change my behavior and mannerisms when dressed: gettin in and out of a car, picking something up with long nails, walking differently, etc. (you know them all). I don't really feel more feminine, though.

[Lexine]

I freely express my femininity when situations allow it, even when not en femme. But when I am en femme, I feel more compelled to be more feminine partly because I care about the people I interact with and it's a means to project a "normal" fascade to strangers. They don't need to know that there's really a guy in there somewhere - they just know me as a girl going out! And let me be clear - I don't feel that that's a chore! I guess it's one of those "If you look like a duck, walk like a duck and talk like a duck..." type things.

[Sarah...]

why and how does changing clothes change how u feel inside?

I think it's the other way around. When I'm feeling fat and slothful a figure hugging shift is no good whatsoever, loose jeans and a top will be a better match. When I'm feeling like I'm proud of my shape then out come the tailored shifts or the skinny jeans and strappy tops. When I'm at work I have to dress smart however I feel, in which case I end up disgruntled at having to wear courts or heels, skirt suits, jackets etc when I'd really much rather not thank you. But slobby jeans and a top at work is verboten. So, you don't always get to dress to match your feelings. Actually, often it's more about what's still clean, especially at the end of the week lol

Sarah x

[Mandy]

I feel great when I'm En Femme mode. I feel more comfy and at ease.

There is also more choice of clothing to wear whatever the season & whatever the trend.

Drab clothes are dull & boring and dont seem to change from one season to the next, year in year out.:tongueout

[charlie]

Hello Sherry!
The clothes are only a facilitator. I really do not feel any different when in male mode. However, there are a whole host of actions, walk, hand gestures, leg crossing and voice that are released from hiding when I dress. I let all of these out and hit the town.

[larry07]

Interesting question. I think there is a continuum among us - no two of us are just the same. I don't feel that I have either a masculine side or a feminine side. I am just me, however I am dressed. If I had to pick one gender, I would say that I consider myself male, though I prefer to wear women's clothes as much a possible. I'm happy with the (male) name my parents gave me however I am dressed and I would rather talk about cooking or sewing or politics than sports however I am dressed. I never try to present myself as female and rarely dress completely en femme outside the house or with anyone except my wife, though sometimes I push the envelope a little bit.

[suchacutie]

Ok, so how the devil do I address this thread? Tina is my feminine side and is she ever sooooo different!!!!

Ok...first...the "dressing" is only one part of it. Let me try to introduce my thoughts this way, and I'm stealing this from one of the UTube videos on voice: On that video, a very cute young lady explains that when she was a guy, her voice was that of a guy and it was completely compatible with that presentation. Now that she is a girl, she felt that a girl's voice was more appropriate. Just to make the point, she started to use her "guy" voice, and it was a startling wrench! I literally recoiled in my chair! The guy voice and the completely changed "girl" on the screen were just not compatible. So, being my feminine self when my outward appearance, my voice, my demeanor, my manner of walking and moving, my manner of speach, and my generally psychology all scream "male" just doesn't make sense to me and really doesn't work.

If I'm not completely "Tina", then to me I'm nothing but confused. Not only that, but my wife really doesn't want to be confused, either! When I'm in male mode, I'm in a very MALE mode. My wife is never confused about who I am! When Tina comes to visit, she talks to Tina about my male self. When I'm in male mode, Tina gets talked about.

How has that come about? Here's the deal for me. For all my life I have, apparently, incorporated any number of "feminine" traits into my male self. Frankly, it was often weird and, now that I think about it from this perspective, was rather awkward or downright uncomfortable at times. I am a type-A controlling personality and when I was not in control I was not comfortable. Now, enter Tina. Suddenly I realized that there was this feminine approach to life inside of me. By letting her flourish without being tied to my male self I have been able to understand just who Tina is! It's been wonderful, but it has led to Tina having a life of her own.

Tina and my male self do have some likes and dislikes that are similar, but it is amazing that most of our preferences are NOT the same! Heck, she's even left handed (I'm right-handed as a male). She loves chick flicks, he can't stand them! She reads books he would never look at. She has craft projects he has no interest in. She would never be caught dead in a pair of jeans with holes and stains where he lives in them in the garden! Oh, and Tina in the garden??? not a chance in hell! Tina doesn't like beer at all and he loves it. Tina is graceful, loves heels, loves the glamour of being a women, adores makeup, and is finally coming to grips with her voice and a wonderful giggle that is taking her forever to work out. He does like his tuxedo and grudgingly does now own colored shirts and better ties (it was always white shirts for him!).

So, I hope you can see that Tina is really a part of us that has been given the freedom to see the light of day, and that part is so incredibly different that she's needed a life of her own, has her own preferences in life, and her own perspectives. She's fastidious and he is much more relaxed when it comes to order and tidiness (not quite a slob, but not all that tidy). Tina really does think before she acts, and he has been known to just wade right into a situation and "wing it" (much to his shagrin at times).

Does the physical change into clothes and makeup and heels help the transformation to the Tina side of us? Yes it does, certainly. Unless you want to end up in the hospital, walking in 5" heels as a guy would walk is simply impossible! Is the fact that my wife wants her man to be MALE have some effect on this? I'm sure it does. My wife likes Tina, but she married a GUY. Ok, so the guy me can be sensitive and all that, but that's realy the Tina side of me, isn't it. Can my guy side use what Tina has learned? Sure. It's the same data base (mind), just not the same use of it.

So, that's why we need to "dress", but it's not just the clothes, it's the whole ball of wax...everything! In fact, it is the separation of masculine and feminine and the identification of the two parts of me that have made this work, and has helped me understand what makes me tick!

Thank you Tina!!!

[Nicole Erin]

but regardless of what I'm wearing, I am she and she is me :) and I am me and you are we and he is she and we are all bound together.... or something like that...
Umm OK so I am not the beatles :o

Well, they* say that the way you dress outside and the way you feel inside reflect each other. It is why a woman feels better prettying up, or a guy feels handsome in a suit, or the local riff-raff feels tough wearing a wife beater.

*They - it is a secret organization that says a lot of things that may or may not be true but is generally accepted as facts. No one knows who the members of "They" are, but by golly there is a "they".

[Andromeda]

I also have not found a lot of difference in my inner female and the outer male. Possibly I dress just because I like female clothing. However a thought did occur to me while reading all the posts. What if it is not about our outer Neanderthals exploring their feminine side. What if it's our inner female exploring the outer knuckle dragger. Just a thought, but, if true, that girl is just plain sneaky.

[Megan70]

I don't feel any different INSIDE no matter how I'm dressed. And, I guess I'm clueless as what a "fem side" is all about!

I KNOW we look different dressed, but why and how does changing clothes change how u feel inside? I don't get that!:brolleyes:

!:)
I'm with you Doc, never got the 'fem side " bit myself. To me its rather silly, now don't everybody start dumping on me, its only MY opinion of how I relate to it.
I dress because I look pretty ah)(so I think) as a female. It is sensual and sexual at times very pleasing but my greatest thrill is not finding my so called fem side but fooling people going out in public and being an actress if you will and impersonating a female in voice mannerism nd deportment. What I get are THOSE satisfaction, I'm an ugly male but disguise it with a wig and makeup to look fairly passable, but don't check my profile page just now, its got its temporary summer hiatus album and profile shot to it. I'll replace it when I'm ready.:heehee:
Cheers " girls".
Megan

[JulieK1980]

For me its not so much to, "get in touch with my feminine side" I definitely agree I am the same person regardless.

For me I think its more of a way to express the inside of myself on the outside. Ultimately "who I am" feels more a woman than a man. As its expensive and life altering to surgically alter myself to match up with my inner self, so I just resort to dressing the part.

[Natalie_393]

I have to say this caught my eye sherry, This is a great point to bring up... When I comes down to it, I feel the feminine part of me all the time but when I dress it lets me express that side of me in a way that makes me feel naturally comfortable in my own skin, Also if you think about crossdressing is being going on since forever so maybe all these dresses, and skirts, panties bra pantyhose etc.... these things weren't widely available like today, so maybe crossdressing is a deep down feeling you feel in your heart all the time and when you have the chance to dress or express your self in ways you normally can't, Then Dressing up is a special feeling for you and nobody else except for other crossdressers:) Good Topic sherry!

[Fab Karen]

1) the femme side exists regardless.
2) why does a GG want to wear pretty clothes & have nice hair & make-up? Same as us, because she enjoys it.

[sissystephanie]

I know that I have a feminine side!! I certainly have been told that often enough, by both GG's and males. But I don't have to dress to show it! As I have said many times before, I dress simply because I like to! I don't 'Need" to, or "Have" to!! I just do it because I like to.

Yes, when I had my very supportive wife around to do my makeup and fix my wig I would occasionally truly become Stephanie, at least in looks amd dress! But as I have also said before, I have never had any desire to be a woman. so I have rarely used much of a girlish voice, or mannerisms. I just am me, a man who wears feminine clothing because I like to!! Now thar my dear wife has passed on, I do it without makeup or a wig, and nobody seems to mind! At least not to my face!!:)

[terri jane]

IMO. In drab in the mirror I can only see the twinkle in my eye. In femme my outsides match my insides. It helps. Terri

[docrobbysherry]

Oh Gosh Doc! Changing into something feminine doesn't make us feel more like a Girl....on The Inside! We already feel like that!

But, it does kind of remind us (on The Outside), and validate how we feel so many times during a day. And, that's what being transgendered is about! "It is a longing to get where we want to go. That's what wearing The Clothes is all about."

This isn't The First Time you have asked this sort of question. Perhaps, you subconsciously try to deny something? I never asked, or didn't see a reference, but did you dress when you attended Southern Comfort? Didn't you feel some pull to be like The Rest of The Gurls?

Perhaps it's a Conundrum for you. I know you have "claimed" that you are strictly in love with That Self-Created Image of Sherry. But eventually, we get bored with "The Looks" of any female, no matter how beautiful. You can't seem to shake that "feel" for Sherry, so we will suppose it's something else. We aren't inside your head, so we may never be able to supply an answer. But, if I were you, I think I'd make a real hard stab at finding out. You ask This Question and it's variations fairly often. Methinks it's really bugging you. It's either that or find some self-acceptance. Maybe your need to express (find) Sherry just "is." You could learn to leave it at that!
Peace and Love, Joanie

Me thinks u know me TOO WELL, Joanie! That so many of u feel some connection to an inner part of yourselves when u dress, bothers me! Because I don't! U discuss your fem alter egos like they're old friends that u know and understand. But, for me, Sherry is a complete stranger! Like a character in a movie I'm watching!

Does that have something to do with the fact that I'm not proud of dressing? Maybe. And, that I think of it more as something that I DO, rather than an expression of something inside ME? Probably!:sad:

Is it possible that I simply have an odd 13+ year compulsion, (that appears to be getting stronger, if anything), that is based SOLELY on looking at my reflection in a mirror, and my pics!?

If so, as u said, shouldn't I be getting BORED with this "hobby" by now?

I keep waiting for a sign, or a lite to come on!:brolleyes:


I also think what Sterling told you ....Staging some pictures is one thing,But you have created a feminine character with a name and face.So,there must be some real feelings when you are her.You didn't pick a boy pirate or an astronaut to dress as!:2c:

I ask myself this same question all the time!
Because I DO think about appearing as pirates, astronauts, and so MANY other characters, Rogina!

Of course, they're ALL pretty females in those costumes I think about!:o

WHY IS THAT!? I can't help but think SOMETHING ELSE is going on. Maybe in my subconscious? That has happened to me before, many years ago!:eek:

[Ruikki]

As I learn more about myself and my "feminine side" Im finding how very different the people are. My male persona has so many things bottled up... stress, fears, pain. I eliminate the possibility of being vulnerable by controlling everything from my actions to my emotions. Im too proud to appear emotionally weak in front of anyone... even the closest of people.

When I'm dressed, I feel like a different person. I feel vulnerable, I feel confident. I have a huge amount of insecurities, but I dont try and alter my surroundings to deal with them... instead I try to triumph them. I love my feminine side because it forces me to continue thinking about myself and my ideals and the things I want. Im a college student, still trying to find her way. Putting on my breast forms, spending an hour putting on my makeup and walking around my room in my cutest underwear is the only thing I have to relax... and actually enjoy the person that I am.

[Sarah Doepner]

I think I'm getting a handle on what drives me a little. While I don't think I have a unique and isolated "Feminine Side", I do have a lot of emotions, feelings and needs that I've been unable to comfortably deal with using typical "Male" tools and skills. This creates some stress and the opportunity to dress opens up that wider range of responses and permissions.

I'm starting to think this may be part of the reason behind the common statement we see here of "I am much more calm when I'm dressed." We have reduced our internal conflucts and added new mechanisms to deal with them.

And yes the other part of it is we can run away from those problems as well. We get to take a mini-vacation, much in the way a 20 minute power nap can refresh, a session en femme can help remove us from stresses and give us a little bit of new perspective. Of course, it would probably be healthier if we could get those tools and permissions without the dressing, but let's not forget the fun we have as we dress.

[ShevanAZ]

I def feel different inside when Im dressed on the outside! Kinda like how a tie makes you feel like your ready to go to the office I guess...

[busker]

Sherry, I don't know what you do in life but perhaps at some point, the person inside got tired of it. Instead of boots and a corvette, you decided to get a costume to express something about your unfulfilled life. Some men go hunting maybe just to get rid of a lot of the "neanderthal instinct". Some guys grow orchids because it requires something more than they have in their "normal guy mode"--a feminine delicateness..
If you remember Rosie Greer (spelling) and his knitting- a lot of folks were surprised at this hulk who did something so gentle and generally female as his pastime.
Personally, (keep your slings and arrows down girls) I do think that there is a certain amount of schizophrenia in dressing, especially if one has a well- developed alter ego. When I was young it was a topic that occupied a lot of my time. Perhaps we all are to a certain extent trying to match the real world with a "better world" but the "real me" is not two distinct people--my interests range from cooking (and sewing many years ago) to building projects, large or small. I also like flowers (and bugs) and take care for injured animals but it is me on a continuum. I don't have to switch--the activity is a giveaway about which sensibilities are being used.
just some thoughts. I think the question is important for all of us to reflect on. Thanks for bringing it up.

[Raychel]

That whole "Fem Side" bit doesn't really apply to me either. No matter how I am dressed I still feel like the same person. My mannerisms aren't any differant, But the feeling of the nice womens clothes, Kind of puts my mind in a differant place, A place of peacefulness, a place where most of the day to day worries don't seem to bother me. Sort of like a mini vacation.

A short period of time where I can feel like myself, Enjoy the clothes I like, and just relax for a while.

[Victoria Anne]

I suppose I do not have to wear a dress but it makes me feel complete somehow as things are just right,I am at ease and If you asked Miss M she tells me I am a different person in my mannerisms I just feel like myself

[~Michelle~]

Most people whom you ask this question, probably started to wear girls clothing at the age of 4-6 and they didn't know the answer then, so why would they know the answer now? None of them can accurately answer the question why a 4-6 year old develops the interest to wear girls clothing.

Most people think they know the answer, but reality is... they don't, even researchers haven't scratched the surface of how the human brain works and in combination with other parts of the body. And let's be honest; does it really matter to a crossdresser or transsexual how he got there? To me it doesn't.

[NathalieX66]

Most people think they know the answer, but reality is... they don't, even researchers haven't scratched the surface of how the human brain works and in combination with other parts of the body. And let's be honest; does it really matter to a crossdresser or transsexual how he got there? To me it doesn't.


Funny you say that. My step-brother's 13 year old son has Asperger's syndrome, plus GID, and he does not understand, or is not acutely aware of the line between genders as we know.....as if he does not know exactly what gender is, other than the fact that he seems to radiate towards female traits and mannerisms and dresses unusually androgynously for a kid his age. How the heck does he know about this stuff? He has a lock of blond hair that is braided all the way down to his derriere. We should be so thankful that he has understanding and loving parents.