PDA

View Full Version : Discouraged



Cheryl James
05-27-2010, 10:21 PM
After my "firsts" of the last two nights and , sort of, tennis this afternoon, my plan tonight was to roller blade on the boardwalk at the beach. I began to get ready around 6PM and could have walked out the door at 7:15PM except for three important telephone calls. The last one ended at 8:30PM and my goal of rollerblading in the dusk was gone. I had dressed for that activity, Tommy Hilfiger shorts (fairly short, but not the cut-off type that the younger girls look so great in), an American Eagle clingy t-shirt, a cowgirl hat that, actually, didn't look bad, my women's readers, and some open-toed sandal that had about a 1" heel. My roller blades were in the car. It would have been a leisurely 4-mile skate on a pretty busy stretch of beachfront. It is still on the list.

So, after the last call ended, I was already dressed and I didn't want to change, so back to the mall I went. My goal, decided upon while driving there, was to enter a main entrance and walk into the mall to, at least a major intersection of hallways. Well, it was closing time, again, and I just couldn't get myself through the door against the traffic. I guess it is one thing to go into a fairly empty department store and browse the bras in solitude, and, yet, another thing to face the crowds. I felt so proud last night, tonight I question whether I will ever be able to get past this hurdle.

And, there was a downside. While trying to muster up the courage to go into the mall, I stood around window shopping about 30 - 40 feet from the entrance. A young (16, 17, maybe) girl came out of the mall and walked in my direction. I pretended to make a cell phone call and continued to window shop. They had some really cute short shorts that I would love to have been able to wear when I was fifteen. Well, the girl stopped right behind me (maybe 3 or 4 feet) and didn't move. I didn't look at her, but I sensed that she was looking at me. I don't really know if she was or not, but I thought it sounded much more perceptive to say that I "sensed" her looking at me.

OK, so I was getting a little uncomfortable, so I moved away from the window and her. And, I didn't see her for about five minutes. Now, I am still hanging around trying to get over the case of nerves, when I notice that she returned and sat down on a bench about 20 feet from where I was standing. I glanced her way and saw that she was staring at me. I guess I don't pass that well. Here is what makes me mad at myself, I glanced at her and saw her staring at me and I looked away. I failed to follow the advice of one of you girls. I should have held my head up and stared her down. I wasn't hurting anybody. Why did I give her that power over me?

Eventually, I accepted the fact that it wasn't going to happen so I made my way back to my car. On the positive side, I walked by two very busy restaurants that have outside seating. In each restaurant there happened to be a table of 2 young women right by the walkway. I did look their way and I did keep my head up. They didn't do much more than a glance my way, but they took no special notice of me, viewing me as just another woman walking to her car.

On the drive home I decide that I need one more try at capturing another flag. So, I decide to stop at the ATM and get some cash. Now, the ATM that I use happens to be about 15 feet from the main entrance to a very, very busy grocery store. And, it is situated right by the sidewalk that a large number of shoppers use to enter and exit the store. So, I park and walk across the parking lot. I reach the sidewalk and begin to walk toward the door of the store and the ATM. There are about 5 or 6 cars parked at the curb facing the sidewalk. I checked them as I walked and all appeared to be empty.....except the one closest to the ATM. There was a girl of about 16 or 17 in the drivers seat talking on her cell phone. I looked at he, she looked at me...and kept on talking to the other person. I went to the ATM, she could monitor me the entire time. I did what I was supposed to do, some shoppers came and went, but did not walk directly by me. I got the money and decided, what the heck, let's give this girl a good look. So, I walked off the sidewalk about 8-10 feet from her drivers side window (it was down). She paid no attention to me. I did have to walk right in front of a couple of guys, but there was no problem that I could see.

Again, I've gone on and on. It's funny, in guy mode I could go quite awhile without saying much. Cheryl must have gotten the verbosity gene. Thanks for caring enough to read this. Have a good night.

sandra-leigh
05-27-2010, 10:50 PM
To be honest, there will be more than a few nights like that, where you get all dressed up and discover it is too late to do what you wanted. More than once I took so long to get ready that by the time I was finished it was too late to go out.

Wash and dry and comb the hair and shave closely and shave again and find the right forms and clean them and put the glue on them and start my nails and put a bra on and put the forms in place and notice I've completely smudged my nails and have to start over and realize that what I was planning to wear has a hole in it and go down and look through a bunch of clothes trying to find something else and discover that I've banged up my nails and some of them have to be redone and find the wig and de-tangle it and spray the conditioner in it and discover that I got wig fibers stuck in my nail polish and my nylons shred when I put them on and I have to file my nails and now my nail polish is ruined again and look at that, it's 10:30 already...

Mea GG
05-27-2010, 11:44 PM
Hey Cheryl.

I don't think overall it was a bad day at all. You got some real good practice at getting close to people, you looked at girls as you passed them, they glanced your way, more or less recognized you as a woman walking by and went right back to what they were doing. And you are right that the one that was staring you should go ahead and look at them... and it may be she was supposed to meet someone in that area where you were...or was just curious. In that case, if you look at them straight on and smile, they will perceive you as one or the other probably and have their answer.

And just like anything, there will be ups and downs, but as long as you are headed in the right direction, its all good.
:hugs:

Persephone
05-28-2010, 12:51 AM
Well Cheryl, it sounds like you are having a few adventures! Please don't get "discouraged," like all good things learning to be a part of girl world takes time.

If I may make a suggestion, woman-to-woman protocol is not to stare at each other, that may even be considered a sign of aggression or hostility. Watch two women, perhaps in that same mall, whenever their eyes meet. Except for a few oddballs, there will almost always be a brief exchange of small smiles and then they will look away from each other. It's a way of acknowledging each other and kind of saying "You're O.K., I'm O.K." Failure to interact like that causes suspicion.

Keep on keepin' on, as long as you are comfortable, and you'll get the hang of it.

On the other hand, I think that around here we have almost turned out-and-about activity into a contest or a "dare ya'" and that's just plain wrong. There are no dares, no trophies, no prizes, just each of us doing whatever she is most comfortable with.

Hugs,
Persephone.

Freddy12
05-28-2010, 07:25 AM
It's easy to blow negatives out of proportion. Of all the contacts you made walking by folks, there was one person who stared at you. Please dwell on all the great things that happened rather than this one thing. You can also recognize that even in the case of this one not so nice encounter, you handled it extremely well. View it as an experience that will give you courage to go out again, and know how to act when someone stares!

You are fantastic!

scarlett
05-28-2010, 08:13 AM
Where in florida did you find a boardwalk? I thought that was a North Atlantic thing?

AKAMichelle
05-28-2010, 09:22 AM
You are going to have to get out before the ghouls arrive if you are ever going to have some fun.

Here comes this weekend. So do some things in the daytime. Do that rollerblade ride in broad daylight. Go to the mall. Eat out in a restaurant. Don't you need groceries. Come on girl get out in the daylight. They don't bite.

t-girlxsophie
05-28-2010, 10:28 AM
Cheryl please dont be discouraged by the actions of one Idiot,am afraid the moronic element is out there her actions say a lot more about her issues than anything.Not everyone is going to accept us,but they shouldnt register with us Instead focus on all the positive reactions of ppl,some will look but in a second they are gone from your life.It took me a long time being out and about before I was confident to hold my head high and walk proud but it does make a difference.So good for you getting out and enjoying yourself,and heres to many more trips out :hugs: sophie

Kathi Lake
05-28-2010, 11:28 AM
Cheryl, you're doing great so far. I understand the whole "rushing" thing - to pack as much experience as possible before an event comes that will curtail your dressing - but don't feel that you have to do everything now. Go only as fast as your comfort allows.

Kathi

vivianann
05-29-2010, 02:05 AM
Cheryl I remember what it was like when I started going out in public enfemme 4 years ago, I was terribly nervous when peaple would stare, it was unnerving at times, just chalk up that night as another of many experiences in public enfemme, now that I have been out in public hundreds of time I do not have the fear and nervous anxieties that I use to have. I dont think that young women meant you any harm, either she was curious, or she wanted to talk to you, but she was probably nervous about saying anything to you, the next time you encounter a woman like that just look at her and smile and say hi, she will respond back with a smile and hi, or she would either compliment you for your courage, or your legs or your clothes etc, it works every time when I do that, I make alot of friends with women because I smile and say hi. You would be amazed at the positive responses you will get from women when you show confidence and act like you belong in womens clothes, women are drawn to you if you show confidence, I know this because I experience these wonderful encounters with women almost every I go out enfemme. It is so liberating now that I do not have any more fear or nervousness. Some of the encounters I have is sooo much fun.