Women I'm attracted to and the woman I want to be

[donninacd]

I'm attracted to so-called BBWs: big beautiful women. And at 5 foot 9 and 210-15 currently when I dress I guess I am a bbw. But thats not the woman I want to be, I want to get way down, possibly to the 140s that I used to be in my 20s.

Has anybody else experienced this? I don't have a problem separating the two. But my (platonic) lady friend who does my makeup, she is a BBW, and I worried about offending her if she thinks I'm too obsessed with becoming thin.

[suzy1]

Hi Donnina
It could be that loosing weight yourself will encourage your friend to loose weight.
Going from 210 to 140 is not going to be easy or quick.
I won’t bore everyone here by giving my tips on loosing that much weight but if you ask me I will try to help.

SUZY

[bianca66]

At one time my top weight was 220...

I ended up finding out I was allergic to yeast and dairy had to change everything completely and go yeast/dairy free. It was hard as everything from soup to a can of beans has yeast...Ended up finding spelts bread for work (tastes like sourdough). Changed to Soya milk. Vegetables and more vegetables...

The weight dropped off rather quickly but I still need to be carefull today and workout regularly to stay between 150-160.

[Tanya83]

Only good things happen when you lose some weight. Feel better, more energy, look good in dresses and skirts etc.

[charlytuna]

I married a "BBW" 31 years ago and her weight started to get out of control [almost 500] then got the scare when fell and could not get up and took extra help to get her up and she was weak started to turn blue due to lack of oxygen. went to the ER and in the hospital for 6wks. had to put a tube down her throat so she can breathe. She came home like 80lbs lighter and still loosing and I'm there beside her I lose some 15lbs since then and both working together and loosing together. I have to say lose as much as possible and get healthly for yoursel & your love ones & for all of us

[notthereyet]

Your just like a women. Wants to be younger, thiner, more beautiful. Be safe on how you lose weight and take it slow.
good luck.

[tamarav]

I have removed all of my "fat" pictures from the net but still have a couple when I was 109 pounds heavier. My wife and I both subscribed to the Dr. Phil theroy, read his book, wathced what we ate and exercised daily.

Today we are on an all rice-based diet to to my wife's previous cancer (double mastectomy) so that the food does not support estrogen. We have learned to eat just fine and have more energy than we know what to do with.

Take your time, we took 3 years, me dropping the 109, she dropped 98. We are still there or slightly less now after 6 years.

[Miranda09]

Hi Donnina....from my perspective, having lost 40 lbs over the past 14 months or so, you should lose the weight because it's what you want to do...period. I really don't think friends will be offended with your desire to lose weight, and, as Suzy mentioned, it may inspire others around you to lose weight as well, maybe even joining you in a weight loss program! Granted there are those that would argue that BBW is beautiful as well as being thin, and they are right, but trimming down to a more managable weight, whatever that might be for you, will make you feel better about yourself, and is much healthier, and that is the goal...a healthier, happier life style. Just my 2cents worth. :)

[Annorah]

I'm in the same boat. I'm about 215 but I want to be at a healthy and maintainable 160. For me that is much more maintainable and with a corset (is what i'd get to get the shape and because they are just so cool) I would look fantastic. I'm 5'9" too btw.

When I was at 160 everything was a bunch easier for me and I had so much more energy which I miss. My lady and I are doing the Flat Belly Diet and it's been a help.

I think that your friend will be offended as long as you don't bring it up all the time in a negative fashion.

[Kaz]

Real beauty and true attractiveness have very little to do with weight and I know some fantasticly sexy and attractive BBWs.

As my guy self, I would like to lose a few pounds maybe, but compared to peer group, I have been described as "a guy who doesn'thave to worry about weight"...

As Kaz... I want to fit into that dress that I have been looking at!

I think it is absolutely logical to think differently in girl mode than male mode. In male mode I am looking at women from my male perspective. In Kaz mode, I want to present as the girl I want to be, which is not necessarily the girl my male side wants to bed!

In actual fact, I am finding increasingly that Kaz likes things I would not comtemplate in a potential partner?

But of course this could just be a mid-life crisis!

Re the ladyfriend.... do you think she will know others who obsess about about being "too thin"? I suspect yes.

I would play it along the lines of... how does she feel about this? You may be suprised!

Kaz xx

[sometimes_miss]

Real beauty and true attractiveness have very little to do with weight and I know some fantasticly sexy and attractive BBWs.
I know that's the politically correct thing to say, but a pretty, slim woman with long hair can walk by and I start to get, well, 'excited' a bit. That never, ever happens with fat women, no matter how great they might look to anyone else, how well they're dressed, or how 'confident' they portray themselves. Basically, we don't choose what we're attracted to, what turns us on, or what turns us off. We just have to live with whatever it is.

[busker]

Tamarav,
This is a bit off topic but UCLA did a study some few years ago on pre-and post menopausal women and found that high fiber diets are very good at clearing out estrogen in the blood due to estrogen originated cancers liike breast cancer.. By switching to a diet of more fiber and fruits and veggies, that would allow your wife to get off the high carb diet (rice) which is not so good in the long run.

10% rule
Once you have lost 10 percent of your body weight, it will be much more difficult to lose weight because the body thinks it is starving and actually gets more efficient with saving and burning calories. At that point you will need to burn calories by exercising as well as counting calories. I've lost 25 lbs since Jan but now I'm not going anywhere fast. I hate exercise but ......if I want to get below 175, I know what I need to do.

[Lainie]

I dropped from 240 to 180 (that's 25%) in just under a year, by following the "carbohydrate addict's" diet: eat whatever you want for one meal each day, but finish it in one hour. Outside that hour, eat 2 meals a day with less than 3 net carbs each. Drink all the no-calorie coffee, tea & water you want, but no snacks. Of course you should try for a balanced diet overall. The one-hour restriction limits the body's production of insulin and therefore the conversion of dietary sugars and starches into body fat.

I had to make a few adjustments; e.g. Atkins Shakes for breakfast instead of yogurt. I dropped 5-10 pounds in a week or so, and then kept losing a pound every week for 9 months. It's not hard. You can eat dinner socially and take whatever is available. You can tell yourself you're not really giving anything up, just paying attention to scheduling. And you never have to feel hungry, because you can eat satisfying meals every time.

This tends to be meat-intensive & high-fat. It isn't safe for diabetics, who should be on a Vegan diet.

[Kara Connor]

You might want to check your BMI (Body Mass Index) and see what is a healthy weight for your height. There are plenty of calculators on the web, for example

http://www.bmi-calculator.net/

and see what is a healthy weight for your height. I dropped from 225 to 180 over about 18 months, putting me smack in the middle of the healthy range. You should consult your doctor about what is right for you. As for motivation, part of it for me was to get into a size 12 dress size, because there is more choice in the styles I like. As a bonus, I can wear more fitted shirts in drab, so I am happier in both modes :)

Kara

[FemmeElastique]

I'm attracted to Paris Hilton. I think she's the most beautiful celeb! She's also my fav celeb. I'd love to look like her, but since I'm the complete opposite of what she looks like, I just make me work :-)

[donninacd]

I know that's the politically correct thing to say, but a pretty, slim woman with long hair can walk by and I start to get, well, 'excited' a bit. That never, ever happens with fat women, no matter how great they might look to anyone else, how well they're dressed, or how 'confident' they portray themselves. Basically, we don't choose what we're attracted to, what turns us on, or what turns us off. We just have to live with whatever it is.

I think its more than politically correct and later you hit the nail on the head "we don't choose what we're attracted to." Just about 5 years ago I finally figured out why I'm so attracted to bbws. I was the youngest and my oldest brother had a ssbbw (super size) girlfriend in high school, eventually marrying her and having 2 children. Anyway, I'm sure it was being around Barbara when I was 8, 9, 10 years old, before my conception of what is and is not female beauty was set in stone, that has led me to be not just an FA (fat admirer) but actually very much prefer ssbbws.

[donninacd]

You might want to check your BMI (Body Mass Index) and see what is a healthy weight for your height. There are plenty of calculators on the web, for example

http://www.bmi-calculator.net/

and see what is a healthy weight for your height. I dropped from 225 to 180 over about 18 months, putting me smack in the middle of the healthy range. You should consult your doctor about what is right for you. As for motivation, part of it for me was to get into a size 12 dress size, because there is more choice in the styles I like. As a bonus, I can wear more fitted shirts in drab, so I am happier in both modes :)

Kara

As noted I should talk to my doctor, but one specialist agrees I should get down to my ideal weight before he re-performs a certain surgery. And according to a site I just used: "According to your height of 5' 9" your ideal healthy weight is 152 pounds. Your recommended weight range is between 135 and 168 pounds." And definitely for me too part of my motivation is getting into smaller women's clothing, but I will always be broad chested/shouldered, and have a feeling the best I will ever do is a 14 for blouses, but maybe an 6-8 for skirts.

[suchacutie]

In August of 2005 when I started here I was at 200 pounds. My wife explained Tina would have to think about clothes for a "bigger" woman, and pointed out a number of women we knew about Tina's size. There was no derision, just fact. I'm now bouncing between 175 and 180, and now the problem is the feared "inverted triangle" of the big-shouldered guy! Nonetheless, I still need/want to drop another 10-15 pounds because at that point a waist cincher will bring me to a perfect size 8 pant/skirt (okok...not so perfect unless I build up my butt!)

My point is that we all need to have two views at once...one that is realistic about the clothes that look good on us now, and one that is doing something about looking forward to what we want to be (assuming that desire has a reasonable chance of success).

so complicated being a woman!!!

tina

[Alice Torn]

I kind of see what youre saying. I have always been highly attracted to tall. pretty gg's, but, they are seldom attracted to this tall guy. Usually, my gg friends are short, plump ones. I am willing to befriend them, but would like a tall one for a change, as i am six feet six, in hose! I dress up to be the tall lady i can not find.

[Vickie_CDTV]

Being someone who is quite large, and is attracted to large women, I feel I can answer your original question.

If you choose to lose weight for yourself, than you should do so. Don't lose weight to please others, your weight is your business and you don't owe anyone else an apology for being thin or for being large or any weight you choose. If they don't like the way you are, that is their problem.

Anyway, back to your original question: In terms of offending her, it is simple. If you choose to lose weight, don't talk about it unless she brings it up. Or, in the very least, mention it in passing if you want but don't go into detail unless she asks about it. She may choose to be large, or she may want to lose weight but cannot do it for whatever reason. Either way, it may it may hurt her feelings, and it may not be something she wants to discuss with others.

[Toni_Lynn]

Oh my, this is an interesting topic since I sorely want to lose a few of the extra kilos that have attached themselves to me.

Its always tempered with this realisation that I will never look the way I want to look.

See, I was always attracted to tomboys. And that is the way I wanted to look. Odd how life works out though, that my soulmate, my lovely dear wife, is not a tomboy, and turned out to be my perfect match. I want no one else.

That said, though, what about me. Oh heavens, what I would give to look like one of those wirey athletic tomboy girls, with a short boy-ish girls cut hair, small breasts, and oh so cute -- just as that which I was attracted to. Wow -- I could be a girl and boy at the same time.

I dunno -- I guess I'm weird

In the long run -- I just have to be the best me I can be

Huggles

Toni-Lynn