Just wanted to share: I told my sister today

[olga]

I texted Sabine yesterday, asked her if she had time for a chat this weekend. She’s a nurse, and her work schedule can be erratic… at least for me. Like all of my family, she lives in Germany, so we have to factor in the time difference as well, they are six hours ahead.

We don’t talk nearly as often as I’d like, and we have been a lot closer back when I lived “back home” in Germany. She has gone through some rough times herself, including depression, anxiety, divorce… and the complicated relationship with our parents, which we share.

I didn’t expect any issues with me being transexual, especially because she knows about my depression and social anxiety problems. We have talked often about how similar our experiences have been, and how different at the same time… she has made her piece with the parents and herself, and achieved stability in her life.

So after the usually hello and what’s new and how’s the weather (a common thread, I always brag about having real summer here in Atlanta) I opened up the conversation:

“I have finally found out what’s wrong with me. I always had the feeling that there was this one thing that connects all the dots, that explains everything. And I have found it.”

She started talking, probably something supportive and inspirational — we have had these conversations so many times. But I couldn’t listen. I was shaking. I just blurted out: “I am transexual”. She didn’t hear me. The connection (I have a VoIP phone line) cut out. I started again: “I am a transexual. I am a woman! A woman that lives in a man’s body!” —

“Ich bin eine Frau, die in einem männlichen Körper lebt!”

Saying it in my mother tongue for the very first time.


Just wanted to share this with y’all…


olga

[sandra-leigh]

It's never easy to tell the ones closest to us. Easier to tell strangers, I think.

Do you want to talk about her reaction?

[olga]

Do you want to talk about her reaction?

Ha, yes, I guess I left out that part… :duh:

I don’t know what was more emotional for me — telling her, or telling it in German. I met an Indian cab driver back in the days when I was living in New York, who told me that you only truly know that you love somebody if it feels right saying “I love you” to them in your mother tongue…

After the second blurt Sabine heard me and stopped talking. Then she just said: “Wow, how cool!”

I started explaining a bit, and she asked if I were 100% certain. Me: “You’ll never be 100% sure, but there’s just so much evidence, and it all makes sense, and everything flows so much better when I think about my true self as female.”

We talked for about two hours, and she was very accepting and supportive. She asked a lot of questions, mostly referring to SRS, and I told her I wasn’t even close to considering that. Then I brought up the parents thing…

She didn’t think mom and dad would have a major problem with it either, which I am not so sure about… given my mom’s reaction when she spotted my nail polish while video chatting.

All said, i think she will be a good friend and ally… I love her, and I wish I could be with her right now. It’s hard sometimes when you’re so far away from your fam.

olga

[sandra-leigh]

Neat. My sister reacted well too when I told her I was CD/TG. I haven't had anyone noticeably distance themselves from me yet.

[mattie]

That's a big step. I think telling a sister is a good place to start in the family. In my case I started with my parents (wife has always known), and then my sister was next to find out. She surprised me by saying that she already had a hunch about it which was a complete shocker to me.

I'm so glad your sister was supportive of you as mine has been for me. With her on your side I think your parents will probably also be supportive if you look for the right time to tell them, and if you sister helps you on the best way to tell them.

[Mollyanne]

Hi Olga, GOOD FOR YOU!!!!!!!! I'm sure this took a lot of courage especially when you told your sister in the "Mother tongue" It does get easier once a sibling is told and is accepting if not downright excited about it. I hope that I can have half the courage you displayed when my time comes!!!!!

Mollyanne

[olga]

Hi Olga, GOOD FOR YOU!!!!!!!! I'm sure this took a lot of courage especially when you told your sister in the "Mother tongue" It does get easier once a sibling is told and is accepting if not downright excited about it. I hope that I can have half the courage you displayed when my time comes!!!!!

Mollyanne

Hi Molly,

thanks for your kind words…

I think it gets easier the more people you are close with know… some will drop you like a hot potato, and others will become even closer friends… and both is OK.

You have to realize that coming out to someone is not only a big deal on your part… it can hurt the other one. I’m still not sure how my parents will take it, and I’m worried about this.

A word about courage… For me, it has nothing to do whatsoever about being brave or having the courage to tell my loved ones and friends. It’s just plainly necessary. I feel like cheating when I interact with a friend who doesn’t know. And I’m f***ing tired of hiding.

Coming to terms with being transsexual is a gift for me. My life finally makes sense. And I feel compelled to share this unique experience with my close ones, but I know that they will never understand what it really means. I just hope for acceptance.

When your time comes, you will be ready :)


Best,
Olga

[Kaitlyn Michele]

your not hurting anybody... its a challenge for folks to understand, and they may feel hurt, but you've done nothing wrong...

imagine this scenario

...dad, I have this huge problem, its ruining my life, and its really scary, but i'm dealing with it and I'm hopeful and excited about my future for the first time in my life.....

that;s exactly what's going on with you...how can anyone have a problem with that??

[Ranma]

That is great to hear. I hope that your parents are as accepting. I actually just got back from Germany to. I had a great time.