getting friends to use male pronouns.

[Lonely_Lion]

this is something i'd like to ask my friends to do, but am nervous about which friends to ask or how to go about asking them. one of my friends once referred to me as "he" and "him" but only because her boyfriend was there (who is unaware of my gender identity) and she was mad at me. it only hurt me because she did it out of spite, not to make me feel more comfortable. but it did sound...right. like the pronouns she was using...i dont know... fit, i guess. but does anyone have any tips on how i should go about asking them? i want my mom to use them too, but i don't know how supportive she'll be. she was very much against me even purchasing a binder when i was younger. should i just be straight forward and say, "this is how i want you to refer to me"? as Luke, or Lucas and as he and him?

[Andy66]

Sorry, no idea, Lucas. I think it depends a lot on how masculine you look. And the longer you've known the person, the more set in their ways they could be. I wonder if it would be easier to just go for them calling you Lucas for now, then the pronouns might start to change naturally?

I was wondering, why was your mom so much against your getting a binder? Maybe she's not so much against your being masculine, but she was afraid a binder might be bad for your health or something?

[nikkijo]

just ask.... it never hurts to ask... although it may take a touch of explanation

[Lonely_Lion]

Sorry, no idea, Lucas. I think it depends a lot on how masculine you look. And the longer you've known the person, the more set in their ways they could be. I wonder if it would be easier to just go for them calling you Lucas for now, then the pronouns might start to change naturally?

I was wondering, why was your mom so much against your getting a binder? Maybe she's not so much against your being masculine, but she was afraid a binder might be bad for your health or something?

she, I guess was just worried about my health for the most part. but it was very frustrating at the time.

[Ze]

I myself am simply learning to ask. :) With new people I'm meeting, I come out to them, which is then shortly followed up with either the person asking me how they should refer to me, or me blatantly (but politely) telling them. People will slip-up now and again, but eventually they seem to get used to it. :) I think Normals definitely have more of a problem with it generally when the individual doesn't stereotypically pass as said gender. (Not making any assumptions toward you; actually referring to myself. :ner:)

[Leo Lane]

I had this recently with a close friend.

"should i just be straight forward and say, 'this is how i want you to refer to me'?" That's what I did. I took a deep breath and blundered in. I find that once the topic has been breached you're over the real hurdle; however awkwardly you bring it up at first, you can explain at your leisure later.

"but it did sound...right. like the pronouns she was using...i dont know... fit, i guess." I know the feeling. I remember sitting in class aged sixteen and wishing so much that people would call me he and him.