To Tell the Truth

[Dana]

I could use some help from both MTF, FTM, TS, TG and CD's and such

Retired Marine ~ Gunnery Sergeant! Combat Vet!

Crossdresser!

Married for twelve years!~ Couldn't stay out of the wifes nylon panties and nightgownsl

Divorced ~ Mostly becusue I was young, dumb stupid and just plain out ignrorant! AS how t be a proper husband, father, parent, and partnert?

Trouble is?

I"m part girl! Not that necessarlyh want to have sex wtih guys in so muh as I want to do girly things? Girlls are friends becuase they're girls"

[Sheila]

what sort of help are you looking for & can we GG's answer ? ...... sorry maybe I am just being dumb today :doh: or rather dumber than usual :doh::doh:

[Bethany38]

Dana,

First off thank you for your service!

You statements and your ?'s are a little vague.
I would not want to comment and be totally off base. This happens to me quite a bit, but after all I am Polish so I have an excuse:tongueout.

[Dana]

Thanks for the post.

Somehow, someway?

I of my own and on my own way to find acceptance ~ no one here can give that to me ~ that

And something I have to give myself. That's not something some whom other can give to me!

[Shelly Preston]

Dana

I am having a little trouble understanding what exactly the problem is

You talk about self acceptance (which no one else can give you as you say)

Is this concerning your gender or sexuality or maybe even both ???

In what way do you think we can help ?

[Bethany38]

I spent 4 years in the Marine Corps. Loved every minute of it. When I got out my feminine side re-emerged. It is a bit hard to reconcile my macho image as a Marine and my totally feminine side. One day I discovered I wasn't either but a blend of both which I came to love about myself. Yes, I still have my Macho Days and my Girl Days but most of the time I am a bit of both. Some days I hate feeling girly because i want to be masculine and some days I hate feeling masculine because I want to be girly. For me it sort of all balances out.

Finding acceptance from ones self can be a hard road to hoe. Especially when one is not very forgiving to begin with. I still have troubles reconciling my selfs. The biggest thing is getting rid of the guilt so many of us feel. We need not feel guilty we are committing no crime. I hope you find what you need to help you out.:)


Well Said Renee

[Dana]

The fact of the matter is that I'm transgenerder?

Part male then and part female!

That's just the way it is!

I more par the cuorse toward being a cross dresser than being a trangerdered or a transexual.

Its more than clothes? I'm outsstanding cook and baker

I don't care

But your looing for a good and faoithful mam:

[Rogina B]

You are with like minded people. Take the time and read through the posts of the present and past.You will see your thoughts in so many. Enjoy!:hugs:

[Stephenie S]

Perhaps English is Dana's second language?

Dana, are you American or British?

We would all love to help. That's what we do (or try to do) here. This is a support group. But it is difficult to understand just what your questions are.

Transgender is an umbrella term that covers a lot of ground. There is a separate section for those who want to, or plan on transition.

In any case, there is a LOT of room for you here. Everyone of us is different. Yet we all seem to get along most of the time.

Stephie

[AKAMichelle]

Why are you telling my problems? :D

We all fit into that description. We don't understand our cd'ing and it affects our marriages in a negative way. Then like we end up in divorce. Then search for that elusive balance and find it almost impossible to find sometimes.

I can't tell you how to find it. I can only tell you how I found it and hope that it gives you some idea of how to find yours.

4 years ago in July I had one of the worse crises of my life. I lost my business and became very suicidal because all of my responsibilties to my kids and wife. I thought suicide was the only way out, but it wasn't. I couldn't see the forest for all the trees. For 2 years I suffered with severe depression but I began to look deep into my soul. I realized that I hadn't been faithful to my wife because I hid my cd'ing and several other issues from her. So I set out to tell but it was harder than I expected to get the courage to tell her. Finally I did and the result was far less than expected. To a broken marriage the news of cd'ing is the final straw and it was in this case. We separated a few months later and that is when it all started. In August 2008 I finally went out dressed. For the next 8-10 months I spent almost all of my time dressed. That time allowed me to understand the feelings of cd'ing better. During that time I finally decided to like me maybe even love me. While cd'ing is a part of me, it wasn't the biggest or most of me. I was much more and I began to figure out where cd'ing fit into the big picture.

The other thing that helped is talk to other cd'ers and TS. You will be surprised that it is easier to figure who you are by what you are not. I have a dear friend who is TS and talking to her helped me the most to find who I wasn't.

I don't worry about meeting someone else now. I know it will happen and this time I will be ready. Because now I accept me as a cd'er. I know it is part of the package and if someone doesn't like the package then off with them. I am 50 years old and in no hurry. See I am more interested at this point in figuring out how to finish understanding all of the crevices of me.

Take your time and really explore yourself.

[Rianna Humble]

The fact of the matter is that I'm transgenerder?

Part male then and part female!

That's just the way it is!

I more par the course toward being a cross dresser than being a transgerdered or a transsexual.

Its more than clothes? I'm outsstanding cook and baker

I don't care

But your looking for a good and faithful mam:

There was a great post here a few months ago entitled (IIRC) Man Plus!
You are transgender, since this is an umbrella term for those who do not conform to gender stereotype behaviour, there is no shame in that. Because you are TG, you are not merely part male and part female, you are a man with a feminine nature as a bonus.

Since you put some emphasis on your manly traits, you probably are not transsexual, but that does not mean that you are any less a valuable member of this community. Neither does it mean that you could not be a good husband if that is the road you tread in life.

Hope this goes some way towards answering your questions

[Dana]

Why are you telling my problems? :D

We all fit into that description. We don't understand our cd'ing and it affects our marriages in a negative way. Then like we end up in divorce. Then search for that elusive balance and find it almost impossible to find sometimes.

I can't tell you how to find it. I can only tell you how I found it and hope that it gives you some idea of how to find yours.

4 years ago in July I had one of the worse crises of my life. I lost my business and became very suicidal because all of my responsibilties to my kids and wife. I thought suicide was the only way out, but it wasn't. I couldn't see the forest for all the trees. For 2 years I suffered with severe depression but I began to look deep into my soul. I realized that I hadn't been faithful to my wife because I hid my cd'ing and several other issues from her. So I set out to tell but it was harder than I expected to get the courage to tell her. Finally I did and the result was far less than expected. To a broken marriage the news of cd'ing is the final straw and it was in this case. We separated a few months later and that is when it all started. In August 2008 I finally went out dressed. For the next 8-10 months I spent almost all of my time dressed. That time allowed me to understand the feelings of cd'ing better. During that time I finally decided to like me maybe even love me. While cd'ing is a part of me, it wasn't the biggest or most of me. I was much more and I began to figure out where cd'ing fit into the big picture.

The other thing that helped is talk to other cd'ers and TS. You will be surprised that it is easier to figure who you are by what you are not. I have a dear friend who is TS and talking to her helped me the most to find who I wasn't.

I don't worry about meeting someone else now. I know it will happen and this time I will be ready. Because now I accept me as a cd'er. I know it is part of the package and if someone doesn't like the package then off with them. I am 50 years old and in no hurry. See I am more interested at this point in figuring out how to finish understanding all of the crevices of me.

Take your time and really explore yourself.

That was the answer I was looking for.

[Persephone]

That was the answer I was looking for.

Dana,

I'm so glad that you found Michelle's message helpful. She is a wonderful member here and, evidently, understood what you were searching for.

Still, I'd like to add my "2-cents."

First, thank you so much for your service on behalf of all of us. You have given us a gift that we can never repay.

When it comes to understanding yourself, I can tell you from a lifetime of personal experience that it isn't easy. Society doesn't recognize that there is a world between the rigid definitions of "man" and "woman." There actually aren't even words to describe many of the things we feel.

But I can also tell you that after a long period of trying to understand yourself, even with all the difficulties, you can find light at the end of the tunnel.

It took me a long time, but, one day, I realized that I am me and that I love who I am. I finally understood that I had been given a gift, the gift of being able to see the world in a bigger way that average men or women ever could. And that revelation made all the difference.

Pretty much all of us here have been through what you feel. There are even a few Marines here, some currently in active duty. We come together to talk, to share, and to come to a better understanding of who we are. Relax, pour a cup of java, and join in -- you're among friends.

[Dana]

More of the answers to the questions I was searching for.

When it comes to self identity ~ regardless of sex, gender, etc ~ there are no absolutes despite common comprehension of such.

[Persephone]

More of the answers to the questions I was searching for.

When it comes to self identity ~ regardless of sex, gender, etc ~ there are no absolutes despite common comprehension of such.

Absolutely, Dana!

We don't even have the language for it.

I did some work once with the Academy of Science in an emerging African nation. They were looking for a way to increase the country's industrialization and employment. Apparently they have a lot of rural people, still pretty close to the tribal state, that they would like to find employment for.

But there are problems. They gave me an example. Most of the tribal languages have very few words for colors. Red, blue, green, but no shades, so, literally, most of the people who were raised in those languages have no concept of shade.

Put them to work in a chemical factory and they can't read a litmus test. Their vocabulary controls their visualizations and they don't see purple or pink. They see the test results only as red or blue.

If language can have that profound an effect on visualization of color, think what the lack of gender vocabulary does to us. We only see "Men" and "Women" and have nearly no words to describe our own feelings.

[Presh GG]

Hi Dana,

I can not pretend to know what you feel.

I do know My husband is transgender[ bi-gender ?] and this added soft side has given me so much in my life. Without this added side , would I have chosen her/him 35 years ago... I don't think so.

There are many women GGs who would love a careing , sweet, gentel person to spend their life with.

You are just that, You have so much to give.

Sincerely,
Presh GG

[sissystephanie]

More of the answers to the questions I was searching for. When it comes to self identity ~ regardless of sex, gender, etc ~ there are no absolutes, despite common comprehension of such.

Dana, I am an ex Navy Man. but still I salute you for your service to our country!! Thank you very much!

You received some very good advice from both Michelle and Persephone! You are right, when it comes to self-identity there are no absolutes! Except those that you establish for yourself!!

BTW, the proper definition for being a Transgender: "one who dresses and acts as one of the opposite sex from that which they were born with." You can be both a CD and a TG. But unless you really prefer to act as a female, you are more likely just a CD, as I am. I have no desire to be a woman! I just like to dress like one. And I had almost 50 years of happy married life before I lost my wife to cancer! I told her before we married, and she fully supported me the entire time we had together. I was her husband, her lover, and also her best girlfriend!! Learn your role, and live it!!:hugs::hugs: Oh yes, I have been a CD for 70+ years!

[Dana]

sissystephanie
I'm so deeply sorry for your lost I've never had an accpeting spouse let alone having been marrried for as long as you were to her.

But I know about the pain of losing one. Be it through lost of life or divorce.

Losing someone you truely love! Who is the love of your life, that you would jump in front of a speeding cab for? Just to save their life!

Most of us feel that way about our children ~ and our spouses!

Many of our spouses don't understand that about us. We would gladly give our lives for you. How many men are you going to find to do the same?

The fact of the matter is? I a retired United States Marine Gunnery Sergeant AND I'm a crossdressr, transgendeed ~ whatever?

I don't to be, choose to be ~ but I am.

Just the way it is?

I feel ashamed becuase I've not been through half of what the Special Ops have been through in training nor actual combat.