Generic "dude"

[Thornton]

So, this thread is really in regards to all the ladies out there

I was watching a documentary on transsexuals the other day (It was actually "True Life: I'm Transgendered"). The show featured the struggles of a 20-something white MtF and a 20-something black FtM. While watching the show, I would react to the events in these young people's lives by thinking things like, "Aww, man, that sucks." or "Dude, thats awesome."

I would react this way, even in regards to the events unfolding in the MtFs life...and then I realized what I was doing, and it made me wonder the following question:

How do you all feel when people call you "dude" or "man" in simple conversation? I realized when I use "dude" or "man", I really don't mean it in any gendered way. I don't mean "dude" like I mean "sir". I use dude like I mean "person". I use "dude" or "man" with anyone, no matter how they were born or how they present themselves.

I ask the question, because I really don't want to offend anyone when I use it. Especially MtFs, because I know you didn't go through all the shit of coming out and seeing a bunch of doctors, dealing with hormones, surgeries, legal work, social troubles, etc., just for some kid like me to offend you by calling you "dude".

So, yeah, what are your opinions on this?

[sandra-leigh]

Speaking strictly for myself, a MTF transgendered (but not transsexual): I do not like "dude". For whatever reason, it bothers me more than "Sir".

I called someone on "dude" just last week. There has been too much assumption overall on that forum that the audience is male, and "dude" was beyond my limit to stay silent about. On the other hand, if someone had questioned my objection to "dude" I could have pointed out that I was born in a small country city, not a big urban city, without mentioning gender questions.

Note: "dude" wasn't common when/where I grew up. I think it was more common later, so younger people might not have the same reaction.

[Zenith]

No offense, have a server at a favorite restaurant (known me for years-pre transition) that calls me "dude", but only as an informal and familiar term.

So it depends on how well they know you and how informal/joking they are with you...

[Zenith]

Funny story....place mentioned above packed at lunch one day and they have a new server...she takes my order and disappears...long wait...I motion to the server I know...he pulls her aside and I think tells her she forgot about my table...food and apology appear shortly...

I ask laughing..."Hey is this place trans-unfriendly?"...and he responds..."no I know you well so it's OK that I treat you like crap"...

:roflmao:

[Faith_G]

While watching the show, I would react to the events in these young people's lives by thinking things like, "Aww, man, that sucks." or "Dude, thats awesome."To me, this seems more like punctuation or a verbal tic than a form of address and as such it doesn't bother me a bit.

If (to use Julie's example) a server in a restaurant were to ask me "What can I get for you today, dude?" I would be severely aggravated. :Angry3:

[Frances]

I do not like it, and if old friends use "man" too much, I start punctuating my sentences with "girl". They usually realize how gendered their speach is right away. I get the "I use man all the time, even with my girlfriend", but throwing a few "girls" makes them brake the habit.

[pamela_a]

I'm not a great fan of the word to begin but consider it similar to guy. I think it depends entirely on the context and attitude of the person using it.

[Melissa A.]

As mostly everyone has said, it all depends on the context and the person speaking. I know young trans women who call eachother dude sometimes! If someone is calling you dude or guy to demean you...you usually know. If some idiot I walk by on the street who thinks he's oh-so-clever, says "hey dude" to me, I'll turn around and say, "Wrong! try again!". But a waitperson who says. "Can I get you guys anything else?" Probably doesn't mean a thing by that.

Hugs,

Melissa:)

[GypsyKaren]

Don't bother me a bit, I myself call everyone "guys" and so do a lot of women.

GK

[Andy66]

It doesn't bother me one bit. When I'm looking particularly femme it kinda makes me laugh. Being called "girl" doesn't usually bother me either. But some idiot called me "momma" the other day and I told him "I'm not your momma!"

[Karen564]

Where I come from, Dude means guy, boy, man...and always has...

No guy or girl says to any girl/woman "Hey dude, what's up"...unless they want a dirty look..

But that said to a guy is more appropiate...that's if you live in an area where that is more common...

I doubt our mid west girls hear much of that kind of lingo the same way as we would hear it in our east coast metro areas.

Both of the only black girls in my class say, "hey gurl" , "you go gurl" , etc...., but usually start off saying our 1st name 1st.....and one of them comes from the hood...

[Bree-asaurus]

It only bothers me if someone is trying to catch my attention by calling me "dude" or "man" because then they are referring to me as a man. But if it's just in conversation... "dude, dude get this..." it doesn't bother me. I use terms like "man" and "guys" loosely as well, referring to people in general.

[Hope]

I grew up about 15 miles from Santa Cruz California in the 1980's, so "Dude" has been a part of my vocabulary, more or less since I have had a vocabulary. In my world, "Dude" functions a lot like "****" does for others. It is all in the inflection.

A form of Address: "Dude" Perhaps followed by "what is going on?"
An Exclamation: "Dude!" Perhaps followed by "That was messed up!"
A generic question: "Dude?" Perhaps followed by "WTF?!?"
A Warning: "Dude!" Perhaps followed by "Back it on up" or Perhaps followed by "you are totally harshing my high right now."
A means of expressing exasperation: "Dude!" Perhaps followed by "No, I said EXTRA cheese"
A attempt at deescalation: "Dude..." Perhaps followed by "Lets just all chill out right now..."
A form of congratulations: "DUDE!" Perhaps followed by "That was gnarly!"
An expression of contempt: "Dude." Perhaps followed by "Not OK."

There are at least a zillion more uses.

While "Dude" generally implies a male - it is technically genderless, which leads to the one use I do object to, strenuously. It is the one my internship supervisor used with anyone under the age of about 16, who was female... "dudeette." Not OK. Dude.

I think the issue we are bumping into is the same one feminists bumped into in the 1960's and the gendering of language. While masculine pronouns are technically genderless, and can be used to imply either men or a mixed gender group - as we all know - the second (?) wave feminists were not happy with that convention and insisted on the creation of clumsy non-gendered speech. And we still struggle with it today.

I think the real issue is that it is believed to somehow insult the masculinity of men to be referred to with the specifically female pronoun. And it is not just an issue in English or the west. In Hebrew, if you are referring to a group of 100 women, you use a female pronoun, but if a guy walks into the group, suddenly one properly must use the male (technically) genderless pronoun, for the 100 women and 1 guy. Because to refer to that group as female would be an assault to the masculinity of that one guy.

It is the same thing we see everyplace else. It's ok to be male, not so much to be female.