Return after hiatus

[mister-mason]

So, um, hi. :-> I posted here some back in, wow, 2008. Just recently I got a "quit being a stranger and come back!!" email, so here I is to try it.

Just for giggles, here's my original introduction (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=84116) post; since then, well. Many things have changed.

I gave birth to a healthy, vigorous, intrepid, learny daughter in Feb 2009; we're currently trying to conceive a second child to complete our family. Sometime after the Sibling-To-Be-Named-Later is weaned, I get to have things like chest surgery and hormones, but right now, that's at least 2 years off, and MAN is it hard being stuck in limbo.

Lots of guys (and girls) I've seen go through my local in-person support groups have come in total newbies after I was already in the group a while, and are now so happy ... and passable ... that it just depresses the crap out of me.

I haven't gotten a single 'sir' out in public since I was 9 months pregnant. The friends I've come out to are supportive, but usually slip on the pronouns, even when I know they care. I think I need to start policing language use and building habits; they've already transitioned my name to either my now-and-forever male name or are using 'El' as a nickname (which is similar to my old one, to help them retrain).

I just feel pretty kid-with-nose-pressed-to-candy-store-window, sometimes, y'know? I CAN have it. I WILL have it. I even have a timeframe and a plan. But I can't have it NOW, and that's soooo hard. :-/

[Kieron Andrew]

Glad to see you came back to us Mason, looks like you have gone through some pretty hard decisions to get the family you desire before transitioning, totally selfless act which i think is amazing...hope the time inbetween now and transitioning runs smoothly for you...stick around i'm we can help you out on the days when you 'just want it all now' :)

[mister-mason]

Well, I've always wanted kids ... and, luckily, the Earth-mothery gestational-power stuff never really set off my dysphoria, so it was possible to even consider it.

Turns out my body's really good at it, irony of ironies -- if I weren't planning medical transition quickly after #2 for my own mental health (and to hand my future employers a fait accompli, instead of transitioning on the job IN A SCHOOL), I think I might enjoy hiring myself out for surrogacy for a couple more that I wouldn't have to keep.

Down the other trouser-leg of time, as it were.

My name's (legally and everything, though still with an 'f' on the docs) Elliott Mason; I picked my username here when I had no idea what first name I'd end up with.

[Andy66]

We haven't met before, but welcome back. What an interesting and full life you seem to have! Wonderful! I'm sure having your precious kids will be well worth the wait. :hugs:

[DanielMacBride]

Welcome back Elliot! :) Congratulations on your daughter, and good to have you back with us :)

[mister-mason]

I was kind of in a weird place when I quit coming here; it just seemed like I couldn't talk about any of the stuff (esp. gestational stuff) that I was dealing with right at that moment, and that little of the then-current discussions had anything to do with me.

Then I found out I mostly couldn't talk about gender stuff (except, on the right boards, why-do-current-products-have-to-be-pink-or-blue gendering-of-children topics) on my parenting-support boards, so.

Here's hoping it's a better fit this time around, with the current mix of folks.

[Andy66]

Here's hoping it's a better fit this time around, with the current mix of folks.
I hope so too. A lot of us are parents. I have two older boys. If you need to talk but don't want to start a thread, you can PM me if you want. :)

[Tamara Croft]

Just recently I got a "quit being a stranger and come back!!" email, so here I is to try it.LOL... you left out the fact I also threatened to :dom: you :devil:

Welcome back :D and congrats on having a baby :D

Also, you'll find this place has changed a lot, well I think so ;) the guys and gals seem to get on so much better and they mix so much better too... maybe it's all the slaps I've given them :heehee:

[mister-mason]

Also, you'll find this place has changed a lot, well I think so ;) the guys and gals seem to get on so much better and they mix so much better too... maybe it's all the slaps I've given them.

Well, you know, some folks just need a ... FIRM hand. :spank:

*snicker, dash to safe distance*

[NiCo]

Hi Mason, we haven't met, nice to meet you. Welcome back and congrats on the birth of your daughter! :)

[mistunderstood]

Welcome back to the forum.

[Lex]

Hello there! Nice to meet you.
I also got one of those emails recently, good to see they're working.

Congrats on the baby! You're pretty lucky that being pregnant doesn't freak you out. I could never deal with it. Even though I often feel comfortable being female, I don't think that I could deal with being THAT female. And it must be really hard for you having to wait. You could try crossdressing again until you concieve for a second time. Maybe go someplace that nobody knows you. Then you don't have to deal with people slipping up when it comes to pronouns, or anything like that. You can just sit back and enjoy a whole host of people seeing you as a man.

[mister-mason]

The only thing about the childbirth itself that really set off my dysphoria (YDMV) was in the afterwards, having to do care 'down there' instead of just engaging my Somebody Else's Problem Field and ignoring the region entirely.

Problem is, even when I'm 'crossdressing' in a full suit, binder, necktie, and fedora, nobody but transfolks ever thinks I'm a guy ... though almost everyone thinks I'm a lesbian. Confuses the heck out of them when I introduce them to my husband! Good thing I enjoy being transgressive/freaking the mundanes.

Apparently I can get 'dykey' just rolling out of bed; how to tweak that to 'male' is the question. It doesn't help that I'm a first soprano with a very pale voice timbre ... and that's WITH the voice-masculinizing tricks. Without them I sound like a 7-year-old girl (or a Disney character). :->

I've gotten a lot better in the past year or so at mostly not *caring* ... let them think what they want, whatever. But the few occasions when I can be taken seriously and properly pronouned (usually trans support groups; occasionally in certain groups of friends) are precious to me, and sometimes make me kind of choke up in the 'crying for happy' way some people do at weddings.

[Kid Flash]

Hello, nice to meet you. =)

[Lex]

Hhhm, the voice certainly makes it hard. I'm an alto, so that helps a bit.

I started CDing at fourteen and from that age to eighteen I passed with no trouble. Even without binding, I found that if I dressed the right way people didn't notice my giant chest. Weird but true. So my theory is that it had a lot to do with body language. The way I move does seem to change depending on how I'm presenting myself.

Now I'm twenty-one and I haven't gone out CDing for a while. Because at this age, to pass for someone my age, I really need facial hair. But I'm still at home, in a building where all my neighbours know me, all the local shop keepers, owners and employees know me, with work literally next door and with a whole heap of other locals who seem to know me as well. So if I step out of the house with facial hair (and fake eyebrows, I'd need those too), I wouldn't make it far without someone seeing and being totally weirded out. So I'll just have to wait.

Anyway, that rambling did have a point. And the point is, try facial hair! I bet that would really help. :)

[mister-mason]

I posted some shots (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2168027&postcount=122) over in 'Boy Mode vs. Girl Mode'.

[Ze]

Nice to meet you, Mason! :wave: You look so freaking familiar to me, but due to your location, I'm sure you just resemble somebody I can't remember. :ner:

P.S. I'm really happy Mama sent out those e-mails. :devil:

[mister-mason]

I went to summer camp with an identical twin of mine to whom I am not related. Apparently I have a relatively common face. :->

Also, I went to Be-All in 2008 and 2009, and the Big Fat Gay Conference (MBLGTACC) in 2008, so we might in theory have met there.

[Ze]

I went to summer camp with an identical twin of mine to whom I am not related. Apparently I have a relatively common face. :->

Apparently so!


Also, I went to Be-All in 2008 and 2009, and the Big Fat Gay Conference (MBLGTACC) in 2008, so we might in theory have met there.

Being the hermit that I am, that's definitely not it. :ner:

[mister-mason]

Given that, ethnically, I'm mostly Irish and German with a smattering of Eastern Europe, it shouldn't be surprising if the American Mutt face-shape genes fall out similarly more than once, I suppose. :->

[Ze]

Hooray for American mutts! :^5: Unfortunately, I have those scary Czech cheekbones that keep me from being 100% generic. :heehee: Damn my cheekbones...damn them...

Edit: That came out wrong. I wasn't calling you generic. :ner:

[mister-mason]

And I wouldn't've minded if you had. :->

Sometimes there's an advantage to blending in, y'know.

Two funny things:

1. I have precisely my great-grandma's squiggly bridge of the nose. If you look at photos of her at 90, and then peer at mine, you can see how once my skin loses all elasticity and I get that old-person sag thing, it'll be identical.

2. Newborn pictures of my daughter look just like newborn pictures of me ... and ALSO of my sister-in-law. We never before realized that our baby pictures look so much alike. They say you 'imprint' on the facial geometries of people in your family for when you go out and pairbond later, but since she and I don't look too much alike as adults, nobody realized John'd picked a spouse with the same facial bones as his sister till our kid came along. :->

[Ze]

That's really freaking cool! :)

[kurokaze]

... I could never deal with it. Even though I often feel comfortable being female, I don't think that I could deal with being THAT female...

I... just... wow... I'm back from hiatus myself...

My body feels weird to me right now (emotionally, it's a really complex feeling... being torn in the direction of two polar opposites)

reading certain things on this thread was hard...

as I said, I'm back from hiatus myself... possibly.

Sorry I'm being weird right now... I'll just stop and say:

[[ WELCOME BACK mister-mason ]]

Edit::: oh, apparently some things have changed for me as well... I think I'm going to change my [[ custom user title ]] ... "transmasculine two-spirit" doesn't even fit anymore... I've drifted back to the female-side of things... it's complicated, perhaps I'll just create a new thread to reintroduce myself & this change.