Tomorrow I start counciling

[Billijo49504]

Tomorrow I have a appointment with a Dr in the shrink dept. To find out why I'm depressed. They told me that I should think about what I do to help unwind. I didn't tell the nurse, but when they ask tomorrow, I'll tell them that there are only 2 things that help me unwind, crossdressing and booze. The CD makes me relax and the booze make the pain go away. But they did give me the little phamplet with the suicide signs and the number to the talk line. I hope when I menthion the CDing, I hope they don't throw me out. There are days that I don't dare open the gun safe. I hope it helps...BJ
PS. I wish I could get some gender counciling instead. I think that would help more. But I don't think I can that at the VA. Have one on me.:drink:

[charlie]

Hello Billijo!
I'm no shrink (so I hope the visit there proves helpful) but I do get lots of stress relief from dressing. When I'm down, getting on a great outfit with matching shoes and purse will make me feel good again. Sorry to hear that you are in such pain. You need a good diversion girl. Get your things on and go see "Sex in the City" at the movies! Best of luck and I'll have you in my prayers.

[Persephone]

I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through, Billijo. There are lots of possible causes and a number of very successful treatments so, hopefully, your meeting with the doctor will be a very positive one for you.

Please do let us know how things go.

You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Hugs,
Persephone.

[brassieres]

When I was really stressed back in November, my therapist said that I needed to do whatever I could to relieve stress. As a result I joined this forum among other things.

[giuseppina]

Sorry to hear of your depression, Billijo.

There are some very good therapies available. Depending on how depressed you are, you may need drugs to get some relief. They take about three months to determine if they work. It may take a few tries to get one or a combination that works with tolerable side effects.

There are non-drug treatments that work for those who aren't quite so depressed. They are often combined with drug therapies.

Overcoming mood disorders involves taking risks, both in changing your thought patterns and how you feel about past events.

If you have a safety deposit box , it might be a good idea to lock up your gun safe and put the keys in the safety deposit box. The idea is to make them inaccessible. Better still, sell them if it would make you feel better about not having the temptation and the means to do yourself harm.

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Things will get better. I've been there.

Good luck. :hugs:

[Billijo49504]

First, I want to thank you for your concern. I have been on prozac for a couple years, and I don't think it's working any more. I have so many things that hurt on my body and in my mind. Ever since I had thyroid cancer, my body doing strange things. I don't take any hormones but I have chest that most girls would love to have. My wife even says mine are nice and perky. But my dream chest is really a nightmare. I'd love to be able to take them off and put them away, when I don't feel like being in gurly mode. Maybe I should just go crawl under a rock and let life pass me by.

[Gerrijerry]

from a person who has been there. Yes the crossdressing helps. the counselor helps.
but drugs that we have to take for health problems do have side effects and that may be your real problem.
I can't tell from what you have said if your wife knows about your being a CD. If she does that might help if she is even a little understanding about it.
As for drinking that is not something that helps just puts off everything until it explodes inside you.
When you do talk to the counselor tell him or her the truth about everything how you feel the effects of the meds Cd'ing etc. He or she may be able to help you or recomend another counselor that can help you.
As I said been there done that and just having a person to talk too will help.
Hold on and find the good things in your life.

[kimdl93]

Also speaking as someone who has dealt with deep clinical depression, here's my 2 cents worth. When you feel like crawling under a rock - do something. Get up and take a walk, go to the mall, work in the garden, volunteer at the food bank.

My therapist advised that "we don't think our way into feeling better, we "act" our ways into feeling better. And it is very true.

the other thing about cognitive therapy is to constantly practice the exercises. One I had to do repeatedly was to "stop" mysefl whenever I let my mind go to a bad place, such as when I'd engage in negative self talk. Then immediately counter those negative self thoughts with a positive statement about myself.


And, lay off the booze... alcohol aggravates depression, both from its physical effects and its influence on the mind. Its quite possibly the worst thing a depressed person can do. So stop now.

This is work, but it can yeild lasting results.

The very best of luck to you.

[ubokvt]

I had similar issues with depression this spring and also sought the services of a counselor. Depression is both a very wide ranging and common issue in our society and most good therapist are more than competentent to treat it so I sought out a therapist who delt both with depresion and issues of gender identity. I knew I couldn't just go in and say I was depressed and then never discus this other part of me it would be a waste of time. I also wanted a therapist who had delt with gender issues and would not respond with "Now I know why you are crazy" when I told them of my dressing. Its worked out great. So if you have the option of choosing a therapist please get one that has had some experience with us Gurls I do believe it will make a real difference in your treatment.

[Billijo49504]

Well I just got back, and we touched on several things that were bothering me, but not the gender thing. When I menthioned that I might have some gender issues, he said "We won't go there now, we'll look at some of the importaant stuff." I'll discribe this guy for you. He is a tall, thin retired Army Captian, with a white sidewall haircut. To me that really doesn't sound like anything of a gender anything....BJ

[giuseppina]

First, I want to thank you for your concern. I have been on prozac for a couple years, and I don't think it's working any more. ...

You're welcome.

Medications losing effectiveness happens from time to time. Is your counsellor a psychiatrist? If so, maybe he can find something that works better or send you to a psychiatrist who can do this.

[Billijo49504]

Thanks, they are weining me off Prozac over 14 days. Then something else. Something simular to cimbalta. Maybe it will help. Thanks BJ

[Lori_Anne]

First, I want to thank you for your concern. I have been on prozac for a couple years, and I don't think it's working any more. I have so many things that hurt on my body and in my mind. Ever since I had thyroid cancer, my body doing strange things. I don't take any hormones but I have chest that most girls would love to have. My wife even says mine are nice and perky. But my dream chest is really a nightmare. I'd love to be able to take them off and put them away, when I don't feel like being in gurly mode. Maybe I should just go crawl under a rock and let life pass me by.

Hi Billijo,

I am sorry to hear what you are going through I understand how tough it can be all to well. I have dealt with some pretty serious depression in the past including attempted suicide. Massive weight gain and meds also caused another problem for me that may explain the breast growth. A condition called Gynecomastia, (a.k.a. male breast enlargement) I am currently a C cup and still growing even as I lose the weight. I also have a hormonal imbalance that is contributing to this condition. Myself I’m perfectly happy with the breast as I am in the processes of transitioning mtf and that’s one less thing I have to worry about. Gynecomastia may not be the same condition for you but it is something to consider, here is some info on it.

What is Gynecomastia?

The term comes from the Greek words gyne meaning "woman" and mastos meaning "breast." In practical terms, this means abnormally large breasts on men. (male breast enlargement)

Gynecomastia is triggered by factors ranging from, obesity, tumors, genetic disorders, alcohol, old age and side effects from over 300 prescription and non prescription medications.

Environmental factors also play a key roll in the onset of gynecomastia. Mainly due to ground water contamination from the use and manufacture of prescription and non prescription medications (including aspirin).

Also extremely large amounts of synthetic hormones are being used in dairy/meat production that we take in when we consume these foods. Also waste from these animals contain these synthetic hormones and is contaminating the ground water in rural areas.

I hope this helps you some, I would like to chat with you more on this subject privately but being a new member I don’t know how to make such a contact. I know we are not to give any personal links and I don’t want to jeopardize my account here, I love this site and want to stay a while. lol If any body knows how this can be done plz let me know. In the mean time I hope things start looking up for you.

Take care your in my thoughts and prayers.

Lori :hugs:

http://www.gynecomastia.org/

[Dana]

I got forced into counseling and on meds. Either that or lose my job, and when your 53 living in rural Alabama ~ just finding any kind of job is hard enough during the best of economic times. Fortunately my boss is a retired National Guardsman, that was active duty and served in Vietnam.

The reason I almost got fired was because I was coming into work ~ working the second shift ~ half hung over. I work in a secondary lead smelting company.

Most people think lead is lead ~ but we have over some 80 different types of alloys.

Some are for bullets, and others are for batteries, others are for other purposes.

Some of the lead is for civilian use ~ some is for military use ~ some is for Winchester, Remington etc.

There are specifications for each alloy. I all but got fired because I wrote an element (there are sixteen of them) as a .oo17

The max is a .001 ~ so in effect using the mathematical rule of "five" I wrote the certification form up as a ,0017 ~ that is to say ~ a .002.

Trivial enough? Except we're talking about half a million dollars a pot of lead, $60,000 a truck load, not even factoring in shipping costs to get it where it needs to be ~ not to mention the shipping cost of bringing it back if its rejected?

The reason for my drinking? Has a lot to do with my accepting and/or failure to accepting my cross dressing being transgendered.

I enlisted in the Marine Corps and did twenty years ~ retired ~ in an attempt to live down my feminine side.

Cost me a marriage and family. Went through and been through some serious things.

Came out institutionalized, (Might as well have done 20 years in Prison ~ Shaw shank Syndrome) suffering from depression, drinking, PTSD ~ although I ashamed to admit that I didn't go through .00001 of what Special Ops have been through, let alone Ground Pounders and Trigger Pullers. (I was logistics ~ Combat Support)

Still the guilt of being a cross dresser, a man, a father, a husband, a Marine ~ getting back out here in civilian la~la land? Going to college on the GI Bill ~ majoring in finance at 38?

All of that and $1.05 gets you cup of coffee at the local Waffle House here in Rural Alabama.

I gave the EXHEX everything from a twelve year marriage. Took on all the bills from a twelve marriage? (Including her car payment) Had to. DS was six ~ DD was 10. She was leaving me for a guy she'd known for all of nine months.

I had just gotten back from the First Gulf War, had sixteen years in the Corps, had Zero chance of getting custody back twenty years ago. Would have been a fool to quit now with only four years to go toward retirement.

The XHEX through me under the bus with the IRS.

A quarter of my after tax income was going toward child support and such.

Another quarter was going toward the IRS.

And the other half was going toward just paying off debts and trying to make it one more day.

Got involved with another GG, and although she was tolerant of my being a CD, in trying to explain it all? I convinced her I was a TS (which I'm not)

Retired from the Corps, went to college, tried to find a decent paying job? Got depressed, got to drinking, got forced to seek out professional help (Physiologist) ~ either that or lose my job?

Diagnosed with depression, anxiety and PTSD.

On antidepressants and anxiety drugs ~ they've helped a lot. I don't worry as much about things ~ in fact ~ I don't worry about anything? Where as I use to worry about any and everything. Had Hyper-attention ~ would go days and days without sleep.

The AD's have helped a lot ~ I smile and laugh more. They've helped me to just be mellow and stable. I'm more concentrated and focused now. I make less mistakes when it comes to .000001

I've accepted the fact that I'm transgendered and damaged goods, and that I'm going to be single and alone for the rest of my life.

That's just the way it is.

To the original poster?

Tell it them all. They've seen and heard it all.

[NathalieX66]

PS. I wish I could get some gender counciling instead. I think that would help more. But I don't think I can that at the VA. Have one on me.:drink:

Almost seems like that's the source of your depression. I'm really in no position to say.

Either way, talking to a counselor is the best thing, IMO. They may find out what is really eating you. I wish you the best of luck. You may actually want to consider a second or third opinion to achieve a round number.
I, myself, am taking a break from CD'ing for the summer, and am now involved with someone new, and I have promised myself that if my TG side eats at me daily by the end of summer, I will surely find a counselor.

[JenniferR771]

I would be happy to meet with you. And I know other local cds that can talk. Some are even licensed to fish. You are not alone. Anita List of Diversity Counseling is a very understanding counselor in town. She deals with cd, gender, and substance issues.
http://www.helppro.com/providerdir/875576198100001/Annita_List_LMSW_ACSW_CAAC_Dip-CFC.aspx

[terri jane]

If what I say bothers you then you should keep reading. Maybe it's an alcohol problem! So many of us have all kinds of symptoms but continued drinking will never allow you to get to them. Ergo nothing changes! Perhaps you should consider seeing a substance abuse counselor first, be honest with him or her, to either rule drinking in or out.
Now I am a sober drunk, cross dresser, veteran with PTSD and damned proud of all 3.. I've been where you are at and oh by the way it is easier to find a drug and alcohol counselor than a gender counselor with a whole lot less anxiety. There is a solution but suicide is a copnout. My prayer girlfriend. Terri

[Cassandra Lynn]

I've grown a little leery of preaching about the dangers of alcohol, but as a recovering alcoholic i can't not bring it up, Billijo, please be careful! At least take the steps of monitoring your self and your uptake of the booze, and the reasons for it. Especially if your taking meds for the depression.

If it is at all possible, seeking a gender knowledged therapist would be a very good idea. Your in my prayers, and speaking of prayers, i have found the Serenity Prayer to be a wonderful tool and one that might be helpful for us all, as we deal with what we are. mj (Cassie)