My Lady Marsea
06-03-2010, 03:53 PM
Well it's been like almost 2 months short of one year since the last time I was here according to the right hand corner lol. I think that was just to check to see if I was still here lol. It's probably been like 1 1/2 years since my last update.
Anyway for those interested I came out at the age of 61 about three years ago. I started like so totally scared and wutever as most of us do, all this had been hidden inside and never really acted on. I never even wore street wear, just lingerie at home. Never even went out once dressed. My one chunk of wisdom from the following is DON"T wait forever to make the commitment as you like don't get younger and it shows on the body lol. I think it maybe like gets easier though (?) because as you age you get more of a "To hell with what society thinks" attitude. You earned it.
Early at the onset I decided to go it 24/7 or wutever (important point here), like get this show on the road, bitch. Life is so too short to keep delaying. I also adopted the "A long way to go-short time to get there" thought. Popeyes' "I yam what I yam, and that's all what I yam" sorta went in the war chest too. So I like tossed all my boi stuff (purged is the word I see here a lot lol) started to dress more the way I imagined I would if not TG, dropped all I could of my boi world manners and ppl ( including any "macho" types and their female degrading jokes) and started over. The divorce (3rd one) also helped make this easier.
One of the first things I did was legally change my name and thereafter all my life documents (SS account, drivers license,birth certificate,checking account, wutever, everything & anything). I started slowly making new (mostly girl) friends in my day to day life. For some reason I could now communicate so much easier with the girls, married & single. There are really many considering how many ppl in the world who like don't judge based on what you wear, but based on the human locked inside the wrong body.
At the time I had (and still have) a seasonal self employed retail business and dressed as I wanted and felt good in and about it. Oh BTW, it was in a swap meet surrounding, not a place lacking in ppl lol. I was like so totally amazed how my business really didn't fall off and how many comments (and some hugs) I got from a lot of previous clientele attesting to I should be who I am and I too like have the right to be myself. The ensuing economy however wasn't as great and supporting. I had heard thru the grapevine of vendors who knew me in my boi mode for years before and now the new me, that SOME ppl had made not nice comments to them about the &%$#@@* in the space down there. Some of these vendors I guess laid into those few and let them have a opposing viewpoint. Know what? Since I really had already reached the point of I'm like doing this for myself and NOT society...big deal. Their loss.
I felt the need to find others like me so joined a large club in the LA area. Through them I attended a couple of road trip weekends at Palm Springs and San Diego. Overall, a fun bunch and I enjoyed it. Learned a lot about all the different aspects and levels of our "gurlhood", so many different priorities. Bad for me is most are like 30 something and so totally into the nightclub scene. It makes me look back to how bitchin' or wutever I could have like been at that age lol.
As time went on and I had to supplement my income, I have worked off and on temporary through the phases as an enumerator the last year for the US Census. A enumerator is the one who goes door to door, although at this last phase ppl don't want to be bothered with answering any more questions, they are done with it, as in "like wut's up with this" kind of done. Anyway the US can't discriminate as to sexual (gender to me) orientation, so for a temp job at least all was kewl. I've met and still hang with a couple of nice open minded girlfriends thru this. Remember, we are just "girl" friends here, movies, lunches,shopping, travel and most important, just girl talk. Husbands,family,finances, wutever. Nothing goes beyond us. Nothing like boy/girl, which is fine for me, although like most ppl I long for that "perfect" encounter.
Anyway, the economy still stinks so a few months ago I went and applied for a early SS, walked right in there in my heels and flash n trash or wutever and up & applied. Since I had all my legal ducks in a row, I went out with the gov't lottery lol. Hey, it pays the bills, what else can a girl like want?
At this point I was starting to get a little depressed some days, only because I had reached a brick wall and was not progressing as I felt I should. So I bit the bullet and decided to go see a doctor recommended to me by another transitioning T-Girl I met once. I made an appointment not knowing if it were a med doc or a therapist doc. I was told you have to start with a therapist before you get cleared for medical hormones. It was a OMG day! Went in with heels, skirt and blouse, and a little less trash n flash than normal. Turned out I had gotten the internal medicine, trans gender specialty doctor. I thought, well this will be like totally lame based on what little I knew. Anyway I used the "don't ask, don't tell' thingie lol. He and I talked like 25 minutes with him asking lots of questions and me answering (as well as a basic new patient exam) and finally the big one came. "Have you seen a therapist?" I can't lie, anyway, there was no proof of having been to one. So I just said no, thinking this is so lame. Anyway, after a few moments of deliberation he said something to the effect of: In this case and based on the fact you have been living as a girl for almost 2 1/2 years, I am going to make an exception and prescribe Estradiol (estrogen stuff) and Spironolactone (to block testosterone) but with a limited condition. He said he would like me to see a therapist anyway, just to be on the up & up. I went out of there floating on cloud nine to like say the least. And yes, after about 4 months there is some body changes as promised. I try to go to the therapist like once a month when I can afford it, but the big goal here is to get cleared for full transition and go for it if I ever win the lottery lol.
Since I had no medical, thought I'd try my luck with my VA benefits. So a couple of months later I also waltzed in there in my heels and trash n flash and now have a lady doctor assigned to me. At least I'll now be able get some of my hormones thru the VA, first of them arrived in the mail this morning. I'm pushing for a therapist either thru them that specializes in TG or at least maybe OK the one I have. Heck, I figure I served during Vietnam, so I earned it.
The one big downside here though is the lack of real companionship. This gets like almost so depressing at times. Sure I have some "girl" friends and "gurl" friends to hang with on occasion, but really no other significant in my life. Unless you went into this with another attached and on board, it's like really hard to meet someone. It could come from any number of directions, heterosexual corner, gay corner, lesbian corner and the sorta wanted one the TG corner. I'm so totally tired of being an Army of one, or so it seems. Even thinking about trying one of the online meeting places that advertises on TV. I tried one this weekend that had "free" matches for the weekend, but there is no category for TG seeking ??? I went to one of the categories or wutever that I thought would maybe be best and got like 6 matches, but it seems limited as either they can't contact me (not a member) or I can't contact them direct. DUH, guess they want you to join.
Anyway, all in all am I glad I did it and like did it so aggressively? Like totally so, at least I now love myself and respect my body as I never did before. I'm sleeping better and dress,act and think like 20 years younger. I've become less materialistic (partly from the lack of income) and am enjoying getting up each day and interacting as I feel is normal for me. I get enjoyment out of simpler things now. I get called "ma'am" almost 9 out of 10 times in public, almost never on the phone. Got to get some singing lessons or something I guess. Most of the ppl I know (at least in front of me) refer to me as she, her, girl, lady, and even "hey bitch" amongst some lol. Those who goof or aren't sure are apologetic if I point it out, and I do. When I talk to myself in my head (come on, we ALL do it, just don't answer yourself) I refer to myself as girl or bitch. Ladies bathrooms and dressing rooms are so totally the norm, I feel like 95% at ease in either. On occasion I've even had girls strike up a conversation with me, they started in these places, I didn't. I'm eating up the amount of doors opened for me by guys, stuff loaded at Lowes and other places, and the guy who changed my last flat tire was a sweetie. I've been hit upon like dozens of times, went out with two and although I thoroughly enjoyed it, they weren't like so sure. None worked out (sobbing). I don't care who knows or THINKS they know (nothings positive 'till I say it is or a doctor looks) and if someone like has a problem with me concerning my lifestyle , it's their problem not mine. I've learned to avoid some places like the testosterone loaded local gun store (unless I need ammo lol) and start going to the one local alternative bar where I learned I like Karaoke, not saying I'm good at it though. I've joined my local PFLAG group and attend the Gay rights get together dinners once in a while. I learned most ppl don't even notice or interact to you, you're like more aware of the situation than they are. In short, at least for me, for every 1 bad thing, I've like reaped 99 good ones.
I'm going to do something I've ALWAYS wanted to do in Dec. I'm going to go off season to Avalon, CA (Santa Catalina Island) which I just so totally luv the place. My hope is that I'll have figured this thing out as to where I can find someone special to share it with, like starting another new stage in my life. If not, I'll still go anyway and who knows, this time for me it might be the island of romance as the song says lol.
I have like posted some pictures of the last couple of years in my album. Hope this inspires some and doesn't bore all LOL. Hugs to all you "gurls" in whatever you decide to do with this other side of your life.....MARSEA
Anyway for those interested I came out at the age of 61 about three years ago. I started like so totally scared and wutever as most of us do, all this had been hidden inside and never really acted on. I never even wore street wear, just lingerie at home. Never even went out once dressed. My one chunk of wisdom from the following is DON"T wait forever to make the commitment as you like don't get younger and it shows on the body lol. I think it maybe like gets easier though (?) because as you age you get more of a "To hell with what society thinks" attitude. You earned it.
Early at the onset I decided to go it 24/7 or wutever (important point here), like get this show on the road, bitch. Life is so too short to keep delaying. I also adopted the "A long way to go-short time to get there" thought. Popeyes' "I yam what I yam, and that's all what I yam" sorta went in the war chest too. So I like tossed all my boi stuff (purged is the word I see here a lot lol) started to dress more the way I imagined I would if not TG, dropped all I could of my boi world manners and ppl ( including any "macho" types and their female degrading jokes) and started over. The divorce (3rd one) also helped make this easier.
One of the first things I did was legally change my name and thereafter all my life documents (SS account, drivers license,birth certificate,checking account, wutever, everything & anything). I started slowly making new (mostly girl) friends in my day to day life. For some reason I could now communicate so much easier with the girls, married & single. There are really many considering how many ppl in the world who like don't judge based on what you wear, but based on the human locked inside the wrong body.
At the time I had (and still have) a seasonal self employed retail business and dressed as I wanted and felt good in and about it. Oh BTW, it was in a swap meet surrounding, not a place lacking in ppl lol. I was like so totally amazed how my business really didn't fall off and how many comments (and some hugs) I got from a lot of previous clientele attesting to I should be who I am and I too like have the right to be myself. The ensuing economy however wasn't as great and supporting. I had heard thru the grapevine of vendors who knew me in my boi mode for years before and now the new me, that SOME ppl had made not nice comments to them about the &%$#@@* in the space down there. Some of these vendors I guess laid into those few and let them have a opposing viewpoint. Know what? Since I really had already reached the point of I'm like doing this for myself and NOT society...big deal. Their loss.
I felt the need to find others like me so joined a large club in the LA area. Through them I attended a couple of road trip weekends at Palm Springs and San Diego. Overall, a fun bunch and I enjoyed it. Learned a lot about all the different aspects and levels of our "gurlhood", so many different priorities. Bad for me is most are like 30 something and so totally into the nightclub scene. It makes me look back to how bitchin' or wutever I could have like been at that age lol.
As time went on and I had to supplement my income, I have worked off and on temporary through the phases as an enumerator the last year for the US Census. A enumerator is the one who goes door to door, although at this last phase ppl don't want to be bothered with answering any more questions, they are done with it, as in "like wut's up with this" kind of done. Anyway the US can't discriminate as to sexual (gender to me) orientation, so for a temp job at least all was kewl. I've met and still hang with a couple of nice open minded girlfriends thru this. Remember, we are just "girl" friends here, movies, lunches,shopping, travel and most important, just girl talk. Husbands,family,finances, wutever. Nothing goes beyond us. Nothing like boy/girl, which is fine for me, although like most ppl I long for that "perfect" encounter.
Anyway, the economy still stinks so a few months ago I went and applied for a early SS, walked right in there in my heels and flash n trash or wutever and up & applied. Since I had all my legal ducks in a row, I went out with the gov't lottery lol. Hey, it pays the bills, what else can a girl like want?
At this point I was starting to get a little depressed some days, only because I had reached a brick wall and was not progressing as I felt I should. So I bit the bullet and decided to go see a doctor recommended to me by another transitioning T-Girl I met once. I made an appointment not knowing if it were a med doc or a therapist doc. I was told you have to start with a therapist before you get cleared for medical hormones. It was a OMG day! Went in with heels, skirt and blouse, and a little less trash n flash than normal. Turned out I had gotten the internal medicine, trans gender specialty doctor. I thought, well this will be like totally lame based on what little I knew. Anyway I used the "don't ask, don't tell' thingie lol. He and I talked like 25 minutes with him asking lots of questions and me answering (as well as a basic new patient exam) and finally the big one came. "Have you seen a therapist?" I can't lie, anyway, there was no proof of having been to one. So I just said no, thinking this is so lame. Anyway, after a few moments of deliberation he said something to the effect of: In this case and based on the fact you have been living as a girl for almost 2 1/2 years, I am going to make an exception and prescribe Estradiol (estrogen stuff) and Spironolactone (to block testosterone) but with a limited condition. He said he would like me to see a therapist anyway, just to be on the up & up. I went out of there floating on cloud nine to like say the least. And yes, after about 4 months there is some body changes as promised. I try to go to the therapist like once a month when I can afford it, but the big goal here is to get cleared for full transition and go for it if I ever win the lottery lol.
Since I had no medical, thought I'd try my luck with my VA benefits. So a couple of months later I also waltzed in there in my heels and trash n flash and now have a lady doctor assigned to me. At least I'll now be able get some of my hormones thru the VA, first of them arrived in the mail this morning. I'm pushing for a therapist either thru them that specializes in TG or at least maybe OK the one I have. Heck, I figure I served during Vietnam, so I earned it.
The one big downside here though is the lack of real companionship. This gets like almost so depressing at times. Sure I have some "girl" friends and "gurl" friends to hang with on occasion, but really no other significant in my life. Unless you went into this with another attached and on board, it's like really hard to meet someone. It could come from any number of directions, heterosexual corner, gay corner, lesbian corner and the sorta wanted one the TG corner. I'm so totally tired of being an Army of one, or so it seems. Even thinking about trying one of the online meeting places that advertises on TV. I tried one this weekend that had "free" matches for the weekend, but there is no category for TG seeking ??? I went to one of the categories or wutever that I thought would maybe be best and got like 6 matches, but it seems limited as either they can't contact me (not a member) or I can't contact them direct. DUH, guess they want you to join.
Anyway, all in all am I glad I did it and like did it so aggressively? Like totally so, at least I now love myself and respect my body as I never did before. I'm sleeping better and dress,act and think like 20 years younger. I've become less materialistic (partly from the lack of income) and am enjoying getting up each day and interacting as I feel is normal for me. I get enjoyment out of simpler things now. I get called "ma'am" almost 9 out of 10 times in public, almost never on the phone. Got to get some singing lessons or something I guess. Most of the ppl I know (at least in front of me) refer to me as she, her, girl, lady, and even "hey bitch" amongst some lol. Those who goof or aren't sure are apologetic if I point it out, and I do. When I talk to myself in my head (come on, we ALL do it, just don't answer yourself) I refer to myself as girl or bitch. Ladies bathrooms and dressing rooms are so totally the norm, I feel like 95% at ease in either. On occasion I've even had girls strike up a conversation with me, they started in these places, I didn't. I'm eating up the amount of doors opened for me by guys, stuff loaded at Lowes and other places, and the guy who changed my last flat tire was a sweetie. I've been hit upon like dozens of times, went out with two and although I thoroughly enjoyed it, they weren't like so sure. None worked out (sobbing). I don't care who knows or THINKS they know (nothings positive 'till I say it is or a doctor looks) and if someone like has a problem with me concerning my lifestyle , it's their problem not mine. I've learned to avoid some places like the testosterone loaded local gun store (unless I need ammo lol) and start going to the one local alternative bar where I learned I like Karaoke, not saying I'm good at it though. I've joined my local PFLAG group and attend the Gay rights get together dinners once in a while. I learned most ppl don't even notice or interact to you, you're like more aware of the situation than they are. In short, at least for me, for every 1 bad thing, I've like reaped 99 good ones.
I'm going to do something I've ALWAYS wanted to do in Dec. I'm going to go off season to Avalon, CA (Santa Catalina Island) which I just so totally luv the place. My hope is that I'll have figured this thing out as to where I can find someone special to share it with, like starting another new stage in my life. If not, I'll still go anyway and who knows, this time for me it might be the island of romance as the song says lol.
I have like posted some pictures of the last couple of years in my album. Hope this inspires some and doesn't bore all LOL. Hugs to all you "gurls" in whatever you decide to do with this other side of your life.....MARSEA