how do you relate to non CD men

[akinbiyi]

I'm very new to this and I've found that knowing that I am curious about dressing like women makes me feel akward around other men. The issues are: 1) will i act in a way or say something that lets them know, 2) am I lying to them by not telling them what's on my mind (assuming I know them personally), 3) Can I still relate to them and can they relate to me? 4) am I still as much of a man as they are? These things make me feel uncomfortable around men. Also they all suddenly seem so much more masculine than me because they don't have this curiosity about crossdressing. Can anyone relate or share some insight?

[tgirl2b]

Just be your self .Most guys cant tell unless you let them know

[akinbiyi]

in your experience does that get to feel like your holding something in or does it become very natural

[erika130]

I have thought about this too, but my best guess is just to be yourself.

I doubt most guys would know anything based only on your behavior around them. At most they'll think you're different, but I seriously doubt they'll conclude that you like to dress.

If by being yourself you can't relate to these other guys, whether they know you dress or not, then you probably wouldn't want to connect with them in the first place.

As for being as much of a man as they are, this really depends on your definition of a man, as this varies a lot for all of us. I'd just say it's beyond the simple act of dressing :2c:

[Bobbie Bee]

How do you know they, the other men, aren't crossdressers?

[tgirl2b]

I'm me weather dressed or not the feeling is always there . and yes i would love for every one to know but it's just not something every one needs to know,It's not lying or any thing .they are not going to tell you every thing in there lives ether.

[akinbiyi]

i would agree. Being yourself if the right thing to do. Though I do wonder: if CD'ing is a part of you and a part of your identity and you have perhaps a slightly different personality or different parts that come out while dressed then can you be yourself around other men without letting those parts out? Perhaps doing that is something one learns to do? Or does one just accept a constant tinge of suppression when not dressed?

[kellycan27]

I am right in my element being around non-cding men..:battingeyelashes:

[DanaR]

You didn't say how old you are, so my guess is that you are young. What's cool today, is that CD'ing a little more tolerated today than when I was young. I suppose the internet has had something to do with that, plus in a lot of places people attitudes are better about it. When I was young, I felt like I had to pretend to be a guy to be able to fit in, otherwise you would be picked on.

[docrobbysherry]

And, I had NO DESIRE to, until then. No one knows I dress.

I've never related very well with men, before or after I started!
Your discomfort may NOT be CD related. Or, if it is, it may just be in your mind!?:brolleyes:

[Cassandra Lynn]

I've changed much in the past 9 months, especially in my acceptance of me as trans-gendered. Seemed like as if on cue, i began to feel differently around men, not my family or close friends, (i'm not out to them) just men i'm around on a frequent basis. I'm less apt to hang out with them, and if at a gathering or meeting, if there is a group of women and chairs empty close to them, i'll likely sit there. Sometimes this all happens sub-consciously.
I attend AA and men tend to hug men there, cause of the fellowship; i will, but it's a nervous moment for me. I don't feel guilty or that i'm lying in the least, but i do get nervous that i will get called out on some little mannerism or my lack of body hair.
Not so much a question of feeling less manly, i can let the "T" flow when needed, but more a question of just not feeling completely one with them. mj (Cassie)

[charlie]

Hello Akinbiyi!
Welcome to the forum! Coming here always makes me feel that I'm not alone in all this afterall. I think that is what your post is all about. You feel different, not normal and almost ashamed because you have these thoughts about wearing woman's clothes. What you do not know is whether the men you are talking also would like to be wearing (or are wearing) ladies clothes as well. Lots and lots of men in their early years tried on their Moms or sisters clothes. About 1-3% of men still wear ladies clothes. Some of our mannerisms and thoughts may not be the most manly in the world, but these tend to sneak out when we are not looking. Bottom line, just hold your head up and be yourself. When you get out and meet other CDers you will find that we are across the spectrum of men.....welders, car racers, stockbrokers, airline pilots, etc. Don't feel odd or intimidated. You are still a man and one with feminine feelings as well. Not a bad thing really.

[lilmissemily]

What you do not know is whether the men you are talking also would like to be wearing (or are wearing) ladies clothes as well. Lots and lots of men in their early years tried on their Moms or sisters clothes. About 1-3% of men still wear ladies clothes.

I always wondered about this too -- if I was the only one who had these urges. Fortunately places like this let me know I'm not alone. But I do wonder how many teenagers, younger men, etc. tried on mom's clothes. I'm sure it's a pretty high percentage...

[Rachel Morley]

How do you relate to non CD men?
Most of the time I don't! I have a couple of male co-workers that I kinda respect and kinda like (sorta) but I know I have nothing in common with them and I would never socialize with them outside of work or anything like that. If we ever do have a company BBQ or some sort of company social gathering I feel kind of awkward around the guys as I'm "all about the work" ... I don't care to get involved with social "chit-chat" as if they go and ask me how my weekend was and what did I get up to etc etc, then I'll have to lie because I'm not going to tell them what I do most of the time I'm not at work, and if and when I do lie, I assume that sometimes people can tell, and that's not good.

In fact the only male "friends" I have are ones that I know are CDers, i.e. people who I spend time with en femme, yet even them, I never spend time with in my boy mode. I hate it if my CDing girlfriends see me in drab. So, yeah ... non CDing men are people I have never been entirely comfortable with and for sure, I would never tell them about me and my CDing. As far as I am aware there are no non-CDing men who know about me and I'd prefer to keep it that way if possible ..... but then, maybe that's just me and my weird ways. :)

[Samantha B L]

It's none of their business and if they found out they could very well feel like they're still your freinds but they don't want you to talk about or do it in front of them. I have male freinds who don't care about my CD'ing but don't want me to do it or talk about it in front of them. Not only that,I've slipped up royally and given my name as "Samantha" several times to potentially hostile anti-CD folks. And I think your probably right to say that M to F CD'rs have got little things about parts of their personalities that are different than the rest of the population. I say be proud of that! So anyhow,there are many people in psychiatry and psychology who think(and have thought so for decades)that crossdressing is somehow hormonal or neurological in nature and could run in families! Of all the things you could have inherited like birth defects and illnesses,crossdressing is,in a way,a blessing.

[Michaela42]

Well, I have always had quite a bit of trouble relating to people in general (male or female), especially when I was younger. I will spare you all the corny details about life as a teen, but when I got a little older and joined the service I was sort of forced to associate with people. As I did I found that just like you sort of know which people you can share that new 'offensive' joke with you kind of get an idea of how you can relate to.

Like everyone was saying the important thing is to be comfortable with yourself, everything else will just be what it is.

:2c:

[tamarav]

I am a bit out there sometimes, ok all the time, but I have fun with non-CD men. I know I can kick they butts so I just talk with them to see what kind of poor pick up lines they know, listen like I really care and then when it is time to go, leave.

I am not really trying to be mean to guys in general, I have met a lot that I sat and talked and danced with all night, but those snobbish guys that think they can swoop in and pick up woman they want..hah.

One started telling me about his red Corvette. He told me he would be happy to take me for a ride in it and it was really fast. I asked if it had a big block or a small block and after he stammered for about 3 minutes the bartender leaned over and said, "I think she got you on that one".

[Loni]

around all my non cross-dressing male friends...non of them even know about Loni. i did do a Halloween thing once some years back. was the hit of the party.

do it again?????:eek::heehee::heehee:


.

[Alice B]

I have no problem relating to or being anything but what they know me to be as a male. I act normal and accept them as normal. Having my legs and arms shaved, plus wearing ear rings is how they have always known me and as long as I act normal no one will ever see me as different.

[lee in a skirt]

There are two ways that non cd men will find out. first if you tell them, second if they catch or see you. Both of them you can control so just act like you normally do and they will never know.

If you dont hang around or connect with non cd males then the chances are you will not have many male everyday friends because there probably will not be many crossdressers in your area that you know about.

[VikkiVixen7188]

lol. They wont know unless you draw them a picture. They are more likely to think that your gay.

[Sweeterica]

Why does it bother you,just be yourself,as someone said how do you know they dont CD anyway,do you want them to know about you if not just act normal.Sorry if this seems blunt its not meant to be.

[victoriamwilliams1]

I had that feeling in my teens and as you continue you learn how to not worry about that. I know for me I have to remember in public to let men be men and remember that I am not in the mode at that time. When I say let men be men that is let them hold the doors and do what men are supposed to do.

[Jocelyn Quivers]

Being that I'm strictly in male mode when I come into contact with non-CD men there really are no issues, problems nor desires to talk about anything CDing related being that I am in male mode and I just act like an average guy.

[Frédérique]

I'm very new to this and I've found that knowing that I am curious about dressing like women makes me feel akward around other men.

Your OP conjured up a vision of me standing, all dressed up, among a group of men, a real nightmare for this highly closeted crossdresser. With that in mind, I simply avoid groups of men, period. To (try to) answer your questions…


1) will i act in a way or say something that lets them know?

Do you want to express your “interest” and open yourself to censure? I know how you may feel – personally, I think crossdressing is an extremely beautiful thing, and I want to share this information with the right person or people, but you may need to stay within yourself for reasons of survival…


2) am I lying to them by not telling them what's on my mind (assuming I know them personally)?

Some people are not worth telling, because they are pre-programmed to be against any kind of weakness, perceived or otherwise. Even loved ones would take that prescribed route, not knowing anything about the “path” you will be following as you pursue your personal expression. Be cautious, my friend…:straightface:


3) Can I still relate to them and can they relate to me?

Of course. You don’t cease to be “you” because of certain interests you follow, or certain feelings you embrace, but actually implementing this reality is harder than it sounds. I have no trouble relating to men, since I am one of them by birth, but I hold their typical behavior at arm’s length, one of the side-effects of MtF crossdressing I find most soothing (and amusing)…:battingeyelashes:


4) am I still as much of a man as they are?

It depends what your definition of “man” is. There are plenty of men who wear women’s clothing for one reason or another, and yet they remain men in all but appearance. I’ve come across many of these individuals – it’s all part of the panoply of existence, and crossdressing is being justified by all sorts of manly types on a regular basis. You can wear your precious girly garb and still be a man, but why not think about alternative feelings while you are in situ? You are so close to something else -- the idea of gender integration and its attendant well-being, a true departure from the norm that most other men never leave…


These things make me feel uncomfortable around men. Also they all suddenly seem so much more masculine than me because they don't have this curiosity about crossdressing.

I’m also uncomfortable around men, but, at this point in time, I’m comfortable about it. :heehee: You are blessed to have this rare curiosity about crossdressing – please don’t lose the precious feeling by thinking too much about others…

[AKAMichelle]

I think all of us have tells which let others know about out true self. That said, I think guys can pick up on it which makes relationships a little akward.

[Lissa Stevens]

Over the years I've had a number of very close non cding men but overall I am not comfortable around other men. I have always been more comfortable with girls/women. Even in kindergarten I played more with the girls. This has continued to today where in social situations I am more likely to be found with the ladies.

[t-girlxsophie]

I relate fine to non CDers,I play Soccer with them etc,and dont as far as I'm aware act differently around them I have good relations with them all.The only difference is im not too comfortable when they come out with disparaging remarks/jokes about women etc maybe thats just because Ive developed good taste. I seem to be around Women and enjoy their company more these days too.

[sterling12]

For most of us, Ya' got your "boy-self," and your "gurl-self." Usually The two don't impinge on one another. I know YOU feel differently now, but trust me people who are empathetic enough to pick something up like that, are very rare!

And, if our numbers are right. Out of twenty of you male friends, it's likely that one of them is exactly like you! Now he's been doing a good job....you can't figure out whom it is? Why would you think it would be any different for somebody trying to figure out something about you?

Peace and Love, Joanie