Annalise
06-05-2010, 03:47 AM
sighs...
where to begin.
Lately I have been fighting a battle within myself that is quickly taking over my every day thought. I recently started underdressing as well as workingout to suit my dressing habits. I have also started to shave everything. I mean everything. Except my legs from the knee down to maintain an average guy appearance. I become more and more passable each time I dress. The urge to dress just becomes stronger. I underdress in panties everyday now. Sometimes I'll get brave enough to go out in a bra and a tank under my guy clothes. I feel so free. It feels amazing to be able to be out in public and have some kind of normalcy within myself. I get better and better at doing my make up. The only thing really missing are breast forms and a wig. I've had the two people who know I dress tell me how pretty and hot and attractive I am and have the potential to be. It makes me want it more. I have so many mixed feelings about it because I would love to be a full time girl and then the next day I reeeealllyyyy miss benching a 325 and getting compliments and stares at my muscular features. I have been working on getting leaner not only for dressing and the hopes of one day going out but also for my health. There are just times when I miss how I was when I was just a pure GUY. I even feel semi weird hanging out with my guy friends. about 5 years ago I came to terms with the fact that I am bi curious and maybe even just plain bi. Now it is getting to the point where I feel like the time will come in the next few years to choose which gender I would like to be. It is much too difficult physically to have both. The guy I was, was strong burly and macho and the cliche of what i heard a lot of girls wanted. the girl I am becoming is curvy and has attitude and it cute and has class. In a perfect world I could just snap my fingers and be which ever I want at the moment. I have many more years to figure this out but either way its killing me because I wish I could have both and be accepted. Sounds like I need to come out to more people, I know. But I feel I am not ready or at a good time in my life to do so. I hate being confined to my room and my SO's room each time i want to go full femme. I need more freedom but I know I cannot have it yet. Just today I know I was honestly in need of guy clothes. I bought some shirts a couple hats and some shorts. Immediately after buying your basic boring guy clothes. ( in brands I used to wish I had) I thought about how I need Shorts and Skirts and I really want a new dress and that I blew it all on other clothes. I just find it difficult to be comfortable in either mode because I know it'll change by the hour. :/ anyways, Sorry for the length but I need to get this and so much more off my chest and any advice would be greatly appreciated.
where to begin.
Lately I have been fighting a battle within myself that is quickly taking over my every day thought. I recently started underdressing as well as workingout to suit my dressing habits. I have also started to shave everything. I mean everything. Except my legs from the knee down to maintain an average guy appearance. I become more and more passable each time I dress. The urge to dress just becomes stronger. I underdress in panties everyday now. Sometimes I'll get brave enough to go out in a bra and a tank under my guy clothes. I feel so free. It feels amazing to be able to be out in public and have some kind of normalcy within myself. I get better and better at doing my make up. The only thing really missing are breast forms and a wig. I've had the two people who know I dress tell me how pretty and hot and attractive I am and have the potential to be. It makes me want it more. I have so many mixed feelings about it because I would love to be a full time girl and then the next day I reeeealllyyyy miss benching a 325 and getting compliments and stares at my muscular features. I have been working on getting leaner not only for dressing and the hopes of one day going out but also for my health. There are just times when I miss how I was when I was just a pure GUY. I even feel semi weird hanging out with my guy friends. about 5 years ago I came to terms with the fact that I am bi curious and maybe even just plain bi. Now it is getting to the point where I feel like the time will come in the next few years to choose which gender I would like to be. It is much too difficult physically to have both. The guy I was, was strong burly and macho and the cliche of what i heard a lot of girls wanted. the girl I am becoming is curvy and has attitude and it cute and has class. In a perfect world I could just snap my fingers and be which ever I want at the moment. I have many more years to figure this out but either way its killing me because I wish I could have both and be accepted. Sounds like I need to come out to more people, I know. But I feel I am not ready or at a good time in my life to do so. I hate being confined to my room and my SO's room each time i want to go full femme. I need more freedom but I know I cannot have it yet. Just today I know I was honestly in need of guy clothes. I bought some shirts a couple hats and some shorts. Immediately after buying your basic boring guy clothes. ( in brands I used to wish I had) I thought about how I need Shorts and Skirts and I really want a new dress and that I blew it all on other clothes. I just find it difficult to be comfortable in either mode because I know it'll change by the hour. :/ anyways, Sorry for the length but I need to get this and so much more off my chest and any advice would be greatly appreciated.