Ts and being homeless

[katieblush]

Well its hit the fan big time,had my deed poll come yesterday,my wife viewed it and well,i think reality hit home for her,so it appears i will soon be out on the street,2-3 months maybe if i am lucky,right on the time for my GC visit also possible new job :doh:

What to do? basically i am in a real hole,how the hell i will work this one out i do not know,silly really i thought maybe i could get on my feet first before this happened thats what being truthful gets you i suppose.

My wife wants a man,i cannot be that person for her,i have changed,so we have a tug of war going on between husband and as my wife said a lesbian lover,the latter she hates now even more,hard times x10000.

[sandra-leigh]

Rough times there :sad: :hugs: :hugs:


What was it about the deed poll that triggered it? Did you change your name legally, or your sex legally?

Ah, and for clarity: "deed poll" I recognize as a UK term, and I recall someone saying that it is now possible to change your sex legally by way of deed poll in the UK: is that the kind of deed poll you mean? I tend to associate "deed poll" with a census... flashbacks to having escaped the poll tax when I was working there.

[katieblush]

sandra, thank you for your reply,the deed poll is my request to have my name changed,costs 33 UK pounds,so i can have my driving license etc changed into my female name,i have to get this done before i go to the GC,personal choice etc.:hugs: xx

[Megan Thomas]

Can you not work something out with your wife regarding your living arrangements, perhaps make an "exit" plan to cover the next few months? I'm sure if you handle it right she would at least listen to the idea. It would probably require some compromise from both of you though. Good luck.

[Mariah]

Being homeless is not fun. I'm vary lucky I get aid from the state and I have a supportive parent to help me out. The Big thing is sign up for the stuff before you hit the street. here in the states the big ones are HUD, Food Stamps, and Medicaid. I need to reapply for hud myself.

It sucks that you might end up like that. it's not fun at all but there (I hope) is help and I hope you can fun it.

Mariah

[abigail43]

This is a hard one . Would it be wise to look into some of the support networks available to you , may be getting in touch with some of the trans gender groups available to you and posting a few ads around the place with a brief overview of you dilemma. You may just find that there are some fairly understanding people in this world the thing is not to get to caught up in self you may just find that this is the change that you need ,it may not be the change that you want but the change that you need so you can fulfill you true potential .good luck and to better days

[PortiaHoney]

Not knowing the background to your story, it all sounds so familiar.

I am currently in a shared house with 2 wonderful GG friends since having to move out of my sisters house. I moved in with her 4 years ago because my partner couldn't handle my TG tendencies. Then my sister asked me to move out because I was going from part time female to FT which she couldn't deal with. I was her brother - not supposed to be her sister! Our relationship is fine now, but she needed the separation to come to terms with my choices.

With your situation, is the current house in joint names, are you buying or renting, does the home belong to both of you? Are there any children involved? Why do we always take the path of "us" having to move out? Depending on your circumstances - why doesn't she leave seeing as how she can't handle the changes? Have you thought about seperate living arrangements under a common roof? She just may need you to be in another bedroom.

Give her time and the space she needs to come to terms with her situation. I have no doubt you have been preparing yourself for this moment for a long time. And, yes, the vast majority of TG or TS are unable to maintain the relationship as a partner with the person they shared their lives with. Unfortunate, but it is we who are changing the ground rules, not them.

Most of all, good luck with whatever happens. I hope your journey has as good a result as mine has.

[katieblush]

Thank you for your comments all,to give advice on this is well asking a lot as it falls into the epic problem category lol.:hugs:xx

[Andy66]

I'm sorry, are you saying that your wife is kicking you out of your home... that belongs to BOTH of you? :eek:

[Kaitlyn Michele]

i dont know the laws in your area..but the question must be asked...these are life and death matters....why do you have to leave?

[Midnight Skye]

What Kaitlyn says is true... even if the property is in her name... you can stay until she presents a notification of eviction (I'm serrious). Which gives you another 30-90 days depending on where you live. Not sure where you're at... but if you're looking at the street... I'd drag your heels... unless of corse its physically unsafe, then please seek shelter elsewhere!!!

On the softer side, I'm really sorry for you Katie! I hope things move the right direction for you. Transisioning can be a nightmare sometimes... but I would safely guess most of the girls who decide to go through it never regret making that tough decision. Best of luck! And keep posting!

[katieblush]

Thanks again for the coments folks,i hate being a pain in the ***,this is a happy time for me,so much that words cannot express, the freedom and inner glow i now have will see me througth i hope,i have waited all my life for this chance and i am going to see it througth even if i have to live in a box lol.

By the way we rent so,its best i leave if i have to because of our childrens schooling etc,my wife will not accept the changes i am making,so we have to face the fact seperation is a option,she wants male me,and i do not,so yes hard times indeed on us both.:hugs: Katie xx

[Traci Elizabeth]

Your situation is all too familiar for a lot of trans. I am sorry it is that way but you must have had some idea this was coming as it seems like you have been married for some time and I am sure you knew your wife's feelings. So at least this is not a total surprise and you can take steps now to find a new place to rest your head.

Hopefully, you and your wife can maintain civil relationships for the sake of your children. Plus why be upset with each other as you both loved each other and probably still do.

Use that love to your advantage to keep feelings civil and perhaps you can rationally work out a time table for your departing that allows you to move forward safely. Even if it means you NOT dressing everyday until after you have left. Why pour salt on open wounds.

It seems that since you have no place to go and have other obstacles to overcome, you would not "cut your nose off to spit your face." Meaning, set aside your 24/7 desires long enough to secure alternative arrangements that you can live on/with. Then make your move and live the way you want.

But the choice of course is yours. If living 24/7 "NOW" in your correct gender is far more important than planning a financially plausible way out then the cards will fall where they will, and you must be willing to accept the consequences.

I am sure I have not said anything you don't already know. But sometimes it helps to hear it from someone else as well.

I do wish you well. This situation is no one's fault. Don't blame yourself, and certainly don't blame your wife.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

katie -- based only on your posts i have to warn you that what you think makes sense now may not be the best for you and yours in the future...

renting has nothing to do with it...LOTS of divorcing couples stay in one place just to save money while things are figured out..

many of us have shared your euphoria about finally being yourself...this feeling is gonna get sorely tested after 3 hours of walking around by yourself with no where to go..

if you really want to see it through, then see it through...figure out a way to be yourself without setting yourself up to fail...this takes time, courage, planning, more courage and then more time...its sucks but there is no easy way...

.i have seen folks in the real world make the same mistake you are about to make..dropping everything only seems like a plan..i have sat in the coffee shop with homeless girls that were on top of the world three months earlier after leaving the house and burning the bridges behind them, reduced to begging for money and clothes...

sorry to be so tough, i know how hard it is.

[katieblush]

Kaitlyn,hi

Hay do not stress out thats my job lol,no all joking aside i have been homeless many times in the past,but this time well you know the timing is fantastic.

I have contactacted local advice lines on being (T) and homeless and have been advised,because i have joint tenancy of the property i will in effect be making myself homeless,sooo that means i have no standing in society,and at the moment i can go to a "Male shelter" great lol.

So welcome to the real world of being (T) i am learning the hard facts,i used to be on the wrong side of the law many years ago,and well i recived help then,now i am less worthy than a criminal.

I have gained a inner strength,and i will survive and achive the things in life i require,the path for us all is never stright and we must be strong.

I have a few more places to follow up on so fingers crossed.
*bye* Katie xx