All Good Things Must Come to an End

[JaytoJillian]

Many of you know that because of a fantastic contractural arrangement, I have spent close to a year splitting my time between working out of state on a great project during the week and back home on the weekends. Needless to say, I have been able to spend an incredible amount of time en femme during the work week. I now have less than one week to spend out of town. My SO has been taunting me non-stop for a couple of months with stuff like--"Things are gonna be different for you around here!" "Better have your fun while you can." She will initiate questions about my CDing only as a means to begin a fight about it. I just feel icky when I'm here. Just at my wit's end as I face the reality of both of us being under one roof. With that said, my pics and outings will be quite scarace in the coming months. Just a little bummed, but this too, shall pass.



Cheers,



Jill

[Michaela42]

I am sorry to hear about your situation Jillian. But like you said everything has an end and before you know it you will be out of that dark tunnel you seem to be entering. :hugs:

[Alex!]

Oy. I imagine this will be difficult. But you sound a hopeful note at the end, and this is good. The pursuit of happiness is what it is all about.

[Shelby]

It won't be the same around here without seeing some new pics. IMHO, you set a standard of acheivement for cder's like me who wish to look like a gg. You are an inspiration and I hope to see and hear from you when you can.

Good Luck!

Shelby

[Leslie Langford]

Many of you know that because of a fantastic contractural arrangement, I have spent close to a year splitting my time between working out of state on a great project during the week and back home on the weekends. Needless to say, I have been able to spend an incredible amount of time en femme during the work week. I now have less than one week to spend out of town. My SO has been taunting me non-stop for a couple of months with stuff like--"Things are gonna be different for you around here!" "Better have your fun while you can." She will initiate questions about my CDing only as a means to begin a fight about it. I just feel icky when I'm here. Just at my wit's end as I face the reality of being under one roof. With that said, my pics and outings will be quite scarace in the coming months. Just a little bummed, buth this too, shall pass.

Cheers,


Jill

Jill,

Not to sound too flippant, but as Bill Clinton would have said: "I feel your pain!"

I guess the question you have to ask yourself is whether or not you are in a truly supportive (i.e. a "for better or for worse") type of relationship, or if it has simply deteriorated into a power struggle with an SO who has a tendency to be a self-centered control freak. After 30+ years of marriage, I sometimes think that my own relationship has started to deteriorate into the latter category.

Yes, I feel guilty about not having divulged this side of me to my wife before I got married. But at the time - like many of my generation - I thought it was simply a passing phase, and we didn't have nearly as much information about what crossdressing is all about available to us back in those days to really understand it. There is absolutely no question in my mind that if I had known then what I know now, I would have done things much differently.

On the other hand, how much mileage can an SO really expect to get out of our guilt and shame before starting to use it as a weapon against us and in order to manipulate and control us for their own selfish reasons? At some point, a reality check is required where we have to ask ourselves if our "crime" really justifies the punishment that we must endure in such a situation? After all, if an SO finds our crossdressing so perverted and so hard to accept that it makes her life a living Hell, well, she knows where the exit door is as well, and she is free to use it if being rid of us will make her life so immeasurably better

Or to put it another way, does my SO's right to swing her arm not end where my nose begins...?

[Lexine]

Awww, we'll miss you Jillian!

[tall sam]

Hi Jill

hope you not gone too long - your pics are always great!
Now, be positive, you might just need to give the SO some slack, they can be bitches and jeleous because you have been having fun while they stuck at home ( I get it regularly).
Its not easy and I can understand why they dont understand our needs, so you just have to try and balance things. Dont forget to bring her a nice gift, some sexy panties or something to make her feel special. She might even give you some slack and time for youself as Jill - or ven a bit of a girly night together!

good luck
Sammy

[Freddy12]

I hope that another opportunity comes your way, or better yet, your SO becomes more understanding and accepting. Keep on thinking positively! Good things can happen again. Thanks for sharing all those pictures!

[Sheila]

After all, if an SO finds our crossdressing so perverted and so hard to accept that it makes her life a living Hell, well, she knows where the exit door is as well, and she is free to use it if being rid of us will make her life so immeasurably better

ever stop to think it might not be that SO's actually find it a perversion and that sometimes it is about the "PINK FOG" so many go through in the beginning when coming out to their SO's ...... so many of you take years to be even comfortable enough to even come out to their partners, then expect them to accept it all just like that, immediately :brolleyes: heck some of you even on coming out to their SO are still not comfortable :sad:


Or to put it another way, does my SO's right to swing her arm not end where my nose begins...?

Sure does, but then again your right to expect your SO to put up with an all some of you bring to the relationship after coming out, ends when you start demanding she keeps your secret, all the while not giving her time to adjust.It always amazes me that we SO's are seen as disposable just because what has taken you years to bring to light, some of us struggle to accept ............... if it ain't no big deal & you are that comfortable with it all, then get out there and tell the world ............ sometimes on coming out to your SO you drag her into the half open closet and her life changes, heck sometimes the SO is more comfortable with the whole thing than you are and we are willing to walk the world with you, but it is you who hang back, if we are proud and confident enough in you and our relationship to say "hang the world and it's views" why can't you ?




Jill I remember your thread from last year and the difficulties you faced in your marriage and dressing, and all the nastiness that was around then, I am sorry things do not seem to have improved there :hugs:

[TxKimberly]

Awe Jill, that kind of attitude from your wife just sucks.

A marriage is supposed to be a team, where both parties care for and support each other. No two people are ever going to agree on everything all of the time, but still, the feeling if "it's us against the world" should always be there. In your case, it sounds very much as if it is the two of you against each other and that just can't be good.

I wish you the very best Jill, but I can't help fearing that it's not going to be happy times ahead for you.

[Rogina B]

One way to fight the bad attitude...Take a weekend as girl time once a month.Lets her know that you can't feel good without being able to be Jillian.When she is not included,she may change her attitude.:devil:

[Raychel]

Sorry you fun time has come to an end Jill, But it sounds like it may be time to concentrate on your bride.

Wishing you the best. :hugs:

[Jocelyn Quivers]

Sorry to hear about this Jillian, I hope things get better for you.

[bredalee25]

Jillian,

I too am sorry to hear your unpleasant news. That being said it's time to ask the really hard question. What is more important to you being jillian or being with an SO who seems to want to make your life a living hell???

I don't know what your situation is but if it were me I'd cut my losses and get out now. Find someone who is more open to CDing and won't try to controll you.

My wife whom I love with all my heart let's me dress when ever I wish to I hope you can make the best of your situation

[AKAMichelle]

Jobs like that allow you to see what life is like apart. I have to say that I took one of those jobs in 1999 where I lived in a hotel for 6 months. I came home every 3 weeks for a weekend. By then I was ready to see her. My wife and I were separated 2 years ago for a year. It was the best year of my life. Now I am preparing to get a divorce. The reason is that we just went in separate ways. We want to do opposite things all the time and I am not willing to give up on my dreams - so divorce is coming.

I wish I had better advice for you but I don't. I would look very deep in your heart and figure out what is important to you. I hope you find your path.

[Leslie Langford]

ever stop to think it might not be that SO's actually find it a perversion and that sometimes it is about the "PINK FOG" so many go through in the beginning when coming out to their SO's ...... so many of you take years to be even comfortable enough to even come out to their partners, then expect them to accept it all just like that, immediately :brolleyes: heck some of you even on coming out to their SO are still not comfortable :sad:



Sure does, but then again your right to expect your SO to put up with an all some of you bring to the relationship after coming out, ends when you start demanding she keeps your secret, all the while not giving her time to adjust.It always amazes me that we SO's are seen as disposable just because what has taken you years to bring to light, some of us struggle to accept ............... if it ain't no big deal & you are that comfortable with it all, then get out there and tell the world ............ sometimes on coming out to your SO you drag her into the half open closet and her life changes, heck sometimes the SO is more comfortable with the whole thing than you are and we are willing to walk the world with you, but it is you who hang back, if we are proud and confident enough in you and our relationship to say "hang the world and it's views" why can't you ?




Jill I remember your thread from last year and the difficulties you faced in your marriage and dressing, and all the nastiness that was around then, I am sorry things do not seem to have improved there :hugs:

Sheila,

I hear what you're saying and don't disagree with you in principle - and I also can't speak on behalf of Jill and whatever unique dynamics exist between her and her SO and to what level she accepts her crossdressing - but in my case, my wife has known about my crossdressing for over 30 years. By any reasonable standard, that's plenty of time to have stopped sitting on the fence and either accepting it for what it is and not using it against me to try to manipulate me, or else having the gumption to say "No, I simply can't deal with this any more" and then walking away from the relationship. That's where she loses me, and where I start to see this resistance to my crossdressing as fundamentally being an excuse to justify a power struggle where the winner gets to set the rules of the relationship. Then again, maybe that's just my literal "say what you mean, mean what you say" male brain at work here and frequent inability to interpret the contradictory and coded messages that females often send.

My wife and I supposedly have a "Don't ask, don't tell" arrangement in place when it comes to my crossdressing to help us manage my needs in that respect. I play by the rules and try to be as discreet as possible about it. She doesn't, and she seems to feel entitled to throw it in my face whenever the mood strikes her. If she even suspects the slightest hint that I might have been indulging in my "hobby", a string of nasty comments and an interrogation worthy of the Spanish Inquisition result.

[docrobbysherry]

"When life gives u lemons, make lemonade!":)

On the OTHER HAND, sometimes situations in your life may FORCE U to make the hard decisions that U KNOW in your heart, r best for everyone!:straightface:

I for one, will greatly miss Jill's stunning pics and UPLIFTING SMILE!:)

[Rachel Morley]

My SO has been taunting me non-stop for a couple of months with stuff like--"Things are gonna be different for you around here!" "Better have your fun while you can." She will initiate questions about my CDing only as a means to begin a fight about it.
Are you saying that your SO is on purpose taunting you and picking fights over your CDing? ... if so, you guys need to talk! Regardless of the reason for the animosity this is not healthy for any relationship - is it? :sad:

[Alice B]

That is really a shame because I for one look forward to to your posts and the great outfits you come up with. I hope you can work things out with your SO or there will be rough times ahead. Keep us informed. :hugs:

Alice

[TGMarla]

Jill, this has been going on for longer than I can remember, and I still wonder why you put up with it. If being under one roof with your SO is so painful, you need a different SO. And if the place you live is the lynchpin, then you need a different place to live.

Don't be miserable.

[Nicole Erin]

Like what Marla said.
If you did end up divorcing or whatever, at first yes it is a pain but it gets better pretty quick

[tamarav]

Honey, I hope you are able to come to some understanding short of divorce to allow Jillian out to play. It is a harsh reality that not everyone is as enthralled with our activity as we are.

Good luck with it and keep thinking feminine.

[Sheren Kelly]

Jill,
I won't offer any advise, but your warm smile and class are one of the many reasons I look forward to logging on to this site. I wish you well in your difficult situation and eagerly await your return.

[Fab Karen]

Well you've had advice before on this subject. If her taunt is any indication, you might consider a storage space for your girl stuff in case she goes wild and throws out/destroys them.

[Miranda09]

Hi Jillian. Sorry to hear about your SO having issues with your dressing. I hope things work out OK for you, but if you need to talk, don't forget we're all here for you. Love you gf.....:hugs:

[carolinewalker_2000]

Sorry to hear your news Jill. I remember how difficult it became for you at home about a year ago. I pray it doesn't get that bad again. We will miss your regular posts - but not as much as you will miss your regular ggirly time - just remember your friends are here for you when you need to sound off.

Big sisterly hugs.

[kimdl93]

Bummer. But, as you say - this too shall pass.

[Angel.Marie76]

Cross your fingers, hope for the best.

Weigh your feelings, can you see the balance come to center? If you put her distaste on one side, and your happiest moment dressed on the other, do they level off? Does your most joyful experience feel crushed beyond reason by the bludgeoning weight of dissatisfaction by your SO? Step aside for a moment, and weigh your happiness in the relationship and in your day as a whole, dressed or not. Does being dressed find you happier and more exuberant about your day, or are you generally content in your drabby-ness? Do you see a balance, or is is FAR outweighed in one direction?

Then, of course, is your future, and what it holds. Will your dressing affect the outside world.. even eventually? As Sheila said, our SO's, if and when they choose to stay with us, are put into a place where they share a space beside us on our tier. Regardless of whatever life they might have lead before that moment, it is reasonable to assume that they must face some very similar difficulties with coming forward to everyone that THEY know (of course, that is, if the word ever gets out). You may have heard all this before, but the facts are still true, and very often SO's don't like the idea of a CDing or TG partner.. and if no amount of counseling or support will change that, then you must do whatever is appropriate for the both of you to be happy in the end, else you could both suffer in angered silence forever more.

Best wishes to you Jillian, I'm for 'not letting your beauty be smothered', but you must make the call that is best for you! :hugs:

[pinkeverything]

I don't post very often, Jay, but I am hoping that you remember some of my comments about you and I being in a similar situation.

I finally have some distance from my abusive EX. It is unbelievable how much relief I feel, not being a target for her abuse.

Not only that, I have been hanging out with a woman that truly enjoys all of me. She told me I was pretty, the other night. She brings over dresses and makeup. She airbrushed my makeup on the other night, too. It was fantastic. I think she enjoys it as much as I do.

It's hard, because of the children, but they are resilient and can only benefit from your happiness. If you have no happiness at home, find somewhere that there is. Life is too short.

[LisaM]

Jill,

You have given all of us so many wonderful pictures. Hopefully, we can reciprocate while you are on hiatus.

[suchacutie]

Jill, it is so sad to read about your marital situation. I sounds so very difficult. I must admit I winced when I read:

I just feel icky when I'm here. Just at my wit's end as I face the reality of both of us being under one roof.

In truth, this does not sound like a partnership that has a future without professional assistance. I sincerely hope that the two of you can work out all your issues, that's assuming she is willing to meet you anywhere close to half way.

best wishes,
tina

[pinkeverything]

I'm tellin' ya straight from my heart, it's been 5 months since I've answered a telephone call from her. I share my daughter with her 50%. Pick up and drop off is arranged through third party. It isn't easy in that regard, but hey, nothing is.

Since that day, my life, in it's entirety, has improved. I really mean to put all those commas in there to make you say it slow to yourself. Anyway, it is so freeing, to not be the target of non-stop one-liners that crush your heart instantly. I stopped accepting text messages from her. I NEVER answer blocked, or restricted numbers, private number...no way. I already know it's her, I don't have to prove it to myself.

I haven't been insulted, or abused since. I haven't been yelled at, or lied to. I haven't been threatened, in any fashion. Well, that's not true, we're in the middle of financial disclosure stuff that she brought on, but who cares about that when you have your life back.

Honestly, if I could give anybody the best gift I could ever give, it'd be to convince you to run, and run fast. That one final sprint. The one that no-one can touch. It's a real tough one when there are kids involved (mine is 4), but she is far happier. I'm finding no troubles at all finding women that are totally excited about it, not simply "OK".

My only regret is not getting away sooner. I tried a hundred times. A single telephone call blows it every single stinking time. A tiny little 3 second telephone call blows it each and every single freakin' time with that manipulative thing. She's relentless, hanging on to the belief that one day I'll answer the phone. She calls incessantly. I never answer. I never will.

You'll be able to afford the extra cost of a 3rd party, if you can't use friends of family. There are services, and some are not cheap. It's worth it at all costs.

Hey, this new gal I've been hanging with, said I was pretty the other night. She's really nice to me, even when dressed in latex.

[AlisonRenee]

I'm tellin' ya straight from my heart, it's been 5 months since I've answered a telephone call from her. I share my daughter with her 50%. Pick up and drop off is arranged through third party. It isn't easy in that regard, but hey, nothing is.

Since that day, my life, in it's entirety, has improved. I really mean to put all those commas in there to make you say it slow to yourself. Anyway, it is so freeing, to not be the target of non-stop one-liners that crush your heart instantly. I stopped accepting text messages from her. I NEVER answer blocked, or restricted numbers, private number...no way. I already know it's her, I don't have to prove it to myself.

I haven't been insulted, or abused since. I haven't been yelled at, or lied to. I haven't been threatened, in any fashion. Well, that's not true, we're in the middle of financial disclosure stuff that she brought on, but who cares about that when you have your life back.

Honestly, if I could give anybody the best gift I could ever give, it'd be to convince you to run, and run fast. That one final sprint. The one that no-one can touch. It's a real tough one when there are kids involved (mine is 4), but she is far happier. I'm finding no troubles at all finding women that are totally excited about it, not simply "OK".

My only regret is not getting away sooner. I tried a hundred times. A single telephone call blows it every single stinking time. A tiny little 3 second telephone call blows it each and every single freakin' time with that manipulative thing. She's relentless, hanging on to the belief that one day I'll answer the phone. She calls incessantly. I never answer. I never will.

You'll be able to afford the extra cost of a 3rd party, if you can't use friends of family. There are services, and some are not cheap. It's worth it at all costs.

Hey, this new gal I've been hanging with, said I was pretty the other night. She's really nice to me, even when dressed in latex.

-- been there, and seen the same thing third-person with my SO. Good for you. No one needs that kind of pain in their life, nor does anyone need or deserve the kind of person whose sole joy in life seems to derive from diminishing others.

[pattyv]

Jillian, I hope you find the happiness you deserve. Some decisions take a lot of courage to make and the process can be painful for a while, but it is up to each and every one of us to create our own happiness. You have so many friends and admirers here.
Be happy and healthy.

[Chickhe]

Perhaps she is just 'upset' about being left behind to milk the cows and plow the field while you were out having fun... at least that's probably the way she sees it... so help her do some of the chores for a while and just tell her you are glad to be back and it was not all fun working etc... tell her you are going to miss dressing up alone, unless she joins you...

[victoriamwilliams1]

Wow! I do understand at some level as I just released my wife from her job so my outings and dressing has be cut to very minimal! I am not out to her!

[Jenny Doolittle]

So sorry to hear that Jillian. I know I have enjoyed your posts and pics so much. I wish you luck and hope your partner realizes that sometimes the best part of us might have the identity with a different gender. It is not you but her that needs her eyes opened to the prize she has right in front of her.

[Sallee]

It sounds like you 2 need a talk. You will definitely have to compromise on your dressing especially if you have been spending 4 or5 nights a week dressing. It actually may be good to put the rest of your life in perspective, but you'll still need some girl time. Good luck I hope things work out.

[t-girlxsophie]

It's Easy for us to say just Chuck your marriage,but for those concerned it's not that easy.It must be hard for those SOs to deal with their partners "hobby",But some of the statements from Jill's Wife are a little severe and smack of Taunting her into some sort of reaction,I think there needs to be An "all out" clear the air talk,This can't be healthy for the Marriage

I hope things work out for the best,for you in the future Jill

[Presh GG]

Jill, have you told her the whole truth, two-spirit and all that.?

Can you bring her here to the FAB that she might understand?

All the best,
Presh GG