A door has opened

[ubokvt]

I hope this is the right form for this, if not I hope a moderator will put it where it will find the response I need. I am trying to think some things through and I am not sure what I am asking for, its not support, or advice maybe its stories, or what you felt, I don't know, but maybe knowing how others handled it I might find some insight for me. So if you are willing to share your story, please.

It was a long winter, and I had some real problems with depression. The winters are long here and the isolation, well we live at the end of a dirt road in the foothills of Vermont. Calling it rural is a little understated. So knowing I wasn't handling it well, I sought the help of a qualified therapist. I chose a therapist who was one of the better know gender and sex therapist in our area. I wanted a good therapist who had worked with gender issues because I knew it would be worthless to go to a therapist and then hide the dressing, and at the same time not have them go “oh thats why you are sick” when I told them I dressed.

Well all went well for the first few visits. I told her my story, all of it, hiding nothing, being open about dressing, and my gender identity issues as part of depression. At our last meeting, out of the blue she asked me if I wanted a letter to an endo for HRT.

I was floored to say the least. I hadn't expected the offer, hadn't asked, hadn't even seen it as an option, never thought it would be possible. I had told her on several occasions that while I had strong a female identification I didn't want to be a woman, I'd told her I wanted a little more feminine appearance, breasts, softer skin but I definitely didn't want to fully transition. I had told her all my life had always seen myself somewhere in between, encompassing both, the third sex of the native Americans. She explained she saw this as a real option for me. She also saw me as somewhere in between but thoughtful and considered in my understanding of who I was, no magical thinking and if I want to walk this path she would help me.

Do I want this? Yes. Am I concerned ? Very.... This is a life decision...this is so real for me. Do I go forward? Do I walk the path I feel is right for me? Can I accept that by being in between I will always be different? That I will never really be male or female? Am I disrespecting others by not going all the way? Does this lessen their struggle? Do I want to face society's constant pressure to conform and punishment for not? A door I never expected to open has opened and I have to choose.

[Karen564]

At this point, the ball is in your hands...and only you can decide what is right for YOU...
Personally, I'd be a bit leery of any therapist that offered me HRT after only a couple visits...but that's just me...knowing that is not in line with the standards of care...
I think it may be best to find another & talk about it some more before you do anything...then when theres no doubt in your mind on what you really want to do, go from there...
You could take the HRT route, and see how you feel then, and if everything clicks, all your previous thoughts about it may change and want it all...and if it doesn't, then you can stop....but I would give it some more thought before you do anything 1st...but again, that's totally up to you...

Good luck..
:hugs:

[BRANDYJ]

I have a question....In your story, you said "WE" live at the end of a dirt road. So I assume you live with someone else. Perhaps a wife or SO. My point being, if this is the case, you need to be talking to her about your choices as well. It will affect their life as well as yours.

You said yo were offered HRT after only a few visits? Like Karen said, I'd be leery of anyone offering that to me without a hint from myself that is what I wanted to do.

I too suggest you talk to another therapist before going further. I don't think anyone here can offer more advice without knowing more about your dressing and history with your wife (assume you are married) Are you newly accepted after recently coming out to your wife? Could be a real bad case of the "PINK FOG".

I wish you luck in finding what's right for you and whoever it is you live with. (family)

[Jessinthesprings]

Unfortunatly... I really don't feel that there is a both ways option on HRT. I know there is more to being a man that sex but, your male bits will lose function from some degree to total loss. The hideing of the breasts while you are in that transition phase is at best hot and can be uncomfortable. Especially when the buds start really growing and get sore.

That being said. I would think about it and then talk to your therapist and follow your heart and do what feels best for you. I would not cut that out as an option; I just wouldn't do HRT without some careful thought.

[Rianna Humble]

None of us can tell you what is right for you. You seem to be asking yourself the right sort of questions, apart possibly drom the one about disrespecting others.

There is no rule - written or otherwise - that says you are only allowed to be happy if you conform to what others do.

Some folks here, need to go the whole 9 yards including surgery. Others are happy to stop short of surgery.

There is no issue of respect or disrespect in deciding how far you go down a particular path in life. There should only be a consideration of what is right for you in your particular circumstances. That includes how it will affect any SO in your life, provided that this consideration is not used as a club to beat you with.

:2c:

[Hope]

Hormones are not a toy, and they are not for the folks who are not serious, and at some point they start to do real irreversible things to your body. But not right away. You CAN start hormones as a trial, and see how they go for a month or three.

You don't have to decide right now if you are going to do this forever... Life is about experimentation... and being TS is about a LOT of experimentation. There is no one path that we all must follow. It is different for each of us, and we each have to find out on our own what it is... and the only way you find out what is right for you is by trying it.

I wouldn't recommend this to everyone, but if your therapist has offered you a letter - you are doing this the right way, and chances are good that you are ready to try this and see if it is right for you.

[Jorja]

To this point i agree with everything said in the previous posts. I would suggest that you obtain a copy of the Harry Benjamin Sandards of Care so you can read and understand them yourself. They can be found here : http://www.wpath.org/Documents2/socv6.pdf

Only you can say what is right for you. When you can answer the questions you have asked for yourself then you will be ready to make your decision.

In my case, when I went to my first session of therapy I knew where I wanted to go and had a pretty good idea of how I was going to get there.

[JOJO44]

At this point, it seems that you should have more questions than answers.
And, while you may advance with some experimentation (enjoy the experience) don't let your head run away with the love of an idea before you know that you can live with the results for the rest of your life.

[ubokvt]

I am sorry it's taken so long to get back.

Brandy...Yes I do have a partner, a full partner. I share everything with her. She supports and participates in all my dressing activities. She truly appreciates the feminine within me and many times prefers her, when she wants to talk or share. We talk about all decisions and respect each point of view. With regards to the letter, her response was great, Lets call the endo NOW. She has been very clear with me that she would enjoy me having breasts for her to enjoy but she wants some things to stay the same for her own personal reasons.

Karen, Brandy.. I was very careful in my choice of therapist. I have worked in the field, I have 4 years in the seat. I sought out references from friends still in the field, local GLBT groups and several T-girls I respect. My Therapist is regarded by all, as the top therapist in the state for gender issues. I trust this therapists judgment implicitly, which makes her offer all the more disconcerting. She explained, after talking to me, that by not believing the letter was possible, because I wasn't going all the way, I had placed barriers/blocks/walls that kept me from growing. That by blocking/denying who I was, and living as other wanted I was killing my self. The block kept me from dealing with the real issues, and only brought pain, not protection. So she removed it. Told me to stop hiding, deal with reality, stop procrastinating and choose a path. What she did was necessary but I think a little unfair. She took away control and gave me complete control. Truthfully, reality bites, “You can't” is so much easier than your path is yours to choose, so help, please. What have I missed, is some where in the middle ok.

[Eileen]

Okay where and what do you do now? I know you have been thinking about this for a long time. You were right to seek out a therapist, with experience in the gender identity field. Since you are still filled with more questions, than answers, you can try hrt for a short time will little risk of rrrevesible damage. In any case this is a situation that only you and your spouse can deal with. Others can and will offer opinions, but in the end it all comes down to how the two of you feel and where you want to go as you proceed along the path of life.

Eilee

[Stephenie S]

Dear ub,

Eileen is right. You can start low dose hormone therapy without any risk of permanence or damage. With care, there is little that could go wrong that would not be entirely reversible.

If you go to the endocrinologist your therapist recommends, you will be going to one of the best (if not THE best) in New England. He will be another source of EXPERT advice and opinion. Talk this over with him also. In any case you will be starting off on a very low dose. You may find that this is ALL you ever need to calm that demon that has been tormenting you for so many years.

All your friends send you only the best of wishes and encouragement on your quest for peace and tranquility. You are doing well and can only do better. Congratulations.

Love,
Stephenie

[TerryTerri]

When I saw my gender therapist the first time I was pretty confused about it all. At the end of our first session I asked her what she thought. Her body language and confident remark "Oh yea hunny, you're transgendered." kind of scared me about her. How could she be so sure after only one session (it was a 2 hour session though). Anyway, after going back to her I began to understand why she was so confident in her remark. At this point, the fact I am transgendered is pretty unrefutable. I understand how she saw it, since she has experience and training with such things. Perhaps what has happened with your therapist is similar. Her experience and training may be allowing her to see your condition far better than you can see it at this point.
I wouldn't go on hormones unless you are comfortable with the decision, I didn't. But, you may interpret her words as an affirmation of who you are. It's possible.
If you do not have a good understanding of female hormones, anti-androgens and the like, I HIGHLY encourage you to read up, learn and get a decent understanding of all that. I think we should make our own decisions about such things and use the concurence of medical and gender experts as a guiding rod.
my 2 cents anyway.

[noeleena]

Hi. Ubokvt.

As your close to my age h r t wont make a lot of difference, & iv been on them for over 5 years.
Because your t will be heading down ward . As youv not said any thing about having your blood tested you would be wise to have that done first before any medes are taken,
Now may be your like i am androgynous, just putting this in as theres one or two of us here & yes we do things differently. we think differently. quite a lot is different,
All so i knew were i was in terms of where i was going & how i would live the rest of my life,
after seeing our D r s with in 3 months i was on meds & when i started it was at the time i was ready to take them at my requst because of my age & the certinty of what i was doing, it was right.
Okay its different for every one .
at our age s its not going to be a massive change on meds from 60 on think in terms of may be 25 to 30 % & thats a big may be. for the younger ones think 75 to 85 & may be 90 % , this is a rough guide ,
& some will be more than that. .

Dont expect to much & if you do go the meds youll have an idear .

Make sure in your own mind first dont let ,,,any,,, one tell you what they think you are . because they dont know regardless of who they are & what they think they know. they can help & thats all they can do.

For those of us in the trans community we do know , yet haveing said that i wont tell any one what they wont to hear.
That must come from each one of us.
so what im saying is be very carefull . in what ever you do & how you need to live your life.
all the best.

...noeleena...

[StaceyJane]

Once last year my therapist surprised me with an offer to write a letter for hormones. I had told her that I had taken some on my own and she wanted me to be able to use a doctor to get them.
She wrote me a great letter but I never started hormones because i realized i wasn't ready.