One baby step closer

[Diane Elizabeth]

Last night I talked the SO into going shopping ($20 budget) at Savers. I got a nice red blouse and a tan maxi skirt. She got shoes and 2 blouses. We spent $24. So far a nice night. We then went to Perkins for dinner (w/ coupon). I started telling her about going to a different therapist and my GID. She knows I dress and was going to the VA therapist. Started talking about HRT and what it can do. She kept bringing up the negative of coming out when the babies grow out.

Despite her negative veiwpoint she was not totally against it. Just worried what it will do to our relationship. I agreed with that. I don't have all the answers. However, she has left the door open, in my opinion, to pursue HRT. Just had to share this with someone until I see my therapist in a few weeks. Now to find a Dr that I can get hooked up with and my letter. Yeah....

[CharleneT]

I'd be careful to consider her reactions as "leaving the door open for HRT...". At least from what you've said it sounds like she is pretty nervous about it. As well, you sound like it is a done deal in your mind. Go cautiously on this, it often takes SO's/spouses a while to get to their full and honest reaction. In some cases, that is opposite their initial reactions. Have you considered couples counseling about this ?

[Karen564]

I think her being worried about what it will do to the relationship is an understatement..
I bet it's more like terrified...:sad:

Best of luck to the Both of you..:hugs:

[thechic]

Yes , understatement,It more likely to destroy your relationship, unless you are a one of the 1 in Million Relations ships that excepts change.
Listen to here Shes giving you hints on what she thinks, shes probably not totally against it because she dosent want to hurt your feelings.
Definitely seek couples counseling.:doh::eek::daydreaming:

[Jessinthesprings]

All I can say is take it slow, and keep the lines of communication open. Be willing to comprimise or adjust thoughts and timelines as issues present themselves. But, if you are willing to do this for her it's not unreasonable to expect the same from her. Her view point will change. There is no question about it. The only question is which way it will go. If there are kids involved her biggest concern will be them and if the children are accepting of this change then that will go a long way in helping her accept this change.

Of course there is always the "I'm not a lesbian, and I married a man" line that I'm sure you will get a variation of. There is more to a relationship than sex, but everyone has their needs, and you two can explore an open relationship to take care of the those needs and allow your relationship to continue.

Of course you can get lucky like one couple I know where the gg was totally accepting and allowed her orientation to be fluid and take the changes in stride.

Either way I wish you the best of luck.

[Traci Elizabeth]

I agree that caution, communication, "nice-n'-easy", compromises, and empathy are the words to keep in mind.

Never assume your SO will not have her down moments or depression moments about this, and that for every two steps you both move forward with accepting, you may go back three or four steps from time-to-time.

Although, I think there are way too many "Doom-sayers" that are quick to paint a devastating end to your relationship with your SO, my research and own personal experience has found otherwise.

It is NOT a given that your marriage is DOOMED to failure for your need or desire to transition or to express your true gender.

With deep love for each other, honest and open communication, and sincerely placing your wife's concerns and fears always in the fore front, it is very possible to remain married and happy for the rest of your lives.

The old cliché that "love conquers all" is NOT romanticism, naivety, or sticking your head in the sand. It is well grounded in millions of peoples lives and even one's who have gone through horrific personal suffering. There is NO reason you can not be one of those who endure and beat the "Doom-sayers" odds!

If you genuinely love your wife and her you, and that love is based on a sound firm foundation, then invest much energy and time in communicating, embracing, and sharing tears. It will pay off in the long run.

There are those who misery follows by their own actions and negative outlook on life in general. Don't be one of those even in difficult times.

Digest all the words we have all given you. Pick any which might work to your advantage in helping you and your wife come to terms with your personal situation. And as others have suggested, if you both treasure your relationship then maybe professional counseling is in order as well.

Just stay "positive!"

[hopingsecret]

See this is one of my concerns. Our wives are hetrosexual women, not lesbians. If you start to transition, you're basically forcing your wife to chose between the person she loves and her sexual identity. That's a lot to ask of anyone. I hate to say it, but if the situation was reversed, I couldn't do it.

[Diane Elizabeth]

Thank you all for your thoughts.

I am taking it slow. When I asked about her thoughts she would always make comments of how her brothers would treat the situation if they find out- all negative. And how my conservative family would respond. She has already stated that she is not a lesbian. She has also stated that a relationship of living in the same house could be worked out (as girlfriends). We are friends more than anything else right now. Haven't had sex for several years, not that it matters.

So for now I will take it slow and give her time. I hope to be on HRT in the fall sometime though.