Do Appearances Matter?

[msginaadoll]

I had one of those thoughtful moments the other day. I was talking with another CD about a friend. The discussion came up that she did not want to go on some of our outings especially public ones. The reason she finally gave was that she was concerned about her appearance. She is a beautiful girl, however she would be considered plus size, as well as is fairly tall. Both my friend and I pooh poohed her concerns and tried to encourage her to get out but no go.
Thinking about it latter I kinda pondered on it. Would I find it so easy to get out if I was in her shoes. If I was plus size and 6 foot 2 would I maybe feel more conspicuous of being seen in public? I am a firm believer in my heart that women are lovely in all sizes shapes and colors, (this includes all the transgender ladies).
Realistically however it feels easier in my head fitting in closer to a smaller female size. Going out in public can be tuff, but anything that makes u stand out even more can be an extra burden emotionally. I guess in many ways I'm not as brave as I thought. Thinking it over I hope it helps me be more sensitive to other girls and realize that some girls do have it easier ( in some way)than other simply based on there physical characteristics.

[Nikki A.]

I'm almost 6 ft and a size 20w. I felt the same way, but in looking around and seeing that GGs comes in all shapes and sizes I concluded that passing is not that important. If you dress approriattly (sic) and have a confidence in who you are, you will do alright.
If you act like you belong, most people won't even notice.

[Tora]

I can understand. At 6'1" in stocking feet, 245 lbs. Size 18 20, 12 1/2 hoofs. But, the world has been polite enough, when I have been bold. There are larger GG's out there. It is fun and a challange. A modest skirt & top, stylish dress even better. Let go girls.

[Alice B]

It only matters to you and how you feel about yourself.

[kellycan27]

I had one of those thoughtful moments the other day. I was talking with another CD about a friend. The discussion came up that she did not want to go on some of our outings especially public ones. The reason she finally gave was that she was concerned about her appearance. She is a beautiful girl, however she would be considered plus size, as well as is fairly tall. Both my friend and I pooh poohed her concerns and tried to encourage her to get out but no go.
Thinking about it latter I kinda pondered on it. Would I find it so easy to get out if I was in her shoes. If I was plus size and 6 foot 2 would I maybe feel more conspicuous of being seen in public? I am a firm believer in my heart that women are lovely in all sizes shapes and colors, (this includes all the transgender ladies).
Realistically however it feels easier in my head fitting in closer to a smaller female size. Going out in public can be tuff, but anything that makes u stand out even more can be an extra burden emotionally. I guess in many ways I'm not as brave as I thought. Thinking it over I hope it helps me be more sensitive to other girls and realize that some girls do have it easier ( in some way)than other simply based on there physical characteristics.

I have some friends that are the same way, and while I do agree with with what Nikki said, I also understand their reservations. Not everyone is equipped with the nerve to "just do it". A very keen observation Msginaadoll.

Kel

[Celeste]

I would say yeS,girls with bigger size are confronted with bigger obstacles to overcome,but wouldn't that make them better over time at overcoming those obstacles.I mean wouldn't they be more likely to realise how imperative color,style,makeup and everything else can mean.So,shouldn't we ask"what can I learn from you"? I have a close friend well over 6 feet,but she changes that into something entirely different.She's really breathtaking.

[Kate Simmons]

Going out in public dressed is an individual decision that each person has to make for themself.:)

[Nicole Erin]

If one has trouble passing, going out can be nerve racking.
There will always be smart asses with something to say, if you can live with that, everything will be fine

[Gerrijerry]

I see no reason that a person should go out if they don't want to. Just enjoy who you are where you feel safe. I am plus size and I go out without any problems but that does not mean that others must because I do.

[Cheryl T]

I felt self-conscious at first since I am 6' and plus size. I thought all eyes would be on me and I suppose some were as most people still gawk at a tall woman (I know I do...lol...but for different reasons).
Now I just don't care. This is me and there are many others in the world who are my size or larger who were born female. They go about their business just fine...now so do I. :battingeyelashes:

[Freddy12]

I think that there are GG's in all sizes. If you are nervous and shy, then you will find a reason to not to go out. I'm not a plus size, but I am over 6'3", and I go out. Most people do not give a second glance.

[msniki48]

I can understand. At 6'1" in stocking feet, 245 lbs. Size 18 20, 12 1/2 hoofs. But, the world has been polite enough, when I have been bold. There are larger GG's out there. It is fun and a challange. A modest skirt & top, stylish dress even better. Let go girls.

Tora, I think you are on the right track here, in that the world is becoming more polite...i don't think they don't notice, i do think they just say there goes another so and so. Many of us have tried to fly under the radar....hoping not to get that second glance. here is where the trouble lies in being proportioned differently. so many of you girls are just out there and i am so proud of your courage. as i have said many times ... i am my own anchor, or worst enemy when it comes to getting out. but i believe, it is my need to fly under the radar...or need to be stealth...that causes this anxiety.:sad:

:hugs:

[PortiaHoney]

An interesting posting.

I am only 5'9" on your scales. 14 bottom and 16 to 18 top depending on comfort. I also like wearing heels. And I am full time.

I always thought I was a fairly average size for a woman but I am increasingly aware, especially now I am "dressed" wherever I go, that I am a good deal bigger than the average female. I get into a lift and the only taller people than me are tall men. In fact, when I am in an enclosed area with only women, I really stick out. The same goes for shopping, even driving my car.

It is with some rarity that I encounter a woman who is taller than I am. That is not to say it doesn't happen, it's just not that frequent.

So, I can understand when our sisters feel self conscious of their height. Many are taller than I am. BUT, if a man can feel confident about going out in public wearing a dress and makeup, height is a much lesser factor than the fact she is really a he.

Confidence in who you are is much more important. And a willingness and the courage to be who you feel you are. For most occassional CD'ers, the drive to be accepted as a woman is just not there.

Do whatever makes you feel happy and never let anyone pressure you into doing something you don't want to do.

[victoriamwilliams1]

I understand her and I have been there! however, I am near 7ft in heels and I go out and one of the things about being tall is that we cannot wear the same outfits that our shorter friends wear without receiving attention.

For her she needs to meet other tall girls and anyone of us that is tall should visit tall.org. I have been told many times that I am very "passable" which for me being tall I do not aim for passing just to be accepted.

For me to get over the hurdle of my height was to realize that there was nothing I could do about it and I started searching for tall GG's to see how they present themselves so I can emulate them and for the most part tall girls dress very well and only at night do I see the club look.

Show her a few of our pages with those of us who are tall and out and about.

[kimdl93]

What matters to an individual is his/her self image. To us, that person may look just fine...with the usual assets and imperfections. But when they look at themselves an inner voice (we've all heard it) is saying "your too _______", etc, etc, etc. Its hard to overcome that inner voice.

[Bev06 GG]

Thats a very reflective and thoughtful mail msgina adoll. I can totally understand your friend. Tall people do tend to stand out in a crowd and draw attention to themselves just by being who they are. If they are carrying some weight too then that obviously adds to it. I know that smaller more petite CDs do get away with much more simply because they blend in to a crowd much easier so thats surely got to be an advantage hasn't it.

take care
bev

[Tina B.]

While I will agree tall, makes you stand out, I am not so sure plus size works against a girl of 5'8" or less. If you look at some of us plus size girls, the body shape is softer and rounder, and a fat face hides strong chiseled features some what.They may not look like a model, but can look very feminine.
I'm just under 6' foot myself and the other day at the mail I say what looked to me like a sister walking aways in front of me, she was over six feet large frame and made me feel small in comparison. When I caught up to her, I decided I was wrong, it was a very attractive female, and if not, I want to go the makeup school she did.
You want to feel better about your height, start watching Womens basketball, Now there is some tall girls out there!
And no I don't go out, I choose to be a CLOSET QUEEN, thank you.
Tina B.

[Karen564]

I do give the larger / tall girls so much of credit for going out, I cant even imagine the guts it must take...
I used to feel so self-conscience back when I was a plus sized 18W girl that it was totally nerve racking as it was, and I wasn't even tall..

Today, I stand at 5'-7.5", and down to a misses sz 8, yet still feel fat & towering & of course wish I was much shorter & skinner...but my confidence interacting with the general public now is unshakable since I went full time...and nobody is the wiser, except for the ones that knew me before I transitioned..

So, a positive attitude definitely helps.....
Again, congrats to all the big girls for stepping out that door..I appreciate the courage it takes to just go out & be yourself..:thumbsup:

But for whoever it was that was at the JC Penny's outlet at the Eastfield Mall last Wednesday afternoon, would you please remember to put the seat back down in the upstairs ladies rm :Angry3:....thank you..

[Fab Karen]

Confidence is key- kinda forget how you're dressed and get focused on what you're doing: shopping, having coffee, etc.
Now I don't have quite the balls that Bruno had ( rent the movie ), but being 6'2 in BARE feet, I know odds are fair that I'll be read at times. And as the guy said at the end of "Some Like it Hot" : NOBODY'S PERFECT.

[charlotte_sp]

I totally agree that self-esteem is the key, but I think what some people are missing is that GG's face tremendous social pressure about their physical appearance from a very young age.

While it's true that some of us have a more severe image problem, we don't have the accumulated psychological baggage that a GG who's struggled with her appearance her whole life would have.

I think the OP hit the nail on the head. Sometimes it really is easier for us.

[Von]

While I will agree tall, makes you stand out, I am not so sure plus size works against a girl of 5'8" or less. If you look at some of us plus size girls, the body shape is softer and rounder, and a fat face hides strong chiseled features some what...

That is exactly what I was thinking. It's just like GGs (or, maybe to a lesser extent GMs) really being self-concious about what they have more of or less of than everybody else. I think it's how people are wired to some degree or another. I personally am attracted to GGs of all sizes, having some preference for larger than average. And as far as CDs go, I think the ones that pass best are generally either very young (and therefore their features haven't gotten as masculine as they eventually will) or are larger. Without naming names, I was thinking yesterday how completely like a woman one of our fellow members looked in their photos. This person wasn't huge, but let's say voluptuous - whereas my hands are small, but definitely masculine - hers were soft with little definition. No harsh angles on the face, no need for a scarf around the neck...

In my mind, scale isn't as important as those details in passing. I've known several GGs over 6'. Maybe your friend can't pass. I'm closer to passable in size, but in no other way. We all tend to be hyper-aware of our own flaws and shortcomings.

[victoriamwilliams1]

Confidence is key- kinda forget how you're dressed and get focused on what you're doing: shopping, having coffee, etc.
Now I don't have quite the balls that Bruno had ( rent the movie ), but being 6'2 in BARE feet, I know odds are fair that I'll be read at times. And as the guy said at the end of "Some Like it Hot" : NOBODY'S PERFECT.

That is what I do when I am out and last week I was out and had a light meal at dunkin donuts after leaving my group meeting:) I sat and ate my bagel and did not worry much about the people.

[Nikki A.]

I agree that going out doesn't have to be everyones goal. But for those who do want to go out, we are our worst critics.
I know that at least for myself, I though that I had no chance of passing until I dressed up at work for Halloween. I had people ask the other salesman who the new person was. Most people see what they expect to see, so if you're dressed for the situation and act natural most people won't even take notice.

[Christina Horton]

Well if she has a hard time going out then maybe you should show her some of us girls that go out and are Plus size like I am. I'm size 20 22 and 265. 5 foot 10 in flat footed. Plus I have sliver hair (wig) and I love it. I did not have a prob going out cuz I'm plus size just that I'm a CDer. Maybe she has other reasons for not wanting or being comfortable going out. If she gets some lessons on makeup and hair she might just be able to go out with confidence and grace. So just talk to her and dig up all the reasons and let her vent and maybe you can let her figger out why and let her fix it. Just be there and listen to her and that might be enough for her.

[docrobbysherry]

I'm NOT a big girl, but I can't pass ever, at all, non-carpathian, period!

BUT! I LIKE the way Sherry looks and THAT'S all I care about!:D

[sissystephanie]

Alice, Denice, and DocRobby all put it into plain words. The main thought is how you feel about yourself!

When my late wife was alive I went out as Stephanie often, sometimes with my wife and sometimes alone. Her skill with makeup and fixing my wig made me very passable. Granted I am only 5' 10" and weigh about 170#! But still I looked like a girl! Then she died, 5 years ago! What was I to do? I am lousy with makeup and even worse with wigs! Should I have gone into the closet, as was suggestd to me?

I had a little chat with myself and decided to try going out dressed as girl, but looking like the man that I am! I do it all the time now, going everywhere I feel like going and wearing what I feel like wearing, skirts, dresses, etc. And hardly anybody pays any attention to me. I live in a very metropolitan area, so there is plenty of people around to see me. But they don't care, they are doing their own thing!! In the past five years, the only comments I have heard are compliments on my outfits!! Get out and show yourself off!!

[fallen_rayne]

My opinion is the inside and the personality is totally the most attractive part of the person. Though, it's true, if your self-conscious and worried about standing out, adding something else to that wouldn't be that great. Totally stressing and not the best thing to do when you stand out already. Going out for your first time is completely stressing to begin with.

Good luck with your friend, maybe you can introduce her to this site. :D