Alcohol & Crossdressing

[Kerrylee61]

My wife asked me why I don't dress anymore when I have such a wonderful collection of shoes, dresses, wigs, makeup etc. I didn't really have an answer for her which is kind of sad since she has always been such a supporter in every way imaginable.

I've been thinking about her question for some time now and have come to the conclusion that since I no longer drink I don't dress. It's just about 6 years since I sobered up and I haven't been out in all that time when it was common for me to spend 2 to 3 days a week fully en femme. I under dress all the time and even dress a little andro in public but never the full deal meal anymore.

In the pre sober days, public crossdressing was always linked to a couple of drinks as I was getting ready to go out. Of course, the alchol lowers inhibitions so it reduces the fear factor somewhat.

That having been said, it looks to me like the crossdressing in public and booze are closely linked together in my mind and it is that linkage the becomes a trigger to drink again.

Any individual who has overcome some addiction knows all about triggers and how devious some of them are.

Your thoughts on this would be appreciated.

Kerry

[Elsa Larson]

About 20 years ago, the monthly meetings of Renaissance at King of Prussia included sub-groups for transsexuals, spouses and people with drug/alcohol issues.

Many in the D/A group found that dealing effectively with their gender issues helped with their D/A issues and vice versa.

[tammygirl79]

Maybe it's not so much that the drinking encouraged you, or had anything at all to you dressing up. Maybe it's the fact that at the time when you always dressed up, it just happened to be at a time in your life when you were drinking. So nonce you stopped drinking, you stoped dressing up because it reminded you of drinking....in your mind you associated the two because you happend to do them both at the same time in your life, but they are really seperate. Just a possibility :)

[dilane]

I've known some people who had a strong connection between alcohol and dressing. Some drank heavily when dressed and out at a club, and drank sparingly when in Boy mode. Others drank no matter what.

I personally don't have such a connection -- if I'm out at a club at night I'll have a couple of drinks, but I also go out during the day and don't drink at all.

[TxKimberly]

For years I would make it a point to take a drink or two before going out, just as you described. I had thought that it was giving me confidence so imagine my surprise when I discovered that I was much more confident when I didn't drink!

[Cassandra Lynn]

Kind of reversed for me. The floodgates began to open while i was in the treatment facility. As i was working with a counselor on the shame, guilt, and resentments from all my drinking, i began to think about my CDing. Fact is all the stuffing and hiding was unhealthy for me, go figure huh?
So one night while lying in bed (about 13 days into the 22 total) thinking about life and CDing, i thought "you know what Mike, you have always been this way, you have always went back no matter how hard you tried, you should let go, just the way your letting go of all the other sick thinking"
Funny thing happened to me, i DID let go, or in better words, i grabbed hold.
I embraced my femme self. In the next 2 months as my brain continued to clear, i even began to feel Cassie developing within me.

I steer clear of many triggers.
Cigars? not without a drink, i can't - so i won't.
Country music makes me want to grab a half gallon and guzzle it. (or slit my wrists with a dull knife) lol
Said so long to many people who i don't miss at all.

Of course, i never went out dressed so i can't relate. I also wasn't fully dressing while drinking so there isn't a trigger there for me, makes my total desire to want to fully dress completely different and opposite.
I'm curious that after 6 yrs your still feeling edgy about it, While we are never fully cured of this disease, we can thrive if we keep it treated, and with that much sobriety, i wonder if it isn't much deeper for you than being just a trigger.

I'm not advocating trying it again, as we say in AA, "to thine ownself be true" and "keep it simple stupid" (KISS, my fave).
So, do whatever is right for you not to pick up that first drink. I admitted i was powerless over alcohol, but with Cassie within me, my life is manageable today.
mj (Cassie)

[Loni]

i do not drink when out at all, (class A to protect). now if i could find others to drive...i would have a couple.
i am not a non drinker, maybe a light weight. i do not believe it gives me anything...but a sick body in the am..if i get up that early. and i used to drink a LOT. :eek: .

and i still love to dress up.:daydreaming::heehee:


.

[AKAMichelle]

Since I am one of the tea toters for the most part, I can say that cd'ing has nothing to do with alcohol. There were a few times in the early days that I wish I had been drunk to help with going out. Now I don't need any assistance.

[Celeste]

Such a good question,when I first ventured out I felt I had to have something to take the edge off,however on my third time out, I was totally sober and enjoyed it quite a bit.I now see it was my own paranoia that led me to feel that way,seems the best way to find out is to go out sober and see if you like it.If I drink,it should be at home,I don't want to put a damper on new experience or new people,and I certainly don't want them to see a raw version of me.

[Karenmarie]

It is a good subject, sort of like the thing on TV about driving and the need to have a cigarette.

I have always been afraid to drink prior to going out, what would happen if I got pulled over while dressed and was a little drunk?? It would scare me to death to be taken in by the police and of course they would want to put me in a cell and then call my wife and on and on and on. Sort of SCARRY!!


Lots of hugs:hugs:

Karenmarie

[Cassandra Lynn]

...a little bit!
I'm not saying to do it regardless, but what if you and your very awesome wife sat down, without all the rest of the stuff (in drab), and tried a little mascara and lipstick? You and her together.
See how it goes, if you feel that "awful feeling", STOP, and call it good.
If it's not so bad, take some time and talk about it. Let it seep in and a week or so later, maybe hose and heels? Same rules.
Bra and forms, with a nice top?
Sometimes sllooowwllyyy.
You know you and how it's supposed to feel and if it doesn't then so be it.
The other part of the trigger you've been avoiding is the going out part, so if your going in, and staying in, maybe the "awful feeling" won't come.
Ladies night in perhaps? Just some thoughts, but don't mess with your sobriety if it's just not happening for you. mj (Cassie)

[Kate Simmons]

Good for you. To answer your question though, sometimes I think the novelty just plain wears off.:)

[Roberta Young]

Kerry almost same boat as You. tried to kill the "other side" of me with booze. been sober for the last 28 years.i think the acceptance of Roberta helped. now i just come to the conclusion that its just the other "part" of who i am and enjoy it! Luv Roberta

[alice clair]

I haven,t drank in about 30 years. Drinking makes me very violent. But i love to dress , i just love feeling femme all the time. My wife doesnt drink either,but she loves for me to dress either way stoned or otherwise.

[terri jane]

Lot of good stuff here and a lot of sober ladies. Long running post in the meeting place called 12 steppers would love you all to join us. It can all be good. Terri

[Cassandra Lynn]

Lot of good stuff here and a lot of sober ladies. Long running post in the meeting place called 12 steppers would love you all to join us. It can all be good. Terri

Hi Terri, More info please? Is this a meeting here on this site or another forum altogehter? Is there a separate group there for folks like us?

"God grant me the Serenity to accept the things i cannot change, the Courage to change the things i can, and the Wisdom to know the difference".

mj (Cassie)

[NicoleScott]

I don't drink much, but when I dress up I really minimize drinking. With all the overlapping layers of panties, pantyhose, body briefer, corset, and dress, it's an ordeal to take a leak. If I'm wearing fake nails, impossible without stripping many of them off. So that's why I don't drink and dress.

[Rachaelb64]

Never really been a big drinker, last time I had a drink, maybe 4-5wks ago.
So its never been a thing for me to drink and crossdress, and I'll quite gladdly go out sober and dressed :)

[Kathi Lake]

Well, I tried to carry on the proud family tradition of alcoholism - honest! :)

I haven't drank in over 27 years, but drank enough to make up for it (and then some) those first few years. For me, dressing isn't linked to anything external. It is more internal. It is a reflection of how I'm feeling on the inside, not a reaction to anything outside.

Kathi

[Deborah Jane]

I had a drink problem when I was younger [I couldn't afford it], but I rarely drink nowadays, except for special occasions.
I've never particularly felt the need to drink when "dressed" :)

[DonniDarkness]

Kerry,

I have had bouts with addictions before i became a father.
Triggers for me were, clubs, parties, and the big concerts.
For a long time after i sobered up from methamphetamine, i did not allow myself to go to these places because it always triggered the urge for drugs in some form. Years later i now have no problem with these venues....it doesnt even tempt me at all anymore. I will say that during the time spent sobering up my crossdressing significantly decreased....almost to nil..until i came out of the mental darkness with my addiction, and re-became who i am.

Perhaps you will see the same in time. I can remember one thing that helped me to get out and about into the world, was changing where i went to party or which venues i went to...ie..Maybe you could change the places you go when CD'ing....or think of a place that you would like to go that is different than where you went before.

Lots of Love,
-Donni-

[kimdl93]

I understand (from therapy) that many people have addictive personality traits - that can be expressed through substances or behaviors. Dressing could be addictive - as can video gaming, chat rooms or discussion boards, I suppose. Any addiction can become destructive when it becomes so compelling that one neglects other aspects of life. If I know that something is a trigger - I'd try to avoid it.

[FemmeElastique]

For me, CDing and drinking are linked in some ways. I do half of my CDing as cam play at home on the internet and the other half out at select public places, such a bars or private fetish parties. I don't drink at home when I'm on cam but I definitely do when I go out. Even before I go into the bar I've had the equivalent of 3-4 drinks, but this can be me simply pre-drinking. So inhibitions are much lower. Plus, when I get into the bar, I head straight to the bar to order drink number 5. For fetish parties, I bring enough alcohol for myself to get legally drunk (I like to use that term for not wasted). I stopped getting wasted after I saw there was no need to. As time progresses, I get more and more comfortable with my CDing in public. I did arrive at my favorite bar here a couple of times without drinking anything first. I have to admit I was kinda nervous even though the bartenders and patrons are really cool about it with me. But the vast majority of the time I've had a few drinks before going out.

[Rachel05]

Do you know something this is really strange and something I had not really noticed but I have also stopped drinking alcohol completely and I just realised reading this that I now dress more than I used to do and am much more relaxed about it

[Chickhe]

Not noticed a connection, except alcohol causes depression. I didn't notice before, but I cut alcohol almost entirely out of my life and now if I have one glass of wine or beer the next day or two I really feel down... I used to dress when I felt certain stresses and as I eliminate those I feel like need to dress.

[Lorileah]

not sure I like the association of dressing with an addiction. I might be able to accept OCD but it at least in my case is not an addiction so putting the two together...no. I drink, not a lot, but some. I don't get falling down drunk anymore. That wore off when I was in the Army. I will admit to mine being more stress related, so in an off handed way I can see where drinking can be part of it with some.

[Carissa]

I've been a fairly regular drinker for quite a few years now, but I've noticed that unless I dress before I start drinking,I'm just not that interested in it. If I have a few drinks, I usually, don't want to deal with the hassle of dressing and I'll keep drinking.

Every now and again, though, I'll stop drinking for a few months and my focus seems to shift TOTALLY towards dressing. I don't know if it's me replacing one past-time with another, or the extra money to spend on clothes, or what. I do know that I was dressing for a long time before I ever had a drink, so maybe it's just me getting back to the basics.

Interesting topic and a lot of insightful thoughts here. Forces one to think.

[Fab Karen]

Triggers are a choice- there are all kinds of situations where you may get offered alcohol. You choose whethere or not you're honest with yourself- "no-one will know" a little voice might say, but of course you'd know. If sobriety depends on isolation from life it's a decision to use that as an excuse to lose sobriety. Our minds act like lawyers in that sense. You're NOT powerless over that FIRST drink. After over 16 years, I have a bit of experience in the subject.
Fear is a drug to the ego- you can imagine all kinds of things which aren't real ( & no that doesn't mean ALL fear, there's common sense ).

[Cassandra Lynn]

not sure I like the association of dressing with an addiction.

I know this is off topic, but.........
I so agree with this statement Lorileah, and thanx for bringing it up. I've seen this brought up numerous time since i found the forums. Maybe i'm overly sensitive to the terms, since i have addictive personality disorder, but i think we should be careful in what we call, what it is that we do.
What is an addiction and what is a compulsion?
I'm compelled to eat food everyday, as we all are, but i'm also borderline addicted because i tend to use food now as a substitute for my other ISMs.
OCD and CDing? no, not from what i've learned about that.
Something becomes an addiction when the 2 biggies from the 1st step are in play, powerlessness and unmanageability.
We are compelled to dress in some way, and yes it has elements of addictive behavior at times....pink fog moments (see the pink fog thread).
But for those of us who have accepted ourselves and are at peace, it is hardly an addiction, no more so than eating or breathing is.

Back to the OP now. I can't assosciate my strong desire now to dress fully with triggers because i was already an everyday drinker prior to these new feelings. As i said before, i wouldn't or couldn't have reached this point in my femme life without the clarity of mind that sobriety has brought. mj (Cassie)

[Sarah Doepner]

I've often wondered how closely linked drinking and crossdressing were for me. In my early days when I was hiding it at home I wanted a drink, but wouldn't for fear of becoming too relaxed and being caught. When I would go out I was torn between drinking to get my courage up and not drinking so I could stay aware of all the different "threats". I would drink and lose my inhabitions and good sense as well. Eventually I found a balance and sometimes a drink is appropriate and other times it isn't, so it seems for me that the two aren't directly connected.

[TGMarla]

I often find myself enjoying a glass of wine when dressed. And although I try to be careful not to drink too much, at times I have one or two too many. This sometimes causes me to feel a little guilty about the crossdressing, and can leave me feeling a little depressed. Anything that alters behavior (like alcohol) can magnify the gender issues that I've had all my life. So I can relate to what you're saying. I try to remember to go easy on the wine, then.

[Diana L]

I have had a serious drinking problem for years but I do have an agreement with my wife that I won't drink while dressed. since that agreement I have found that I enjoy the dressing a lot more. I do go out a lot when I dress and other than an occasional glass of wine with a meal don't drink while dressed.

Diana

[MsJanessa]

My wife asked me why I don't dress anymore when I have such a wonderful collection of shoes, dresses, wigs, makeup etc. I didn't really have an answer for her which is kind of sad since she has always been such a supporter in every way imaginable.

I've been thinking about her question for some time now and have come to the conclusion that since I no longer drink I don't dress. It's just about 6 years since I sobered up and I haven't been out in all that time when it was common for me to spend 2 to 3 days a week fully en femme. I under dress all the time and even dress a little andro in public but never the full deal meal anymore.

In the pre sober days, public crossdressing was always linked to a couple of drinks as I was getting ready to go out. Of course, the alchol lowers inhibitions so it reduces the fear factor somewhat.

That having been said, it looks to me like the crossdressing in public and booze are closely linked together in my mind and it is that linkage the becomes a trigger to drink again.

Any individual who has overcome some addiction knows all about triggers and how devious some of them are.

Your thoughts on this would be appreciated.

Kerry

Recovering alcoholic for the last 15 years---dressed some before I stopped drinking but dressed a lot more after it--Took my first outing after I sobered up and haven't look back since----try dressing when you are sober--particularly with a supportive wife you will find you will enjoy it more than before you quit

[eluuzion]

Hiya Kerrylee61,

What you describe is a typical scenario played out in “substance abuse” cases. Substance abuse frequently coexists with other psychiatric type conditions, such as depressive or anxiety related “disorders”. It is one of those “chicken or the egg” stories.

By example…here is a heavily summarized excerpt from a book written about Cocaine addiction…

“One subject admitted spending 6-7 hours a day at home alone, high on cocaine where he repeatedly masturbated to pornographic videos while cross-dressed in women’s clothing. There were two issues at play. A cocaine addiction coexisting with a transvestic fetishism paraphila (cross-dressing). Each one fuels the compulsive desire for the other. Doing cocaine produced the exhilarating sexual urge and the compulsion to cross-dress. Cross-dressing produced the desire for extreme exhilaration derived from cocaine and the compulsion for abusing cocaine. Each would trigger and exacerbate the desire for the other.”

This is one of the primary reasons rehabilitation efforts concentrate on ceasing all types of “triggers” during the recovery period, instead of just eliminating the use of the specific “drug” in question…i.e. alcohol, pot, coke, etc.

So in that aspect, you are not an anomaly, lol.

It involves many issues combined in a mix unique to every individual. Some individuals are not susceptible to these events at all. It is all dependent upon genetics and such. Some folks are born with a greater propensity for “addictive” associations than others are.

Hey, we are all exactly alike, except for being totally different. Isn’t life fun? Lol

Just my thoughts…what are your’s?
:hugs: