Does she know?

[Sarah811]

Interesting conversation with my wife over breakfast the other day! She turned to me and mentioned an article on the radio we both heard, "6 things that turn men off". She turned to me and said "you still haven't cut your fingernails, that turns me off". I just shrugged but was like a deer in the headlights when she said "Your not going all crossdresser on me are you? Is that why you shaved your legs and arms?".

I muttered something non-comittal and carried on drinking my coffee, but it occured to me later, she used the term crossdresser, not TV or transvestite! I think that may be a pointer! BTW, she is not computer literate and doesn't even know how to turn one on!

What do others think?:daydreaming:

[Sheila]

just because you think she is not computer literate does not mean she isn't ;), and the term crossdresser and some of what it can mean/does mean is out there in the big bad world :straightface::):doh:, sounds like she may at least have an inkling ............ if she does, how are you going to handle it ?

[Deborah Jane]

Hmm, I think she may suspect you Sarah, it could be time to start coming clean to your wife and preparing yourself for The Talk!!

[Karen564]

Yup, sounds like she's onto you, but hoping it's not true...:2c:

[carolinoakland]

If she's noticed the nails, the shaving, umm, she's noticing something. Better have something prepared. Forwarned is forearmed. Carol

[JenniferR771]

Better check your hiding place--count your panties, OK? This sounds like a trial balloon to me.

[Kelly DeWinter]

I have to agree with caroline and everyone else on this. Be prepared, be prepared to be honest. try not to let golden oportunities like this to pass you by. It's a chance for you and youe wife to connect. Mayby give us some background on you and your spouse ?

Kelly

[Shelly Preston]

I have to agree with what has been said already

I think you need to read the link in my signature on how to tell your partner

It has a lot of good information and should help you

[Cassandra Lynn]

CDing is a subject that get's societies attention, generally speaking, in many ways; talk radio, women's magazines, editorials in newspapers (dear old Ann Lander's was nice to us), television programs etc, etc.
Never ever underestimate a woman's ability and resourcefulness when it comes to figuring her man out!!!
Best be prepared, just in case. Lot's of good info in the stickies here.
Best wishes, mj (Cassie)

[Nicole Erin]

Nahhh, the fact that she said "...cd..." doesn't really indicate anything.
People often mistake all the terms and just use whatever they believe is right.

Now you WOULD have reason for concern if she had said -
"I hope you are not going all trahnny like the smart alec Nicole Erin on the forum you always visit"
THEN you would need to shake in your boots.

But nah, just take it with a grain of salt

[Tasha McIntyre]

Like most of the others have said, I think she may have an slight inkling, and was putting that comment out there to guage your reaction. Things might unravel quite quickly now so yeah, be prepared.

Only you can decide this, but as she has already put the topic out there, it might just work in your favour to actually initiate the next phase of the conversation yourself.

Good luck with that.

Tash :)

[trisha59]

Upon my first reading of your post I assumed that she already knew and was commenting on new boundaries so yeah she knows.

[mklinden2010]

I think you're making very little out of very little - and wasting time.

Quit screwing around and tell your wife what you're doing.

You're no Dear-in-the-headlights if you're a liar.

Can't imagine a better way for her to start a conversation on this than what you just wrote...

Or, a worse way to honor her efforts...

Try again, but be honest this time.

[girltoy]

It's very liberating to come clean and be honest with your SO. I told my girlfriend when we first started dating, and she was actually very relaxed about it. :) It took a lot of stress out of dating!

[Sarah811]

I have to agree with caroline and everyone else on this. Be prepared, be prepared to be honest. try not to let golden oportunities like this to pass you by. It's a chance for you and youe wife to connect. Mayby give us some background on you and your spouse ?

Kelly

Well, we have been married 13 years, together (but not living together) for 21. We have three young children under 12, and we live in a fairly conservative area. I have a good (govenrment) job and my wife does not work. Before we had children she was a dental nurse, and saw all walks of life and all sorts of people. Before we were married I tried sounding her out on TG issues by renting videos like "Just like a woman" with Julie Walters and making comments about cding in general. Her attitude at that time was that there was no way she would ever have any kind of relationship with a cder and if it was me I would be out the door!

I think she has started to mellow and would love her to know, as I don't want to keep things a secret from her, but she is my rock, my best friend and I would trust her with my life. I cannot imagine life without her and don't want Sarah to be the catlyst that breaks us up.

All of Sarahs things are kept in my car, to which she doesn't have a key and doesn't use, but occaisionally I will dress in the house when there is no-one about (very rare with three kids!).

[pernille d]

??? first it sounds like she can guess sonething is not right but you cant be 100% sure and try not to read things into it , you will only know for sure when the topic is aproched and talked about in depth.

its similar to me (cd al my life, lived together 20+ ), she always knew i had s secret and i was never sure if she knew but would just not talk about it, she too would ask a bit about my shaving ,and joke about would i like to wear her stockings etc .and some times saying i was a bit feminie,and some times too mentioned the word " tv" i guessed she just knew but i think she did not want to bring the subject up for fear of being right, i began to pick up on more and more things she said that related to crossdressing so i was prepairing to come clean when she found some clothing . i was outed !!!. but there i was surprised and fond out i got it totally wrong !!!! she had o idea what so ever i dressed but she took it well and all is ok now.

so from me the bottom line is "you will never be sure until you talk about it openly !!" BUT like everyone says be prepaired, be calm and honest and tell all .Dont be like me and ignore chances where the door is opened to talk about it .I found out i wasited too many years cooped up.

good luck

[Jane G]

Sarah

If you have been together 21 years, then there is undoubtedly a lot of trust and support shared between you. That's not going to suddenly vanish what ever you do in life. What could happen though is that it is gradually eroded, if your wife becomes more and more suspicious that her rock is keeping something important from her. You have to tell here. Read up on the many threads here and you will find a way. Good Luck.

[Shelly67]

The cats wriggling in the bag my old bean . It may not be free to roam , BUT I'll bet your wife most certainly has an inkling . It's the one pointer we all miss , we can't see we're giving off signals as to be brutally blunt most t girls are blinkered . Our life partners know us so well , they pick up on most scenarios , mood swings, odd acting and then tend to keep quiet . Sometimes in fear and denial . This could be where your wife is right now . it maybe irritating her , leading to blunt questioning . Perhaps if you consider this then you'll know how to deal with it all . I hate to type this as you already really know the answear - tis honesty time .The flip side to this in stark reality is that once the secret is out then the result is obvious questionable horror . The horror - the realization is that of no trust . "Why didn't he trust me enough to confide in me ?" Therein lies the problem . That is the sole question that emerging t girls have to deal with . Its undeniable , and very scarey . If we approach the subject with clarity , honesty and good communication then I should consider most marriages / partnerships with a long strong history can endure and survive . It takes some serious contemplation on all the issues of finally having to come out . It also takes some deep stressful moments on both parties . We try to hide in fear of loss and pain , and our partners dwell in a questionable state and worry . THATS why our partners react in an aggressive manner sometimes . Remember , our partners ( for those who are out ) have a memory of all that follows once telling the deep secret . It's scarey , very moving , but also very awakening . the questions , the rows , the tears , disgust and all can slowly be dealt with in open communication . Just recall this - no one can stay angry for ever . If the subject is spoken about with delicate consideration , then most of our partners will at least try to understand our position . Crossdressing does NOT go away , no matter how much councelling or additional help any marriage / partnership seeks . If this one fact can be established then I think our partners would rather deal with the subject rather than see her loved one in pain and emotional distress . If you are in this position , then please be aware you are already giving off signals . Be prepared to have to finally approach the situation . I type this as its without doubt a reality I HAD to finally face , keeping mum was too stressful in the end . For both of us . Thats how you have to accept the position you are now in . However , only you know youre wife , and how to deal with such a misunderstood lifestyle . I hope no matter what that you can both find peace and understanding no matter what , but more than anything , please be prepared for questions to come . The worst thing is , when questioned don't let that adrenalin charged moment develope into a quarrel .
Good luck xx

[mklinden2010]

>>Her attitude at that time was that there was no way she would ever have any kind of relationship with a cder and if it was me I would be out the door!

>>I think she has started to mellow and would love her to know, as I don't want to keep things a secret from her, but she is my rock, my best friend and I would trust her with my life. I cannot imagine life without her and don't want Sarah to be the catlyst that breaks us up.

>>All of Sarahs things are kept in my car, to which she doesn't have a key and doesn't use, but occaisionally I will dress in the house when there is no-one about (very rare with three kids!).



Oh, this is great. Here we go again.

You've roped her into this mess, you're pretending to be someone else with a GROUP of strangers (us), you're hiding "weird" things in the car, you've dragged kids into this...

And, it's all going to explode someday - because it has to.

So, given the list you just made about the lying, the femme name, the other life, the "weirdo" clothes, the upset to the kids... YOUR least favorite catalyst is, "Sarah"?

Your wife's least favorite is going to be "all the above."

Who cares about YOUR least favorite catalyst when it doesn't have to be this way or end this way?

Look, it's "your" life. And, that's "the" problem. It's actually her life, your kids' lives, your parents and in-laws, your neighbors, your coworkers... Everyone's lives - even ours - so long as you are keeping secrets from EVERYBODY. You, despite your femme name, are going to be the "odd man out" when you get busted.

I hope by then your wife has really really really mellowed - she MAY let it slide.

What do you think she'll do THEN?

Of course, that may depend on if this happens tonight, tomorrow, next week, thirty years from now....

Meanwhile, "man up" and tell her what's been on your mind and see if you two can't defuse this before a needless tragedy occurs.

Please.

You say you trust her with your life.

Not by what you've been writing here...

Meanwhile, she's trusting you with HER life, isn't she?

This is not a fair or honorable situation.

But, you can fix that.

Fix it.

Good luck.

[StaceyJane]

My wife knew for a year and didn't say anything. She did tell my daughters and it was one of them that told me she knew.
That was a shock but now everything is out and I feel much better.

[Freddy12]

I think she suspects, but does not know for sure.

My wife also hates it when my nails get long. She tells me that long fingernails on a man really turn her off. She has not said anything about my smooth underarms, and my feminine eyebrows, but that's probably because she hasn't noticed.

Your wife has asked once. As you continue to do things that are more feminine, she will ask again. Be ready with some answers that will lead to letting her know.

[Alberta_Pat]

Sarah;

You seem to be in a tough place at the moment. I find that it is so very much easier to cross dress if your S/O is involved.

I cannot say if your bride suspects or knows.

The advice given here I agree with though. Sharing is what a committed relationship is all about. Look closely, and you may find that your wife has offered some parts of her life that she would prefer not to have "exposed". You have accepted those parts because she is part of your life.

Do you fear that she will not be able to accept some of your peccadillos? She has in the past! You know that in your heart.

Now, I wonder if there may be another "real" question here: Do you want her to know? Do you wish to share this intimacy with her?

If so, I would love to suggest that you pack the kiddies off to "Grannies" for a weekend, and take your lovely wife away to someplace romantic. Bring "Sarah" along in "her bag" so that you can share this if she wishes.

This could be a great time and place to "Tell and Show".

I am sure that you would both enjoy some time away without the kids to reconnect and relax.

[Andrea's Lynne]

You're treading on thin ice here! I wish you and your family the best

[DonnaT]

Interesting conversation with my wife over breakfast the other day! She turned to me and mentioned an article on the radio we both heard, "6 things that turn men off". She turned to me and said "you still haven't cut your fingernails, that turns me off". I just shrugged but was like a deer in the headlights when she said "Your not going all crossdresser on me are you? Is that why you shaved your legs and arms?".

Sounds like she's putting 2 and 2 together.

Is she turned off by the shaving? Or just the nails?

What else turns her off? What turns her on?

Discuss turn-ons and turn-offs you have as well.

Feel her out. If wearing a skirt turns you on tell her, and see if she'd be turned off.

[msginaadoll]

She may or may not suspect. Its hard to say. It could just be a toss off comment. While telling your spouse may work and be the best policy it also may not be. She may just want to continue you being her rock and not knowing anything else. In some cases good things have happened, but I also know of marriage breakups and divorce. Only you know what is best for your relationship and all we can do is give comments. They may or may not work for your situation. Just dont jump into anything- my two cents.

[Stephenie S]

My opinion?

Your wife is trying to talk to you and you are just blowing her off. Just like you did in the beginning. She TOLD you she had no time for a relationship with a crossdresser and that if that was you you would be out the door. You ignored her and did it anyway. So for 21 years you have been lying to her about who you are.

Now she is trying to talk to you about it. Are you going to keep blowing her off? She has been pretty clear. "Those fingernails TURN ME OFF." That's a pretty clear statement. You ignored that too. "You're not going all crossdresser on me, are you?" That's a pretty clear and direct question also. Are you going to blow that one off too? "Is that why you shaved your legs and arms?" How much more direct and clear does she have to be before you pay attention to her?

Just my humble opinion, but I think this may blow up in your face if you don't start communicating with your wife. 21 years and 3 kids is a lot to throw away, but many women do just that when their husbands continue to s**t all over them for years.

Talk to her. She may lay down the law, and you may have to make a decision about your behavior, but at least it will be out in the open. She has made her position pretty clear. Doesn't she deserve to know yours? It may all come down to what's really important in your life.

Stephie

[AKAMichelle]

she suspects something. I think it is time to confess. Lying at this point will only damage the marriage more.

[Chickhe]

She has no idea... she was making a joke. If she was serious she would say she likes it or she doesn't. Too bad you missed it, but next time say something like 'I don't think you could handle seeing me in a dress...'. You will become her 'project' and you are not admitting or denying anything.

[Kelly DeWinter]

.......I don't want to keep things a secret from her, but she is my rock, my best friend and I would trust her with my life. I cannot imagine life without her ......

All of Sarahs things are kept in my car, to which she doesn't have a key and doesn't use, but occaisionally I will dress in the house when there is no-one about (very rare with three kids!).

Sarah Sarah Sarah ....


It sounds like you have a wonderful wife. So I have to ask, Would you want her to keep secrects from you ?, Are you her rock ? Are you her best friend ? Does she trust you with your life ?

You are experiencing the pain of anxity over the internal disconnect of feeling the 'HAVE" to keep something from your spouse. The only thing worse will be the anxiety and depression that developes when you keep a secret from a spouse for many years.

Kelly

P.S. The car - A ticking time bomb, waiting to trip you up !

[Sarah_GG]

Well, if she does know, and she summoned up all her courage to approach you in a nonchalant way only to have it denied, then you just missed a great opportunity.

Because I knew about my SOs CDing before he told me, I tried for months to get him to open up to me. But, whenever I mentioned something to try to engage him (which wasn't easy as I didn't want to rush in like a bull in a china shop) I would just get blunt denial and subject changing. He got there in the end, but it was important that the words came from him and not me.

Please have a discussion with her. You could even say something like "I've got something that I'd really like to share with you, but I need to wait for the right time..."

Good luck!

[GBNatarii]

CDing is a subject that get's societies attention, generally speaking, in many ways; talk radio, women's magazines, editorials in newspapers (dear old Ann Lander's was nice to us), television programs etc, etc.
Never ever underestimate a woman's ability and resourcefulness when it comes to figuring her man out!!!
Best be prepared, just in case. Lot's of good info in the stickies here.
Best wishes, mj (Cassie)

Psh, never underestimate any one's ability to figure you out. Other people always see something in ourselves that we don't see in ourselves.

Also, yeah, it's probably time to prepare for the birds and bees talk.

The bee stings the bird, and the bee dies. Wait, what? OH!! The CD'ing talk, oh, okay. Yeah, I guess that one's kinda important too.

Oh, and I'll let you in on a little secret. She already knows. Yep. That's my bet. You won't find anything missing from your hiding spot because she put it all back perfectly. Also, really? Growing out your fingernails and shaving your legs? Well, I guess it would depend on how much hair you shaved off...

But seriously, I'm gonna have to agree with every one else here. This is a good chance. I say, take it. Do you know just how many other people on this site would like or would have liked a shot like this? A lot. Like, twenty, at least. And besides, if you don't take the shot, you might not find out that she's cool with it after all, ya know?

[Mandy]

Some GG's are like Coppers & make good detectives:D

They can sense that there is something a miss from a 1000 yards with there eyes closed!:doh:

Good job she dosent off load the weekly shop from your car:D

Please start talking before its too late