I am such a whacko

[Stephanie Anne]

I am not sure really how to describe it but for the past several months wearing my birth gender clothes feels like I am crossdressing and wearing my true gender clothing feels like I am not. I actually am feeling like I am sneaking around gender bending in public but only when I wear male clothing. Of course I wear gender neutral female clothing 90% of the time and full male clothes like 2% ( I have one pair of pants and two polo shirts) and only for very rare occasions.

Am I weird or what?

[Sarah Welch]

I also feel self concious when out in public wearing all male attire. I normally wear shorts or capris, or stylish jeans along with gender neutral tops so as to blend in. I now have my hair short in a slightly femme style which I plan to take full unmistakeably femme on the next salon visit. I wear long solor nails in a french manicure (white has little sparkles too). I seem to get more confused looks from people when not wearing femme clothing.

[christina marie]

if you're weird then so am i. really struggling with "boy mode" these days.

[Empress Lainie]

I haven't crossdressed male since the day I transitioned in July 2007.

[GBNatarii]

Yes, you are weird. Almost as weird as me. I'll let that sink in a bit.

But yeah, I feel the same way a lot of times. The only thing that makes it even slightly easier for me is that I just take one look at my hairy arms and legs and think, "Yeah... Being dressed as I should be would attract WAY too much attention. Far more than a boy who is verging on short shorts and t-shirts that clearly don't know what a washing machine is."

[Deborah Jane]

I'm so weird, I'm not sure anymore what I'm meant to be wearing :doh:

I guess I'll just settle for girl clothes, they feel more right on me :)

[Karen564]

I am not sure really how to describe it but for the past several months wearing my birth gender clothes feels like I am crossdressing


That's kinda funny, because that's the way I felt for over 40 years...LOL

[Rianna Humble]

I am not sure really how to describe it but for the past several months wearing my birth gender clothes feels like I am crossdressing and wearing my true gender clothing feels like I am not.
...
Am I weird or what?

I'll vote for you being "what" :heehee:

The first time I remember expressing this was not long after I had decided to accept myself; I was staying at a hotel and mentioned to the staff that I would have to cross-dress as a bloke to go to work the next day.

I mentioned this feeling to the psychiatrist on Thursday but then also said that it doesn't feel so bad changing into drab at the office. She explained that to me by saying that was probably because my colleagues understand I am only pretending to be a man for the time I'm at work, then I can go back to being a woman again, whereas outside of work if I have to cross-dress the others don't understand that I'm only pretending to be a man.

[Midnight Skye]

Nope you're not weird Viktoriya. I'm having the same problem but I'm only 50% out male and 50% out female. Being out male (or male at home when my grand-daughter is around) is actually starting to cause severe depression for me. I don't remember ever being this mopy in my life. On other hand going out as a female is so uplifting its pratically unhealthy. Its like the effect of going from female to male and back its just like being bi-polar... considering how much my mood swings from one to the other.

[tess graham]

When I outed myself to my boss, I was wearing drab, and after an awkward pause, he asked me if I crossdressed and I told him "I am a woman, so I am actually crossdressing now". So I understand where you are now. Tess

[Hope]

Welcome to the jungle. It gets... weirder here every day.

[Karinsamatha]

If it wasn't for my work I think I would be 24 7. I dread putting on my drab work clothes so very much - It is almost painful for me. When I get home from work it's clean my self up, and get properly dressed for the gender I feel I am in my heart.
I had a big emotional hurdle last weekend before church. It pained me so much to put on my suit it hurt.
I am at the point in this journey that I feel I am living a lie when I am dressed in drab! :hugs:

[Rianna Humble]

Karin, I can totally identify with what you wrote. Before I saw my doctor to begin getting the help I need to transition, I felt physically sick every time I had to dress up in boy-mode.

Are you out to any of your colleagues?

As you get more acceptance in your real gender, I hope you will be able to come to terms with cross-dressing to your birth gender when it is necessary. This has certainly been my experience, although it still hurts when I have to cross-dress in drab outside of work.

[Jorja]

No you are not wierd, it is the rest of the world. Male clothing just plain (how should I put it) sucks.

[Kimberly Marie Kelly]

I haven't worn male clothes for a long time now and if I do it feels weird, simply wrong. Kimberly Marie Kelly :battingeyelashes:

[Teri Jean]

No as this is the way I feel when I have to dress in birth gender clothes also. I feel so out of place.

Teri

[fallen_rayne]

I guess I am going to be the first one to ask what happened to the other 8%. Your dressed up 90 percent of the time, and wear male's clothes the other 2% of the time.

[Stephanie Anne]

I guess I am going to be the first one to ask what happened to the other 8%. Your dressed up 90 percent of the time, and wear male's clothes the other 2% of the time.

I turn into a heirloom tomato and make a lovely gazpacho

[Kaitlyn Michele]

at least she didnt say 90/20...i'd be thinking there is some quantum shit going on ...

can i add that a huge benefit of transition is that crazy buzzing noise in your head goes away...you just wake up, you do your thing, you go to sleep...you don't feel weird anymore.

i thinkyour original post and the thought you are having is a good example of my internal dialogue pre transition..

[carolinoakland]

Kaitlyn describe's it correctly, my first day full time at work was like that... I got up, I got dressed, I went to work, I came home. A normal day at last. And no you're not wacko, that frustration is the KNOWING. And it's so much queiter in my heart now...

[Ze]

can i add that a huge benefit of transition is that crazy buzzing noise in your head goes away...you just wake up, you do your thing, you go to sleep...you don't feel weird anymore.


Kaitlyn describe's it correctly, my first day full time at work was like that... I got up, I got dressed, I went to work, I came home. A normal day at last. And no you're not wacko, that frustration is the KNOWING. And it's so much queiter in my heart now...

I know this thread is for Stephanie, but I just wanted to say that reading comments such as above has really made me feel better. :) I've only be able to spend one full day as a male so far, but this is exactly how I felt.

Like Carolina says, my heart was quieter. And when I've finally moved into my new place, it'll continue to be so. :)

[Victoria Anne]

No not wierd at all , I must mantain a male persona at work,most of the time but the only male attire is my work shoes and top and that half the time is not male. I feel normal when I do not have to wear anything male. I am tired of pretending to be someone I am not.

[Karinsamatha]

Karin, I can totally identify with what you wrote. Before I saw my doctor to begin getting the help I need to transition, I felt physically sick every time I had to dress up in boy-mode.

Are you out to any of your colleagues?

As you get more acceptance in your real gender, I hope you will be able to come to terms with cross-dressing to your birth gender when it is necessary. This has certainly been my experience, although it still hurts when I have to cross-dress in drab outside of work.

No the environment is a all male aviation maintenance facility. The testosterone levels are off the charts. It would not be a good place to be. Not to mention hard on ones wardrobe so it's drab disposable for work.

[Rianna Humble]

That makes it tough. I was surprised at how accepting my colleagues were, but I know that is not the general rule unfortunately :sad:

Have you tried raising the topic of transition with any of them in the abstract to see what their individual reactions would be? It would only need one or two to get on your side and they could work on the others.

Meanwhile, I really feel for your situation. :hugs:

[Miley]

Wow, looks like I am not the only one also. After being in femme for more than a few days I always feel weird and shy going out in drab. When I am out all I can think about is getting home so I can be myself. I feel normal and right when dressed.