I don't care if I pass just that people treat me like a lady....How bout you? [Archive] - Crossdressers.com - #1 Community & Forum for Crossdressers, Family and Friends

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Christina Horton

06-13-2010, 02:50 PM

I over the past 2 years have been going out fully dressed and have tried to pass with no luck. Until I went to my 20th high school reunion and the people there thought I was someone's wife or girl friend. So I think I can pass at like 50 % of the time. Do I care anymore if I pass........NO.

I have written a thread about this but it seem like It is still on everyone's mind so I will say what I think is the most important to me at least.

Since I don't pass , I have the philosophy that if you don't pass and people see you , and IF there experience with you is a good one , then they come away with the experience as better person and expand there acceptance of us and others like us more.

I have never been rude with anyone so I think that the people that have "Clocked" me and have talked to me have had a good experience and there for if they talk about me to others will say something like....
" I saw a nice lady , well It was a mas dressed as a lady and she was so nice and sweet......"

For those of you that are not out or whom are but worrie so much about being clocked I would say if you think about your outings as a way to educate the public then it will be more fun and who knows you might just go out JUST to talk to strangers EH!!! I know I do :heehee::D!!!

When it comes right down to it if we want people to except us we need to let them know were here and that's up to us girls that don't pass and don't really care if we do.

I took me about a year of going out dressed (when I could get out) to figger this all out , so I don't expect anyone to go at my pace , but one day we all have a great realization that we don't need to pass to be happy or to do a perfect job on makeup or what we wear , but just to be ourselves is more then enough to make us happy.

That is not to say I did't want to pass 100% , just that since I could never pass 100 % even with surgery I am happy with who I am and how I look. I think I make a pretty women and that's what matters. If I fined a girl friend to share my life I will also hope she think so to.

So is your CD life surrounded by your need to pass and does it make you mad if you can't . If so look at it from my point of view and you just might be a happier girl or guy after you do so. Hugs to all and above all "DON'T WORRIE BE HAPPY"!!! :bighug2:

Rianna Humble

06-13-2010, 03:34 PM

For the most part, people just accept me as I am, although I did get one young jerk yelling out "Oh look a c**k in a frock!" the other evening.

Some people tell me I'm pretty as a woman, but I've spent so long hating my body that I can't see it myself.

Like you, I just want to be accepted and if I can show someone that T-Girls aren't some kind of spawn of the devil, then so much the better.

Also like you, to a great extent, it doesn't matter to me how others perceive me, I am done with pretending to be a man.

MsJanessa

06-13-2010, 08:21 PM

yep--treat Me like a lady--and obey My every command---lol--after all I don't demand much, just that they cater to My every whim:dom:

Kaitlyn Michele

06-13-2010, 08:26 PM

Christina
the best part of your attitude is that you are setting yourself up for good things, little moments, pleasant surprises, and those magical connections when you feel accepted for being yourself

when i learned that my best response to teenage girls reading me, or to a sales assistant gawking at me was a big smile and wave or hello, it literally changed my life

you can't change reality, but you sure can enjoy your own reality as best you can.

:hugs:

Nicole Erin

06-13-2010, 08:50 PM

Hmm, well, honestly for me -
Passing is maybe a 50% of the time thing, I have found that acceptance is much less stressful. I mean once accepted, it is easy to be yourself. With trying to "pass", there is the constant threat of "what if my cover is blown?"

Being nice and sweet is a good thing, we all know just how nice and sweet an Erin is, now don't we. CHRISTINA?! I said, "Don't we?" (taps foot)

Passing is the main goal for any "out" CD or TS, but if that is not really an option, then acceptance is the next best thing.

Consider this - some TS who pass really well may have lost a lot of family and friends in the process.
If it came down to "accepted but non-passing" or "rejected but passing", which is really the greater evil?
I have "accepted but non-passing"

Loni

06-13-2010, 09:10 PM

i would be on cloud 99 and 1/2 if i could just be accepted and treated as i am. but i still look like a old guy in a dress. working on that part.

i never do expect to be "one of the girls" but to be treated as one would be so great. :daydreaming:

.

Nikki A.

06-15-2010, 08:16 AM

I agree treat me as I present and that is all I ask. So far I've had no real problems and when I do get the double take or long look I just smile or go about my business.

Kate Simmons

06-15-2010, 08:23 AM

To be honest Hon, I don't care what other people think period. Theirs is just an opinion, just like mine or yours.:)

IamSara

06-15-2010, 08:27 AM

That is a great way to look at it. Thanks I will remember that as I go about.
Sarah

ellenwannabe

06-15-2010, 08:32 AM

very well written and I agree that when we go out we do it because we want to be ladies and it is nice when we just blend in and so long as we don't incite riots or be treated meanly I guess it is a good outing - when I'm out I am a lady and really don't care what anybody thinks anymore - just enjoy the experience - Ellen

sherri

06-15-2010, 08:57 AM

Being treated like a woman (sometimes I'm a "lady", sometimes I'm not :devil:) is always nice and honestly, there are people out there who are sensitive and kind enough to do just that. But when someone can't quite seem to muster the tact or make the "leap", I'll settle for just being treated like a civil human being. Anything less tends to get my dander up. :Angry3:

Richelle

06-15-2010, 09:03 AM

Well said. I do not pass all the time, so when I do not I just want to be treated with respect like every other person.

My Lady Marsea

06-15-2010, 11:01 AM

You're like all my kind of girls. I too, over the years of being 24/7, most times really don't give a Rats A__ if I like pass or wutever in general. At least I have no problem with myself and have learned to luv myself which I never did in my other life. I do, most times like look in the mirror after I'm done each day and think "hey girl, you're not a bad lookin' bitch, you just look like a older girl that's been around the block a few times. Inside I am a girl and really proud of myself for having finally gotten my act together after spending the largest portion of my life screwed up.
Yesterday, at the nail salon I got an honest comment from one of the girls there that knows I'm like a T-Girl. She said "Marsea, your makeup is always so nice." I get similar comments or wutever concerning my way of dressing and younger actions and attitudes from sales girls. I do get called "ma'am" a large percent of the time I guess more on the way I carry myself than if I pass or not. The main thing with me is that I would not like undo any of what has taken place with me over the last three years or wutever.
Once each of us gets over what society make think, and just go ahead with your pursuit of happiness, you don't obsess with the "passing" part so much.

AKAMichelle

06-15-2010, 11:28 AM

I too don't and won't pass. I don't worry about educating anybody. I just want to be accepted as a person and this is who I am.

SusanLCD

06-15-2010, 12:17 PM

Like most of you, I won't ever truly pass. I do hope that I will blend in.

As a man, I have always been shy. I cover it by over-extending myself and using humor when interfacing with others. I've become somewhat comfortable with that method of responding to others that I meet as a man. This has resulted in the circle of friends, acquaintenances, etc. that I have in my life. (Except for the part about being shy, this is probably true of all of us.)

So, when I consider passing/acceptance as a woman, I'm searching for a level of comfort in interfacing with others that I'm not worried about how to respond to them as the woman I'm presenting. A confidence that I won't respond inappropriately when talking with them. A pleasant enough manner that they will feel as good about meeting me in that mode as they would anyone else. That may be called "acceptance", but, it includes both their acceptance of me and my own.

I haven't achieved that, yet.

Elsa Larson

06-15-2010, 12:36 PM

When out as Elsa, anyone who looks at me twice will clearly see that I am a crossdressed male. IF I dress appropriately for the occasion and location, most people do not give me that second glance.

Yes, groups of teen girls always spot me BUT only because the sharp-eyed ones point me out to the others.

Here's what I'm happy to overhear: "He has such pretty hair and nails." "His dress is really cute." "I wonder where he got those shoes?"

SO unless everyone around me notices me immediately, I consider that I am "passing" to some of them.

BTW, I'm 6'1" and 275#. I have the advantage of my own long hair and nails.

t-girlxsophie

06-16-2010, 01:17 AM

I have long realised that I will never Pass as a female,would I be happy to pass yes of course I would.I at least do try my best to look as nice as I can and I think rather than pass I would say I blend as long as I dont show any fear

Even though i dont pass I am luckier in other respects,and Its those that I focus on,My wife is always telling me how good I look,as long as she still thinks that then I am a happy Girl:love::hugs:

CourtneyBleu

06-16-2010, 05:38 AM

Unfortunately, there are a lot of asses that won't treat you like a lady unless you are passable.

msniki48

06-16-2010, 06:30 AM

So is your CD life surrounded by your need to pass and does it make you mad if you can't . If so look at it from my point of view and you just might be a happier girl or guy after you do so. Hugs to all and above all "DON'T WORRIE BE HAPPY"!!! :bighug2:

Christina, over the past year i have watched you truly blossom as a lady.

your outgoing personality has guided you in a healthy direction. as Kaitlyn Michele also said you are setting yourself up for good things.

I hope to someday be and think like the both of you, for i feel that you both have truly moved on in a good direction.

as for now....i am still in my own way. but i am trying to think and learn through your experiences.:battingeyelashes:

:love::hugs:

BRANDYJ

06-16-2010, 06:38 AM

I would not venture out in the world if I thought I did not pass. Therefor, I don't go out into the world dressed. I wold not be able to handle the jeers, laughing, insults, put downs, or confrontations of any sort. Also, I never like to make anyone feel uncomfortable around me. Some would, so I don't present myself in female mode
Does it bother me that I don't pass? No, I accept it as a simple fact. Sure, I'd love to be able to as I'm sure most of us would.

Andy66

06-16-2010, 06:57 AM

Christina, I love your attitude, and I think you make a wonderful and pretty woman. :hugs:

victoriamwilliams1

06-16-2010, 07:07 AM

Well said! It took me about 2 years to figure out not to worry about what people think, I am near 7ft tall and yes I do pass about 50%-60% of the time and it is more about how you dress than how you look. I have seen all types of women and I have seen them from masculine to alpha female!

You know your passing when people say, "You look just like the lady I work with!" I have had that on a few times and I would like to meet her! :)

I am now telling people to be yourself and acceptance starts with yourself and will project outwardly to the people.

Christina Horton

07-02-2010, 09:26 PM

For the most part, people just accept me as I am, although I did get one young jerk yelling out "Oh look a c**k in a frock!" the other evening.

Some people tell me I'm pretty as a woman, I've spent so long hating my body that I can't see it myself.

Ok first of all, That person that said that is human trash. Plus he may have been wanting to do what you do but lack the courage to do it. When someone yells out that kind of thing its there prob not yours.
Second , I'm a plus size girl and I don't hate my body, I need to lost weight but I don't hate it. I'm Healthy and happy.
Third, We look in the mirror and we see us in a wig and makeup. Until we like ,NAY love ourselves we will always "not see it". If YOU think your pretty then guess what sister you are pretty and people will sense that and will treat you like it. So go through life and hate your body and "not see it" or love your body and "SEE IT EVERYDAY".

Christina
the best part of your attitude is that you are setting yourself up for good things, little moments, pleasant surprises, and those magical connections when you feel accepted for being yourself

when i learned that my best response to teenage girls reading me, or to a sales assistant gawking at me was a big smile and wave or hello, it literally changed my life

you can't change reality, but you sure can enjoy your own reality as best you can.

:hugs:

Thanks for that. Yes I have always looked at life with a "the glass is not just half full but Hay I have a glass" .

I wave or smile at people that stare or go up to them and talk to them. I find it's better if you confront them rather then just slink away .

I always try to enjoy life and that is sometimes a hard thing to do but it's a great goal to try for EH!

Being nice and sweet is a good thing, we all know just how nice and sweet an Erin is, now don't we. CHRISTINA?! I said, "Don't we?" (taps foot)

Passing is the main goal for any "out" CD or TS, but if that is not really an option, then acceptance is the next best thing.

Ahhhhhh sorry Erin I was not paying attention to you, What were you saying....

very well written and I agree that when we go out we do it because we want to be ladies and it is nice when we just blend in and so long as we don't incite riots or be treated meanly I guess it is a good outing - when I'm out I am a lady and really don't care what anybody thinks anymore - just enjoy the experience - Ellen

It is quite liberating to be free of fear . They talk about women being liberated and empowered , well we can feel the same if we only just believe we deserve it. And yes we do.....

I too don't and won't pass. I don't worry about educating anybody. I just want to be accepted as a person and this is who I am.

Just going out and not passing is Educating people when they see you and not just hear about us.

Unfortunately, there are a lot of asses that won't treat you like a lady unless you are passable.

Not so , now it might be the fact that I live and am Canadian but I have not been treated badly or heard of a sister being treated like that . I'm not talking about the stories here but from people I have met. Yes it does happen but like being struck by lighting or winning the lotto it's rare to have it that bad.

You think that they won't treat you like a lady if you don't pass , that's BS. people will treat you nicely only if you look like you belong there. If you look like you think your doing something wrong then YES they will be asses to you. Just show them your better then them and be nice to them, people who do stuff like that want you to get mad and when you look like you like it that makes them mad.

Christina, over the past year i have watched you truly blossom as a lady.

your outgoing personality has guided you in a healthy direction. as Kaitlyn Michele also said you are setting yourself up for good things.

I hope to someday be and think like the both of you, for i feel that you both have truly moved on in a good direction.

as for now....i am still in my own way. but i am trying to think and learn through your experiences.:battingeyelashes:

:love::hugs:

Thank you dear , Yes I have had alot of revelations this past year and I can't say how much it has helped me be soooooooo much happier. You will get there and I know you'll be happy with it. Take care and love , live , life!!!!!

I would not venture out in the world if I thought I did not pass. Therefor, I don't go out into the world dressed. I wold not be able to handle the jeers, laughing, insults, put downs, or confrontations of any sort.Also, I never like to make anyone feel uncomfortable around me. Some would, so I don't present myself in female mode
Does it bother me that I don't pass? No, I accept it as a simple fact. Sure, I'd love to be able to as I'm sure most of us would.

"jeers, laughing, insults, put downs, or confrontations of any sort." I have never had anything even close to that ever.

If you want to go out dressed then find someone whom can teach you to do makeup etc. And you'll find that it's not as bad as you think. We all think people will laugh point yell insults yada yada yada , but the reality is most people don't even "see" you.

As for making anyone feel uncomfortable around you well , why would would make them uncomfortable by being you. It's not your fault that your a TG CD TS ETC. why should you live you life on there terms and not your own cuz that's what your doing. Live your life and let them worrie about there own life.

Christina, I love your attitude, and I think you make a wonderful and pretty woman. :hugs:

Your too kind and I think you need very powerful glasses LOL. Thanks for that it's always nice to hear that.

When you except yourself you'll be much happier. SO be happy Don't worrie!!!!

Rianna Humble

07-02-2010, 11:19 PM

Some people tell me I'm pretty as a woman, but I've spent so long hating my body that I can't see it myself.

I'm a plus size girl and I don't hate my body, I need to lost weight but I don't hate it. I'm Healthy and happy.
Third, We look in the mirror and we see us in a wig and makeup. Until we like ,NAY love ourselves we will always "not see it". If YOU think your pretty then guess what sister you are pretty and people will sense that and will treat you like it. So go through life and hate your body and "not see it" or love your body and "SEE IT EVERYDAY".

Thank you, Christina, what you say makes a lot of sense.

Although I would love to be at least 3 to 4 dress sizes smaller, I don't think it is just my size that is the problem.

My problem is that I learnt to hate this wrong body over roughly half a century and it is takes time to unlearn that. They say that "clothes maketh the man", but they neither makethed me into a man nor makethed me look more loveable in my own eyes.

Two days ago, I returned to the Council where, as Robert, I served for 10 years up until May. One of the senior officers is also one of the classiest ladies I have ever met - she told me how pretty I looked and complimented me on my outfit. I am starting, slowly, to believe that people are seeing what I can't yet see for myself. Hopefully, that is a first step towards what you suggest.

Apparently, since I came out at work, and especially since I started actively planning my transition, I have become noticably calmer and more at peace with myself. Perhaps the next step is to start to like the new me, then one day I might even be able to learn to love myself; but for now it's one step at a time.

msginaadoll

07-03-2010, 10:44 AM

I think I pass very well as myself. I have not had any hassles while I've been out so have come to conclusion most people will accept me as me. Now who they see me as I really dont have a clue- mind reading is not my super power.

Cheryl T

07-03-2010, 11:39 AM

Like so many others I would love to pass 100% and be able to go about my business as any woman would do.
I realize that is not the case and will never be. At first I was focused on that goal until I realized that when I go out most people don't even see me. They are all so wrapped up in their portion of the world that for the most part I am just a "blip on the radar". They see me in that split second as they pass by and shortly after they wouldn't even remember that I was there.
It's no longer about "passing". It's about being a confident woman and being able to express myself in the world and go about my business interacting graciously with others. I just want to be me and be accepted for that. The rest doesn't matter anymore.

skirtsuit

07-03-2010, 11:56 AM

Christina Horton

07-03-2010, 11:38 PM

I'm a guy in dress and am comfortable with that. I try to do good enough so that most people won't give me a second look, altho women look me straight in the eyes ALOT. I personally like to put myself in situations where people might notice me like sitting at a table next to a group of women at a coffee shop or walking directly thru a large group of school girls on the street.

Ya I do the same thing. One of the first times Roberta and I went out to supper and Red Robins I made sure that I was the first thing people saw at out table. I did it for two reasons , Roberta was a little nervous about being dressed as a restaurant and second I love to see people SEE me and see what they do after the SEE me SEE them SEE me lol.

And just before We got to the restaurant I steered us right by a group of people guys and girls to see what they would do or say. I have been call Fearless , but some might call me stupid LOL. It's fun to watch people see you and then look away so they don't INSAULT you. Most people are very good about it and a few are not and I have not had any real probs , just 2 sightly mean comments.

Heelsnlegs

07-04-2010, 12:23 AM

you inspire me hon! Im so worried about being read it ruins my outings. Even when Im out on Davie and I'm clocked it makes me nervous. I need to take your attitude to the street!

Christina Horton

07-04-2010, 09:12 AM

you inspire me hon! Im so worried about being read it ruins my outings. Even when Im out on Davie and I'm clocked it makes me nervous. I need to take your attitude to the street!

Ok you may use to and I won't even charge you to use it. LOL. Just use it to the max and then go beyond it. Push your comfort zone and you'll love it. I always look for ways to put my comfort zone. And I do LOL, and I love it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:D:D:D:D:D:D:devil::devil: :devil::devil::devil::devil:

carhill2mn

07-07-2010, 02:47 PM

The term "pass" is often used but I am not sure that there is an absolute definition as to what it means. I have been told by others that I "pass" when out in public which is great but my main desire is to be treated as a "lady" regardles of whether or not I an "passing".
I have been "out and about" hundreds of times and, so far, have never been treated as other than a lady. Do I always "pass"? I don't know and I don't really care as long as I am accepted as the person whom I am presenting.

Rianna Humble

07-08-2010, 03:57 AM

I would say that with my voice being so deep I almost definitely don't "pass", but it was still good to be called a "lady" by a GG SA who needed to call someone over to help me in the shop yesterday.

Tasha McIntyre

07-08-2010, 04:55 AM

I don't pass - or at least I don't think I do, but i have never had a bad experience whilst out and about. So, to answer the question, being treated well (like SA's falling over themselves with clothes, and ushering me into a fitting room) is more important than passing.

Tash :)

Christina Horton

07-08-2010, 09:23 AM

The term "pass" is often used...............I have been "out and about" hundreds of times and, so far, have never been treated as other than a lady. Do I always "pass"? I don't know and I don't really care as long as I am accepted as the person whom I am presenting.

'Passing" I think it means that you look like and are excepted by all you met as a women. So if people know your a CD then no you don't pass. That being said being treated as a lady EVEN IF you don't "pass" is just as good. Plus you still get to see the peoples faces that are startled when they see you That's still fun for me LOL.

I would say that with my voice being so deep I almost definitely don't "pass", but it was still good to be called a "lady" by a GG SA who needed to call someone over to help me in the shop yesterday.

I have a very deep voice and I am able to have a fem-voice. I have been told but lots of people that they think my voice is perfect. My mom hates it. I guess she just so used to my male voice and thinks it sounds fake and forced. But until last year she had not come to terms with my CDing. So when I'm dressed with her she wants me to use my male voice LOL. Well at least she is ok enough with it she allows me to dress once in a while around her.

I don't pass........So, to answer the question, being treated well (like SA's falling over themselves with clothes, and ushering me into a fitting room) is more important than passing.

Tash :)

Looking at your pic I'd say you look great....better then me.....(bitch) LOL.
I love SA's like that there trying for a sale but they treat you like all the other women that come in there. Plus when you don't pass they remember you and will call you by name. I love that. My girl friend Roberta and I went to a store I love to go to and once she went in there by herself and they called her Christina LOL. Now thats funny. Now if I could get a job as a professional shopper I'd be happy.

Naomi Rayne

07-17-2010, 10:22 AM

My life isnt surrounded by needing to pass. I have not gone out yet, but if and when i do my priority is to make myself happy. If i pass, thats great. If i dont then i will just live with that and adjust accordingly. People do need to be educated about CDing because it is a very harmless thing and a great thing :D Although i am most definitely biased on that.

Christina Horton

07-18-2010, 10:06 AM

My life isn't surrounded by needing to pass. I have not gone out yet, but if and when i do my priority is to make myself happy.

That's great but when you finally do go out you might find that passing is something you really really want. Some people need to pass cuz of the people around them . I am not one of them but I live in a place where it's a live and let live for the most part. Plus were all Canadians here so how bad c=could it be EH!!!

If i pass, thats great. If i don't then i will just live with that and adjust accordingly.

Just the way I first started to think but not till I was going out for a year. That's when I changed the way I would look at passing.

People do need to be educated about CDing because it is a very harmless thing and a great thing :D Although i am most definitely biased on that.

Yes the do and A HUGE yes you are lol. If you weren't a CDer would you be so excepting???

Naomi Rayne

07-18-2010, 11:28 AM

Christina Horton

07-31-2010, 12:45 PM

I would like to think that i would be as accepting and understandable. I have had CD thoughts for quite a long time dating back to when i was a kid. But never did anything about it until i recently started. So i am not sure if that would count towards why i am accepting, but i have always been a do what you love person and not what the rest of society tells you to do. I dont like how formulated society is and how no matter what the situation if someone is different they are shot down and picked on. Its not right and i am always trying to open peoples eyes even if its just about something little.

Ya I hope if I was NOT a CD would I be so understanding of others. I would like to think so but who knows. If I was not a CDer and very FEM-inside I could be a Neanderthal or something. No telling how me male side would be like. But my mom and dad did a good job raising me so I think based on that I would be ok with it though I would not understand why , but be ok with it.

Wow when you think how different your life would be with out this part of our life it would be so different.

Naomi Rayne

08-01-2010, 01:49 PM

Ya I hope if I was NOT a CD would I be so understanding of others. I would like to think so but who knows. If I was not a CDer and very FEM-inside I could be a Neanderthal or something. No telling how me male side would be like. But my mom and dad did a good job raising me so I think based on that I would be ok with it though I would not understand why , but be ok with it.

Wow when you think how different your life would be with out this part of our life it would be so different.

It would be extremely different, but I prefer not to think about how my life would be like without this part of me because i wouldn't want my life like that. I am very proud of who i am and what i do. My mom and dad raised me to be respectful of others and i have taken that and applied it to every situation i can.

Victoria Anne

08-01-2010, 05:32 PM

I used to be the T-girl freaking out but anymore If I pass fantastic if not oh well I out here for myself not them and I am going to enjoy being who I am .

Fab Karen

08-01-2010, 05:33 PM

"Since I don't pass , I have the philosophy that if you don't pass and people see you , and IF there experience with you is a good one , then they come away with the experience as better person and expand there acceptance of us and others like us more."
Quite right.
To paraphrase Helen Reddy:
I am TG hear me roar
in numbers too big to ignore ( more & more all the time )
and I know too much to go back now

janelle

08-01-2010, 05:41 PM

To be treated as I treat people -------------WITH RESPECT!!!!!!!!

Angiemead12

08-01-2010, 08:34 PM

Yup just be treated as another human being!

Christina Horton

08-15-2010, 01:44 AM

Yup just be treated as another human being!

I find that statement a little funny. If you Just want to be treated like a human being and not a women then...Why dress as a women???

Just the first thing that popped into my head when I read that. Yes it's nice to be treated like a human being but then again thats how I am sooooooo, I want to be treated like a lady not JUST a human. I get treated like a human all the time. I want a change LOL.

randumbness

08-15-2010, 03:22 AM

Imogen_Mann

08-15-2010, 03:48 AM

There's no need to treat me as a lady, man, alien or divine being (which I undoubtedly am). Just treat me with respect.

Christina Horton

08-19-2010, 06:44 PM

Being a closet crossdresser for the longest time (since I was a little boy), I've only recently started to try to get my appearance as passing. It all has to do with confidence. I still have yet to gain enough and have enough people to support me so that I can say eff the rest of the world, but in any case, I have a need to pass.

For those that can say I don't care, just treat me like a lady, I admire your courage.

SO ask yourself this....Why do you have this need to pass. You'll never (fool) (I don't like the term FOOL cu we are not trying to fool anyone,) everybody so you'll always have people clock you where ever you go.

So if you wait to go out like it sounds like you d want to, you may never get out. Just do your best and you'll learn how best to make yourself up as you go out more.

So my advice if you want to go out dressed , don't wait to be perfect cuz the longer you take the harder it could be to get out. Just my :2c:

kimdl93

08-19-2010, 06:48 PM

SO ask yourself this....Why do you have this need to pass. ....... Just do your best and you'll learn how best to make yourself up as you go out more.

So my advice if you want to go out dressed , don't wait to be perfect cuz the longer you take the harder it could be to get out. Just my :2c:

I know what is is for me - basically fear of the unknown. the odd thing is that I've been experimenting with going out in a fairly obvious androgynous appearance - from the clothes I wear, my heels and a bit of make up. So, isn't it odd for me to come accross as a feminine man, but fear coming accross as a cross dressing man. Not sure that I'd be any different in the eyes of the beholder.

Christina Horton

08-22-2010, 11:47 AM

I know what is is for me - basically fear of the unknown. the odd thing is that I've been experimenting with going out in a fairly obvious androgynous appearance - from the clothes I wear, my heels and a bit of make up. So, isn't it odd for me to come accross as a feminine man, but fear coming accross as a cross dressing man. Not sure that I'd be any different in the eyes of the beholder.

Ya its sound like you would stand out more dressed androgynously then if you were dressed fully. After all when your dressed as a women you blending better then just wearing the clothes eh. That's how I look at it. So if you want to go out fully dressed then go for it.

Rita C.

08-22-2010, 01:12 PM

Pythos

08-22-2010, 02:11 PM

All that I care about, is I am treated with and regarded with respect. I don't care to be treated "like a lady" What the heck does that mean anyway?

For that matter, how is a gentleman treated. Why does treatment have a gender?

It seems so silly when one really looks at it.

I would like people to treat me, how I treat them. Gee, what a concept. Sounds like one of the primary rules that seems to go by the way side when it comes to certain groups.

Christina Horton

08-23-2010, 09:09 AM

Christina, I would like pat you on the back, if more of us girls felt the way you do, we could all stand up and be proud of who we are. Oh, by the way I am very proud to be a Crossdresser and I'm not going to let any one change that.

Thanks for that.

All that I care about, is I am treated with and regarded with respect. I don't care to be treated "like a lady" What the heck does that mean anyway?

For that matter, how is a gentleman treated. Why does treatment have a gender?

It seems so silly when one really looks at it.

I would like people to treat me, how I treat them. Gee, what a concept. Sounds like one of the primary rules that seems to go by the way side when it comes to certain groups.

SO let me get this straight. You treat women just like you would treat a man. When you met a women you give them a very firm hand shake? You talk to you female like one would talk to there male friends, Like , "oh you should have seen this hot piece of ass I took home last night". ETC.

There are Cretan ways we talk to men and women that are different. Most men would not tell the really bad joke to women then they would tell to there male friends.
No I don't think it's silly to treat a women different then men.

But thats not to say I treat them with less respect , I treat them as equals But at the same time I treat them like ladies or , Princesses. But thats me, if you think I'm wrong in that well I'm sorry you think that. Or if you think the other of use that like to or treat other women like Lady's well again I'm sorry you think that.

You are not wrong if you think that cuz everybody Has the right to have there own opinion as I have the right to disagree with yours.

kimdl93

08-23-2010, 10:16 AM

Ya its sound like you would stand out more dressed androgynously then if you were dressed fully. After all when your dressed as a women you blending better then just wearing the clothes eh. That's how I look at it. So if you want to go out fully dressed then go for it.

You're probably right. I've already crossed one bright red line - maybe its time to take another step.

Christina Horton

08-27-2010, 12:38 AM

You're probably right. I've already crossed one bright red line - maybe its time to take another step.

Annnnnnnd what step would that be you think. What is the next step for you?

PrettyFlowingGown

08-27-2010, 05:29 AM

Greymancd

08-27-2010, 08:45 AM

I try to doll up and pass and I did go out but I do not think anyone gave me a second look and if they did I did not notice but I do not go out anymore because I have an agreement with my wife but there are times I would just like to go out as a man and wear a skirt or just work around the house in a skirt.

Christina Horton

09-06-2010, 01:10 AM

when i go out i try to be as perfect as can be, the dress, the walk, the talk, the feminity, etc, but deep down i know i wont pass cause of my broad shoulders, etc, but i dont care....
i've never had a prob with anyne when i'm out, and i'm always treated as a lady too.

Broad shoulders???? Well have you SEEN my pics??? well I have very broad shoulders myself and if you look at some women they to have them....not many but some!

I try to doll up and pass and I did go out but I do not think anyone gave me a second look and if they did I did not notice but I do not go out anymore because I have an agreement with my wife but there are times I would just like to go out as a man and wear a skirt or just work around the house in a skirt.

Well I'm sorry about the fact you can't go out anymore. But at least your wife is ok with it , even a little and thats something.

Annaliese2010

09-06-2010, 02:06 AM

It's hard for me to gauge the whole "do I look good enuf" thing. I think I do most of the time to ppl in passing i.e. walking past, coming & going in a shop or on the street. So there's that. Of course it's perhaps more important to most to know they "pass" when interacting, speaking, laughing etc with others. There's where I have a hard time judging myself, not that it's all that important to me in the 1st place though. My personality precedes me, if you will, which therefore complicates things and why I think it is hard for me to really know. I am always at ease and rather quick witted and charming in an unobtrusive way (if I may be so bold as to say) with my attention focused on the person with whom I am communicating, instead of on myself, worrying about acceptability.

All I can say is I've never been treated in a way that makes me feel uncomfortable or unacceptable. If someone "knows" it must be they immediately accept me as I am because I never see a reaction, only a bit of pleasant conversation and a friendly "good bye" when I leave, such as from a cashier at the register of a store, or a waitress in a diner. In fact I get much more smiles and pleasantries than my male counterpart ever does - such a formal unexpressive stuffed shirt is he (no twisted brain teaser of a pun intended, lol). If someones making faces or pointing with derision behind my back, I guess that's always possible. How would I know? Why should I care? Besides..."sticks n stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me." So THERE! :p LOL...

Danni Bear

09-06-2010, 02:21 AM

Christina,

do I pass? That is in their perception.

I have been out as a woman for most of my life. People that know me treated me as a lady when I acted like one. If I didn't act like one, well that was a different story. Ability to pass is subjective, partly on apperance but mainly on your presentation.If you feel female and present that most will see you that way and respond appropiately.

danni

nehapriya

09-06-2010, 02:22 AM

u r rite danni

Rianna Humble

09-06-2010, 02:48 PM

Of course it's perhaps more important to most to know they "pass" when interacting, speaking, laughing etc with others.

...

All I can say is I've never been treated in a way that makes me feel uncomfortable or unacceptable. If someone "knows" it must be they immediately accept me as I am because I never see a reaction, only a bit of pleasant conversation and a friendly "good bye" when I leave, such as from a cashier at the register of a store, or a waitress in a diner. In fact I get much more smiles and pleasantries than my male counterpart ever does

I think you are right about it being important to "pass" (or as someone said so well "to be passed") when interacting. I know that my voice is incongrouous, although someone recently described it as Baritone which is already nearly 2 octaves up from where I started :eek: but like you, I do not get negative reactions to my face.

I also get lovely smiles from people - in fact today, I was going up to the pharmacy counter in my local Asda (which I had not visited for about 2 months) and the sales assistant gave me one of the biggest brightest welcome smiles I have ever seen AND she remembered both my old and my current name :thumbsup: when she needed to look up my records.

Samantha Girl

09-06-2010, 05:03 PM

I just LOVE your attitude about it Christina! :cheer:

I don't pass either, despite all the wonderful words many of you have wriiten me, almost convincing me I do! :p I only put the best pictures on here ;) That said I don't really care. If I wanted to pass I'd have to dress differently and pretty much change my whole style to try to blend in. I have no interest in that. Amazingly I have had nothing but great experiences dressed out in the world. Not one bad word, not one confrontation. I'm sure it's inevitable, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it, with my big old platform boots on and fabulous big hair on :D

Hopefully I will be able to emulate Christina's attitude and take it in stride. As she mentioned, we already get an undeserved bad rep, hopefully I will not add to it :)

rachellenicole

09-06-2010, 05:40 PM

I would love to "Pass" and used to look pretty good when I was young, however, as we get older that aspect of ourselves diminishes (At least for me anyway). I really try to present myself well dressing appropriately, style my hair properly and apply my makeup to my best ability, but can only do so much. Like the rest of you, I wish to be treated with respect and as a lady.

Rach

Christina Horton

09-27-2010, 08:02 PM