Hypothetical question for cds

[AngGG]

I was just sitting here wondering something and this is the obivious forum to ask it. Now let me preface this by saying that my dh is cd, I love him/her with all my heart and accept her for who she is.

If your partner/wife/so came out to you one day and decided she wanted to dress as a man. You know traditional mens clothes, undies, short hair, mustache, and stuffed pants. Her mannerisms would also change and become more masculine. Now I don't mean for just one occasion but something that is here to stay for better or worse.

What would your reaction be?

Your acceptance level?

Could you/would you feel sexual attraction still?

Would you give advice on how to be more masculine?

Would you enjoy taking her/him shopping?

Would you go out in public with her enmas?

I only ask because I have done all this with my dh enfemme and just wanted to find out what your feelings on this would be.

Thanks
AngGG

[Jamie M]

I can understand why you wouldask this AngGG as kelly and I have often had this conversation and to be absolutely honest I 'm not sure how I would handle it, I know that makes me the biggest hypocrite in the world .

I would like to think that I would be understanding around the house but I'm not sure how comfortable I would be going out, funnily enough this is the stage the kelly is it at with julia at the moment and I can totally understand that.

good question

[StephanieCD]

Just like I expect my GG to have her limits, I'd have to draw mine at the moustache. Other than that - I'd be into it... for all intents and purposes. We could help each other - play role reversal in bed - have fun with the stereotypes we live when no one's looking. I imagine it'd all be very silly and fun though sometimes quite erotic.

That said, I would hope she'd be girly sometimes, too - I do so like girly stuff ;)

[Jenny Beth]

My wife and I have a few times discussed what would happen if the shoe was on the other foot. Knowing what I know about transgenderism I could hardly turn my back on her because I love her dearly. I like to think I would do as some GG's do and take it one day at a time and try to find a comfort level, to do otherwise would make me a hypocrite as Julia just pointed out. I have been wondering when a GG was going to ask this, it's a fair question.

[Rachel Morley]

Hi Ang GG,

What an interesting question! I say this because Marla and I have actually discussed this once.

I'm going to answer you with complete honesty. Btw, I assume you mean the whole nine yards, getting her hair cut short, sticking on a false beard, letting her leg hair grow, strapping her chest flat, acting manly like swearing and farting out loud etc.

Well, I am pretty sure that I would be accepting of my wife, it might even be fun to play dress up and go out for a beer. But I would have to know that she was "all woman" underneath, that she was the woman I married, and that she didn't want to take hormones and stuff.

Going out en homme would be fine and her wanting to be guy-ish would also be ok, but (and I'm being honest here) I would miss "the girl". So as long as she punctuated it with a reasonable amount of time as being the woman I married, I think things would work out just fine. We could play "Jack and Jill" she could be Jack and I could be Jill. Laughing at the same jokes, enjoying the same movies, and making love naked would still be the same. :)

[StephanieCD]

Ok, you said it better :)

[steffie39]

I think the important thing is she would still be a girl underneath; I know I'm still a guy underneath. I always try to live by the credo of moderation being the key. If my wife did dress up, I would also expect that to apply. Thus it's only fair I continue to do that too (i.e. not be Steffie all the time). The only difference between the two though is women can and do wear male clothing in society without fear but most men can't say that about wearing girly clothing.

Steffie

[Holly]

AngGG, this is a fair question. I would answer this way; if that is what makes my SO happy and I'm hoplessly in love with her/him, then I would do everything in my power to accept and understand what it is that drives her/him to want to do this. I'm fortunate in that I have a wonderful role model to follow. My own wife, HTGurl, has been supportive, undertanding, helpful, concerned, encouraging, and has pretty much given me "my head" as I have been searching for that elusive understanding of what it is that drives me to CD. If I am ever fortunate enough to become half the woman that she is, then I would be able to return to her the same unconditional love that she has shown to me for almost 37 years.

If there is one thing that I have learned it is this... the person under the clothes is the same person who vowed to stand by their partner for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do we part. My wife understands this and I darn well better understand it as well. So, would I still be attracted to her? Yes, she's the person I married and I love her. Would I give her advice on how to be more masculine? If that's what makes her happy and at peace internally, of course. Would I enjoy taking her/him out shopping? I actually love going shopping with my wife. I would hope it wouldn't make any difference on what it was we are shopping for. It's something we can do together and take time getting to know each others taste (tightie whities vs. boxers :eek: ). Would I go out in public with her enmas? I love for who she is and I am not ashamed to be seen with her anywhere under ANY circumstances. This person has given me three wonderful children, nursed me through surgeries and illnesses, made a home for me, shared my bed. It's just not rational that I would let a suit and tie come between all that. Would I have concerns? Of course. Would I let them overshadow my love for her. Oh God, I hope not!

[emmicd]

I don't think many women would want to subject themselves to such a transformation. Why would they? No offense to the FtMs on the forum.

It's just my personal opinion but I see the FtM contingency are clearly in the minority and most girls I know are perfectly happy being girls!

They however do escape their feminine birthrite by wearing torn jeans and tee shirt rather than a cd'ers dream of skirt/dresses.

The girls who are transgendered and rather be male are few and far between. I have never met one.

I have met transgendered guys however.

There certainly are more MtF cd'ers than FtM cd'ers.

Emmi

[Sierra]

That would be very tough, fortunately my wife is very feminine and can relate to the pretty things I like so she enjoys some things I wear.If the shoes were visa/versa I would be hard pressed to find something I like about other than maybe we could stream fish together in rugged hills ;) .

[Nadeen]

good question will have to think about it get back to you soon

[Lisa Golightly]

If it made her/him feel as I do him/her then yes I'd embrace it fully. I know a FTM pre op, he's a very cool guy... very boy, and very happy.

[Imogen_Mann]

My reaction would be... NO moustache, NO beard... Cool with everything else, I could just never kiss a hairy face, it's a HUGE turnoff / revolting thing for me. (no offence to you fuzzy people out there)

The rest of it.... Sounds like it could be quite fun though, and what the hell, it's a free country and all that, after all, My best GG friend (whom I love dearly :love: ) accepts me with all my loves desires and pet hates... What could ever give me the right not to accept her her wishes ? I even put up with her listening to "Busted"... Now THAT'S tolerance ! :D

Sexual attraction ? Ummm... Yes, and probably some lust too assumming there were certain phisical enhancements behind the zipper. (call me a **** !!)

I think I'd help her with where I could with manly issues, but how hard can it be ? grab your packet once every five seconds, pick your nose in public, fart amongst your friends and drive too damn fast :p
she helps me, but as for going out in public... Not so sure, as it's not something I've had the courage to do since I was about 14.

XX

Jayme

[mand]

Hello AngGG :) .................Well if I was to object to such a thing I think that would make me the biggest hypocrite around.

I can say with all honesty, I'd have no problem at all, in fact I think it would be kinda cool :cool:


love mand xxx :)

[RachelDenise]

A difficult proposition. I would think that all I've been through in the other direction would give me insight and understanding. But I'm afraid that when it comes to it, I hope that I would be a levelheaded as I think I would be. Not too sure about facial hair, but would be willing to give it a try. I guess the reverse would be that if she is going male, than she shouldn't complain about me going female!

[Jonien]

Yes well there was a time when I thought gay persons should keep themself to themself but that was when I had kept Jonien very much sealed up this was when I was young and did't realy know of much of life'

I did't evern know me or that two of my best friends at that time were gay well with that sead and have lived my life a little bit more and I have found out who I am then and the world is full of not just two genders as we have been led to beleave but a whole moultitude of differences and all deserve to be treated as humans as for me and getting back to the original question I'm a TG and that is not though chioce, my wife that has been so much of my life has helped come to terms with myself but as for my wife wanting to become a male then I would give her the same support she has givern me and will still love her till the end

[kathy gg]

But you did not answer the question.............

And please don't think me rude saying this, but the reason you don't 'know' about tg men is because you are not hanging out in the areas of the net or looking up info on the subject. Also go to any lesbian bar or drag king show and you will be blown AWAY by the work and effort that goes into male presentation. You ask why would they? Some drag kings I have seen on tv and in interviews enjoy the manly attributes of life that ( as females) don't happen. So many say women take 'femininity' for granted, but to someone craving a level of masculinity that women cannot get away with (and I am not just talking clothing) expessing yourself in that way brings probably many of the same feelings you experience dressed the way you are.

You say most girls you know are happy being girls. Actually some ftm's get married have kids and try to denigh their true selves. I saw the most fascinating interview with a ftm who was as girly and vain and sexy as a female and probably more feminine than me, but that was the role that was expected of her by family and the men she dated and where she worked. Eventually she had a breakdown and finally admitted to herself what she always felt, that it was all a charade. Many dont' come out till their kids are grown and they are tired of living a lie. You should watch a documentary called "Southern Comfort" or rent "boys don't cry", both films might give you insight into this valid and growing minority of tg men.

You are gith the sheer numbers of men who crave to be women do outnumber the ones who crave to be men. But with the availablity of information, hormones, and the sheer ability to 'pass' in public it is becoming a very growing population.

Also, don't think these guys don't get bashed or more easily acepted. This is just as taboo as mtf cding. Wearing guy clothing is one thing, taping one's chest down, taking on male mannerisms, packing, all those things are just as tabboo and most family and peers will be just as confused as a guy doing all the things it takes to preesnt as a female.

hugs
kathy in canada



I don't think many women would want to subject themselves to such a transformation. Why would they? No offense to the FtMs on the forum.

It's just my personal opinion but I see the FtM contingency are clearly in the minority and most girls I know are perfectly happy being girls!

They however do escape their feminine birthrite by wearing torn jeans and tee shirt rather than a cd'ers dream of skirt/dresses.

The girls who are transgendered and rather be male are few and far between. I have never met one.

I have met transgendered guys however.

There certainly are more MtF cd'ers than FtM cd'ers.

Emmi

[NatalieBliss]

And a very very difficult one to answer...

What would your reaction be?
Well I would be a little shocked, unless of course she was already kind of hinting through style of dress/mannerisims. Hipocrite? I won't argue that it's not at least a little...

Your acceptance level?
Very high. I am assuming I love her and she has been supportive of me for these questions...

Could you/would you feel sexual attraction still?
I don't know. To give a better answer to this question... I have said in my blog I am pretty confidant in the fact that GMs will never be counted amongst my...uh partners but...To be honest I would probably be a bit turned on (at first, anyway) as "gender role play" is admitadly a secret fantasy of mine (not anymore...) :eek: still can't belive I may post this answer...

Would you give advice on how to be more masculine?
For sure! Again I am assuming that she has been supportive of me, which I think would not be a stretch in this sceniro.

Would you enjoy taking her/him shopping?
Heck yes! I giggle thinking about bying the "dude" stuff for her and the "gal" stuff for me... :lol: It amuses me greatly actually!

Would you go out in public with her enmas?
Again I am being WAY to honest, but I have thought about this quite a bit after finding this site... Me in drab and her when she "looka like a man"... the hetero male in me says I would have many problems with this, and probably not be able to do it. I realize this may be hipocritical but it's how I feel about it. On the otherhand if we were both dressed it would probably be a lot of fun, and I would probably have a blast!

Glad I found this post as it helped me really sort out my thoughts and feelings on this!

*Edit. I just read all the posts. After I read the initial post I decided I would answer before reading the responses, as to make it eaiser to stay honest. However I would like to say....

1) I answered this question in the spirit it was intended (I think) and as such answered in the way I want people to respond to questions I post. Not saying I am such a great person, just how I see it.

2) Could I be wrong about my answers? YES. You never know how you'll react in anysituation until it happens!

3) Click on Kathy GGs name to view her profile and go to her website! As I have said before it helped me A LOT. She has a very interesting spin on CDing from the view of a (super cool) GG! Am I a little guilty of giddy school girl heroine worship? No, I am very guilty of it! She just made me realize many things, mainly that I was (and still am on occasion) a bit childish in respects to my CDing. My answer to this post would probably have been quite different if I hadn't found it and could never thank her enough.

[TVStevie]

I was just sitting here wondering something and this is the obivious forum to ask it. Now let me preface this by saying that my dh is cd, I love him/her with all my heart and accept her for who she is.

If your partner/wife/so came out to you one day and decided she wanted to dress as a man. You know traditional mens clothes, undies, short hair, mustache, and stuffed pants. Her mannerisms would also change and become more masculine. Now I don't mean for just one occasion but something that is here to stay for better or worse.

What would your reaction be?
Shock, if I'm completely honest.
Your acceptance level?
Hypothetically, I'd like to think that I'd be tolerant and supportive, providing that it was something that would not be 24/7. I don't CD all of the time and I wouldn't want my wife to either.
Could you/would you feel sexual attraction still?
Tricky. Looking at it from a positive point of view, my wife has never wanted anything to do with 'back-door' action, so every cloud could have a silver lining. :) This is assuming that we were role-playing a M/M relationship.
If we were both dressed, I don't know. I have expressed a desire to play F/F role-play games in bed, which on the whole, my wife has declined. I'd like to go through the whole genre, trying M/F, F/F, M/M and F/M and decide after giving them all a go. I wouldn't knock it until I'd tried it. :p
Would you give advice on how to be more masculine?
That's a difficult question too, as I generally believe that most 'typical' men act like a*seholes. Being inconsiderate of another persons feelings, showing no decorum in public and farting all day aren't desirable characteristics IMO, be it from a man or woman.
Would you enjoy taking her/him shopping?
I rarely enjoy shopping anyway, unless it's for something that I'm really after. I guess I'm more typically male in this respect. ;)
Would you go out in public with her enmas?
If she wanted me to go out with her whilst she was dressed, I would, provided that we were discreet. I'm not an 'out and about' CDer myself - I don't feel the need to share this with anyone other than my wife (whilst contradicting myself by being on a CD forum). To qualify that statement, I can't be arsed to put up with the potential flak/lifestyle changes that being 'out' could cause my wife, my children or myself.
I only ask because I have done all this with my dh enfemme and just wanted to find out what your feelings on this would be.

Thanks
AngGGIt's interesting to find out my own opinions, because for as strange as it may seem, I'd never truly considered them other than in passing. Thanks, AngGG. :thumbsup:

[Katie Ashe]

I almost feel like this may be a double standard Q & A, here. I'm not looking to be tricked into something...but here I go.

What would your reaction be? As most females already dress in mens clothes, I won't really care.

Your acceptance level? For as long as she didn't want a sex change, I'd be ok with it. After all she'd still be female in bed.?. If she did, I'd have to get back to you on that... About the face hair, not too ok with that, Angel said it best

Could you/would you feel sexual attraction still? I think so, clothing is just an exterior look, what's inside is more important. I no longer suck flag poles, and haven't since I was 6 years old. This Q is difficult to answer, so I'm stopping here.

Would you give advice on how to be more masculine? Sure why not.

Would you enjoy taking her/him shopping? Yup. It's hard to keep girls interested in power tools, motorcycles, trucks, and weapons...

Would you go out in public with her enmas? She would be better that my best friend, why not. I'd be dressed a lady anyways, so we'd look the part any how.

I did see: Boys don't cry... sad movie, and I like Just One Of the Guys also.

[juliecboston]

This is a FANTASTIC questions! I think to be fair, you really need to ask this questions to non-cross dressers (which kind of defeats your frame of reference). I do not think we can answer this questions in an "unbiased" manner. We have a need that is normal to us, but alien to our SO's so I think that impacts our answer. "I think most of us would say, hey that would be great! We could role play."

If I were not a cd, would I find it odd if my wife wanted to wear brief's, bind her breast, try to change her voice and appearance to act like a man. Absolutely. In fact, even though I am a cd, I would still find it odd if she all of a sudden had a need to crossdress. I would hope though, I that I would be as open and understanding of her need to do this as she has been for me.

In fact, I think it is odd that I have a need to do it, but I also know that it is part of me and will never go away. And frankly, I do not want it to go away.

I think there are several key things that are important to make this work in a relationship (at least for me):

1) Honesty - First and foremost this needs to be a topic that is out on the table before there is any real long term commitment (i.e. marriage). I think if this is discovered or confessed after years of marriage, there is going to be a long period of hurt feelings and some serious trust issues.

2) Frequency - If I felt the "need" to go out dressed EVERY weekend, this type of activity would be too overwhelming for my wife and most wives or spouses. There needs to be balance. While I think I would enjoy some role playing with spouse, if she felt the need to crossdress all of the time, I would miss the woman I married.

3) Fidelity & Trust - Self explanitory, but you need to be able to trust your partner to know that if they are going out with their freinds, it's just that ... going out with the frineds. If you are worried that they are going out to meet and hookup with another cd, male, or female (who is into cd's).... then, that's not healthy for the relationship.

This is a great question that does not have a black and white answer.

[Jen_TGCD]

...I don't have a significant other or even an insignificant other.


:lol: I can relate to that ! ! ! :p



Give her advice about how to be more masculine?...I am probably not one to give that kind of advice but I would be happy to introduce her to some neanderthals I know who might point her in the right direction.

Sexual attraction...probably not...I like girly things..on me and her

Take her/him shopping....Why? She needs to learn guys don't like to shop. If she wants, I'll go buy her clothes for him.

:lol: You have a really, really good perspective on life, Susan! :thumbsup:

Great post ! ! !

[Sweet Susan]

What the hell is a dh? Designated Hitter?

I don't see the reason for the questions. Most of us either know women or are married to women who fit into all of the categories. Women frequently dress like men. They only thing they don't always do is grow a moustache, and there are exceptions to that. Besides, they can't actually grow one unless they take hormones. I guess the most obvious thing ggs can do is let the hair on their legs grow, and that isn't always that bad. I don't understand women's attraction for men in the first place, anyway. I find them to be rather disgusting looking.

[Marianne]

I'd be a little surprised, then I'd hand her the keys to the toolbox.

"Cool, you can do the oil changes, fix faucet washers, take out the trash, mow the lawn, mulch the undergrowth and skin the bears!"

To be honest, if I was *already* in a committed relationship where she was totally accepting of my femme side, I'd have no problem with this at all.

I beleive the phrase is 'Turnabout is fair play".

[AngGG]

[QUOTE=Sweet Susan]What the hell is a dh? Designated Hitter?


LOL dh = dear husband

As I said it was a hypothetical question. I was curious as to what the response would be if someone who presented him/herself to you one way and had been hiding an integral aspect of themself decided you could be trusted with something very personal and somewhat controversial to conventional society. How do you think you would react and what would your acceptance level be. Yes we cannot grow mustaches(except us Italians :eek: ) but we can do other things as Kathy pointed out like bind our breasts and stuff our jeans. From your response I gather that you would not be fond or supporting of that, and that is ok.

I want to thank everyone who responded, I felt your responses were genuine and honest. What I did realise that you all would run the gammet in acceptance levels, but would be willing to work with your mate to overcome any obsticles. This is the same for me. I love my DH (at this time it means dear husband ;) ) with all my heart and think my life would be poorer without him. It is because of this that I work to accept, and I say work because before he told me I thought my marriage was vanilla, and help him to enjoy him/herself and be happy.

[Rachel_740]

I was just sitting here wondering something and this is the obivious forum to ask it. Now let me preface this by saying that my dh is cd, I love him/her with all my heart and accept her for who she is.

If your partner/wife/so came out to you one day and decided she wanted to dress as a man. You know traditional mens clothes, undies, short hair, mustache, and stuffed pants. Her mannerisms would also change and become more masculine. Now I don't mean for just one occasion but something that is here to stay for better or worse.

What would your reaction be?

Your acceptance level?

Could you/would you feel sexual attraction still?

Would you give advice on how to be more masculine?

Would you enjoy taking her/him shopping?

Would you go out in public with her enmas?

I only ask because I have done all this with my dh enfemme and just wanted to find out what your feelings on this would be.

Thanks
AngGG

Ang,

I think that's the best question I've seen here for ages. To be honest I think (when I was a guy) I would have been the original hypocrite and had problems with it. Now I've transitioned your NEVER going to find me dressing as a guy again :eek:

Anne

[Dixie Darling]

AngGG,

I would think that one would need to look at this dependent on whether they are a CD or not. Obviously a crossdresser has an insight into the NEED to dress as the opposite gender and as such SHOULD be understanding of this need in others - regardless as to whether it's M2F or F2M.

As a crossdresser I think I would understand and honor her desires to the extent that she was also cognesent of mine. In basic terms I would accept her need to dress since I'm well aware of what those needs are.

Insofar as feeling sexual attraction to her if she were dressed and made up as a male, that couldn't happen since I'm no more attracted to males than she is to females. Even when I'm dressed fully enfemme I have no attraction to to males. UNLESS there is a clear agreement between the partners it's not a good idea to bring crossdressing into bedroom intimacy and for that reason I wouldn't expect her to expect ME to be attracted to her sexually any more than visa versa.

I would offer her what advice I might have about masculine deportment and try to 'tutor' her in such if she wanted me to. I know that I would appreciate the same courtesy from her in the feminine, so I would imagine that she would appreciate me advising her on the masculine. And I would have no reservations about going out in public or going shopping with her while she was im male mode.

Dixie -- http://www.geocities.com/senorita_cd

[jo_ann]

My wife has once threatened to cut her hair real short without asking when I shaved my chest without asking.. I was like "go ahead".

What would your reaction be? My wife is pretty much a tomboy already so I dont' see much difference. If she doned a mustache it might be strange since I don't even wear facial hair.

Your acceptance level? totall acceptance, how could I not?

Could you/would you feel sexual attraction still?
Probalbly.. might even be fun to role play with it.. wouldn't know till I tried.

Would you give advice on how to be more masculine? Sure, as good as I could give, but I'm more femme than she is sometimes.

Would you enjoy taking her/him shopping? Yeah, she wouldn't get stares like I would going shopping for girly clothing, wouldn't bother me.

Would you go out in public with her enmas? If she were passable and was ok with it.. She has low self esteem going out as a woman as it is, so I'm thinking she'd probably be a closeted crossdresser.

[emmicd]

In answer to Kathy's question:

Kathy,

I appreciate your comments and enjoy reading your responses to all the threads.

The truth is I am strictly a closet crossdresser with no need to dress in front of my wife or others. I do it because it is part of me and I can make peace with it alone. I'd rather not dress in front of others with exception of casual slacks in womens sizes and feminine under garments. I do not need to dress fully en femme or alter my body in any way.

I don't even wear ear rings!

So in answer to these questions:

I could certainly understand transgendered individuals no matter what their sex.

I certainly can relate.

I would not desire at all that my wife or any girl wish to alter her body to be masculine. In my opinion I could not accept it as I would not want to alter my body to be a girl.

I am happy as a guy!

My only hangup is I like dresses!

If I shave my legs it is not permanent.

I don't think it is appropriate for a girl to want facial hair. A complete turnoff!

I am not saying this to offend anyone. It is just my take on things.

My wife does not like to wear dresses at all. She wears mostly pants and shirts. Nothing really that feminine.

I would like for her to dress more feminine.

Emmi

[sportschick]

It's truly a great, thought provoking question. The reaction of non-cd-ing guys would be very interesting , and Kathy GG does indeed rock, very helpful.The insight of many of you thoughtful, understanding GG's has done more to help me get my head around this CD thing han anything else.

[MaylinJane]

For me, I married the person inside not the outside. So, hypothetically, I wouldn't have a problem with that. My wife is pretty much a tomboy anyway.

May

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

Well it depends on whether you're talking about part-time cross-dressing or living full-time as a man.

In the former, I'd like to think to think I'd be accepting and supportive. Otherwise, I'd be a huge hypocrite.

If she wanted to live full-time as a FTM, that's probably a step beyond where I'm willing to go. OTOH, while I'm a part-time CD, I wouldn't expect an SO of mine to accept me going full-time MTF either.

[Tristen Cox]

Hypothetically?

I really don't know. It would depend on her I suppose and how much I truely cared for her to set my opinions aside. My preference is fem something to challenge my own standards in beautification. So that would go against that particular side of me. But I would not be against her by any means. I'm just uncertain how I would react to be honest. Maybe others share this little fear of the unknown.

Now if Eddie's looking for a date, I'd give that really strong consideration :cool:

[Ayla GG]

This discussion came up while we were watching Sex in the City. There was an episode about Charlotte hosting a photo/art exhibition of women dressed up as men. These women really, really look like men! :cool:

http://www.genders.org/g29/image/mfig11sm.jpg

Ophelia has a very diplomatic approach about it. The Do unto others as you would have them do unto you method.

Hypothetically speaking...If I really feel the need to express my masculine side by dressing up the whole nine yards like the pic above then she will try her best to understand it. She admitted that she would probably react along the same way that I did when I first found out about her Cding. Stuffing my pants with socks, wearing a moustache & binding my chest & wear manly clothes would be okay. As long as it's not an everyday thing & as long as I don't have the desire to take hormones. She needs to know & feel that underneath those manly clothes I'm still a woman :D

Fair enough....