how would this have affected you?

[suzy1]

I was in the garden yesterday having a beer with one of my sons and a friend. For some reason the conversation turned to men who dress in women’s clothes.
Now I am in the closet, apart from one special friend. I am there because I like to be in there by the way.
Anyway, before long the words faggot and queer were used to describe us.
What I found interesting was the affect it had on me. First it made me smile. I think that’s because I am living such an enjoyable life as Suzy and they have no idea!
Also I find my secret life as Suzy exciting because it is a secret life.
What it did not do is upset or annoy me at all.
So, tell me, how would it have affected you. Am I unusual?

SUZY

[StaceyJane]

I once heard my dad say something about men in dresses. It just made me more determined not to come out to my parents.

[Sarah_GG]

If I'd heard my kids use derogatory terms for anyone who's 'different' I'd be horrified and would challenge them about it.

Neither my son nor Steve's were brought up to be narrow-minded or prejudiced but accepting of difference. How can we hope to change common misconceptions and ignorance if we don't use these opportunities to enlighten people, especially our own offspring?

I know I'm always standing on the 'truth' soapbox... but I want to see transpeople accepted everywhere and by everyone possible. It's up to all of us to help to change the way people think.

[tammygirl79]

To tell you the truth Suzy, i don't think it would have affected me any different then it affected you. No matter who you are, how you act or what you do or like in life, there is always some sort of derogitory term for it. My parents raised me with the philosophy of "sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me". Never take anything personal....God knows your son wasn't calling you that, he had no idea. I've been called an asshole, a bitch, a yankee, a preppy, whitey, cracker, faggot....you name it. They are just words, we should be strong enough to not be offended by words! Now, what I would have done is have a conversation with my son to find out why he feels that way, and to tell him that even if he does feel that way, you should never call someone a derogatory name because it is hurtfull. And just try to explaine to him why people crossdress, without revealing that you are a crossdresser. :)

[Sarah Doepner]

Kind of like this;

I probably would have done a little "raising of awareness". I don't mind if someone feels that crossdressers are not normal or even a little strange, but the names show the speakers as intolerant. But sometimes that's just a step or two from abusive. I'm not out to many as a crossdresser, but I'm well known for my defense of just about any minority. Even when my kids were younger and using the term "gay" instead of "unpopular" both my wife and I would attempt to drag them up short.

I'd have let your son and friend know there is no direct equivalence between crossdresser and "faggot" or "queer" particuarlly if it's being used in a derogatory fashion and they could stop drinking my beer until they started showing a little respect for folks they obviously didn't understand.

Ok, I feel better. I can climb down off the soapbox now.

[Christinedreamer]

I belong to an MCC church and am an ardent supporter of legalizing gay marriage and all the other rights due to citizens.
That being said it has been painfully obvious that many in the gay community and some in the TG community are adding fuel to the fires that others are trying to put out.

I detest the terms queer and faggot however, much like African Americans (hate that term too) too many gays use the term in an "in your face" attempt to force the vanilla world to accept them no matter what they are doing. Look at the Pride parades for instance.

I have several gay & lesbian friends that work to fit in with society in general while not hiding their sexual/ affectional preference identity. These are folks you would be proud to know and live, work and socialize with. OTH, you see many in the pride parades that are as outrageous as they can possibly be and many times in a just-barely-legal way.

It amazes me that these folks can't seem to comprehend that much of the vanilla world is trying to accept a lifestyle that many don't understand but when they are bombarded with deliberately ugly and clownish drag queens and guys in penis costumes and the like, it is quite natural and expected for defenses to go up and it then becomes increasingly difficult to have a serious fact based discussion when the clowns are what is on the news. The same for many of us CDers.

When CDers who are not 21 with trim feminine bodies present out in the world dressed as 50GG chested hookers in bullet bras, Toys R Us wigs and micro skirts etc, what do you expect the rest of the population to do or say? I laugh at them myself.

Unless we stop deliberately adding more stress to the acceptance we seek, then we have no reason to be surprised at the negative reactions.

[Frédérique]

Also I find my secret life as Suzy exciting because it is a secret life.
What it did not do is upset or annoy me at all.
So, tell me, how would it have affected you. Am I unusual?

Yes, I feel the same way, in fact I would have reacted (by not reacting), just as you did. I would expect the typical male to make the unconscious mental leap your “friends” did, especially in a situation of that type where pack-mentality thinking rules the day. Don’t you just love keeping secrets? It amuses me no end to be a hidden crossdresser among people who wouldn’t understand such a thing, no matter how much you could try to explain it. It’s like separating the wheat from the chaff (a Kansas reference), finding those who think differently and act on their urges. Of course, you have to have urges and desires in the first place, not deaden them by associating with the walking dead. So, I would’ve gotten a chuckle out of your unplanned situation. No, you’re not unusual, but please don’t ever be “usual,” OK? :)

[ReineD]

I would have reacted negatively, and I'm not even TG. :p It bothers me when people put down those who are different than they are, whether the slurs are directed towards a person's race, religion, sex, or gender.

I probably would have done my best to educate them. It's been my experience that most bigots back off when they're in the presence of someone who doesn't agree with them. :)

[AKAMichelle]

I have been around people who talk that way and I had to correct them. I felt like I was defending myself.

[WandaRae2009]

I have always tried to instill tolerance of all people whatever their difference with my children. No matter how we try they are influenced by their environment, "friends" and acquaintances. Sometimes I think they go along with the crowd just to fit in.

If ever in that situation, I would say whatever people do is up to them and should not be harassed by society as long as they are not hurting anyone. Then attempt to change the subject.

[BRANDYJ]

I would have said something without outing myself. I'd make it clear that I don't appreciate anyone calling gays... or anyone for that matter, derogatory names. I'd express my tolerance and hope some of it would rub off on my son and his friend.

[Babette]

If a son or a daughter of mine and their friend had tried to draw me into this conversation, they would have seen everything but a smile on my face. That son or daughter would invited to a private conversation where I would share my positive views on diversity and my contempt for the contrary.

Babette

[Lorileah]

How would it have effected me? Well first of all I would have told my son that in my household the use of any derogatory term applied to anyone will not be tolerated. Those words are not terms of endearment and I don't even like the gay community using them for one another. Period. I also would have suggested very strongly that my son and his friend actually do some research. Ignorance can be fixed, stupid cannot. And when they make uninformed remarks about anything I will accept ignorance if they are will to learn and change.

We live in a society where we should live and work together not deride or even have mistrust in each other. It bothered you or you would not have said anything. You know that what they were saying was patently untrue. When people use words like this they are really trying to look bigger than they are. They do just the opposite. I won't accept social status as an excuse either for talking this way.

I would have tried to educate my son about acceptance, tolerance and gentility. Then I would have strongly suggested he do some research and we could discuss it further when he had. You would not have to expose yourself over this. The way he was talking is the same as racism and anti-theological speech.

[tinalynn]

I've found that as I've grown older, I've become far more tolerant and accepting. When young, I had the same feelings as the OPs son - even though I dressed. Pack mentality, I guess... I no longer think that way. I recently saw one of my nieces Facebook posts about her fiance' almost getting in a fight with an "it", and it really torqued me. So I think I probably would have said something...

[erika130]

It would've affected me negatively, as one thing is to say that crossdressers are different and another thing is to use derogatory terms. Intolerance to those who are simply different is just never right, so like many here I would've tried to say something if it were friends or at least I would've been uncomfortable.

[Kate Simmons]

Sticks and stones, ya know? I figger why let myself be bothered by trying to think at their level?:)

[Sheren Kelly]

I too have been in a similar situation (though not as hateful). I feel good in the knowledge that we will experience part of life they will never know or accept. However I always take the time to do a little education. I choose to be in stealth in my work life, but I have had more than a few acquaintances transition. I use their stories to educate those who are clueless as to who the transgender are. People will follow the pack mentality and attack anyone who is different until they meet someone who can dispell their fears.

[charlie]

Hello Suzy!
I'm surprised that it did not affect you in any way, because you know patently that it is not true. Crossdressers mimic the rest of society in that only about 2% of them are gay. The rest are straight like yourself. At least a bit of correcting the intolerance would have been in line.

[docrobbysherry]

No one I'm close to would talk like that, PERIOD!:Angry3:

If I was with some strange, misc. jerks talking that way, I'd probably agree and even pull their chains some MORE! Just to see how ignorant and bigoted they REALLY WERE!:brolleyes:

Stupid, intolerant people USUALLY make me LAFF!:heehee:

[~Michelle~]

Some food for thoughts; do heterosexual crossdressers get more angry by being called a faggot than being called a sissy?

[Huntress]

Tasers. I don't like 'em. In this case I would have made an exception and gone out and rented one. On return to my home, I would have tasered them until loss of mental erudition and their shoes were full of displaced bladder fluid. I would then paint their bodies blue and duct-tape them to a streetlight near a multi-gendered nightclub. Just for grins and giggles. People's educations are so often neglected these days.:devil:

Huntress

[Nicole Erin]

Not sure how I would have felt.

If a family member finds out at some point about their CD'ing male relative, they are likely to change their minds.

I don't think I would have got mad really.

[NathalieX66]

My dad owned a six unit apartment building with a gay guy living in the basement, and a gay couple living on the top floor, and plus the lesbian couple he's friendly with living year round on the boat in the slip next to his boat, and he has the gumption to say "I don't care if you're gay or not, just don't wear a dress".

Well I'm straight and i have gone out in public on numerous occasions wearing dresses. I'm a half transgendered person ( short of transsexual) and the situation is what it is.
..and yeah, I think he's a closet crossdresser himself, and I am in the process of dealing with it and he will know *very shortly* my situation.

As far as 'faggot", I get that all the time while jogging down my street in drab...usually teenagers yelling it n their cars just yelling stuff. Whaddyagonna do? just live with it, and not care. .

[AmandaM]

Some food for thoughts; do heterosexual crossdressers get more angry by being called a faggot than being called a sissy?

Yes, cause I resemble that remark.

Seriously, we're all just faggots and queers to the public at large. But you can try to steer their thoughts into a more rational pattern. Saying stuff like, "they're just people", "they're not gay", "must be tough to be one of them". Stuff like that, to get their compassion going, if any.

[Presh GG]

I feel so sorry for you Suzy.!

To have a child with such a low level of education, in life and tolerance.
I would be so ashamed of said child, I'd just be crushed he turned out so badly... into someone I'd really not want to know.

I would ask him [ in front of his friend ] where he learned such language, certainly not in my home.

Presh GG

[Miranda09]

Well, I likely would have found it offensive, for one very good reason: That it is a derogatory remark made by those who would feel threatened by someone different from themselves. I wouldn't go on a soapbox or anything, but I would like to think that I would have an intelligent conversation about their viewpoints on this matter and they feel this way. It's really no different than someone making a racial slur based on color or ethnicity. This is something I've never had any tolerance for.

[eluuzion]

I would remind them that the "house rules" still apply, even when you no longer live at "home". Both would be required to put a dollar in the "Darwin Jar" for each digression (faggot + queer = $2 penalty). The Darwin Jar is a concept I installed in the service dept of the company I ran and at home as well. It is a large Jar (like a tip jar) that sits on the counter. Every time you swear or insult somebody...you have to put a dollar in the jar.

Then I would casually remind them of the ole' rhyme...

"Sticks and stones may break bones, but so will a garden rake when it hits the back of the head of a
"etiquettly challenged" knucklehead...

[Loni]

i would have gone on the offensive. and cleaned out his thoughts, talked down every none of his talking points, and got him to at least here the real truth.

up to him to believe what he wants..but at least he would have know the other side of the thought.

i do not know what words are used to describe a straight guy in a bad way by the "gay" community. but if my son would talk bad about those not like him, then i would make sure he knew life from the other side of the fence, one must know both sides to understand the truth.


.

[Naomi Rayne]

I would have reacted negatively, and I'm not even TG. :p It bothers me when people put down those who are different than they are, whether the slurs are directed towards a person's race, religion, sex, or gender.

I probably would have done my best to educate them. It's been my experience that most bigots back off when they're in the presence of someone who doesn't agree with them. :)

I would have to agree with this 100 %. I would have been offended, not just because i am a CDer, but because I would have thought i raised my son better then that. No matter how old your son is he is still your son which means he should still be learning from you. Education and the right attitude is the only way that people are going to progress as a society. Even if you did not want to out yourself which is perfectly fine because i would not want to either i would still educate him to the best of my ability especially in a moment like that

[Mizz Kitten]

I'm still getting over the hurtful feelings when I hear people use the terms fag, queer, etc... Weird thing is, when I'm dressed up, it does not phase me at all and just makes me feel even better about my self. It must be the confidence that being all dolled up brings me. Either way though, its a bitch! Even with all of the beauty in the world, it can still be an ugly place.

[Dana]

Its all so much BS.

What's normal?

Only about 64% of all high school students graduate, of those that do? Only about half of them attend college, of those that do? Only about 40% of them eventually graduate (most after attending for seven years)

The whole heterosexual, bisexual, homosexual, transgendered, thing is nothing more than a Rubix Cube.

The Kinsey Report alone suggests that 2/3'd of the population (be they male or female) have had at least bisexual thoughts at least once or more during their lifetime.

Ditto with the Marines (From which I'm retired) ~ the attrition rate in bootcamp is 1/3. That is to say only 1 out every three recruits make it through boot camp.

Of that do? Only half make it past their first year anniversary of having signed their enlistment papers.

Even less complete their first four year enlistment, (physical, mental, pyschological, legal etc problems)

Of those that do? Most do not re-enlist.

Of those that do ~ they get 'culled" even more!

Of those that make it past thier second enlistment? They get culled even more ~ ditto for the fourth and fifith enlistment.

Of 100 recrurits who intiially enlisted into the Marines?

Only .05 retire from the Marine Corps.

My point? Instead of seeing and questioning being "transgendered"

See it as being a gift!

[Shelly67]

Been there , in the prescence of family watching the idiot tube ( television to those addicted ) and remarks came thick and fast about a transvestite on a show . Funny thing is when I brought Eddie izzard into the conversation comments were returned with a positive nature . a good chap . Bloody good commedian . Brilliant at marathons . Should be given a medal . I remarked perhaps sponsership from a giant make up manufacturer would probably give Mr Izzard more satisfaction . The conversation stopped dead in its tracks .... with many a contemplated frown .
People are fickle .
people are conditioned .
We are all creatures of darkness .
Until we see the light .
BUT , more than anything as we walk into history perceptions and points of view are changing slightly . Ignorance is not bliss , but in some cases it remains amongst us with a massed power. This'll set the thread on fire : some genders are denied by a certain church - and the head of such an organisation preaches wearing what could at best be described as a dress .


Undeniable truth towards ignorance will always have an excuse . And then be ignored .
And history will always repeat itself .





Oh , and for the truth about alcohol - it levels us all at some points ......... brings us to gutter level . But we ignore it a return to for it indulgence . We've never really learnt about that one either .

[mklinden2010]

As words, these have their places and their uses.

They would have caught my attention immediately and I'd have to ask them how they were using them and who, specifically they were applying them to. People can talk without meaning very much. Put them on the spot, and you can learn things that can broaden your understanding of many things. Such as, "I thought you were SMARTER than that..."

I tend to be proactive to the point of being confrontational. It has it's pluses and minuses in life, but no one engaged with me has to wonder very long if it's personal - everything is personal, all the time. So, watch what you say, think, and do - all that you say and do has consequences, even if YOU DON'T THINK so. (Dumb ass!)

It's odd that people seem to (suddenly) "take things personal" without realizing they must be sleeping through most of their lives. The son and the friend running their mouths... Shake them awake with some questions and you'll find their true characters. After that, you may care or not care for them. To each their own - "Hell is that way."

I am not one to be amused or bemused at people's ignorance of life and/or disregard of others. It is not a jungle "out there." The jungle is right here.

Would I sit, like a toad in a warming pot, while my son and friend rudely suggested harm to "people like me"? No. Screw them. They hurt my ears, I'll hurt theirs.

Fat slobs, ignorant a**-holes, drunks, fools, woman-less pecker shakers...

There's all kinds of words for all kinds of uses.

We can agree to be disagreeable, if that's how they want to play.

But, sit there and soak my brain in beer and say and think nothing?

Not smart. Not healthy. You want respect, real respect for yourself and others? Sometimes, most times, you have to earn it.

You can be smugly happy and say nothing... But, when the crowd shows up later with wood, torches, and pitchforks, ask yourself then if you should have said something sooner about all that when you had the chance.

How would this have affected me?

I'd be all over it in a heartbeat and it would be a new day for those folks.

I hope you'd do the same.

Thank you - for that - in advance.