Maryanne_sa
06-16-2010, 06:56 AM
Yesterday, Tuesday 15th June, I had decided (with the encouragement of my lovely next-door neighbour) that the time had come for me to tell my boss that I am going to transition, and that I wanted to start coming to work as Maryanne.
Walking to work from the train station, I was trying to think of reasons to put it off, for example, I should wait for my appointment to be set by Charing Cross Gender Clinic, or even, what’s the hurry, I can tell her next week, or whenever!
When I got to the office, I thought, ok, just type the email requesting a meeting, I don’t have to send it. So, I typed an email asking her to set aside some time for me, as I wished to discuss something with her in private. I sat there a while looking at the screen, and suddenly, I knew that I had to send it, so I did, actually feeling quite calm.
After a while the reply came back, would 11ish be ok, and would I like to meet in our meeting room downstairs, or would I like to go for Coffee somewhere? I emailed back that 11ish would be fine, and that I would prefer the meeting room downstairs. I deliberately chose some easy tasks to do, as there was no way at this point that I could tackle anything more complicated, while waiting!
Just after 11, she came to my desk, and said shall we go, so off the two of us went downstairs. I told her that I wanted to talk to her about private issues, to which she replied that it would be totally confidential. I then started off by telling her that my wife and I had separated 6 months ago, and I needed to talk to her about the reasons, she said she was sorry to hear that, and she had been through a separation herself.
I then told her my life story, starting from around 5 or 6, when I used to like to put on my mother’s lipstick and try on her shoes, and how it all progressed from there, and how I was diagnosed a transsexual in my 40’s. I told her why we stayed married so long - Children to educate, the fact that I did love my wife. In essence though, we were both unhappy, my wife not being able to cope with it, and me having to lock everything inside of me. I did tell her a lot more than this, but I won’t go into that now, or this post will be too long
Anyway, once the children were all educated and independent, they all, one by one, came over to live in England, and we followed them as soon as we were able to.
After a year of being in England, my wife told me that she was leaving, which was very upsetting for me at the time, but has turned out to be the best thing that has happened. We are both much happier, and I spend most of my time as a women. I asked my boss if she had noticed that I had been wearing makeup – womens office clothes – black pants, shirts, jumpers, and shoes to work. She surprised me by saying that she had not, although in fairness, I guess that that unless you had a really good eye, and noticed the darts in the shirts, the extra detail on the pants waist band, the fact that they don’t have pockets etc, then you would not notice. She had not even noticed that I wear clear nail polish. (We stress our selves so much initially about being noticed! - seems like we do so unnecessarily)
When I had finished, she thanked me for telling her, and said she was very glad I had. She said that she would support me 100% , and that we would manage the process together in terms of timing etc. I ask her if she would tell everyone, she said of course she would and would meet everyone on a one to one basis to tell them and talk about it. She also said that she would have to tell the trustees, but as we were an equal opportunity organisation, they would have to put this into action. She said in general, we wont know how each person would react until they are told. I told that I already have experience of that! She said that once it was out and happening, if I had any problems from anyone, I was to go to her immediately and she would take the appropriate actions.
I then gave her a guideline for Employers, which I had printed out from Gires, which she thanked me for, and said we would have another meeting in a few days, once she had read the guidelines, and thought about everything,
She then said that I should go out for a while and have some coffee or something as she realised how difficult it must have been for me to tell her and that I must be feeling very emotional.
Well, what a wonderful women! I could not have asked for anything more supportive and caring. She said it was an amazing story, and certainly made her day different.
For those of you about to tell your work, I hope that you will get as great a reaction as I did.
Take Care!
Maryanne.
Walking to work from the train station, I was trying to think of reasons to put it off, for example, I should wait for my appointment to be set by Charing Cross Gender Clinic, or even, what’s the hurry, I can tell her next week, or whenever!
When I got to the office, I thought, ok, just type the email requesting a meeting, I don’t have to send it. So, I typed an email asking her to set aside some time for me, as I wished to discuss something with her in private. I sat there a while looking at the screen, and suddenly, I knew that I had to send it, so I did, actually feeling quite calm.
After a while the reply came back, would 11ish be ok, and would I like to meet in our meeting room downstairs, or would I like to go for Coffee somewhere? I emailed back that 11ish would be fine, and that I would prefer the meeting room downstairs. I deliberately chose some easy tasks to do, as there was no way at this point that I could tackle anything more complicated, while waiting!
Just after 11, she came to my desk, and said shall we go, so off the two of us went downstairs. I told her that I wanted to talk to her about private issues, to which she replied that it would be totally confidential. I then started off by telling her that my wife and I had separated 6 months ago, and I needed to talk to her about the reasons, she said she was sorry to hear that, and she had been through a separation herself.
I then told her my life story, starting from around 5 or 6, when I used to like to put on my mother’s lipstick and try on her shoes, and how it all progressed from there, and how I was diagnosed a transsexual in my 40’s. I told her why we stayed married so long - Children to educate, the fact that I did love my wife. In essence though, we were both unhappy, my wife not being able to cope with it, and me having to lock everything inside of me. I did tell her a lot more than this, but I won’t go into that now, or this post will be too long
Anyway, once the children were all educated and independent, they all, one by one, came over to live in England, and we followed them as soon as we were able to.
After a year of being in England, my wife told me that she was leaving, which was very upsetting for me at the time, but has turned out to be the best thing that has happened. We are both much happier, and I spend most of my time as a women. I asked my boss if she had noticed that I had been wearing makeup – womens office clothes – black pants, shirts, jumpers, and shoes to work. She surprised me by saying that she had not, although in fairness, I guess that that unless you had a really good eye, and noticed the darts in the shirts, the extra detail on the pants waist band, the fact that they don’t have pockets etc, then you would not notice. She had not even noticed that I wear clear nail polish. (We stress our selves so much initially about being noticed! - seems like we do so unnecessarily)
When I had finished, she thanked me for telling her, and said she was very glad I had. She said that she would support me 100% , and that we would manage the process together in terms of timing etc. I ask her if she would tell everyone, she said of course she would and would meet everyone on a one to one basis to tell them and talk about it. She also said that she would have to tell the trustees, but as we were an equal opportunity organisation, they would have to put this into action. She said in general, we wont know how each person would react until they are told. I told that I already have experience of that! She said that once it was out and happening, if I had any problems from anyone, I was to go to her immediately and she would take the appropriate actions.
I then gave her a guideline for Employers, which I had printed out from Gires, which she thanked me for, and said we would have another meeting in a few days, once she had read the guidelines, and thought about everything,
She then said that I should go out for a while and have some coffee or something as she realised how difficult it must have been for me to tell her and that I must be feeling very emotional.
Well, what a wonderful women! I could not have asked for anything more supportive and caring. She said it was an amazing story, and certainly made her day different.
For those of you about to tell your work, I hope that you will get as great a reaction as I did.
Take Care!
Maryanne.