Shoes Confessions of a Trans Woman

[Traci Elizabeth]

Don't ask me how this came up but after the last act on America's Got Talent last night my wife & I got on the subject of shoes of all things (Well to be totally forthright, my wife asked me what I would like for father's day and I replied a pair of woman's shoes).

Well that started a friendly debate about who has more woman shoes. My wife insisted that I had more than she does and she is a shoe vacuum (any pair she sees that she likes, she sucks them up). Well I told her NO WAY did I have more woman shoes than her.

So we counted shoes last night (yea, I know sounds silly). My wife had a whooping 76 pairs. I knew I was right. Then we counted mine not once but twice. I had 83 pairs (Holy Mackerel :bonk::bonk:).

Before you get lured into thinking my confession is about the number of woman shoes I have....Not So!

My observation is this: I see a lot of GG's walking around in shoes (loafers, clogs, tennis shoes, walking or running shoes, etc.) that are very androgynous, definitely worn for comfort and not "sex appeal."

My confession: After looking at my whopping 83 pairs of woman's shoes, I realized that regardless of style (loafers, clogs, sandals, pumps, etc) ALL my shoes are either very feminine looking or really bright pastels including pinks or both. I do not own a SINGLE pair of shoes that I would call androgynous or male in appearance. But they are all in good taste just very feminine looking.

So I think, I obviously select shoes that will broadcast my femininity but why?

If I am honest with myself, I have this notion that the more feminine my outfits are including shoes, the easier it is to present myself to others as a woman. Maybe I shouldn't care but I don't want to be seen as a "guy in woman's clothes."

Woman typically look like women regardless of what they wear or how androgynous their clothing appears.

So do any of you also go through a conscious decision to buy and wear very feminine looking shoes OR do I have way too much free time on my hands and am wasting my energy on nonsense?

[CharleneT]

Can't comment on whether you are wasting your time and money ... :) But I will say that it is often the case that CD's and TS folks tend toward too feminine of dress compared to those around them. Ask anyone who has met me and they'll tell you I wear too many skirts/dresses for example. Truth is that most women dress feminine, but "quiet". It is hard to describe, but you could say they dress for comfort and then the circumstances. In many ways I've learned I tend to blend in better the more causal I dress.

One thing is for certain though, I do not have any where NEAR 83 pairs of shoes !!! YEoooowwwwwwwwwW !

[Stephanie Anne]

Age then fashion

It all depends on your age range and if you dress to your age or younger.

I find girls tend to dress in tighter shirts and jeans or for some reason now jumpers.

Woman I would say 25-50 seem to be following the casual trend. For example right now crops and capris are in big time as are flip flops, sandals and sneakers. Tops are generally tanks of some sort or other comfortable top.

Older women still seem to dress appropriately to a time they grew up in dictating a more feminine and formal attire when out.

So again it depends on your age, your style, and your comfort range.

I do know this... walking outside in heels or wedges for an extended period of time is nowhere near as comfortable as a pair of sneakers or sandals.

83 shoes are a tad much I have to say!

[EnglishRose]

Imelda, I mean Traci, :heehee:

My height pretty much rules out heels for me. I'm going to stick with my sneakers and sandals, and that's pretty much all my wife wears too. I was glad to note my men's sandals are exactly the same as the women's, just bigger, so I don't have to replace them just yet.

[sandra-leigh]

But I will say that it is often the case that CD's and TS folks tend toward too feminine of dress compared to those around them. Ask anyone who has met me and they'll tell you I wear too many skirts/dresses for example.

It's a muddy line... when I have the choice during the day, I often wear "office professional" type clothes. Those are not typical for women in the local mall (jeans, slacks, leggings), but on the other hand they are a common enough mode of dress that they are considered "nice looking" without being "too feminine". People see me with my male face and my skirt-suit (or linen dress) and on one hand they notice the clothes (people can't help evaluating clothes for clues about health and role and economic status), and on the other hand they then stop paying attention because the clothes slot me in as a harmless known quantity. Yes, I do mean to indicate that the great majority of people simultaneously "read me" as a guy and yet see nothing odd about me wearing a quality skirt or dress: it is somehow right for me

With regard to shoes specifically: a lot of the time I wear relatively neutral comfortable shoes rather than colorful or feminine ones. I do own heels and pumps and sandals, but I've gotten out of the habit of wearing them "around". I can slip my forms out of my top in the last half-block from work, but changing shoes requires a distinct pause that is more noticeable.

[Traci Elizabeth]

Stephanie Anne,

I do think I dress my age (OK maybe I dress like I am in my 40's :D ) but I do not go out in spikes heels or wear shoes that are in bad taste or that teenyboppers would wear. But then again I don't want to look like Grandma Moses either no matter how old I get.

My favorite dress is casual and I mostly wear sleeveless tops (any neckline) on the outside with pants that normally fall just below my knee cap to just above my ankle bone with sandals that are color coordinated that have 1 to 2 1/2" heels (sometimes 3").

My hair is long enough not to have to wear a wig and I carry an array of colored crotched SAK purses in the 9 x 7 size (not too small or too big and conservative colors) in a solid color to match my outfit.

I like to think I present myself as a classy lady with good taste in clothes AND SHOES (:thumbsup: ). At least my wife tells me that is how I look unless she is BS'ing me for the fun of it! :D

[Frances]

Even though I wear a woman's 10, my feet are wide. I have yet to find very feminine looking shoes that fit me. I usually shop at specialty stores, and the shoes are rather plain. If I am lucky, I will find one pair per season. I must have less than 15 pairs by now.

[Traci Elizabeth]

Even though I wear a woman's 10, my feet are wide. I have yet to find very feminine looking shoes that fit me. I usually shop at specialty stores, and the shoes are rather plain. If I am lucky, I will find one pair per season. I must have less than 15 pairs by now.

Have you checked eBay? You can buy NEW or slightly used shoes there in your size. I just checked for you and right now there are 472 pairs your size currently listed (10 Wide) and there are 121 pairs of "10 Extra Wide."

I too wear a 10 but in Medium and to compare, eBay currently has 18,390 pairs in my size. So I can understand your frustration in finding your width.

Have you also considered getting 10M and using a shoe stretcher? My wife and I both use a set of them and they work wonders for any shoe that is just too small any direction. If you are interested, I can tell you the name of the company that makes high quality stretchers with "Hard" woods not the cheap soft pine that most sell. And their prices are very reasonable & they too sell on eBay.

Disclaimer: I any not employed by or own any stock in eBay or any shoe stretcher company. :) However, I do get a fantastic referral fee that rivals any commission based sale anywhere (just kidding)!

[Karen564]

Since I started my RLE back in July/Aug. , I've become much more practical..

I usually wear very casual clothes these days..and love my jeans..so I wear either casual wedges or my sneakers..
The dressy heels I have are collecting dust..

Just recently, I had a choice of either buying nursing shoes or white leather sneakers and some Scrubs for my Clinical classes, I bought the sneakers because they looked better..

Nursing clothes are not designed to be flattering or sexy, so I concentrate on my looks & the little details more to show my femininity & look my very best..
These are some of the sacrifices of living life as woman in the medical field..
So if your a fashion diva, the nursing profession wont be for you..But I'm still extremely happy living my life as a woman.

[Frances]

Have you also considered getting 10M and using a shoe stretcher? My wife and I both use a set of them and they work wonders for any shoe that is just too small any direction.

I am wearing Clark's right now in 10 wide, and I had to have them stretched as well! It is so annoying. I walk by shoe stores all the time with great looking models and great sales, and I will not fit into anything. Maybe it is my feet that need modifying, not the shoes! And I am not even 5' 8"! ARGGGHHH!

[Faith_G]

I don't have any shoes that I would have worn back when I was trying to hide my true nature. :)

I pick shoes based on the rest of the outfit and how far I have to walk. So a lot of the time I'm in sneakers or sport sandals - but the ones I have are quite femme and cute.

Traci, you have me beat by about 60 pairs. :D

[Hephaestus]

Not to steal the thread, but is there some place to buy shoes that a respectable grown woman would wear, in a size 13w? >_> You can find sizes like that at those tacky crossdresser stores, with a 5" heel and made from crappy vinyl or something , but I'm talking about real shoes. Thank you. :D

[pamela_a]

Not to steal the thread, but is there some place to buy shoes that a respectable grown woman would wear, in a size 13w? >_> You can find sizes like that at those tacky crossdresser stores, with a 5" heel and made from crappy vinyl or something , but I'm talking about real shoes. Thank you. :D

I love Avenue and Cloudwalker shoes. Some of them go up to 13WW. You might also try www.barefoottess.com (http://www.barefoottess.com). Both places have sensible shoes in larger sizes.

[Traci Elizabeth]

I

Traci, you have me beat by about 60 pairs. :D


Holy Mackerel Faith, I would have taken you for a 50 Pair Lady for sure! :thumbup::thumbup:


Not to steal the thread, but is there some place to buy shoes that a respectable grown woman would wear, in a size 13w? >_> You can find sizes like that at those tacky crossdresser stores, with a 5" heel and made from crappy vinyl or something , but I'm talking about real shoes. Thank you. :D



eBay has 44 pairs currently listed for 13W and 142 for 13M, and 4 pairs for 13 Extra Wide.

You can thank me later!

[sandra-leigh]

For bigger shoes, scroll down slightly to the Tags area below the responses and click on the link marked "large shoes" to see a bunch of discussions about sources.

[Hope]

Not to steal the thread, but is there some place to buy shoes that a respectable grown woman would wear, in a size 13w? >_> You can find sizes like that at those tacky crossdresser stores, with a 5" heel and made from crappy vinyl or something , but I'm talking about real shoes. Thank you. :D

Avenue.com

Endless.com

zappos.com (this one is hit or miss)

Nordstrom.com

And of course Nordstrom and Nordstrom Rack are delightful in person...

[Sara Jessica]

Very interesting thread because it's often heard that when one of us goes down the TS path, practicality takes over, for better or worse. It almost seems like that is a rite of passage, that "real women" don't go ga ga over shoes, purses, dresses, whatever. Otherwise, OMG, you're a CD!!!

Now please don't turn this into a label debate, I'm just making a point, and I think a very valid one. We are all different, just as women are different. Our loves and motivations can vary. Just because one crosses into TS land doesn't mean a love of style and fashion is left in the dust. But I will admit, practical choices seem to make so much sense...ballet flats anyone???

I'm reminded of a recent post I made in response to one of the wives who was asking about what all the fuss was about when it comes to designer shoes. The following is taken from that post...

...many natal women find shoes to be utilitarian...which they are to a certain extent. You like 'em well enough, they seem to fit fine and they're simply something to put on your feet. And heels? They're something to endure when one must dress for a special occasion. Yet there are also women out there who truly adore the shoe for what it is and how it makes them feel when they put it on. What I can't speak to is EXACTLY how that feels to them and I won't pretend to do so. Shoes, especially heels, carry different connotations between natal women and most in the tg community. As for me, I guess I'm trying to approximate what the natal woman experiences as I think my approach is not too different from those women who make shoes (& handbags for that matter) a very important part of their being. The perfect shoe adds confidence as I face the world and I know that wearing something unique, striking and perhaps recognizably designer tells those women who notice such things that I have an attention to detail that maybe they can relate to. I guess another way to look at it is that I don't feel incredible putting on "a" heel, I feel incredible putting on "the" heel.

Many women in TG land have way more shoes than the typical natal woman. Again, there's the connotation difference. Personally, I'd rather have one pair of Jimmy Choo classic black pumps than 10 pairs of whatever.

So in bringing things full circle, no matter how we self-identify along the tg spectrum, we will still have varied motivations when it comes to something that can be seen as trivial as shoes, which is really no different than any other woman.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

All I know is that I like shoes....what else is there really to say?

[hopingsecret]

I think some of the reason most (not all, but alot) trans people tend to go over board in the appearence and/or mannerisms in the gender the see themselves as is because, biologically we're not. A biological woman can dress femmine or masculine. She can shave her head or grow it long. She can be an auto mechanic or a secretary. It doesn't matter because she was born a woman and will always be seen as such. The same is true for men.

For the trans, we actually have to overcome that. We got to look the part, act the part, basically be a walking stereotype of masculinity or femminity. And even then, even after a full top and bottom transformation, there are some who will always consider the person nothing more than a mutilated man or woman.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

!!!!

you clearly have not met alot of transpeople...what you are saying is simply not true..

[kellycan27]

I have to agree with kaitlyn....Simply not true. What the heck is too feminine? :sad:

[Sammy777]

But I will say that it is often the case that CD's and TS folks tend toward too feminine of dress compared to those around them.
Ask anyone who has met me and they'll tell you I wear too many skirts/dresses for example.

The key word in this quote is "ME".
I am not saying I am anti-skirts/dresses. But just because you say people see YOU that way it is no reason to use it as a blanket example that if one TS dresses a certain way, we must all dress that way too....

I maybe wear skirts 3 or 4 times a month at most, and I could not tell you the last time I wore a dress.

And I do this not because I'm trying to blend, or hide, it is solely because that is the way I like dress, nothing more.

Dress how you like, be it jeans and sneakers or a dress everyday. Just try not to clump all of us together in your daily fashion decision making process please.


It's often heard that when one of us goes down the TS path, practicality takes over.

It almost seems like that is a rite of passage, that "real women" don't go ga ga over shoes, purses, dresses, whatever. Otherwise, OMG, you're a CD!!!

Shoes, especially heels, carry different connotations between natal women and most in the tg community.

Many women in TG land have way more shoes than the typical natal woman.


I think some of the reason most (not all, but alot) trans people tend to go over board in the appearence and/or mannerisms in the gender the see themselves as is because, biologically we're not.

For the trans, we actually have to overcome that.
We got to look the part, act the part, basically be a walking stereotype of masculinity or femminity.

So what you are saying is apparently if you like shoes you are either a cd'er or an overcompensating "walking stereotype" TS???

So I guess if you don't like shoes you must then be a TS who is trying to hard to be a "normal" woman, which is just another "stereotype" isn't it??

Yaaaaaaa because apparently the Billions of dollars a year spent in the fashion industry is solely catering to the tiny TS community. :brolleyes:

What "real" women like shoes anyway??? pshhhhh none right? :lol2:

Ever try watching an episode of Sex in the City? :heehee:

A 1/3 of my "massive, or maybe I'm not compensating enough" 30 pair collection of shoes is flats and/or sneakers.
With almost all of my heels being no higher then 3 inches.

Oh and for the record - my [GG] sister owns like 80 pair and loves shoes, but hey I guess we are the oddballs out of everybody else. :battingeyelashes:


And for my 6" heels........... oh wait......... I don't own any of those sorry, :lol2:

[Sara Jessica]

Jeez Sammy, did you bother to read my entire post or just take out some bits & pieces to bring them out of context so that you could have a little rant???

All I said is that just as natal women are different when it comes to how they see shoes, so are those of us in the tg community. There is no difference.

Some natal women don't give so much as a hoot about their footwear, others are obsessive collectors, and every point in-between.

Some along the TG spectrum don't give so much as a hoot about their footwear, others are obsessive collectors, and every point in-between.

What's so controversial, or stereotypical, about that?

Nothing.

[Traci Elizabeth]

Hmmm! Decisions, decisions, decisions! Which pair should I wear today?

Damn, life's a bitch - full of such difficult decisions! :facepalm::facepalm:

Call me what you will but I do enjoy my shoes!

I don't know how much longer I can be on here today, I am getting an urge to go buy another pair of........................................

Yep, you guessed it, work gloves from Home Depot!

[hopingsecret]

Sorry if I offended anyone and I'm not looking for an argument, but I stand by my original statement. It's not an attack on the community but a very real observation of behaviors exhibited by many trans people in response to larger societial pressures ans biases. A bit long and overly wordy, but I'm trying to sound as emotionaly nuetral as possible.

And of course you're all free to think I'm a complete idiot. Free country, freedom of speech and thought. I take nothing personally, even when it's ment that way.:2c:

[CharleneT]

[B][COLOR="Green"]

The key word in this quote is "ME".
I am not saying I am anti-skirts/dresses. But just because you say people see YOU that way it is no reason to use it as a blanket example that if one TS dresses a certain way, we must all dress that way too....

I maybe wear skirts 3 or 4 times a month at most, and I could not tell you the last time I wore a dress.

And I do this not because I'm trying to blend, or hide, it is solely because that is the way I like dress, nothing more.

Dress how you like, be it jeans and sneakers or a dress everyday. Just try not to clump all of us together in your daily fashion decision making process please.


I apologize for poorly chosen words. My point wasn't that most trans are like me, rather that I am an example of those who do dress in a way that tends to call attention to themselves VS. those who blend in completely with their socio-economic and age groups.

I surely did not say, nor wish to imply, that anyone should dress like me !! Heck, dress any way that you want, for whatever reason works for you ( or anyone else). My points, poorly stated, were to say that when a trans-person dresses certain ways, they tend to stick out a bit.

I do not wish to clump anyone together and generally do not in my posts. I am sorry I gave you the impression that I felt that way.

*************

an aside for other posts, I used to make a bet with women friends that they would have at least 50 pair of shoes in their room if we in and counted. Won more than my share of beers that way. The bet worked well, not so much because they are all fashionist's , but rather because functionally, to be a woman in the USA, you need 50 pair of shoes !! IF I had the money, I'd have a LOT more :thumbsup:

[Traci Elizabeth]

to be a woman in the USA, you need 50 pair of shoes !! IF I had the money, I'd have a LOT more :thumbsup:

You GO girl! My kind of shoe lover!

[Phred3]

Does your wife help you pick out your shoes? Do you help her find shoes?:heehee:

[Traci Elizabeth]

Does your wife help you pick out your shoes? Do you help her find shoes?:heehee:


Actually YES on both counts and not just shoes.

[Bree-asaurus]

Wanted to throw my 2 cents in for girls looking for a wider shoe. I recently bought a pair of David Tate sandals, size 13 EE from Zappos. They were TOO wide! David Tate has a lot of cute sandals and shoes in large and wide sizes and they aren't super expensive.