what should I do?

[foxyjuli]

Hey girls,
I'm looking for some advice. I have never been out in public dressed to date. I have been dressing for a while now, just to scared to go out. My girlfriend knows I dress and fully supports that side of me. Now for the issue, she got me blue man group tix for my bday, for her and I to go. So, jokingly I asked if I could go in fem, and she said yes. I have asked a few more times and she keeps saying yes. So where's the problem right? Well I'm really nervous about going in fem to a show in a large city. I think it would be so much fun though. So I'm looking for advice on how to get over this fear, and recommendations on what to wear. Is it rude to go dressed to something she intended as a date for her boyfriend and her? Thank you so much any help is greatly appreciated...

[joandher]

If your S/O is truly happy with you going enfem why should you worry she wouldn't take you if you could embarrass her

YOU GO GIRL AND ENJOY

HUGS

J-JAY

[mklinden2010]

You wanna go, go.

Life's for living.

Whatever happens if you go, it will probably be better than always regretting not going.

It's kind of a party event anyway...

Good luck.

[Teresa Ann]

Juli talk to your girl friend and tell her that it would mean a lot to you to be able to go fem, but you are afraid to, but that with her help to get you looking your best it would be the best birthday present that anyone could give. And if this happens give her all the loving that you can. PS we need a full report. Good luck Juli.

[Heisthebride]

I would discuss it with your g/f. Let her know your issues. She might help you go through with it or you could work your way up to it. Maybe a quick coffee date a week before the show to see how it works for both of you. Communication will make it easier.

Good luck!

[kimdl93]

Same advice as everyone - tell your gf that you really want to go, but have apprehensions becasue its the first time, and ask for her in getting ready for the big night out! then, go out and have a great time!

[Lexine]

Read the post that I posted (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=134057) this past week about spending my birthday en femme with my friends and all that good stuff! :D</shameless_plug> Or better yet, maybe read the other Out and About (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=69) threads that talk about various transwomen's experiences with going out!

In all seriousness, communicate your feelings with your SO and let her know what your apprehensions are and perhaps you two can find a good compromise?

I read someone's response to a similar thread one day that often times when deciding to go out we always think that everyone's actively looking for us trans all over the place. Even if people were doing this, it's a personal decision to go out that way anyway and you get to break every single expectation they have about trans people.

When I first went out, I was terrified: I used the women's restroom and was stuck in one stall because three women lined up infront of my stall because the other stall was closed and broken. After a couple more times going out, I just waltz right into the women's restroom just like one of the girls and it's no longer a big deal.

Going out en femme is one of those things that gets easier to do over time. Take it from me: I just started going out AND dressing up three months ago ;)

Either way, please tell us what wound up happening. :)

[Emily Belle]

Hey girls,
I'm looking for some advice. I have never been out in public dressed to date. I have been dressing for a while now, just to scared to go out. My girlfriend knows I dress and fully supports that side of me. Now for the issue, she got me blue man group tix for my bday, for her and I to go. So, jokingly I asked if I could go in fem, and she said yes. I have asked a few more times and she keeps saying yes. So where's the problem right? Well I'm really nervous about going in fem to a show in a large city. I think it would be so much fun though. So I'm looking for advice on how to get over this fear, and recommendations on what to wear. Is it rude to go dressed to something she intended as a date for her boyfriend and her? Thank you so much any help is greatly appreciated...

i say go out and have Fun !!

[audreyinalbany]

I can completely understand your fears. I went out today and was totally nervous...I've only been out two or three times...and all I did was go shopping. I agree that talking to your gf about your concerns is step one. I might think about maybe going someplace a little less intimidating for your first time out. Blue Man Group is sure to have a huge crowd. Maybe the two of you could just go out to a nice quiet dinner together somewhere for your first forays into the world of femininity. Just a thought.

[busker]

Contrary to the "just go out" group, I think you are right in asking, "was this set of tickets for her boyfriend?" Because it is you bday, you might want to forego your dressing up, because SHE is treating you, and she didn't ask you if you wanted to en femme.
my euro's worth. thoughts are more expensive now.

[carhill2mn]

I agree with several other girls, your gf is the key. She must be totally comfortable with your being en femme, willing to help you look as much like a "girl" as possible (not a guy in a dress) and teach you how to act and move as a girl would.
It is understandable that you are nervous. All the more reason for you to rely heavily on your girlfriend for help. On the other hand, it is a great opportunity for you to make theis first "big step".

[AllieSF]

I agree with not making this your first time out. It will be a big moment for you and I would guess that you do not want to panic while out and potentially cancel going to the show and really disappointing your SO. I recommend going out a couple of times before that to make sure that you have the confidence to go all the way with this. You could go to a park for a walk, go for drives and stop by a drive through fast food place for a drink and a forced mini-interaction with a complete stranger while dressed, or you go to a local gay/lesbian bar for a quick drink. All these things will better help you prepare yourself for that big first time out. Good luck and please let us know what decide to do.

[mklinden2010]

>>Is it rude to go dressed to something she intended as a date for her boyfriend and her?


Is it rude to do this?

"Rude" is saying you will, and then backing out.

If I read your post right YOU are her boyfriend, she knows you CD, and she is fine with the idea of going with YOU dressed as you please.

Now, "man up" and just go in a dress, skirt, or, whatever gal gear you like.

Seriously, take it from someone who has now been married or with an SO (much) more than half his life - "they" don't like it if you waffle about your likes and dislikes.

Say what you mean, mean what you say - and just do it.

It'll be good for laugh, someday, no matter how it goes.

[Amber Chen]

I agree with AllieSF...go out a few times to build up your confidence before the concert. Also, talk over what outfit you want to wear to the concert with your gf. You might want to go for jeans/top instead of a skirt/dress to be more comfortable.

[Paula_56]

As transgendered people many of us lead lives of guilt, fear and shame. For years I was afraid to leave my home or hotel room out of fear. Until recently, I made the realization that there was nothing to be afraid of. Being transgendered or cross-dressing is not wrong. We are different, but the world can and does accept us. I use to scurry from hotel to car and walk around parking lots at night. Half hidden, half in sight. Now I walk right thru the lobby, take an elevator, and nobody cares. Sure I am read sometimes. This was the big obstacle I had to get over. When you’re read, nothing bad happens. People just go on with there business. Waitresses clerks, sales associates have never reacted badly they are a polite and accommodating.
I also use to fear shopping endrab. If you dress nicely, don’t act creepy or guilty, most sales people are really happy to help. I always smile and thank them. It’s more than most customers do. I tell them right off I need a pair of black slacks for myself, or I need a dress for an event I am attending. The first time I did this I was shaking, but after a couple of times I began to realize that no one else had a problem with this. The problem was in my head.
You may not want to be outed, to your family and friends but admitting you are a cross dresser to a sales associate in a store away from your home area is safe, liberating and a non issue.
So go ahead you have nothing to loose here, try getting out in small steps. Go to the cosmetics counter in the mall. Nordstrom’s is famous in the TG community for being super helpful; they will always make you feel good about your self. Other stores that have been helpful to me are Fashion Bug, Lane Bryant, Lord and Taylor, and Payless Shoes.
My message here is this, you can admit being transgendered to a sales associate and you will feel better for it. You can also go out in public dress as a woman and not get negative reactions. You may have heard this before, but if you are like me you never really believed it. Go ahead, don’t be afraid, take those steps, and start to live.

[Rachel Morley]

Well, my :2c: is I agree with Allie SF and Amber. I personally would not advise doing this as your first ever night out. Why? .... because unless you are super confident in yourself when fully dressed and up close and personal in a mainstream place, then you are going to be (unwittingly or not) going to have your partner be thinking more about you and your comfort levels rather than just enjoying the performance as a couple. In other words, the enjoyment of your evening may be impacted by your nervousness and her preoccupation in making sure you are ok.

My advise would be to get a few en femme trips in mainstream places "under your belt" first so that when you go to an important performance for a birthday treat you both can enjoy it for what it is not have any other distractions going on like your new-ness yo dressing in public :2c:

[Crysten]

Well, my :2c: is I agree with Allie SF and Amber. I personally would not advise doing this as your first ever night out. Why? .... because unless you are super confident in yourself when fully dressed and up close and personal in a mainstream place, then you are going to be (unwittingly or not) going to have your partner be thinking more about you and your comfort levels rather than just enjoying the performance as a couple. In other words, the enjoyment of your evening may be impacted by your nervousness and her preoccupation in making sure you are ok.

My advise would be to get a few en femme trips in mainstream places "under your belt" first so that when you go to an important performance for a birthday treat you both can enjoy it for what it is not have any other distractions going on like your new-ness yo dressing in public :2c:

While I definitely see your point, I think I disagree with you. I think it's much easier to blend into a large croud of people than to try to fade into the background in more normal setting. I agree you should go out a few times first, for sure, then go have fun!!

[erickka]

A big city is a good place to get out and do it! There are so many people it is almost impossiblev NOT to blend into the woodwork, plus most people there are too pre-occupied in their own little worlds to pay any real attention to what is going on outside of their little bubble. I say go out and enjoy being you!

[AKAMichelle]

Your first issue is to get over the fear. To do that I would suggest going out somewhere else first. Hopefully the tickets are a few weeks off so you can prepare. With a few outings under your belt you will enjoy the concert more. If you don't go out some before then you will probably be so self-conscious that you might not enjoy the concert as much.

You will be fine especially with a guide. You are lucky in that most of us had to go out alone. Take her up on it. Let her guide you a few other times and this will be the best concert of your life.

Enjoy.

[Chari]

Great advice from previous posts. It must be wonderful to have your GF accept your feminine side and be understanding in your needs, but please also consider her needs - especially for your first time out. Consider doing a "dress rehearsal" (no pun intended) to see how you look, act, move, sound, being your feminine self for a day in clothing, makeup, heels, to get the feel of it all before the night on the town. You have to be confident and comfortable in who you are - no matter what the outside packaging. Hopefully everything will go well - without any moments of panic.

[Holly]

Going out before the concert is good advice. The last thing you want is to is freeze up on the big night and not make it out the door! For your first time out, maybe dinner and a movie. This should build your confidence and make the evening of the concert go much easier. And by all means, include the help of your girlfriend as much as she is willing to give. Please let us know what happens.

[telawilson]

Maybe this shouldn't be your first time out. If she's cool with it, tell her you want to go out dressed a couple of times before the show so you can gain some confidence. If you're unsure if she's really OK with you going out dressed, then ask her what you should wear. If she suggests masculine things, that's a clue that she doesn't really want you en femme.

[JenniferR771]

Practice in advance--good advice. Important point--practice going to the ladies, and doing your thing. Even at a concert--sometimes nature calls. Be ready--be relaxed.

[Stephenie S]

My opinion?

Ditch the dressing idea for the date. She bought the tickets to go out with her BOYFRIEND. Keep it that way.

She obviously loves and supports you, but take advantage of that love and support another time. Don't ruin her date with you. Man up and take her out for a wonderful night on the town. Wine and dine her and make her realize why she loves you, her MAN.

Then later try going out together with you dressed. It will be great.

Stephenie

[Tina B.]

She said she is OK with you going out dressed, it's your present, why not do it your way. Prepare, practice, get out to make sure you won't panic, and have a great evening. Then as a thank you to her, man up and take her some place she would love to go, with her guy!
Tina B.

[carolinoakland]

I agree, to big a first step. If you've never been out it will be all about that, not the concert and the night with her... she wanted to have a date on her boyfiends birthday. Let Juli thank her for it on another night out...

[Christina Horton]

Ok I'm not going to give you my advice on this cuz you have had Great advice on this. ( She thinks you should go)!!!!! Now stop thY silly girl. Ok anyway. IF she is really ok with this and IF your still nervous then I say you two should get matching dresses in blue and paint your faces blue to shoe your fans plus the people will be looking at two women whom love blue man group so much they came all dresses up. So you will not be able to tell if they are looking at you cuz your dressed as a women or just a blue faced women or just a great sport for you girl friend.

Just a thought. ;)