Why is Cd'ing = Wanting to be a Woman via Surgery

[AKAMichelle]

I have had my wife tell me that she is suspicious of that ever finding out that I went out dressed. Then I read thread after thread of the same thing. I would love to know how that feeling gets started and how to prevent it. I think the feelings we want to be a woman full time is what ends many relationships and if we could figure out how to save a few relationships then this thread would be worth while.

[Lorileah]

There is a song "You have to b carefully taught" and that applies to "us" a lot.

As a group we all know that we are not all on the same road, we do the label thing threads over and over, and it ends up being a "Don't call me Shirley" fight. I should say most of us know it. There are a few here who still think if you ain't _____ you are just playing a game. So anyway, how does this start? When outside people see the fringes of the group. It is hard for us to compete with daytime talk shows that show us as deviates. Or movies where we play the funny crossdresser or the psycho murderer. Or like this weekend the television news will focus on those 12 people in the parade who are overly camp Or even just the societal misunderstanding that we all want to be women. Maybe because those that don't want to go all the way stay hidden from public view. Sort of like how 60 years ago every Italian-American was a restaurant owner or fruit salesman. Or even closer to us how every woman who wore slacks was trying to be a guy or trying to emasculate them.

How to prevent it? That is hard. In order to eliminate wrong ideas you have to replace them with corrected ones. And it is harder to break bad habits than to instill good ones. We are a small minority and as noted in many threads we don't even agree to disagree here. It would take a united front to start educating. It won't happen in this community. When only part of the community is truly marginalized, the rest of the community won't or cannot rally to support them. We can work on the one person at a time thing. We can try and show our friends and SOs that what we do is just what we do. It may not go any farther than a sometimes thing, a fun thing. And it usually does not go any further but without being able to point that out with examples, it is an uphill job. It is easy to point out TS's who have made a name for themselves. But try and point out a guy who likes skirts who has made an impact (Before everyone points at Eddie Izzard, he is a comic and he doesn't really give us a great image). What I am saying here a picture is worth a thousand words. One great crossdresser who isn't a clown (i.e. all the movie actors who have portrayed CDs) or the bank robber on the bad side to all the great TS's who make a statement that IS positive back to Rene Richards and going through today, one positive model would really show how we all don't want to or NEED to go the whole post-op route.

[Cheryl James]

Well, I don't know if my wife believes that this is the forerunner to GRS or if she believes that it is evidence that I am gay, but I do know that she equates this with everything that is disgusting and perverted (her words). And, there is zero middle ground, nor does she have an open mind about learning anything about this. She, also, believes that the desire to dress can be turned off like a spigot. We're, obviously, not on the same page.

[AKAMichelle]

Cheryl thanks for reminding me. The other one is the famous you must be gay line. I just so tired having to defend it and constantly tell people that I have no desire to transition or be with a guy. I'm straight and a cd'er. There I have said it, but how do you make a woman believe it? That seems to be the million dollar question.

[sissystephanie]

I told my dear late wife that I was a CD BEFORE we married!! She asked me 2 questions. " Do you want to become a woman, and do you, or would you, go out in public dressed as a lady!" I told I had no idea of ever becoming a lady, but that I would like to out dressed. She then told me that she could help with that, and that as long as I always remembered that I was her Man our marriage would be fine. It was for almost 50 years, until cancer took her.

You, or anyone, can do the same! All you have to do is keep reminding her, in whatever ways you can, that you are her man! Regardless of the lace panties you are wearing!! I have never wanted to be a woman, I just like to dress like one! And that is what I do!

[AKAMichelle]

I told my dear late wife that I was a CD BEFORE we married!! She asked me 2 questions. " Do you want to become a woman, and do you, or would you, go out in public dressed as a lady!" I told I had no idea of ever becoming a lady, but that I would like to out dressed. She then told me that she could help with that, and that as long as I always remembered that I was her Man our marriage would be fine. It was for almost 50 years, until cancer took her.

You, or anyone, can do the same! All you have to do is keep reminding her, in whatever ways you can, that you are her man! Regardless of the lace panties you are wearing!! I have never wanted to be a woman, I just like to dress like one! And that is what I do!

I am sorry of our loss of your dear friend. Thanks for sharing. It gives all of us hope that we too can find what you had for so long.

[Roberta Lynn]

My wife accepts and supports my CDing. She understands that this is just part of me.
That said, I know in the back of her mind she has that fear that one day I'll tell her that I want to transition. I enjoy my CDing but that is as far as I need to take it. I constantly reassure her that I enjoy my male self and would never want to lose that. Now I know I've deepened her worries by raising the level and frequency of my Cding since I've retired. She can't read my mind and of course that's going to increase her concern. I just hope that she trust me enough to believe me when I tell her I have no desire to transition.

How do I reinforce that trust?
By not going behind her back and doing things without her knowledge.
By making sure she always knows she will have her 'guy' to lean on if she needs to.
By going out spending time and having fun as man and wife.
By not making Cding the main focus of our relationship.

All relationships and the personalities in that relationship are different. This works for us. Will I ever completely erase her worries? I don't know. I can't read her mind either. I just hope to bury them under enough trust to make them insignificant.

[StaceyJane]

When my wife found out she thought I was gay. She even told my daughters I was gay.

[Kate Simmons]

We have a hard enough time wrapping our head around the feelings that drive this Michelle, let alone appreciate the fact that most other folks, SO's included don't have a clue to begin understanding.:)

[kellycan27]

There is a song "You have to b carefully taught" and that applies to "us" a lot.

As a group we all know that we are not all on the same road, we do the label thing threads over and over, and it ends up being a "Don't call me Shirley" fight. I should say most of us know it. There are a few here who still think if you ain't _____ you are just playing a game. So anyway, how does this start? When outside people see the fringes of the group. It is hard for us to compete with daytime talk shows that show us as deviates. Or movies where we play the funny cross dresser or the psycho murderer. Or like this weekend the television news will focus on those 12 people in the parade who are overly camp Or even just the societal misunderstanding that we all want to be women. Maybe because those that don't want to go all the way stay hidden from public view. Sort of like how 60 years ago every Italian-American was a restaurant owner or fruit salesman. Or even closer to us how every woman who wore slacks was trying to be a guy or trying to emasculate them.

How to prevent it? That is hard. In order to eliminate wrong ideas you have to replace them with corrected ones. And it is harder to break bad habits than to instill good ones. We are a small minority and as noted in many threads we don't even agree to disagree here. It would take a united front to start educating. It won't happen in this community. When only part of the community is truly marginalized, the rest of the community won't or cannot rally to support them. We can work on the one person at a time thing. We can try and show our friends and SOs that what we do is just what we do. It may not go any farther than a sometimes thing, a fun thing. And it usually does not go any further but without being able to point that out with examples, it is an uphill job. It is easy to point out TS's who have made a name for themselves. But try and point out a guy who likes skirts who has made an impact (Before everyone points at Eddie Izzard, he is a comic and he doesn't really give us a great image). What I am saying here a picture is worth a thousand words. One great crossdresser who isn't a clown (i.e. all the movie actors who have portrayed CDs) or the bank robber on the bad side to all the great TS's who make a statement that IS positive back to Rene Richards and going through today, one positive model would really show how we all don't want to or NEED to go the whole post-op route.

I agree, and believe that the tg community is too diverse to mount a consorted effort in order to educate the masses. I think that realistically we need to go day to day, one case at a time. If people need to judge, let them judge ME for the person I am, not by the group tha I am a part of. Life is short. I don't care what Joe Blow, who lives on the wrong coast, or across the pond thinks about me. Any concerns that I have, have to do with my own little space and not the world at large. For those of you you who believe that we should be advocates.... re-read the first couple of sentences of this post. There seems to be a lot of harumping going on, but not much action on the "education" part. Yeah we all agree that the GP needs to be educated, but I can't do it because I have a job,friends,and family to worry about, but I will support your efforts..if just in spirit.. I am behind you 100%.
As for the little.. "I am not gay" disclaimers.. I understand the need for our inner circle of loved ones and friends or co-workers to know, but i don't understand the need to make that admission here where all are accepted and sexual orientation or preference shouldn't make a difference. If I am not mistaken, the GP has access to this section. What kind of msg does that innocent little statement send? We don't care if the GP reads about what color panties or what size bras we wear or all the other "fluff".... But some of us feel the need to make it perfectly clear that they are NOT gay. IDK, but to me it just seems a little suspicious. Now before anyone gets their pink lace panties in a bunch, I am not accusing anyone of being a homophobe... just saying it may look like some are trying to distance themselves from the gays.
Just a thought.

Kel

[ColleenW]

.... But some of us feel the need to make it perfectly clear that they are NOT gay. IDK, but to me it just seems a little suspicious. Now before anyone gets their pink lace panties in a bunch, I am not accusing anyone of being a homophobe... just saying it may look like some are trying to distance themselves from the gays.
Just a thought.

Kel

Hi Kelly - It's never occurred to me to disclaim being gay in any of my posts. I'm not but I've never considered it relevant. I think there is a lot of societal pressure though, regardless of how open our society is supposed to be, for men not to be gay or show any evidence of it unless he's trying to be funny. I can't help but remember all of the furor a few years ago when George Bush was seen holding the hand of the Saudi king. Neither man is gay but that didn't stop the comments. Perhaps those of us who feel the necessity of mentioning their straight status are just reacting to that societal pressure and to the stereotype of CD'ers being closet gays. After all why would you want to wear a dress if you wern't gay? (Before I get flamed this is a rhetorical question.)

[telawilson]

Well, I don't know if my wife believes that this is the forerunner to GRS or if she believes that it is evidence that I am gay, but I do know that she equates this with everything that is disgusting and perverted (her words). And, there is zero middle ground, nor does she have an open mind about learning anything about this. She, also, believes that the desire to dress can be turned off like a spigot. We're, obviously, not on the same page.

When I was discovered, my wife was the same way, except she said it was "weird." I think she pictured the stereotypical middle-aged, balding man dressing in his wife's things while she's away and preening in front of the mirror. She also asked if I was gay, wanted GRS, etc., all of which I responded no to. I'm back in the closet now.

I do feel guilty about deceving her, but I have a contingency plan if she discovers again, and that's to tell her that it's a part of me I can't remove, I don't look forward to that day, though.

[Philipa Jane]

Hi all
This I found interesting because my surrogate sister who was informed of my CDing recently asked me on Monday if I was gay or bisexual.
She has been talking to my partner and the general consensus between the two of them was that "they could not get their head around the concept."(try being on my side of the fence)
My partner did warn me of impending questions but I still intended to answer truthfully.
There is so much that is assumed by our loved ones and often not a grain of truth in what they surmise.
You do not have to be gay to appreciate the finer points of your female side.
You do not have to have surgery to explore your female side.
Does wanting to emulate feminine qualities make you less of a man or diminish you as one.
Not in my book.
I am who I am.
Even when I look like someone else.
Pj:2c:

[Joanne f]

A good question ,How does the feeling of wanting to go out start,
maybe it is slightly different for different people but it may have something to do with when being at home is just not enough and there is this pull at you that you want to be seen and communicate with others as to make you fulfilled and feel normal .
And how can you stop this happening , not sure that you can but i expect you can dampen this urge a bit by mixing with others in a limited way , maybe a cub or visiting someone .
Will this stop a wife/so from thinking that you want to become a full time woman , maybe and maybe not it would all depend on how open you are with it but if that desire is there then it is very difficult to find a happy medium where both are going to be happy most of the time .
It stands to reason that the more you dress and the more you want to go out then the more a wife/so will suspect that you wish to become a woman but this wish/desire if you have it can have little to do with the dressing , if it is there by not going out will not stop it .

[kellycan27]

Hi Kelly - It's never occurred to me to disclaim being gay in any of my posts. I'm not but I've never considered it relevant. I think there is a lot of societal pressure though, regardless of how open our society is supposed to be, for men not to be gay or show any evidence of it unless he's trying to be funny. I can't help but remember all of the furor a few years ago when George Bush was seen holding the hand of the Saudi king. Neither man is gay but that didn't stop the comments. Perhaps those of us who feel the necessity of mentioning their straight status are just reacting to that societal pressure and to the stereotype of CD'ers being closet gays. After all why would you want to wear a dress if you wern't gay? (Before I get flamed this is a rhetorical question.)

You just did...:heehee: Ok, I'll give you that, but why here? Why make that distinction here in tg nirvana? is it really societies doing or our own personal hang up? Take the average person... Do you really think that they care? Does their personal opinion have any bearing on your life? I think it has more to do with internal pressure, rather than societal. I don't totally discount the role that society plays, but IMO it's not the elephant in the room that a lot seem to blame their woes on. I think that in a lot of cases society is a great way to mask our own internal fears and self doubt. We can't expect society to accept us as long as we can't accept ourselves. if we run and hide or give the impression that something about it isn't acceptable are we not in fact saying... I am doing something wrong? Or at least making it seem like we are? keep in mind that I did say other than our close circle of friends and loved ones. This is just an opinion.. your milage may vary.

[ColleenW]

You just did...:heehee: Ok, I'll give you that, but why here? Why make that distinction here in tg nirvana? is it really societies doing or our own personal hang up? Take the average person... Do you really think that they care? Does their personal opinion have any bearing on your life? I think it has more to do with internal pressure, rather than societal. I don't totally discount the role that society plays, but IMO it's not the elephant in the room that a lot seem to blame their woes on. I think that in a lot of cases society is a great way to mask our own internal fears and self doubt. We can't expect society to accept us as long as we can't accept ourselves. if we run and hide or give the impression that something about it isn't acceptable are we not in fact saying... I am doing something wrong? Or at least making it seem like we are?

I guess I've not made myself clear. I COMPLETELY agree with you:):):)

[Cheryl James]

When I was discovered, my wife was the same way, except she said it was "weird." I think she pictured the stereotypical middle-aged, balding man dressing in his wife's things while she's away and preening in front of the mirror. She also asked if I was gay, wanted GRS, etc., all of which I responded no to. I'm back in the closet now.

I do feel guilty about deceiving her, but I have a contingency plan if she discovers again, and that's to tell her that it's a part of me I can't remove, I don't look forward to that day, though.

When my wife discovered my secret she demanded, as a condition of continued married life and a relationship with my 2 children that I seek counseling (she refused to accompany me, though, because she didn't need to have her views challenged). I did and, basically, left it after a few times because, the bottom line, I wasn't a danger to society and the therapist didn't think that I could change, anyway. Since then I tried, sincerely, but this is me. I am not making any bets on our marriage lasting (there are many other reasons, not just this).

[Kaz]

You just did...:heehee: Ok, I'll give you that, but why here? Why make that distinction here in tg nirvana? is it really societies doing or our own personal hang up? Take the average person... Do you really think that they care? Does their personal opinion have any bearing on your life? I think it has more to do with internal pressure, rather than societal. I don't totally discount the role that society plays, but IMO it's not the elephant in the room that a lot seem to blame their woes on. I think that in a lot of cases society is a great way to mask our own internal fears and self doubt. We can't expect society to accept us as long as we can't accept ourselves. if we run and hide or give the impression that something about it isn't acceptable are we not in fact saying... I am doing something wrong? Or at least making it seem like we are? keep in mind that I did say other than our close circle of friends and loved ones. This is just an opinion.. your milage may vary.


Cheryl thanks for reminding me. The other one is the famous you must be gay line. I just so tired having to defend it and constantly tell people that I have no desire to transition or be with a guy. I'm straight and a cd'er. There I have said it, but how do you make a woman believe it? That seems to be the million dollar question.

The vast majority of us here will have a consensus view that binds is all... call it a common vision, or just common ground. The differences tend to pull at other things, our fears, hates, phobias, etc.. and it is so easy to rise to the "issue" we think we see before us. Like Colleen and others, I agree with Kelly in principle. :hugs:

I think the issue raised by Cheryl is the issue that if a female SO wants a straight partner (not because she is anti-gay, but because that is her orientation) and then finds her partner likes to dress in women's clothes, this raises a fear that her partner is no longer what she wants in a relationship. Hence the gay issue. It is not about publicly proclaiming. It is about people understanding the potential threats/changes to a relationship that a revelation such as this can bring.

A SO may know and be friends with many gay guys and girls. But she may herself not want a gay SO, She may want a straight guy. So if she thinks her CDing partner is gay, or wanting to be a full-time woman... this becomes an issue that could threaten the relationship and so it needs to be discussed.

This is why the need for educting people on this. There are DCs who are gay, straight, want to transition, want to walk about dressed, want to go for GRS - we are a broad "church". Many people who do not know many (if any) CDs will not understand this and the revelation of someone being CD will play to their ignorance/misunderstandings and fears.

:love:

[AKAMichelle]

When I was discovered, my wife was the same way, except she said it was "weird." I think she pictured the stereotypical middle-aged, balding man dressing in his wife's things while she's away and preening in front of the mirror. She also asked if I was gay, wanted GRS, etc., all of which I responded no to. I'm back in the closet now.

I do feel guilty about deceving her, but I have a contingency plan if she discovers again, and that's to tell her that it's a part of me I can't remove, I don't look forward to that day, though.

So now you going to lie to your wife all these years about it and your contingency plan is to own up to it and confess. Sounds like a terrible idea. I hid things from my wife for 25 years and covered it up / lied about it all in the name of peace. In the end it finished off a failing marriage.

I think you need to rethink your decision. :2c:

[Stephanie Anne]

Many of us who are trans sexual started crossdressing and I think there is a belief that if you want to look like a woman, you must deep down inside want to be a woman.

there is also this stupid belief that if you dress like a woman you must secretly want to be with men and therefore must be gay.

Talk about idiotic stereotypes started most likely in the golden age of repression, the 50s.

What I don't get is why so many women have s^&t fits about this?

Oh and were did the if you dress like a woman you are obviously a child molester come from? That blows my mind that in this day and age people still act like that.

Granted when I am out the worst I get is huddled whispers of "is that a guy or a girl, I don't know" but still just to know that people can be as cruel as the stories I read hear about some people's wives are enough to make me sad for society as a whole.

[celeste26]

Probably the biggest mental issue is the issue of black and white thinking. If you're not one then you MUST be the other. This attitude is ingrained in our society at all levels and it has never been true, but it does make thinking about things less of a puzzle, eases our road in life to make things simpler.

Everyone here should already be into the spectrum of behaviors rather than this simplistic black and white form of thinking, but to overcome this societal issue will take time. Little additional effort since life itself is complex and history is full of mature societies living in a more complex world than they used to live.

Show them a move called "Pleasantville" if they ever have a chance to overcome this handicap watching this movie will open their eyes. This is a great movie and it will bring out the emotions but it will blatantly expose the black and white thinking for what it is because of the purposeful use of Black and White images compared with colored images.

[Sheila]

Perhaps because there has been so much in the media in recent times about sex changes, in magazines, in the papers, on Television, it has enabled Transgenderism to be brought forward and has enlightened some people, but where at one end of the scale we have the drag queen image that was portrayed, it has now been replaced very much by the "TOtal Change" from Man to Woman. Then given that so many partners discovered after so many years, it can take a huge leap of faith to believe there are no more lies being hidden :sad:

Also given that the M2F forum can be viewed by the general public and the number of threads where CDERs admit the change from being a part timer to wanting to do more and more, and those threads admitting they are moving more down the TS line, is it any wonder that some SO's find it difficult to believe :straightface: I think until SO's are not finding our years into the relationship there will always be doubt and worry but just my :2c:

[ReineD]

I just hope that she trust me enough to believe me when I tell her I have no desire to transition.

How do I reinforce that trust?
By not going behind her back and doing things without her knowledge.
By making sure she always knows she will have her 'guy' to lean on if she needs to.
By going out spending time and having fun as man and wife.
By not making Cding the main focus of our relationship.


Bingo! :) Doing these things will help enormously.

But the problem is when it's a "Don't ask, don't tell" situation, it is frustrating for the CDer who must out of necessity look for any opportunity to dress, and who understandably feels frustrated or angry if he can't dress freely. This would make it seem as if CDing is THE priority in life and further that he must want to do it all the time ... leading to what? Wanting to transition? Or if the shopping or time spent online is akin to a compulsion. Or when the husband looks increasingly feminine in guy mode, with the long hair, eyebrows, nails, pierced ears, no body hair, etc. I do understand the wives who don't believe their husbands when they say don't want to transition. I've been there myself. Wives don't need to be members here in order to read how many TSs did start out with CDing and the desire to transition happened slowly over time. Or how many CDs say they would dress FT if they could. In a GGs mind, there is not much difference between TSs and FT or near FT CDs.


A good question ,How does the feeling of wanting to go out start, maybe it is slightly different for different people but it may have something to do with when being at home is just not enough and there is this pull at you that you want to be seen and communicate with others as to make you fulfilled and feel normal.

Joanne, I hear you, but what you say is another puzzler for GGs. If dressing makes a CD feel fulfilled, complete, and normal, this implies that he does not feel "normal" as a guy. Hence the conclusion that he must want to be a girl.


Many of us who are trans sexual started crossdressing and I think there is a belief that if you want to look like a woman, you must deep down inside want to be a woman.

there is also this stupid belief that if you dress like a woman you must secretly want to be with men and therefore must be gay.

Yup, that's pretty much what GGs have a hard time wrapping their minds around. Not being CD or TS ourselves, you can well imagine why it's hard to get beyond the concept of binary gender.

Women who dress seductively (I stress seductively or who want to be sexy, not who dress well) do so to attract men. So when a hetero CD's focus is to look seductive, who does she want to attract? Lesbians won't be attracted to her coz he's a guy. Hetero GGs aren't attracted to women. So this only leaves other men. It's not a stretch to figure out why GGs ask the questions they do.


Probably the biggest mental issue is the issue of black and white thinking. If you're not one then you MUST be the other. This attitude is ingrained in our society at all levels and it has never been true, but it does make thinking about things less of a puzzle, eases our road in life to make things simpler.

Precisely. It is difficult for most of us to imagine having a blended gender. We've only just seen men and women around us since birth so it is crucial for a CD to be open and communicative with his wife. And to let her know he also enjoys being his guy self.

Roberta Lynn has the best answer for helping a wife believe her husband has no wish to transition.

[Lucy_Bella]

Well, I don't know if my wife believes that this is the forerunner to GRS or if she believes that it is evidence that I am gay, but I do know that she equates this with everything that is disgusting and perverted (her words). And, there is zero middle ground, nor does she have an open mind about learning anything about this. She, also, believes that the desire to dress can be turned off like a spigot. We're, obviously, not on the same page.

My soon to be ex acts the same way ( never knew she had a sister ).. It's funny we find that behaviour disturbing and they find ours the same. Common ground need to be established and trust built. I feel from a GG's point of veiw , that they have the edge . It's us who are rockin the boat if you will , with the gender bending.

To treat as this was yesterdays news and go on like it never happend is wrong without her understanding, yet if she refussed to understand then what direction can you go ? Because we all know you can't bottle up the urge to dress for very long..

[busker]

Playing devil's advocate for a bit here.
Most all have admitted that they began in their teens and that was some sexual component to wearing panties or whatever. But over the course of years that initial exposure (as described by individuals) has grown in many ways to fetish dressing, BDSM, and other variations, and many variations on dressing in general from stay-at-home dressers to those that go out fully en femme with garters, hose, corsets and other paraphenalia that most women no longer wear. That would certainly be over the top and make one perhaps a bit curious as to the reason -but that's for another day and another topic.

From an SO's point of view, if this were just just a sexual thing, just wear some panties , flog the dog and be done with it--but that is clearly NOT the case for most. SO's are rightly suspicious when hubby dresses, wants to go clubbing and meet up with someone who will treat "her" like a lady--and perhaps more. That makes the gay/want to be a woman notion a bit more real (but unacknowledged by the dresser)
Looking at the number of views of some topics in the first 4 pages of threads, crossdressing and dating guys =32,764 hits. Would you date a CD =4788., Young CD's where are you (just who is looking here?) 42, 474 hits, Are there any CD's who are gay? =4622, Bi-curious or ?=2844.
. If you were an SO browsing this forum and looked at those threads and stats, wouldn't you be wondering whether your SO who dresses, is on the level with not wanting to be a woman or gay. There is an unusually high interest in those topics--many times more that the active users (about 7500--but could include snoopers from the general public)
It is certainly a fair question and one that deserves exploration but it also requires a real honesty among CD'ers about just exactly who and what they are (and nearly all hate labels). Since we are all here trying to understand ourselves, it may not be entirely clear where we all do stand all of time.

Over the course of nearly 70 years, I've known a number of men through work who started out in adulthood, married with children and and heard them tell of finally fessing up to their wives when being Gay was no longer the stigma it was in the 50's or 60's. So, to deny that one might be gay or want to be a woman (is it that autogynephilia thing raising it's ugly head) could very well be viewed with suspicion by any woman married or living with someone who is a practising CD'er.
Yes, the answer to the question could be that being a CDer could indeed lead to surgery--real or imaginary.
just my thoughts

[Lucy_Bella]

Busker,

You nailed it pretty good with some and a very interesting way of giving it to them with facts of how many hits and where. Keep in mind tho Cding cover a wide spectrume anywhere from getting your rocks off to wearing panties to dressing to the nines.. Wanting to be a female full time or just wishing it would go away..

We are all different and one thing in common, that wearing clothing assigned to the sex we were not born as... We ave Cders who love men and we have Cders who love women just as we have Cders who like being a man not wanting this gift some call Crossdressing...

I can not speak for most but my Cding is not drivin to wanting to be a female it is purley sexual nothing more.. The reasons you speak of is the biggest part of why I would never suggest my wife to join this forum she is already overly suspecious as it is about my sex drive and what I am attracted to male/or female and baseing that over my desire to wear clothing ( sounds odd to read that huh ?) point is I have never gave her a real reason to think that way other than wearing female clothing..

Think what you want about the wide range of Cders in this forum but do not mistake us all as a whole ...

[sissystephanie]

I am currently 78 y/o, and started CD'ing at age 6. There was 2 lulls in my CD activities, 4 years while I was in the military and 5 years when I stopped of my own volition after marriage. I started up again because my late wife wanted me to!

Someone said in this thread that one cannot stop crossdressing. YES YOU CAN!! If YOU want to!! We are all individuals! Yes, we are also members of the CD group, but that is not the impacting thing in our lives unless we let it be. I am a man who wears feminine clothing, but that idea does not run my life. I wear feminine clothing solely because I like to, and my late wife loved to see me doing it. She knew full well that I had no idea of ever becoming a woman.

There was a comment made that no man who wears a skirt has made an impact. I beg to differ with that statement. I wear a skirt in public at least part of almost every day. And I sure do make an impact, because I do not wear a wig or makeup. I am definitely a guy in a skirt and feminine top. Of course I am also wearing panties and bra, since I have natural 40 B's! The amazing thing is, in the 5 years that I have been doing this, I have not had one single bad comment made to me!! Not saying they aren't made, but not so I heard them! I have had lots of compliments on my outfits.

The whole point here is that we are all individuals, and must act like an individual who knows who he is! As I said, I crossdress because I like to! Nobody can tell me to do it, or tell me not to do it! I am ME, and I control my own life. For those of you who are married and have not told your wife, why not? Are you that ashamed of being a CD? Or are you not sure of yourself? Look back at the first sentence in this paragraph. That is the answer to most of your problems!!:hugs::hugs:

[NathalieX66]

I'm a CD'er and my GF accepts it. The deal is with me is I laid it all out. I had to explain to her that I have been doing this since age 7. It has become more about my self-expression than sexual. I am so infatuated with the feminine mystique that i like to emulate it in all it's forms. There's nothing gay about this. I would have to think about being with guys in order to be gay....it hasn't happened. I thought about transition about a million times but I always come back to the same place, which is I love my guy side and don't want to give it up. I'm just a regular dude who likes women, but I have an additional side.
My girlfriend of 2 months knows that i go out en femme to places and realizes that I need to in order to keep myself together, though I have not been out in public more than a month ago. I guess I'm lucky that she's that udnerstanding, but there's still a lot of road for me to cover, therefore it's silly for me to comment further.
When I retire, I plan on being an artist and making Nathalie a more integral part of my life but I have no desire to live full time.

My advice for all is to open up, and tell your life story, and be honest and forthcoming form the get go. This will avoid pain and tragic scenarios down the road. I think the problem is many CD'ers admit to themselves that they are CD'ers halfway through the marriage, and then have problems coming out.

[giuseppina]

...
Oh and were did the if you dress like a woman you are obviously a child molester come from?...

Because those are the crossdressers who are sensationalised in the news media. These clowns are child molesters who happen to like wearing women's clothing. Nothing more. Nobody hears about the millions of us who are grievously upset at the thought of sexual or any other kind of abuse.

For those who have taken an introductory course in psychology, its the availability heuristic in action. Something really bad is memorable. Too often, the connections and generalisations made by these memories have no basis in fact and form the basis of stereotyping and prejudice. :sad:

[Cheryl James]

I'm a CD'er and my GF accepts it. The deal is with me is I laid it all out. I had to explain to her that I have been doing this since age 7. It has become more about my self-expression than sexual. I am so infatuated with the feminine mystique that i like to emulate it in all it's forms. There's nothing gay about this. I would have to think about being with guys in order to be gay....it hasn't happened. I thought about transition about a million times but I always come back to the same place, which is I love my guy side and don't want to give it up. I'm just a regular dude who likes women, but I have an additional side.
My girlfriend of 2 months knows that i go out en femme to places and realizes that I need to in order to keep myself together, though I have not been out in public more than a month ago. I guess I'm lucky that she's that udnerstanding, but there's still a lot of road for me to cover, therefore it's silly for me to comment further.
When I retire, I plan on being an artist and making Nathalie a more integral part of my life but I have no desire to live full time.

My advice for all is to open up, and tell your life story, and be honest and forthcoming form the get go. This will avoid pain and tragic scenarios down the road. I think the problem is many CD'ers admit to themselves that they are CD'ers halfway through the marriage, and then have problems coming out.

With reference to your last paragraph: That you have opened up and found someone who may be able to accept that aspect of your personality is wonderful...for you. Good for you.

I came out to a girlfriend (prospective wife) and was ridiculed, threatened , and blackmailed. My fears of anyone finding out about the real me were confirmed. That relationship did not last, obviously.

Then, I met my current wife. Having just lost a relationship because of CDing, there was no way on earth that I was going to ever admit this "quirk" again. And, I "controlled" it for the first 10-12 years of marriage (kids and no internet). But, kids got older and didn't need as much from the parents (except $) and we got the internet. Whoa, there are a lot of people just like me out there. Then, she found out and things are no longer even close to good. And, I understand that this wasn't part of the marriage bargain. But, in all honesty, what are we to do? Are we to go through life without a partner and without kids. Someone else on another thread pointed out that the odds of finding an accepting woman are close to slim I see both sides, but it seems that the deck is stacked against us.

I, greatly, admire all of the girls who have come out to their SO. I admire, even more greatly, their SO's who love them unconditionally and accept this aspect of their personality. It just isn't that way in my marriage and it never will be. And, Cheryl wants out of the cage.

And, with due respect to the poster who said that we can quit...maybe...but at what price to one's sanity and emotional well-being? Whether I dress or not, there isn't a day when I don't want to dress.

I guess there is no answer. There is no solution. I am what I am , the world is as it is, and I don't fit.

[AKAMichelle]

I have quit dressing for periods of time, but that is what they were periods of time. Yes it can be put away, but not forever.

One of the things which makes it so hard for us is the news carrying every sicko even remotely connected with cd'ing. Even Stu (Oregon Mayor) was doing fine until he went to a school related function in inappropriate mini-skirt. Then proceeded to make matters worse by claiming discrimination. The few that get out of the closet consists of a large percentage who do draw attention to themselves in a negative way. But what is missing is the 1000's of closeted cd'ers who refuse to be seen or acknowledged that they even exist. Therefore, we are the best keep secret and we get tagged by every stereotype available.

[darla_g]

I don't know that i like the premise of this thread. There are enough stereotypes about crossdressing and transexualism that we don't need to perpetuate our own.

I have been a CD for quite some time, and kind of like things where they are. I really enjoy my dressing but it really is quite limited. But i enjoy being a guy too and having a woman who enjoys both parts of me is a real joy.

I have met a few transexuals in my time and the thing I am most impressed by is their dedication and I find their is a huge leap from my CDing and the ultimate goal of most transexuals. I like the analogy of a train, I am getting off at this stop here, but there are those that want to take the train to the end.

[Lucy_Bella]

Shelia,

I know my ex will never whole heartly believe that I am as straight as an arrow in my sexual prefrence.. How could she? The things we Cders do are not a part that most GG's where wired for growing up..

Back in my day ( not that long ago ) if you wore panties or dresses as a child..or wanted to play with girls you were gay.. Thats as far as it went not TG wasn't even a word back then.. The more it's exposed the more people will be learn about it..

The issue , most CDers are in the closet with their dressing and the only ones with the nerve and guts to come out sre T.S. 'S and Gays .. No offense to any of them BTW...

[~Michelle~]

I, greatly, admire all of the girls who have come out to their SO.

I told my wife before we married, because I didn't want to keep a secret for her for the rest of my life. Why would you admire me for just being honest, isn't honesty something that is required for any marriage? If you can't be honest then don't marry.

[tammygirl79]

The main problem with the majority of people is that they pigeon hole us into the gay community....either because they don't know how else to catagorize us, or because they just assume that we must all be gay because we dress like women, so in their minds we must be into having sex with men. The fact of the matter is that it's not that simple. It is pretty cut and dry with the gay community.....Lesbians like other women.....Gay men like other men....but crossdressers come from all walks of life, sexual preferances and so forth and so on. Crossdressers not only can be gay, streight, or bi....but some of us want to be women and have the surgery....and some of us don't. Different crossdressers crossdress for different reasons. Some are full time, some are part time. Some do it for sexuall satisfaction, and some don't. People don't understand that for whatever reason, so they just lump us all into the "gay community" catagory.....it's a shame!

[MarinaKirax]

Reine, you always have a good perspective.

I'm not gay.

I want to go out en femme, to be in public. I've rationalized it as:

I dress not only for the FEEL of the clothing, but because of the way it makes me look. I enjoy PORTRAYING the feminine personna. Dressing without looking in a mirror would be less satisfying. I think the desire to go out in public is nothing more significant than our desire to look in a mirror. It is a need to have your view of yourself confirmed.

When I look in the mirror and can still see shoulders, triceps, and some ab definition, I'm affirmed as a man to myself. No one cares if I wander in public in my bathing suit or a tank top. I look good as a man.

When I dress as a woman, I enjoy the femininity I present, to myself. I like to see the result; to imagine my self as female (but not wanting to have periods, breast pain, or to grow old as a woman). My feminine side is affirmed. I want to project that feminine side to others, and have them either accept it (which would be the elusive "total pass") or at least not actively reject it (which for most of us is the case; either others don't notice we are males because they gloss over us as we pass in the street, or they suspect but don't raise the issue out of respect.) The end result is AFFIRMATION.

" I have a feminine side, I love it, I want you to accept it."; That's all we're saying. It has nothing to do with transitioning, or being gay. At least for me. MK

[ReineD]

I can not speak for most but my Cding is not drivin to wanting to be a female it is purley sexual nothing more..

Not trying to single you out or derail the thread or anything, but without getting too explicit, in what way is it purely sexual? Is it the thought of being a woman, or just the clothes, or maybe the thought of being beautiful and desired? I'd like to try to understand and if I can get there, then maybe I can help some of the other SOs understand.



The issue , most CDers are in the closet with their dressing and the only ones with the nerve and guts to come out sre T.S. 'S and Gays

... and the younger generation, the ones who grew up with the internet. Things are changing with them.

[Lucy_Bella]

Renie,

What I mean by that is..." pURLEY sEXUAL " It's habit from my puberty that grew along with my desire to emulate a woman..I DO NOT SEE myself as a woman perhaps a form of Bi Polar .. I find women very attractive:love: and the clothing is the attraction as well as the body it's self!! It's like the wrapper on a candy bar ..

I see a appealing wrapper that draws me to the candy I unwrap it throw the wrapper away after enjoying the candy bar.. Does that help I am a sex attict but of different source that ties me into the world of Trangenderisum.. Once it's done I have no desire to dress ..People find that odd here but I find it odd what alot of people do here aswell..

[Tara Lutschich]

I have had my wife tell me that she is suspicious of that ever finding out that I went out dressed. Then I read thread after thread of the same thing. I would love to know how that feeling gets started and how to prevent it. I think the feelings we want to be a woman full time is what ends many relationships and if we could figure out how to save a few relationships then this thread would be worth while.

My opinion, I’ve considered this question. I do have to say that I do hide. However I live alone and have a ex and 4 raised kids. Apparently when I was kid I dabbled in CD’ing as at some point my kids found some old pictures from different periods my parents took, fortunately parents thought it was cute, and would tease me every so often. As married, I dabbled as I was a long term road warrior, purged and so on. Tara did not become full time hidden at home until a good period after marriage. I hide from society and family. But Tara is happy and content and will come out when right.

Honesty is always the best policy? It seems most here who hide experience relationship disaster. The costs of coming out or fear of those costs, marriage, kids, friends, job, family causes most to hide. When the ‘lie’ is discovered, it just amplifies the problem. I feel I have a limited emotional perception of how a woman must feel, womanhood and sexuality, role in life/home are seriously challenged by us. The perception that we want to be a woman full time is dependent on general society norms, how the SO interprets the norms and how well developed and trusting the communication and relationship is between the two of you. As Roberta Lynn so perfectly detailed.

What I do notice on the threads is the lack of the word ‘transvestite’. Transvestites started the NYC Stonewall riot in 1969, the big start to the Gay rights movement. At that time in NYC if you did not have 3 pieces of gender specific clothing on you could be arrested. CD as known today would be lumped into the general gay phobia of the time and if we were out/public we would be considered mentally ill, a threat to national security and illegal to hire for Civil Service and Military service. Fast forward to October 2009 when the Matthew Shepard(Laramie,WY) and James Byrd Jr.(Jasper,TX) Hate Crimes Prevention Act is signed into law which includes protection for gender identity. CD can fall into gender identity. I’ve lived in Laramie and worked in Jasper and have hours of racial stories from this decade, 2000+, that would shock some of you.

The point is that we have come a long way, we are not transvestites by label, but the general perception persists. But a long way to go. We are a deviation from the perceived norm, deviates. Like it or not, we live in a racist society which does not discriminate just on the basis of color. Transvestite, Drag Queen, Transexual, TransGender, CD. There are lots of blurred lines and we happen to be one of them. We know the difference but who else.
The SO feeling that an exposed CD’er wants to be full time or GRS starts with gender programming as a toddler and continues into adulthood. Boys are boys, girls are girls everything nice….. dolls and guns. There are also some very clear genetic differences that manifest/phenotype themselves in mental function-behavior. Blurred lines again.

With any form of discrimination, it has been found the solution is usually education. However, some of our Supreme Court Justices said some really nasty things about African-Americans last century. Many GLBTQ groups call themselves, Spectrum, with the logo – rainbow as we know. We are part of that Spectrum and I would rather be part of something than standing against alone. Locally Spectrum is very supportive of CD.

Educating family and SO as to where CD fits into the Spectrum. A Spectrum/Rainbow group would usually have some handouts/booklets to help. SO by SO, family by family, hopefully 25-50 years from now all CD can be freely public and happy with SO as choose.

Michelle, hope this helps.

[Von]

I think it's pretty reasonable that SOs worry that a crossdresser may be gay, may want to dress fulltime, or may eventually decide to transition. Some of us clearly are/do.

I don't understand my CDing myself - how can I expect that someone without the benefit of an internal perspective is going to understand it. Moreover, I've seen advice given here more than once that one should ease into the idea with their SO by revealing only part, or certain elements of their desires or intentions. Obviously, the possibility that any given CD is only revealing part of the story exists. In a situation where the CD has kept the dressing entirely secret from the SO for any length of time. - it seems natural to be suspicious that the CD is not being entirely forthcoming. Others suggest (as referenced earlier in the thread) that they evolved from CD to TS. Or realized it. That's understandable, and I sympathize. Likewise, I understand that SOs can't help but wonder if we think we are certain about things that are perhaps not so conclusive (I understand that for some things are conclusive, my point is that there are also those who are genuinely convinced that they are 'just' a CD, and later decide they are TS - their conviction when they were trying to convince their respective SOs was probably indistinguishable).

I'm sure someone will find this a negative perspective, but it's just being as objective and honest as I can... That doesn't mean a given CD doesn't deserve trust, but it's understandable if we have to demonstrate what our desires or intentions are (or are not).


You just did...:heehee: Ok, I'll give you that, but why here? Why make that distinction here in tg nirvana?

Regarding declarations of heterosexuality... I think it is just practicality in a lot of cases. We all quickly learn that there is in fact a spectrum of gender and sexuuality here, and we are often: 1. Seeking help, 2. Trying to provide help, or 3. Trying to understand ourselves or a SO.

Maybe our age, how long we've been doing this, our geographic location, whether we are married, or our occupation, etc. Shouldn't matter. Probably doesn't in a lot of cases. I don't ask. But I know, depending in the specifics of the topic, particularly in regard to sexuality and gender, I'm comparing a poster's situation to my own when I'm reading or posting. I'm attempting to relate someone else's circumstances and inclinations to my own, and it is often helpful to know these things in that context. I don't care what anyone else's sexual orientation or range is, but it can be germane and helpful to know. Clearly it bothers some people, but particularly for those of us grasping for understanding of ourselves, it can help us figure out our own place on the spectrum. Just something to consider...

[Gerrijerry]

after reading all the posts I just want to cry.it is all so true and there is no answer.

[CherryZips]

Regarding the numbers looking at the threads on CDs dating guys there could be a number of reasons for groups looking at them.

CDs interested in dating guys.
CDs not interested in dating guys but want to know why people assume they would.
GGs who want to have their biggest suspicion about their CD partner confirmed or refuted.

And probably the largest group are "straight" GMs who have a closet attraction to crossdressers.

And its this last group that I expect pushes up the numbers.

--

Why do some crossdressers here stress their "heterosexualness"?

The crossdressing situation is a reversal of the gay situation where by everyone assumes a person who appears a "good example" of their sex is heterosexual. A fem girl and a masculine man are assumed to be straight.

People have a need to have their identities affirmed. So in an arena where they can be explicit about their uncommon gender identity they very much still need to proclaim their straightness as it conflicts with the societal expectation.

And lets face it misunderstanding is rife within this community. Starting with people not understanding themselves, their partners not knowing what it means, friends are confused, potential partners are baffled.

[noeleena]

Hi.

A ? comes up to me tho is why the change in thinking of some here who say they are only dressers, & then later on a good few years say they are trans & . wont to live as a woman , & have s r s & may be other surgerys ,

whats behind this what is really going on ,this change is very strange to me,
Because those who say they are trans most do go on to have s r s . & most say they knew from age 4 / 5 on,

Now a part of this is they / you ..wont ..to live as a woman , okay,

How then is your brain wired .some of you say your male / men hmmm.

I knew i was different. brain wired male & female . or intesexed brain wired ,

You see what im trying to get at has your brain changed from male to female over some years.
or is this you just thinking youd like to be a female,

How you are wired from birth well it did start long before then of cause,
is what you are . Psychologically. Mentalally. & emotionally.
Just because you wont to live as a female does not make you one,
you are ether born one as a natal female body wise as well,
or , body of a male & wired female , or a mix like some i know & my self .
& of cause many veriants to that .
Any way i have found this discussion very good as being able to understand where we are coming from.
Oh & do we really understand it all . i think not, still learning,

Thanks,

...noeleena...

[juno]

It should be obvious that gender identity is not a 100% thing, and there is a lot of evidence for this. I think there is a natural tendency to strongly favour distinct genders for the propagation of the species, and that is why crossing gender boundaries is a common taboo among different cultures. People just want to run away instead of taking time to learn the truth.

Recently, a shcool had a Halloween week where each day had a different theme, and one day was selected as cross-dressing day. Of course, many parents freaked out and it was cancelled, especially a bunch of messed up pseudo-Christians. I'm sure Jesus would have played along. The world would be a better place if all schools had a cross-dressing day, to promote being open-minded and tolerant.

J.

[Sarah_GG]

I have had my wife tell me that she is suspicious of that ever finding out that I went out dressed. Then I read thread after thread of the same thing. I would love to know how that feeling gets started and how to prevent it. I think the feelings we want to be a woman full time is what ends many relationships and if we could figure out how to save a few relationships then this thread would be worth while.

Has your wife read any books on the subject?

Personally I don't believe that this is what "ends many relationships" it's more likely to be about the broken trust, the lies and the secrecy.

Anyone who reads up on the subject will discover that it's true, many CDs to go on to transition and many don't. If you're completely honest and open with your SO they will know exactly where you are... and really (I believe) it's impossible to say that one may want to eventually transition. The more I read, the more I knew, the more I understood and the more I accepted. None of us knows what the future holds in any aspect of our lives. I don't worry about the possibility that my SO may want to transition in the future. At the moment, he doesn't. But, because we communicate, if that ever was to become a real proposition, I'd be in the loop and we could deal with it (whether that would mean separating or finding a way to stay together) together.

In the UK there is a popular artist called Grayson Perry. His autobiography talks very frankly about why he wears little girls clothing. He's extremely frank and doesn't shy away from dealing with the facts about why he believes he does it. Because he is high-profile, his wife is too. She is a psychotherapist and interesting in her own right.

I know I'm always saying this but... advise anyone to read, read, read, research and talk. A little knowledge is a dangerous thing, but an overall understanding of what TG is and means is enlightening.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

i like that ..read, research and talk..

i have alot of perspective on the OP question..i crossdressed secretly my whole life...i got married, i had kids...stayed in the closet..
and i wanted to xdress more and more...and I desperately wanted to go outside and "be me"...i started feeling that it was my purpose in life to be a woman..and yet i kept it inside...i became dysfunctional and suicidal

michelle it doesnt seem to me that you are going through your gender issues in this way..
as far as wanting to be a woman...you either have that feeling, or you don't....

if you don't have it, then you should feel safe in making a firm promise about it...that feeling to dress will never go away, and you and your SO need to deal with it on that basis.

if you have the feeling you are a woman...you may repress it, ignore it, wonder if its true, embrace it, crossdress it away, experiment..e.tc., but if you have it , it never goes away...that's where alot of the confusion comes in for SO's....and if this is where you are, then frankly you are best off dealing with it in that way...

how many more gg's are gonna post that we need to be open and honest..that its the betrayal more than anything...and yes some suffer the attacks of spiteful, transphobic wives....i'm sorry you are stuck in that situation..but you truly are stuck..you can't have an honest lover, and you can't have a fulfilling gender experience...

i ended up in an amicable divorce, and i didnt seriously pursue transition until i worked out a plan with my EX-wife...this was for my kids...it has all worked out, and last nite i had dinner with my ex, my kids, her boyfriend and his kids...it was a great time...that's my life...

as some have said...we each have our own story..that's mine...your's is colored by your feelings, your situation and mostly by your ULTIMATE TRUTH....what this stuff is for YOU to decide, and then your best case scenario is to be honest and open with your SO...if you are not living in an honest relationship with people you love, you are missing out on a wonderful thing...

i love my exwife dearly.. i know i hurt her, but i also know we have a wonderful open and honest relationship which i wouldnt trade for the world..

michelle it seems to me by your posts that you are already very well informed and you are doing everything right and i wish you and your SO the best

[AKAMichelle]

Has your wife read any books on the subject?

Personally I don't believe that this is what "ends many relationships" it's more likely to be about the broken trust, the lies and the secrecy.

She won't read books on the subject so that is out. The information that she reads on the internet is some of the wildest extremes. She loves websites about wives who hate cd'ers. That is where she migrated to. Plus she came up with all of the religious arguments. There is no way to win an argument that always ends in cd'ing is a sin. <PERIOD>

My marriage didn't end because of cd'ing. I put it away and held no resentment toward her for it. But the marriage continued to decline. She has had a lot of health issues and at one point they said she was terminal only to have other doctors say she wasn't. Then after years of searching who have put her in remission from a bacteria which she could fight for another 50 years before it kills her. She will die of other causes before then. The real basic problem is that she sees life as half empty. She creates a fear for everything until it begins to infect everyone in the family. She keeps seeing things that will kill her and won't stop. She has been to therapist and they want to put her on medicine which she won't take. So she continues to get worse and I can no longer take it. I want to live and I can't do anything for her. Staying with her would mean my death because I would rather die than live in that hell anymore. So I settled to continue to take care of her, but at a distance. I just finished setting her up in a house and I pay all of her bills. I have spent time over there getting the yard in shape so she can maintain it. She loves gardening and flowers and this house has that. That may be the best therapy for her. She hasn't worked and won't. That is because she won't help herself. She has always wanted to own a florist shop and I tried to get her to go work for one and learn how to do it. Her answer is that no one would want to hire her. She insists on going to school but it would do no good if she didn't intend to work. I suggested that she find a womens bible study at her church and the response was that she wasn't worthy. She complains how people aren't friendly in Colorado, but she won't do anything or go anywhere to make herself available for friends. People can sense her true feelings and most will avoid her at all costs which only serves to reinforce the feeling of nobody wants her. I know that I only helped that along, but I was left with few choices.

My thinking is that sometimes you have to take tough steps to deal with issues which involves doing thing unpopular but still necessary. My hope is that she will find herself being alone and try to get restarted. Either way I can't be a part of it except at a distance.

She depends upon me for everything so I am trying to pull myself out of the equation and making her deal with life herself. I don't see any other way at this point except to go on with my life and help her become herself again. There is so much baggage between us that getting back together will never work to make her independent. She will immediately become dependent like a child again and the cycle will repeat. I still love her and probably will always love her, but I must do it at a distance.

[sissystephanie]

As I have said quite often, I have been a CD for a long time. On and off, for the better part of 70+ years. During that time I have also been to numerous counseling sessions, some with real doctors ans some with other who tought they knew everything. One thing I have learned for sure, be very careful when you say "Can't!"

I see the word here in this thread too many times. You "Can't" stop crossdressing, or you "Can't" stop being womanly!! YES, YOU CAN!! It has been proven many times over that you can stop doing things, IF YOU WANT TO!! You have to take control of your own life, instead of letting your life control you!! If the lives that are shown in many of the letters on this thread are a true example of the way those lives are being lived, it is small wonder that the world is in the condition that it is.

Each and every one of you is a CD, TG, TS, Gay, or whatever makes you a member of this group. But you are also all INDIVIDUALS!! With an individual life that you should control, not let it control you! Stop and think, and start controlling your life!!

[sometimes_miss]

I would love to know how that feeling gets started and how to prevent it.
I don't think we can; so many of us suppress our feminine urges that sometimes when it overwhelms us, we go overboard and it takes a while to get 'reeled back in'. If a woman experiences this or hears about it, she automatically considers worst case scenarios. Of course, for a woman, the worst case scenario is losing her life long mate. And that will panic a lot of people into going into damage control mode even if it's not necessary. There are also more than a few who suppressed their desire to transition for a long time, then these people show up in documentaries, movies, the news, and again, a woman will put 2 and 2 together and make 5, and again be completely thrown by it. After all, we life most of our lives with this; they have zero experience with it. None. The first time 99.9% of these women ever even think about their man having feminine feelings is when we tell them or they discover it on their own, and they really have no handy resources to help them deal with it, other than all the 'shock media' stories which feature the worst (for her) possible outcomes.

[Lucy_Bella]

As I have said quite often, I have been a CD for a long time. On and off, for the better part of 70+ years. During that time I have also been to numerous counseling sessions, some with real doctors ans some with other who tought they knew everything. One thing I have learned for sure, be very careful when you say "Can't!"

I see the word here in this thread too many times. You "Can't" stop crossdressing, or you "Can't" stop being womanly!! YES, YOU CAN!! It has been proven many times over that you can stop doing things, IF YOU WANT TO!! You have to take control of your own life, instead of letting your life control you!! If the lives that are shown in many of the letters on this thread are a true example of the way those lives are being lived, it is small wonder that the world is in the condition that it is.

Each and every one of you is a CD, TG, TS, Gay, or whatever makes you a member of this group. But you are also all INDIVIDUALS!! With an individual life that you should control, not let it control you! Stop and think, and start controlling your life!!

I agree you can control cding Sissy ..But you can never stop and useing yourself to me is a bad example at 70 years young still dressing no matter what the late RIP misses wishes where.. Your still dressing , why don't you stop? Back your words..Control yes ..stop no..

[donninacd]

I've seen the mis-conception that all CD'ers want to be women, or at least act like a woman, right here on this board. For instance a lot of the time when somebody posts a thread about going out and interacting with the public, dressed for the first time, there is advice about needing to talk or walk in a feminine way. And while I have some aspirations to losing 50+ pounds and "passing" at least to some extent, I have no intention of going out of my way to necessarily talk/walk like a woman. Rather, I want to pass looks-wise, and then make them do a double take when they hear me talk (or sing).

So to some extent what I'm trying to say is, in summary, this very community needs to look itself in the mirror, when the question is posed as to why the mindset exists that us CD'ers must want to be, or at least behave like, women.

[docrobbysherry]

I'm reading SO MUCH self rightious denial here, it worries me!:sad:

"I'm straight." "I won't want to transition". Etc. Etc.

I want to ask ALL OF U THAT SAID THAT, " HOW DO U KNOW?":eek:

U start off under dressing or trying on a family member's things. U move on to putting on a few girlie things of your own in secret.
Finally, one way or another your SO finds out. U start dressing completely in private.

Then, THAT day comes! U want to go out dressed! U like it, and want to do it again and again! WHY!?

If u CAN'T understand why your SO keeps expecting the other shoe to drop, I think you're in DENIAL!:brolleyes:

But, never mind her! How do U know the day WON'T come when u want MORE? To be MORE of a woman? Or, to be with another CD, or a man? Do u think that never happens? Or, maybe u think it happens to others, but CAN'T happen to u?

U really DON'T need to explain how DIFFERENT U R to us here, or your SO. Just look inside and explain it to YOURSELF!

I think THAT'S where all this DENIAL STARTS!:doh:

[sissystephanie]

I agree you can control cding Sissy ..But you can never stop and useing yourself to me is a bad example at 70 years young still dressing no matter what the late RIP misses wishes where.. Your still dressing , why don't you stop? Back your words..Control yes ..stop no..

Lucy,

If one of my children, or the lady I love, told me to stop dressing I would! Immediately, without question. Yes, it can be done. It just takes willpower, which I have. I dress because I feel more comfortable in feminine clothing! It fits and feels much better than most mens clothing. But as I said, if asked to stop by someone who really means something to me, I not only could but would!! Those facts are backed up by medical science!